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7  Facility 


VENTURES 


DHARICOT 


J.  Storcr  Clouston 


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607.75 

C625a        Cloiiston,    J.    S. 


0^51' 


Adventures  of 
M.  D'Karicot 


007.7^        Cloiistoxi,    J.    Storer 
Co2^'a  Adventures    of   M. 


D'Karicot 


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THE  ADVENTIJRFSnOP 

M.   D'HARICOT 


BY 


J.  STORER   CLOUSTON 


ILLUSTRATED   BY 

ALBERT   LEVERING 


v>w 


St- 


'1 


HARPER    AND     BROTHERS 

PUBLISHERS  NEW  YORK   AND   LONDON 
1902 


Copy 

right, 

1 90  J, 
All 

by   Harper  & 

rights   rcser-Kied. 

F.KOTH 

RRS. 

Publishe 

A   N'ovember,  i 

902. 

THE 
ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 


THE  AOyENTURES   OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   I 


''  Adien,  the  land  of  my  birth  f 
Henceforth  strange  fares/" 

—  BOULEVARDK. 


0 


'^xi^'^'^^t^^  m\^  window-sill  lies  a  faded  rOvSe,  a 
9^  rose  plucked  from  an  English  lane. 
<?^  As  I  write,  my  eyes  fall  upon  the  gar- 
^^  dens,  the  forests,  around  my  ances- 
^^^  tral  chateau,  but  the  faint  scent  is 
an  English  perfume.  To  the  land  of  that  rose, 
the  land  that  sheltered,  befriended,  amused  me,  I 
dedicate  these  memoirs  of  my  sojourn  there. 

They  are  a  record  of  incidents  and  impressions 
that  sometimes  have  little  connection  one  with 
another  beyond  the  ]iossession  of  one  character 
in  common — myself.  I  am  that  individual  who 
with  unsteady  feet  will  tread  the  tight-rope,  dance 
among  the  eggs,  leap  through  the  paper  tam- 
bourine— in  a  word,  pla3''  clown  and  hero  to  the 
melody  of  the  castanets.  I  hold  out  my  hat  that 
you  may  drop  in  a  sou  should  j'ou  chance  to  be 

I 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

amused.  To  the  serious  I  herewith  bid  adieu,  for 
instruction,  I  fear,  will  be  consjjicuously  absent, 
unless,  indeed,  my  follies  serve  as  a  warning. 

And  now  without  further  prologue  I  raise  the 
curtain. 

The  first  scene  is  a  railway  carriage  swiftly 
travelling  farther  and  farther  from  the  sea  that 
washes  the  dear  shores  of  France.  Look  out  of 
the  window  and  behold  the  green  fields,  the  heavy 
hedge-rows  enclosing  them  so  tightly,  the  trees, 
not  in  woods,  but  scattered  everywhere  as  by  a 
restless  forester,  the  brick  farms,  the  hoi>fields,  the 
moist,  vaporous  atmosj^here  of  England. 

Cast  your  eyes  within  and  you  will  see,  wrapped 
in  an  ulster  of  a  British  pattern  concealing  all  that 
is  not  British  in  his  appearance,  an  exile  from 
his  native  land.  Not  to  make  a  mystery  of  this 
individual,  you  will  see,  indeed,  myself.  And  I — 
why  did  I  travel  thus  enshrouded,  why  did  my  eye 
look  with  melancholy  upon  this  fertile  landscape, 
why  did  I  sit  sad  and  sombre  as  I  travelled  through 
this  strange  land?  There  were  many  things  fresh 
and  novel  to  stir  the  mind  of  an  adventurer.  The 
name,  the  platform,  the  look  of  every  station  we 
sped  past,  was  a  little  piece  of  England,  curious 
in  its  wa3^  Many  memories  of  the  ])eoi)le  and  the 
places  I  had  known  in  fiction  should  surely  have 
been  aroused  and  lit  ni}^  heart  with  some  en- 
thusiasm.    What  reason,  then,  for  sadness? 

2 


THE  ADVENTURES  Of  M.  D'HARICOT 


I  shall  tell  you,  since  the  affair  is  now  no  secret, 
and  as  it  hereafter  touches  my  narrative.  I  was 
a  Royalist,  an  adherent  of  the  rightful  king  of 
France.  I  am  still;  I  boast  it  openly.  But  at 
that  time  a  demonstra- 
tion had  been  prema- 
ture, a  government  was 
alarmed, and  I  had  fled. 

Hereafter  I  shall  tell 
you  more  of  the  secret 
and  formidable  society 
of  which  I  was  then 
a  young,  enthusias- 
tic member — the  Une, 
Deux,  Trois  League,  or 
U.  D.  T's,  as  we  styled 
ourselves  in  brief,  the 
forlorn  hope  of  royalty 
in  France.  At  present 
it  is  sufficient  to  say 
that  we  had  failed. 

Baffled  hopes,  doubt  as  to  the  future,  fear  for 
the  present,  were  my  companions;  and  they  are 
not  gay,  these  friends. 

I  felt — I  confess  it  now  mirthfully  enough — sus- 
picious of  the  porter  of  the  train,  of  the  guard,  of 
the  people  who  eyed  me. 

I  was  young,  and  ''political  offender"  had  a 
terrible  sound.  The  Bastile,  Siberia,  St.  Helena; 
were  not  these  places  built,  created,  discovered,  for 

3 


■t^avel 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

the  sole  purpose  of  reluming  white-haired,  en- 
feebled unfortunates  to  their  native  land,  only 
to  find  their  homes  dissolved,  their  families  de- 
ceased, themselves  forgotten?  The  truth  is  that 
I  was  already  in  mourning  for  myself.  The  pros- 
pect of  entering  history  by  the  martyr's  postern 
had  seemed  noble  in  the  heat  of  action  and  the 
excitement  of  intrigue.  Now  I  only  desired  my 
liberty  and  as  little  ])ublic  attention  as  ]K)Ssible. 
1  commend  this  personal  e.\])erience  to  all  con- 
spirators. 

Such  a  friune  of  mind  begets  suspicions  fast, 
and  when  I  found  myself  in  the  same  compartment 
with  a  young  man  who  had  already  glanced  at 
me  in  the  Gare  du  Nord,  and  taken  a  longer  look 
on  lx)ard  the  steamboat,  I  felt,  f  admit,  decidedly  un- 
comfortable. From  beneath  the  shade  of  my  travel- 
ling-cap I  ej^ed  him  for  the  first  half-hour  with  a 
deep  di.strust.  Yet  since  he  regarded  me  with  that 
total  lack  of  interest  an  iMiglishman  bestows  u])on 
the  unintroduced,  and  had,  besides,  an  a])i)earance 
of  honesty  written  on  his  coimtenance,  I  bcgftn 
to  feel  somewhat  ashamed  of  \ny  suspicions,  until 
at  last  I  even  came  to  consider  him  with  interest 
as  one  type  of  that  strange  ])eople  among  whom 
for  a  longer  or  a  shorter  time  I  Wcis  doomed  to  dwell. 
lie  differed,  it  is  true,  both  from  the  busts  of  Shake- 
S])eare  and  the  statues  of  Wellington,  yet  he  was 
far  from  unpleasing.  An  athletic  form,  good  feat- 
ures, a   steady,  blue  eye,  a   complexion   ros}^  as  a 

4 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

girl's,  fair  hair  brushed  flat  across  his  forehead, 
thirty  years  of  truth-telHng,  cricket-playing,  and 
the  practice  of  three  or  four  elementary  ethical  prin- 
ciples, not  to  mention  an  excellent  tailor,  all  went 
to  make  this  young  man  a  refreshing  and  an  en- 
couraging spectacle. 

"Bah!"  I  said  to  myself.  "My  friend  may  not 
be  the  poet-laureate  or  the  philanthropic  M.  Car- 
negie, but  at  least  he  is  no  spy." 

Bj'  nature  I  am  neither  bashful  nor  immoderately 
timid,  and  it  struck  me  that  some  talk  with  a  native 
might  be  of  service.  My  spirits,  too,  were  rising 
fast.  The  train  had  not  yet  been  stopped  and 
searched  ;  we  were  nearing  the  great  London,  where 
he  who  seeks  concealment  is  as  one  pin  in  a  trayful ; 
the  hour  was  early  in  the  day,  and  the  sun  break- 
ing out  made  the  wet  grass  glisten. 

Yes,  it  was  hard  to  remain  silent  on  that  glori- 
ous September  morning,  even  though  dark  thoughts 
vSat  upon  the  same  cushion. 

"Monsieur,"  I  said,  "the  sun  is  bright." 

With  this  remark  he  seemed  to  show  his  agree- 
ment by  a  slight  smile  and  a  murmured  phrase. 
The  smile  was  pleasant,  and  1  felt  encouraged  to 
continue. 

"  Yet  it  docs  not  alwa3's  follow  that  the  heart  is 
gay.  Indeed,  monsieur,  how  often  we  see  tears 
on  a  June  morning,  and  hear  laughter  in  March! 
It  must  have  struck  you  often,  this  want  of  har- 
mony in  the  world.     Has  it  not?" 

5 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


I  had  been  so  carried  away  by  my  thoughts 
that  I  had  failed  to  observe  the  lack  of  sympathy 
in  my  fellow-traveller's  countenance. 

"Possibly,"  he  remarked,  dryly. 

"Ah,"  I  said,  with  a  smile,  "you  do  not  appre- 
ciate.    You  are  English." 


Yet.,it>  does 
n.ot  hXshTtL^* 
follow  tKet  the 
Keart.  is  ffi-y'^ 


"I  am/'  he  replied.  "And  you  are  French,  I 
suppose?" 

At  his  words,  suspicion  woke  in  my  heart.  It  was 
only  as  a  Frenchman  that  I  ran  the  risk  of  arrest. 

"No;  I  am  an  American." 

This  was  my  first  attempt  to  disclaim  my  nation- 
ality, and  each  time  I  denied  my  country  I,  like 
St.  Peter,  suffered  for  it.  Fair  France,  your  lovers 
should  be  true!     That  is  the  lesson. 

"Indeed,"  was  all  he  said;  but  I  now  began  to 
6 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

enjoy  my  first  experience  of  that  disconcerting 
phenomenon,  the  Enghsh  stare.  Later  on  I  dis- 
covered that  this  generally  means  nothing,  and  is, 
in  fact,  merely  an  inherited  relic  of  the  days  when 
each  Englishman  carried  his  "  knuckle-duster " 
(a  weapon  used  in  boxing),  and  struck  the  instant 
his  neighbor's  attention  was  diverted.  It  is  thanks 
to  this  peculiarity  that  they  now  find  themselves 
in  possession  of  so  large  a  portion  of  the  globe, 
but  the  surviving  stare  is  not  a  reassuring  spectacle. 

Yet  I  must  not  let  him  see  that  I  was  in  the  slight- 
est inconvenienced  by  his  attitude.  The  antidote 
to  suspicion  is  candor.     I  was  candid. 

"Yes,"  I  said.  "I  am  told  that  I  do  not  resem- 
ble an  American,  but  my  name,  at  least,  is  good 
Anglo-Saxon." 

And  I  handed  him  a  card  prepared  for  such 
an  emergency.  On  it  I  had  written,  "Nelson 
Bunyan,  Esq."  If  that  sounded  French,  then  I 
had  studied  philology  in  vain. 

"I  am  a  traveller  in  search  of  curios,"  I  added. 
"And  you?" 

"I  am  not,"  he  replied,  with  a  trace  of  a  smile 
and  a  humorous  look  in  his  blue  eyes. 

He  was  quite  friendly,  perfectly  polite,  but  that 
was  all  the  information  about  himself  I  could  ex- 
tract— "I  am  not,"  followed  by  a  commonplace 
concerning  the  weather.  A  singular  type  I  Re- 
pressed, self  -  restrained,  reticent,  good  -  humoredly 
condescending — in  a  word,  British. 

7 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

We  talked  of  Vcirious  matters,  and  I  did  my  best 
to  j)iek  him,  like  his  native  winkle,  from  the  shell. 
Of  my  success  here  is  a  sam])le.  V\c  had  (or  I  had) 
been  talking;  of  the  things  th^it  were  best  worth  a 
young  man's  study. 

"And  there  is  love,"  I  said.  "What  a  field  for 
incjuiry,  what  variety  of  iisjjects,  what  practical 
lessons  to  be  learned!" 

He  smiled  at  my  ardor. 

"Have  you  ever  been  in  love?"  I  asked. 

"Possibly,"  he  rejjlied,  carelessly. 

"  But  devotedly,  h()j)elessly,  as  a  man  who  would 
sacrifice  heaven  for  his  mistress?" 

"  Haven't  blown  my  brains  out  3'et,"  he  answered. 

"  Ah,  3^ou  have  been  successful ;  you  have  in- 
variably brought  your  little  affairs  to  a  fortunate 
issue?" 

"  I  don't  know  that  I  should  call  myself  a  great 
ladies'   man." 

"Possibly  you  cire  engaged':'"  I  suggested,  re- 
membering that  I  had  heard  that  this  operation 
has  a  singularly  sedative  effect  upon  the  English. 

"No,"  he  said,  with  an  air  of  ending  the  dis- 
cussion, "  I  am  not." 

Again  this  "I  am  not,"  followed  by  ix  com])res- 
sion  of  the  lips  and  a  cold  glance  into  vacanc>-. 

".\h,  he  is  a  dolt;  a  lumj)  of  lead!"  I  said  to  my- 
self, and  1  sighed  to  think  of  the  ])e()])le  I  was  leav- 
ing, the  ])eople  of  spirit,  the  i)eople  of  wit.  Little 
did  I  think  how  my  oj)iiu'on  of  m\'  fellow-traveller 

8 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OE  M.  D'HARICOT 


would  one  day  alter,  how  my  heart  would  ex- 
l)and. 

But  now  1  had  soniethinj^  else  to  catch  my  at- 
tention. I  looked  out  (^f  the  window,  and,  behold, 
there  was  nothing;  to  be  seen  but  houses.  Below 
the  level  of  the  railway  line  was  spread  a  sea  of 
dingy  brick  dwellings,  all,  save  here  and  there  a 
church-tower,  of  one  uniform  height  and  of  one 
uniform  ugliness.  Against  the  houses  nearest  to 
the  railway  were  plastered  or  propped,  by  way  of 
decoration,  vast  colored  testimonials  to  the  soaps 
and  meat  extracts  of  the  country.  In  lines  through 
this  prosaic  landscaj^e  rose  telegraph  posts  and 
signals,  and  trains  bustled  in  every  direction. 

"Pardon  me,"  I  said  to  my  companion,  "but  I 
am  new  to  this  country.     What  city  is  this?" 

"London,"  said  he. 

London,  the  far-famed !  So  this  was  London. 
Much  need  to  "paint  it  red,"  as  the  English  say 
of  a  frolic. 

"Is  it  all  like  this?"  I  asked. 

"  Not  quite,"  he  replied,  in  his  good-humored  tone. 

"Thank  God!"  I  exclaimed,  devoutl}'.  "1  do 
not  like  to  speak  disrespectfully  of  any  British 
institution,  but  this — m\'  faith!" 

We  crossed  the  Thames,  gray  and  gleaming  in 
the  sunshine,  and  now  I  am  at  Charing  Cross. 
Just  as  the  train  was  slowing  down  I  turned  to 
my  fellow-traveller. 

"Have  3'ou  been  vaccinated?"  I  asked. 

9 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"I  have,"  said  he,  in  surprise. 

You  see  even  reticence  has  its  Hmits. 

"I  thank  you  for  the  confidence,"  I  rephed, 
graveh'. 

As  he  stood  up  to  take  his  umbrella  from  the 
rack  he  handed  me  back  my  card. 

"I  say/'  he  abruptly  remarked,  in  a  tone,  I 
thought,  of  mingled  severity  and  innuendo,  "  I 
should  have  this  legend  altered,  if  I  were  you. 
Good-morning." 

And  with  that  he  was  gone,  and  my  doubts  had 
returned.  He  suspected  something!  Well,  there 
was  nothing  to  be  done  but  maintain  a  stout 
heart  and  trust  to  fortune.  And  it  takes  much  to 
drive  gayety  from  my  spirits  for  long.  I  was  a 
fugitive,  a  stranger,  a  foreigner,  but  I  hummed  a 
tune  cheerfully  as  I  waited  my  turn  for  the  ordeal 
of  the  custom-house.  And  here  came  one  good 
omen.  My  appearance  was  so  deceptively  re- 
spectable, and  my  air  so  easy,  that  not  a  question 
was  asked  me.  One  brief  glance  at  my  dress- 
shirts  £md  I  was  free  to  drive  into  the  streets  and 
lose  myself  in  the  life  of  London. 

Lose  myself,  do  I  say?  Yes,  indeed,  and  more 
than  myself,  too.  My  friends,  my  interests,  my 
language,  my  home;  all  these  were  lost  as  utterly 
as  thougli  1  had  dropi)ed  them  overboard  in  the 
Channel.  I  had  not  time  to  obtain  even  one  single 
introduction  before  I  left,  or  further  counsel  than  I 
rememl)ered    from    reading   English   books.     And 

10 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

I  assure  you  it  is  not  so  easy  to  benefit  by  the  ex- 
periences of  Mr.  Pickwick  and  Miss  Sharp  as  it 
may  seem.  Stories  may  be  true  to  hfe,  but,  alas  1 
life  is  not  so  true  to  stories. 

Fortunately,  I  could  talk  and  read  English  well 
— even,  I  may  say,  fluently;  also  I  had  the  spirit 
of  my  race ;  and  finally — and,  perhaps,  most  fortu- 
nately— I  was  not  too  old  to  learn. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   II 

"In    that   city,   sire,  even   the   manner    of 
breathing  was  different." 

— PiZARRO. 


WAS  in  London,  the  vastest  collec- 
9^  ^  tion    of    people   and   of    houses    this 

/  ^  world  has  ever  seen ;  the  ganglion, 
^  the  museum,  the  axle  of  the  English 
}'^^]^^  race;  the  cradle  of  much  of  their  gen- 
ius and  most  of  their  fogs;  the  home  of  Dr.  John- 
son, the  bishoi)S  of  Canterbury,  the  immortal  Fal- 
staff,  the  effigied  Fawkes ;  also  the  headquarters 
of  cill  the  profitable  virtues,  all  the  princi{)les  of 
business.  With  an  abandon  and  receptivity  which 
I  am  ))leased  to  think  the  Creator  has  reserved  as 
a  consolation  for  the  non-English,  I  hcid  hardly 
been  half  an  hour  in  the  cit\'  before  I  had  Ijccome 
infected  with  something  of  its  s])irit. 

"(loddam!  What  ho!"  I  said  to  myself,  in  the 
English  idiom.  "  For  months,  for  years,  forever, 
j)erhaps,  I  am  to  live  among  this  incomprehensi- 

\2 


THE  ADVENTURES  Of  M.  DHARICOl 

ble  people.  Well,  1  shall  strive  to  learn  sonie- 
thiiifj^,  and,  l)y  CJreat  Scotland !  to  enjoy  something. " 
So  I  turned  up  my  trousers  and  sidlied  out  of  my 
hotel. 

Ah,  this  was  life,  indeed,  1  had  come  into;  not 
more  so  than  Paris,  but  differently  so.  Stolidly, 
pood-naturedly,  and  rai)idly  the  citizens  struj.^y;le 
along  through  the  crowds  on  the  i:)avement.  They 
seem  like  helpless  straiws  revolving  in  a  whirlpool. 
Yet  does  one  of  them  wish  to  cross  the  street?  In- 
stantly a  constable  raises  a  finger,  the  traffic  of 
London  is  sto})ped,  and  Mr.  Henjamin  Bull,  young- 
est and  least  imi)ortant  son  of  John,  i)asses  un- 
injured to  the  farther  side. 

"What  is  this  street?"  1  ask  one  of  these  officers, 
iis  he  stands  in  the  midst  of  a  crossing,  sigutdling 
which  cab  or  dray  shall  p^iss  him. 

"Strand,"  says  he,  sto]:)ping  five  omnibuses  to 
give  me  this  information. 

"Where  does  it  lead  me?" 

"Which  way  do  you  wish  to  proceed?"  he  in- 
quires, politely,  still  detaining  the  omnibuses. 

"East,"  I  reply,  tit  a  venture. 

"First  to  the  right,  second  to  the  left,  third  to 
the  right  again,  cuid  take  the  blue  bus  as  ftir  as 
the  Elephant  and  Angel,"  he  answers,  without 
any  hesitation. 

"A  thoustmd  thanks,"  I  gasp.  "  I  think,  on  the 
whole,  I  should  be  safer  to  go  westward." 

He  waves  his  hand,  the  omnibuses  (which  by 
13 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

this  time  have  accumulated  to  the  number  of 
fourteen)  proceed  upon  their  journey,  and  I,  had  I 
the  key  to  the  cipher,  should  doubtless  be  in  pos- 
session of  valuable  information.  Such  is  one  in- 
stance of  the  way  in  which  the  Londoner's  sub- 
stitute for  Providence  does  its  business. 

I  shall  not  attempt  to  give  at  this  point  an  ex- 
haustive description  of  London.  The  mandates 
of  fortune  sent  me  at  different  times  to  enjoy  amus- 
ing and  embarrassing  experiences  in  various 
quarters  of  the  city,  and  these  I  shall  touch  upon 
in  their  places.  It  is  sufficient  to  observe  at  pres- 
ent that  London  is  a  name  for  many  cities. 

A  great  town,  like  a  great  man,  is  made  up  of 
various  characters  strung  together.  Just  as  the 
soldier  becomes  at  night  the  lover  and  next  morn- 
ing the  jjhilosophcr,  so  a  city  is  on  the  east  a 
factory,  on  the  west  a  palace,  on  the  north  a  lodg- 
ing-house. So  it  is  with  Paris,  with  Berlin,  with 
all.  But  London  is  so  large,  so  devoid  of  system 
in  its  creation  and  in  its  improvements,  so  various- 
ly populated,  that  it  probablj^  exceeds  any  in  its 
variety. 

No  emperor  or  council  of  city  fathers  mapped  the 
streets  or  regulated  the  houses.  What  edifice  each 
man  wanted  that  he  built,  guided  only  by  the 
length  of  his  purse  and  the  depth  of  his  barbarism ; 
while  the  streets  on  which  this  arose  is  either  the 
same  roadway  as  once  served  the  Romans,  or  else 
the  speculative  builder's  idea  of  best  advancing 

14 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

the  interests  of  his  property.  Then  some  day 
comes  a  great  company  who  wish  to  occupy  a  hun- 
dred metres  of  frontage  and  direct  attention  to 
their  business.  So  many  houses  are  pulled  down 
and  replaced  by  an  erection  twice  the  height  of 
anything  else,  and  designed,  as  far  as  possible, 
to  imitate  the  cries  and  costume  of  a  bookmaker. 
And  all  this  time  there  are  surviving,  in  nooks 
and  corners,  picturesque  and  venerable  buildings 
of  a  by-gone  age,  and  also,  of  late,  are  arising  on 
all  sides  worthy  and  dignified  new  piles. 

So  that  the  history  of  each  house  and  each  street, 
the  mental  condition  of  their  architects  and  the 
financial  condition  of  their  occupants,  are  written 
upon  them  plainly  with  a  smoky  finger.  For  you 
see  all  this  through  an  atmosphere  whose  millions 
of  molecules  of  carbon  and  of  aqueous  vapor  darken 
the  bricks  and  the  stones,  and  hang  like  a  veil  of 
fine  gauze  before  them.  London  is  huge,  but  the 
eternal  mistiness  makes  it  seem  huger  still,  for 
however  high  a  building  you  climb,  you  can  see 
nothing  but  houses  and  yet  more  houses,  melting 
at  what  looks  a  vast  distance  into  the  blue-and- 
yellow  haze.  Really,  there  may  be  green  woods 
and  the  fair  slopes  of  a  country-side  within  a  few 
miles,  but  since  you  cannot  see  them  your  heart 
sinks,  and  you  believe  that  such  good  things  must 
be  many  leagues  below  the  brick  horizon.  More 
than  once  upon  a  Sunday  morning,  w^hen  the  air 
was  clear,  I  have  been  startled  to  see  from  the 

15 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Strand  itself  a  glimpse  of  the  Surrey  hills  quite 
near  and  very  beautiful,  and  I  have  said,  "Thank 
(lod   for  this!" 


1  ate  it  till 
kalTpa^  two* 


l^oCM^- 


It  was  in  the  morning  that  I  arrived  in  London, 
and  nty  first  day  I  spent  in  losing  my  way  through 
the  labyrinth  of  streets,  which  are  set  never  at  a 
right  angle  to  one  another,  and  are  of  such  different 
lengths  that  I  could  scarcely  ])ersuade  myself  it 
had  not  all  been  specially  arranged  to  mislead  me. 

About  one  o'clock  I  entered  a  restaurant  and 
ordered  a  genuine  lOnglish  steak — the  porter-house, 
it  was  called.  In  (|uality,  I  admit  this  segment  of 
an  ox  was  admiral)le;  but  as  for  its  quantity — my 
faith!  I  ate  it  till  half-])ast  two  and  scarceh'  had 
made  an  im])ression  then.  Half  stu])er]ed  with 
this  orgy,  and  the  British  beer  I  had  taken  to  assist 
me  in  the  protracted  effort,  I  returned  to  my  hotel, 

i6 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

and  there  began  the  journal  on  which  these  memoirs 
are  founded.  As  showing  m^^  sensations  at  the 
time,  they  are  now  of  curious  interest  to  me.  I 
shall  give  the  extract  I  wrote  then: 

"Amusing,  absorbing,  entertaining  as  a  Chinese  puz- 
zle where  all  the  pieces  are  alive ;  all  these  things  is 
the  city  of  London.  Why,  then,  has  it  already  begun 
to  pall  upon  me?  Ah,  it  is  the  loneliness  of  a  crowd  I 
In  Paris  I  can  walk  by  the  hour  and  never  see  a  face  I 
know,  and  yet  not  feel  this  sense  of  desolation.  Friends 
need  not  be  before  the  eye,  but  they  must  be  at  hand 
when  you  wish  to  call  them.  For  myself,  I  call  them 
pretty  frequently,  yet  often  can  remain  for  a  time  con- 
tent to  merely  know  that  they  are  somewhere  not  too  far 
away.  But  here  —  I  may  turn  north,  south,  east,  or 
west,  and  walk  as  far  as  I  like  in  any  direction,  and  not 
one  should  I  find! 

"  Shall  I  ev^er  make  a  friend  among  this  old,  phleg- 
matic, business-like  people?  Some  day,  perhaps,  an 
acquaintance  may  be  struck  with  some  such  reticent 
and  frigid  monster  as  my  fair-haired  companion  of  the 
journey.  AVould  such  a  one  console  or  cheer  or  share 
a  single  sentiment?  Impossible!  Mon  Dieu!  I  shall 
leave  this  town  in  three  days;  I  swear  it.  And  where 
then?     The   devil  knows!" 

At  this  point  the  writing  of  these  notes  was  un- 
expectedly interrupted,  only  to  be  resvuued,  as  it 
chanced,  fifter  some  adventurous  days. 

A  waiter  entered,  bearing  a  letter  for  me.  I 
sprang  up  and  seized  it  eagerly.     It  was  addressed 

17 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

to  Mr.  Nelson  Bunyan,  Esq.,  and  marked  "Im- 
mediate and  confidential."  These  words  were 
written  in  English  and  execrably  misspelled. 

It  could  come  from  but  one  source,  for  who  else 
knew  my  nom  de  plume,  who  else  would  write  "  Im- 
mediate and  confidential,"  and,  I  grieve  to  say  it, 
who  else  would  take  their  precautions  in  such  ^i 
way  as  instantly  to  raise  suspicions?  Had  the 
secretary  of  the  "  Une,  Deux,  Trois "  no  English 
dictionary,  that  he  need  make  the  very  waiter 
stare  at  this  very  extraordinary  address?  I  did 
my  best  to  pass  it  off  lightly. 

"From  a  lady,"  I  said  to  the  man.  "One  not 
very  well  educated,  perhaps;  but  is  education  all 
we  seek  in  women?" 

"No,  sir,"  said  he,  replying  to  my  glance  with 
insufferable  familiarity,  "not  all  by  no  means." 

Alas  that  the  fugitive  cannot  afford  to  take 
offence ! 

I  opened  the  letter,  and,  as  I  expected,  it  was 
headed  by  the  letters  U.  D.  T : 

"  Go  at  once  to  the  house  of  Mr.  Frederick  Hankey, 
No.  114  or  115  George  Road,  Streatham.  Knock  thrice 
on  the  third  window,  and  when  he  comes  say  distinct- 
ly '  P"or  the  King.'  He  will  give  directions  for  j'oiir 
safety." 

This  missive  was  only  signed  F.  ii,  but,  of 
course,  I  knew  the  writer — our  most  indefatigable, 
our  most  enthusiastic,  the  secretary  himself. 

18 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Well,  here  was  something  to  be  done;  a  friend, 
perhaps,  to  be  made;  a  spice  of  interest  suddenly 
thrown  into  this  city  of  strangers.  After  my  fash- 
ion, my  spirits  rose  as  quickly  as  they  had  fallen. 
I  whistled  an  air,  and  began  to  think  this  some- 
what dreary  hotel  not  a  bad  place,  after  all.  I 
shovdd  only  wait  till  darkness  fell  and  then  set  out 
to  interview  Mr.  Frederick  Hankey. 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   III 


"IVbat  door  will  //I  this  key?" 

— Castillo  Soprani. 


94?5^q^^v^S  I  ate  my  solitan^  dinner  before 
5^  ^15=  starting  upon   my  expedition   to  Air. 

9^  ^^  '%  Hanke3''s  house,  I  began  to  think 
'^  '^  less,  enthusiastically  of  the  adventure. 

#^?^^^#  Here  was  I,  comfortable  in  my  hotel, 
though,  I  admit,  rather  lonely;  safe,  so  far,  and 
apparently  suspected  by  none  to  he  other  than  the 
blameless  Bunyan.  Besides,  now  that  I  could  find 
a  friend  for  the  seeking,  my  loneliness  suddenly 
diminished.  Also  I  was  buo\"ed  by  the  thought 
that  I  was  a  real  adventurer,  a  romantic  exile,  as 
much  so,  in  fact,  as  Prince  Charles  of  Scotland 
or  my  own  l)cloved  king.  Now  I  was  to  knock 
u])on  the  window  of  a  house  that  might  be  either 
runnber  114  or  115,  and  give  myself  blindfold  to 
strangers. 

Yet  on  second  thoughts  I  reflected  that  I  knew 
nothing  of  English  laws  or  English  ways.     Was 

20 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

I  not  in  "  perfidious  Albion/'  and  might  I  not  be 
handed  over  to  the  French  government  in  defiance 
of  all  treaties,  in  order  to  promote  the  insidious 
policy  of  Chtimberlain?  Yes,  I  should  go,  after 
all,  and  I  drank  to  the  success  of  my  adventure 
in  a  bottle  of  wine  that  sent  me  forth  to  the 
station  in  as  gay  a  spirit  as  any  gallant  could 
wish. 

I  had  made  cautious  inquiries,  asking  of  differ- 
ent servants  at  the  hotel,  and  I  had  little  difficulty 
in  making  my  way  by  train  as  far  as  the  suburb 


Having  TtiaJe 
cautious 
ih^uiries  — 


in  which  Mr.  Ilankcj^  lived.  There  I  encountered 
ihe  first  disquieting  circumstance.  Inquiring  of 
a  ])oliceman,  I  found  there  was  no  such  place  as 
George  Road,  but  a  St.  George's  Road  was  well 
known  to  him.     If  F.  ii   had  l^een  so  inaccurate 

21 


THE  ADI^ENTURES  Of  M.  D'HARICOT 

in  one  statement,  might  he  not  be  equally  so  in 
another? 

I  may  mention  here  that  the  name  of  this  road 
is  my  own  invention.  The  mistake  was  a  similar 
one  to  that  I  have  narrated.  In  all  cases  I  have 
altered  the  names  of  my  friends  and  their  houses, 
as  these  events  happened  so  recently  that  annoy- 
ance might  be  caused,  for  the  English  are  a  reti- 
cent nation,  and  shrink  from  publicity  as  M.  Zola 
did  from  oblivion. 

Up  an  immensely  long  and  very  dark  road  I 
went,  studj^ing  the  numbers  of  the  houses  on  either 
side,  and  here  at  once  a  fresh  difficulty  presented 
itself.  In  an  English  suburb  it  is  the  custom  to 
conceal  the  number  provided  by  the  municipal 
authorities,  and  decorate  the  gates  instead  with  a 
fanciful  or  high-sounding  title.  Thus  I  passed 
"Blenheim  Lodge,"  "Strathcory,"  "Rhododen- 
dron Grove,"  and  many  other  such  residences,  but 
only  here  and  there  could  I  find  a  number  to 
guide  me.  By  counting  from  84,  I  came  at 
last  upon  two  houses  standing  with  their  gates 
close  together  that  must  either  be  114  and  115,  or 
115  and  116.  I  could  not  be  sure  which,  nor  in 
either  case  did  I  know  whether  the  one  or  the  other 
sheltered  the  conspiring  Hankey.  The  gate  on 
the  left  was  labelled  "  Chickawungaree  Villa," 
that  on  the  right  "Mount  Olympus  House."  In 
the  house  I  could  see  through  the  trees  that  all 
was  darkness,  and  the  gate  was  so  shabby  as  to 

22 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

suggest  that  no  one  lived  there.  In  the  villa,  on 
the  contrary,  I  saw  two  or  three  lighted  windows. 
I  determined  to  try  the  villa. 

The  drive  wound  so  as  to  encircle  what  appeared 
in  the  darkness  to  be  a  tennis  -  court  and  an  ar- 
bor, and  finally  emerged  through  a  clump  of  trees 
before  a  considerable  mansion.  And  here  I  was 
confronted  by  another  difficulty.  My  directions 
said,  knock  upon  the  third  window.  But  there 
were  three  on  either  side  of  the  front  door,  and  then 
how  did  I  know  that  Hankey  might  not  prefer  me 
to  knock  upon  his  back  or  his  side  windows?  My 
friend  F.  II  might  be  a  martyr  and  a  patriot;  but 
business-like?    No. 

"Blind  fortune  is  the  goddess  to-night,"  I  said 
to  myself,  and  with  that  I  tapped  gently  upon  the 
third  window  from  the  door  counting  towards  the 
right.  I  have  often  since  consoled  myself  by  think- 
ing that  I  should  have  exhibited  no  greater  in- 
tuition had  I  counted  towards  the  left. 

I  tap  three  times.  No  answer.  Again  three 
times.  Still  no  answer.  It  was  diabolically  dark, 
and  the  trees  made  rustling  noises  very  discon- 
certing to  the  nerves  of  one  unaccustomed  to  prac- 
tise these  preliminaries  before  calling  upon  a  friend. 

"The  devil!"  I  say  to  myself.  "This  time  I 
shall  make  Mr.  Hankey  hear  me." 

And  so  I  knocked  very  sharply  and  loudly,  so 
sharply  that  I  cracked  the  pane. 

"Unfortunate,"  I  thought;  "but  why  should  I 

23 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


not  convert  Hankey's  misfortune  into  my  advan- 
tage?" 

With  the  intention  of  perhaps  obtaining  a  glimpse 
into  the  room,  I  pushed  the  pane  till,  with  an  alarm- 
ing crash,  a  considerable  portion 
fell  upon  the  gravel. 

With    a    start  I    turned,  and 

there,approaching  me  from  either 

side,  were    two    men.     Ilankey 

had  evidently  heard  me  cit  last. 

"W'ho  are  you?"  said  one  of 

them,  a  stout  gentleman,  I  could 

see,  with  a  consequential  voice. 

I  came  a  step  towards  him. 

"For  the  King,"  I  replied. 

He  seemed    to  be  staring  at 


^ilU  a«  atuweC' 


me. 


"What  the  devil — ?"  he  exclaimed,  in  surprise. 

My  heart  began  to  sink. 

"You  are  Mr.  Hankey?"  I  inquired. 

"  1  am  not,"  he  replied,  with  emphasis. 

Here  was  a  delicate  predicament! 

But  I  was  not  yet  at  the  end  of  my  resources. 

"May  I  inquire  your  name?"  I  asked,  politel3^ 

"My  name  is  Fisher,"  he  said,  with  a  greater 
air  of  consequence  than  ever,  but  no  greater  friend- 
liness. 

"What,  Fisher  himself!"  I  exclaimed,  with  pre- 
tended delight.  "This  is  indeed  a  fortunate  co- 
incidence!    How  are  3'ou,  Fisher?" 

24 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

I  held  out  my  hand,  but  this  monster  of  British 
brutahty  paid  no  attention  to  my  overture. 

"Who  are  you?"  he  asked  once  more. 

Not  having  yet  made  up  my  mind  who  1  was,  1 
tliought  it  better  to  temporize. 

"My  explanations  will  take  a  few  minutes,  1 
am  afraid,"  I  answered.  "The  hour  also  is  late. 
May  I  call  upon  you  in  the  morning?" 

"  I  think  you  had  better  step  in  and  explain  now," 
said  Fisher,  curtly. 

They  were  two  to  one,  and  very  close  to  me, 
while  I  was  hampered  with  my  British  ulster.  I 
must  trust  to  my  wits  to  get  me  safely  out  of  this 
house  again. 

"  I  shall  be  charmed,  if  I  am  not  disturbing  you. " 

"You  are  disturbing  me,"  said  the  inexorable 
Fisher.  "In  fact,  you  have  been  causing  a  con- 
siderable disturbance,  and  I  should  like  to  know 
the  reason." 

Under  these  cheerful  circumstances  I  entered 
Chickawungaree  Villa,  Fisher  preceding  me,  and 
the  other  man,  whom  I  now  saw  to  be  his  butler, 
walking  uncomfortably  close  behind. 

"Step  in  here,"  said  Fisher.  He  showed  me 
into  what  was  evidently  his  dining-room,  and 
then,  after  saying  a  few  words  in  an  undertone  to 
his  servant,  he  closed  the  door,  drew  forward  a 
chair  so  as  to  cut  off  my  possible  line  of  flight,  sat 
upon  it,  and  breathed  heavily  towards  me. 

Figure  to  yourself  my  situation.  A  large,  red- 
-25 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

faced,  gray-whiskcrcd  individual,  in  a  black  morn- 
ing-coat and  red  slij^pers,  stciring  stolidly  at  nie 
from  a  meat-eating  eye ;  name  Fisher,  but  all  other 
facts  concerning  him  unknown.  A  stiff,  unin- 
habited-looking apartment  of  considerable  size, 
lit  with  the  electric  light,  upholstered  in  light  wood 


How  arc  vou 
FUKer?  " 


•  A.T.* 


and  new  red  leather,  and  ornamented  by  a  life- 
sized  portrait  of  Fisher  himself,  this  picture  being 
as  uncom])romising  and  apoplectic  tis  the  original. 
Finally,  standing  in  an  artificially  easy  attitude 
before  a  fire])lacc  contciining  a  frilled  arrange- 
ment of  ])ink  pai)cr,  ])ictiu'e  an  exceedingly  un- 
comfortable Frenchman. 

"You  scarcely  expected  me?"  I  begin,  with  a 
smile. 

26 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"I  did  not,"  says  Fisher. 

"I  did  not  expect  to  see  you,"  1  continue;  but  to 
this  he  makes  no  reply. 

"I  was  looking  for  the  house  of  Mr.  Hankey." 

"Were  you?"  says  Fisher. 

"Do  you  know  him?"  1  ask. 

"No,"  says  Fisher. 

A  pause.  The  campaign  has  opened  badly;  no 
doubt  of  that.     I  must  try  another  move. 

"You  will  wonder  how  I  knew  him,"  I  say, 
pleasantly. 

Fisher  only  breathes  more  heavily. 

"Our  mutual  friend.  Smith,"  I  begin,  watching 
closely  to  see  if  his  mind  responds  to  this  name. 
I  know  that  Smith  is  common  in  England,  and 
think  he  will  surely  know  some  one  so  called. 
"Smith  mentioned  you." 

But  no,  there  is  no  gleam  of  recognition. 

"Indeed,"  is  all  he  remarks,  very  calmly. 

There  is  no  help  for  it,  I  must  go  on. 

"  I  intended  to  call  upon  you  some  day  this  week. 
I  have  heard  you  highly  spoken  of — 'The  great 
Fisher,'  ' The  famous  Fisher.'  Indeed,  sir,  I  assure 
you,  your  name  is  a  household  word  in  Scotland." 

I  choose  Scotland  because  I  know  its  accent  is 
different  from  English.  My  own  also  is  different. 
Therefore  I  shall  be  Scotch.     Unhappy  selection! 

"Do  you  mean  to  pretend  you  are  Scotch?" 
says  Fisher,  frowning  as  well  as  breathing  at  me. 

I  must  withdraw  one  foot. 

27 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


"Half  Scotch,  half  Italian,"  I  reply. 
Ah,  France,  why  did  I  deny  you?     I  was  afraid 
to  own  you,  I  blush  to  confess  it.     And  I  was  right- 
eously punished. 

"Italian?"  saj's  he,  with  more  interest.     "Ah, 
indeed!" 

He  stares  more  intently,  frowns  more  porten- 
tously, and  respires 
more  loudly  than 
ever. 

"  A        charming 
country,"  I  say. 

"  Xo doubt, "says 
Fisher. 

At  this  moment 
the  door  opens  be- 
hind him  and  a 
lady  a])pears.  She 
has  a  liuffy  cheek, 
a  pale  eye,  iv  com- 
fortable figure,  a  curled  fringe  of  gra\'  hair,  and 
slightly  projecting  teeth;  in  a  word,  the  mate  of 
Fisher.  There  can  lie  no  mistake,  and  1  am  quicl^ 
to  seize  the  chance. 

"M\^  de£U"  Mrs.  Fisher!"  I   exclaim,  advancing 
towards  her. 

With  a  movement  like  a  hippopotamus  wallow- 
ing, h^isher  ]ilaces  himself  l^etween  us.     Does   he 
think  I  have  come  to  elope  with  her? 
I  assume  the  indignant  role. 
2^ 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Mr.  Fisher!"  I  cry,  much  hurt  at  this  want  of 
confidence. 

"Who  is  this  gentleman?"  asks  Mrs.  Fisher, 
looking  at  me,  I  think,  with  a  not  altogether  dis- 
approving glance. 

"Ask  him,"  says  Fisher. 

"Madame,"  I  say,  with  a  bow,  "I  am  an  un- 
fortunate stranger,  come  to  pay  my  respects  to 
Mr.  Fisher  and  his  beautiful  lady,  I  wish  you 
could  explain  my  reception." 

"What  is  your  name?"  says  Mrs.  Fisher,  with 
comparative  grciciousness,  considering  that  she  is 
a  bourgeois  Englishwoman  taken  by  surprise, 
and  fearing  both  to  be  cold  to  a  possible  man  of 
position  and  to  be  friendly  with  a  possible  no- 
body. 

A  name  I  must  have,  and  I  must  also  invent  it 
at  once,  and  it  must  be  something  both  Scotch  and 
Italian.     I  take  the  first  two  that  come  into  my  head. 

"  Dugald  Cellarini,"  I  reply. 

They  look  at  one  another  dubiously.  I  must 
})ut  them  at  their  ease  at  any  cost. 

"A  fine  picture,"  I  say,  indicating  the  portrait 
of  my  host,  "and  an  excellent  likeness.  Do  you 
not  think  so,  Mrs.  Fisher?" 

She  looks  at  me  as  if  she  had  a  new  thought. 

"  Are  you  a  friend  of  the  artist?"  she  asks. 

"An  intimate,"  I  reply  with  alacrity. 

"We  have  informed  i\Ir.  Benzine  that  we  spe- 
cially desired  him  not  to  bring  any  more  of  his 

29 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

Bohemian  acquaintances  to  our  house,"  saj'S  the 
amiable  lady. 

I  am  plunging  deeper  into  the  morass!  Still,  I 
have  at  last  accounted  for  my  presence. 

"Mr.  Benzine  did  not  warn  me  of  this,  madame," 
I  reply,  coldlj^     "I  apologize  and  I  withdraw." 

I  make  a  step  towards  the  door,  but  the  large 
form  of  Fisher  still  intervenes. 

"Then  Benzine  sent  3"ou?"  he  says. 

"He  did,  though  evidently  under  a  misappre- 
hension." 

"And  what  about  Smith?"  asks  Fisher,  with  an 
approach  to  intelligence  in  his  bovine  eye. 

"Well,  what  about  him?"  I  ask,  defiantly. 

"Did  he  vsend  you,  too?" 

"My  reception  has  been  such  that  I  decline  to 
give  any  further  explanations." 

"That  is  all  very  well,"  says  Fisher — "that  is 
all  very  well — " 

He  is  evidently  cogitating  what  is  all  very  well, 
when  we  hear  heavy  steps  in  the  passage. 

"They  have  come  at  last!"  he  exclaims,  and 
opens  the  door. 

"More  visitors!"  I  say  to  myself,  hoping  now 
for  a  diversion.  In  another  moment  I  get  it.  En- 
ter the  butler  and  two  gigantic  policemen. 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 


^^m^hFl<:^ 


^ 


Chapter   IV 

'''Let   me  out,'  said  the  mouse,  ' I  do  not 
care  for  this  cheese.'  " 

— Fables  of  Laetertius. 


?^ICTURE    now  this    comedy  and   its 

^  5|^  actors.     Fisher  of  the  porpoise  habit, 

^     r^    ^  Mrs.  Fisher  of  the  puffy  cheek,  poor 
■%  "%  Dugald  Cellarini,  and  these  two  vast, 

';f?54??4?q|:?t%  bkie-coated,  thief-catching  "bobbies" 
(as  with  kindlj^  humor  the  Enghsh  term  their 
poHce) ;  aU  save  Dugakl  looking  terribl}^  solemn 
and  important.  He,  i)oor  man,  strove  hard  to  give 
the  affair  a  lighter  turn,  but  what  is  one  artist  in 
a  herd  of  Philistines?  I  was  not  appreciated;  that 
is  the  truth.  A  man  may  defy  an  empire,  a  papal 
bull,  an  infectious  disease,  but  a.  i)rejudice — never! 
"Constable,"  says  Fisher,  "I  have  caught  him." 
Both  bobbies  look  at  me  with  much  the  same 
depressing  glance  as  Fisher  himself. 

"Yes,  sir,"  says  one,  in  what  evidentl}^  was  in- 
tended for  a  tone  of  congratulation.     "So  I  see." 

31 


THE  ^Dl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

The  other  bobby  evidently  agrees  with  this  sen- 
timent. Wonderful  unanimity'!  I  have  noticed 
it  in  the  Paris  gendarmes  also,  the  same  quick 
and  intelligent  grasp  of  a  situation. 

The  latter  quality  was  so  conspicuous  in  my 
two  blue-coated  friends  that  I  named  them  instant- 
ly Lecoq  and  Holmes. 

Plolmes  speaks  next,  after  an  impressive  pause. 

"What's  he  done?" 

"That  is  the  ]x:)int,  "  says  Fisher,  in  a  tone  of 
such  damaging  insinuation  that  I  am  spurred  to 
my  defence. 

"Exactly — what  have  I  done?" 

"  He  has  endeavored  to  effect  an  entry  into  my 
house  by  removing  a  pane  of  glass,"  says  Fisher. 

"Pardon  me  ;  to  call  the  attention  of  the  servants 
bj'  rai)ping  upon  a  pane  of  glass." 

"Come  now,  none  of  that!"  says  Lecoq,  with 
such  severity  that  I  see  the  situation  at  once.  lie 
is  jealous.  I  have  cast  an  imputation  on  some 
fair  housenuiid — the  future  Mrs.  Lecoq,  no  doubt. 

"  \n  assignation,  you  think?"  I  fisk,  with  a  re- 
assuring smile. 

"Sir!"  cries  Mrs.  Fisher,  indignantly.  "It  was 
my  daughter's  window  \'ou  l)roke!" 

Shall  I  }X)se  as  the  lover  of  .Miss  Fisher?  I  have 
lieard  that  immarried  P^nglish  girls  talvc  strange 
liberties. 

"  Vour  fair  daughter — "  1  begin. 

"Is  a  child  of  iifteen,"  interrupts  virtuous  Mrs. 
32 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

Fisher,  "and  I  am  certain  knows  nothing  of  this 
person." 

By  the  expression  of  their  intelHgent  counte- 
nances, Hobnes  and  Lecoq  show  their  concurrence 
in  this  opinion. 

"Confront  her  with  me!"  I  demand,  folding  my 
arms  defiantly. 

It  has  since  struck  me  that  this  was  a  happy  in- 
spiration, and  in  the  right  dramatic  key.  Un- 
fortunately, it  requires  an  imaginative  audience, 
and  I  had  two  Fishers  and  two  bobbies. 

Rapidly  I  had  calculated  what  would  happen. 
The  fair  and  innocent  maiden  should  be  aroused 
from  her  virgin  slumbers ;  with  dishevelled  locks, 
and  in  a  long,  loose,  and  becoming  drapery  of  some 
soft  color  (light  blue  to  harmonize  with  her  flaxen 
hair,  for  instance),  she  should  be  led  into  this  cham- 
ber of  the  inquisition  ;  then  my  eye  should  moisten, 
my  voice  be  as  the  lute  of  Apollo,  and  it  would  be  a 
thousand  francs  to  a  dishonored  check  that  I  should 
melt  her  into  some  soft  confession.  Not  that  I 
should  ask  her  to  compromise  her  reputation  to 
save  me.  Never,  on  my  honor,  would  I  permit 
that.  Indeed,  if  my  plight  tempted  her  to  invent 
a  story  she  might  repent  of  afterwards,  I  should 
disavow  it  with  so  sincere  and  honest  an  air  that 
my  captors  would  exclaim  together,  "  We  have  mis- 
judged him!" 

No,  I  should  merely  persuade  her  to  confess 
that  a  not  ill-looking  foreigner  had  pursued  her 
3  ZZ 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

with  glances  of  chivcdrous  admiration  for  some 
days  past,  and  that  from  his  air  of  hopeless  passion 
it  was  not  surprising  to  find  him  to-night  tapping 
upon  her  \vindow-pane. 

Alas,  that  so  promising  a  scheme  should  fail 
through  the  incurable  poverty  of  the  Fisher  spirit! 
My  demand  is  simpU^  ignored. 

"  What  acquaintance  have  you  with  my  daugh- 
ter?" asks  Mrs.  Fisher,  icily. 

"You  will  respect  my  confidence?"  I  ask,  ear- 
nestly. 

"We  shall  use  our  di.scretion,"  replies  the  virtu- 
ous lady. 

"Quite  so;  we  shall  vise  our  discretion,"  repeats 
her  unspeakable  hu.sband. 

"  I  am  satisfied  with  your  assurance,"  I  sa}^. 
"  The  discretion  of  a  Fisher  is  equivalent  to  the 
seal  of  the  confessional.  I  thank  you  from  my 
heart,  and  I  bow  to  your  judgment." 

"What  do  you  know  of  my  daughter?"  Mrs. 
Fi.sher  repeats,  quite  unmoved  by  my  candor. 

"  Madame,  I  was  about  to  tell  j^ou.  You  asked 
if  I  was  acquainted  with  that  charming,  and,  I  can 
assure  you  on  my  honor,  s})otless  young  lady?" 

"I  did,"  sa\\s  Mrs.  Fisher;  "but  I  do  not  require 
any  remarks  on  her  character  from  you,  sir." 

"Pardon   me;    they   escaped   me  inadvertently 
What  I  feel  deeply  I  am  tempted  to  say.     I  do  not 
know  Miss  Fisher  per.sonally.     I  have  not  yet  vent- 
ured to  address  a  word  to  her,  not  so  much  as  a 

34 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

syllable,  not  even  a  whisper.  My  respect  for  her  in- 
nocence, for  her  youth,  for  her  parents,  has  been  too 
great.  But  this  I  confess :  I  have  for  days,  for 
weeks,  for  months,  followed  her  loved  figure  with  the 
eye  of  chaste  devotion !  On  her  walks  abroad  I  have 
been  her  silent,  frequently  her  unseen,  attendant. 
Through  every  street  in  London  I  have  followed 
the  divine  Miss  Fisher,  as  a  sailor  the  polar  star! 
To-night,  in  a  moment  of  madness,  I  approached 
her  home ;  I  touched  her  window  that  I  might  after- 
wards kiss  the  hand  that  had  come  so  near  her! 
In  my  passion  I  touched  too  hard,  the  pane  broke, 
and  here  I  stand  before  you!" 

So  completely  had  I  been  carried  away  on  the 
wings  of  my  own  fancy  that  once  or  twice  in  the 
course  of  this  outburst  I  had  committed  myself  to 
more  than  I  had  any  intention  of  avowing.  Be 
emphatic  but  never  definite,  is  my  counsel  to  the 
liar.  But  I  had,  unluckily,  tied  myself  to  my  in- 
ventions. The  gestures,  the  intonation,  the  key 
of  sentiment  were  beyond  criticism;  but  then  I 
was  addressing  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fisher,  of  Chicka- 
wungaree  Villa. 

They  glance  at  one  another,  and  Lecoq  glances 
at  them. 

He,  honest  man,  merely  touches  his  head  sig- 
nificantly and  winks  in  my  direction.  The  Fish- 
ers are  not,  however,  content  with  this  charitable 
criticism. 

"My  daughter  only  returned  from  her  semi- 
35 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

nary  in  Switzerland   four  da\'s   ago/'   says  Mrs. 
Fisher. 

"  And  she  has  never  visited  the  streets  of  London 
except  in  Mrs.  Fisher's  company,"  adds  her  spouse, 
with  a  look  of  what  is  either  dull  hatred  or  impend- 
ing apoplex\'. 

Even  at  that  crisis  nw  wits  did  not  desert  me. 

"My  faith!"  I  cry,  "I  must  be  mistaken!  It  is 
not,  then.  Miss  Fisher  whom  I  worship!  A  thou- 
sand pardons,  sir,  and  I  beg  of  3'ou  to  convey  them 
to  the  lady  whom  I  disturbed  under  a  misappre- 
hension!" 

At  this  there  is  a  pause,  nobody  volunteering  to 
run  with  this  message  to  the  bedside  of  Miss  Fisher, 
though  I  glance  ])ointcdly  £it  Holmes,  and  even 
make  the  money  in  my  ])ocket  jingle.  At  last 
comes  a  sound  of  stifled  air  trying  to  force  a  passage 
through  something  dense.  It  proceeds,  I  notice, 
from  my  friend  Fisher.  Then  it  becomes  a  more 
articulate  though  scarcely  less  disagreeable  noise. 

"  I  do  not  believe  a  word  you  say,  sir!"  he  booms. 

"My  friend,  you  are  an  agnostic,"  I  reply,  with 
a  smile. 

Fisher  only  breathes  with  more  ai)parent  difti- 
culty  than  ever.  He  is  evidently  going  to  deal  a 
heavy  blow  this  time.     It  falls. 

"  I  charge  this  person  with  being  concerned  in 
the  ])urglary  at  Mrs.  Thompson's  house  last  night, 
and  with  trying  to  burgle  mine,"  says  he. 

He  pauses,  and  then  delivers  another: 
36 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

"He  has  confessed  to  being  an  Italian." 

The  constables  prick  up  their  ears. 

"The  organ-grinder!"  exclaims  Holmes,  with 
more  excitement  than  I  had  thought  him  capable  of. 

"  The  man  as  made  the  butler  drunk  and  gagged 
the  cook!"  cries  Lecoq. 

Here  is  a  fine  situation  for  a  political  fugitive! 
I  am  indignant.  I  am  pathetic.  'No  use.  I  ex- 
])lain  frankly  that  I  came  to  see  Mr.  Hankey.  That 
only  deepens  suspicion,  for  it  seems  that  the  excel- 
lent Hankey  inhabited  Mount  Olympus  House  next 
door  for  only  three  weeks,  and  departed  a  month 
ago  without  either  paying  his  rent  or  explaining 
the  odor  of  dead  bodies  proceeding  from  his  cellars. 
Doubtless  my  French  friends  had  acted  for  the 
best  in  sending  me  to  him,  but  would  that  he  had 
taken  the  trouble  to  inform  them  of  his  change  of 
address!  And  then,  why  had  I  ever  thought  of 
being  an  Italian?  It  appeared  now  that  a  gentle- 
man of  that  nationality,  having  won  the  confidence 
of  the  Thompson  children  and  the  Thompson  ser- 
vants by  his  skill  upon  the  hand-organ,  had  basely 
misused  it  in  the  fashion  indicated  by  Lecoq.  Cer- 
tainly it  was  hard  to  see  why  such  a  skilled  artist 
should  have  returned  the  very  next  night  to  a  house 
three  doors  away,  and  then  Ijungled  his  business 
so  shamefulh^;  but  that  argument  is  beyond  the 
imagination  of  my  bobbies.  In  fact,  they  seem 
only  too  pleased  to  find  a  thief  so  ready  to  meet 
them  half-way. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  Thank  you,  vsir,"  says  Holmes,  cit  the  conchi- 
sion  of  the  painful  vscenc.  "  We  shouldn't  mhid 
a  drop." 

This  means  that  they  are  about  to  be  rewarded 
for  their  share  in  the  capture  by  a  glass  of  Fisher's 
ale.  And  I?  Well,  I  am  not  to  have  any  ale, 
but  I  am  to  accompany  them  to  the  cells,  and  next 
morning  make  my  appearance  before  the  magis- 
trate on  one  charge  of  burglary  and  another  of 
attempted  burglary. 

I  cannot  resist  one  parting  shot  at  my  late  host. 

"Yes,  Fisher,"  I  remark,  critically,  showing  no 
hurry  to  leave  the  room,  "  I  like  thcit  portrait  of 
you.  It  has  all  your  plain,  well-fed,  plum-pudding 
appearance,  without  your  unpleasant  manner  of 
breathing  and  your  ridiculous  conversation — and 
it  is  not  married  to  Mrs.  Fisher." 

To  this  there  is  no  reply.  Indeed,  I  do  not  think 
they  recovered  their  senses  for  at  least  ten  min- 
utes after  I  left  the  room. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   V 

"  The  comedy  of  the  law   is  probably  the 
chief  diversion  of  the  angels." 

— La  Rabide. 


VER  the  rest  of  that  night  I  shall 
9^9  draw  a  veil.  I  was  taken  to  New- 
f  J  ^  gate,  immured  in  the  condemned  cell, 
^  and  left  to  my  reflections.  They  were 
sombre  enough,  I  assure  you.  Young, 
ambitious,  ardent,  I  sat  there  in  that  foreign  prison, 
without  a  friend,  without  a  hope.  If  I  state  the 
truth  about  myself,  this  excuse  will  be  seized  for 
sending  me  back  to  France.  And  what  then? 
Another  prison!  If  I  keep  my  identity  concealed, 
how  shall  I  prove  that  I  am  not  the  burgling 
musician  ? 

As  you  can  well  imagine,  I  vslept  little  and 
dreamed  much.  I  was  only  thankful  I  had  no 
parents  to  mourn  my  loss,  for  by  this  time  I  had 
quite  made  up  my  mind  that  the  organ-grinder's 
antecedents  would  certainly  hang  me. 

39 


THE  ADFENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

I  cursed  Fisher,  I  cursed  the  League,  I  cursed 
F.  II,  that  indefatigable  conspirator  who  had 
dragged  me  from  a  comfortable  hotel  and  a  safe 
alias  to — what?  The  scaffold ;  ah,  3'es,  the  scaf- 
fold! 

It  may  sound  amusing  now,  when  I  am  still  un- 
hanged ;  but  it  was  far  from  amusing  then,  I  assure 
you. 

Well,  the  morning  broke  at  last,  and  I  was  led, 
strongly  escorted  by  the  twins  Lecoq  and  Holmes, 
towards  the  venerable  law-court  at  Westminster. 
I  recognized  the  judge,  the  jury,  the  witnesses, 
and  the  counsel,  though  my  thoughts  were  too 
engrossed  to  take  a  careful  note  of  these.  In 
fact,  in  writing  this  account  I  am  to  some  ex- 
tent dependent  on  reports  of  other  trials.  They 
are  all  much  the  Scime,  I  understand,  difTer- 
ing  chiefly  as  one  or  more  judges  sit  upon  the 
bench. 

In  this  case  there  was  only  one,  a  little  gentle- 
man with  a  shrewd  eye  and  a  dry  voice — a  typictil 
hanging  judge,  I  said  to  myself.  I  prepared  for 
the  worst. 

First  comes  the  formal  accusation.  I,  giving 
the  name  of  Dugcild  Celkirini,  am  a  blood-thirsty 
burglar.  Such,  in  brief,  is  the  charge,  although 
its  deadly  significance  is  partly  obscured  by  the 
discreet  phraseology  of  the  law. 

Then  my  friend  Holmes  enters  the  box,  stiff 
and  evidently  nervous,  and  in  a  htdting  voice  and 

40 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

incoherent  manner  (which  in  France  would  in- 
evitably heivc  led  to  his  bein^  placed  in  the  dock 
himself)  he  describes  the  clever  way  I  was  caught 
by  himself  and  the  astute  Lecoq.  So  mislead- 
ing is  his  account  of  my  guilty  demeanor  and 
suspicious  conduct,  that  I  instantly  resolve  to 
cross-examine  him.  Politely  but  firmly  I  re- 
quest the  judge's  permission.  It  is  granted,  and 
I  can  see  there  is  a  stir  of  excitement  in  the 
court. 

"Did  I  struggle  with  you?"  I  ask. 

Holmes,  turning  redder  than  ever,  admits  that 
I  did  not. 

"  Did  I  knock  you  down?    Did  I  seek  to  escape?" 

No,  Holmes  was  not  knocked  down,  nor  had  I 
tried  to  escape  from  the  representatives  of  the  law. 

"  And  why,  if  I  was  a  burglar,  did  I  not  do  these 
things?" 

"You  wasn't  big  enough,"  says  Holmes. 

Well,  I  admit  he  had  the  adv^antage  of  me  there. 
The  court,  prejudiced  against  me  as  they  were, 
laughed  with  Holmes,  but  at  the  next  bout  I  re- 
turned his  lunge  with  interest. 

"What  did  Fisher  give  you  to  drink?"  I  ask. 

The  question  is  dismissed  by  my  vindictive 
judge  as  irrelevant,  but  I  have  thrown  Holmes 
into  great  confusion  and  made  the  court  smile 
with  me. 

"That  is  all,"  I  say,  in  the  tone  of  a  conqueror, 
and   thereupon  Lecoq  takes  the  place  of  Holmes, 

41 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

and  in  precisely  the  same  manner,  and  with  the 
same  criminal  look  of  abasement,  repeats  almost 
exactly  the  same  words. 

Against  him  I  design  a  different  line  of  counter- 
attack. I  remember  his  jealousy  when  I  spoke  of 
the  servants,  and,  if  possible,  I  shall  discredit  his 
testimony  by  an  assault  upon  his  character.  As- 
suming an  encouraging  air,  I  ask: 

"You  know  the  servants  at  Fisher's  house?" 

He  stammers,  "Yes." 

"  With  one  in  particular  you  are  well  acquaint- 
ed?" 

He  looks  at  the  judge  for  protection,  but  so  little 
is  my  line  of  attack  suspected  th£it  the  judge  only 
gazes  at  us  in  rapt  attention. 

"I  do,"  says  Lecoq,  after  a  horribly  incrimi- 
nating pause. 

"Now  tell  me  this,"  I  demand,  sternly.  "Have 
you  alwa\\s  behaved  towards  her  as  an  honorable 
policeman?" 

Would  you  believe  it?  This  question  also  is 
disallowed!  But  I  think  I  have  damaged  Lecoq 
all  the  same. 

Next  comes  Fisher,  red -faced,  more  pompous 
than  ever,  and  inspired,  I  can  see,  with  vindictive 
hatred  towards  myself.  It  appears  that  he  is  a 
London  merchant ;  that  his  daughter  heard  a  ta]> 
ping  on  her  window  cUid  called  her  father;  that  he 
and  his  servant  caught  me  in  the  act  of  entering 
the  chaste  bedchamber  through  a  broken  window. 

42 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

At  this  point  1  ask  if  I  niciy  put  a  question.  The 
judge  says  yes. 

"How  nmch  glass  fell  out?"  I  ask. 

"  Half  a  pane,"  says  he. 

"And  the  rest  stayed  in?" 

He  has  to  admit  that  it  did;  very  ungraciously, 
however. 

"How  many  panes  to  the  window?" 

He  cannot  answer  this;  but  the  judge,  much  to 
my  surprise,  comes  to  the  rescue  and  elicits  the 
fact  that  there  are  six. 

"  How  far  had  I  gone  through  a  twelfth  of  your 
window?"  I  ask. 

His  face  gets  redder,  and  there  is  a  laugh  through 
the  court.  I  feel  that  I  have  "scored  a  try,"  as 
they  say,  and  my  spirits  l^egin  to  rise  again. 

But,  alas !  they  are  soon  damped.  Mrs.  Thomp- 
son's butler  steps  into  the  witness-box,  and  a  more 
shameless  liar  I  have  never  heard.  Yes,  he  re- 
members an  organ-grinder  coming  to  the  house 
on  various  occasions  during  the  past  fortnight. 
Here  I  interpose. 

"What  did  he  play?"  I  ask. 

"Not  being  interested  in  such  kinds  of  music, 
I  cannot  say." 

"Possibly  you  have  a  poor  ear?"  I  suggest. 

"My  ear  is  as  right  as  some  people's,  but  it  has 
not  been  accustomed  to  the  hand-organ,"  says 
the  butler,  with  a  magnificence  that  seems  to  im- 
press even  the  judge. 

43 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  You  should  have  it  boxed,  my  friend/'  I  cannot 
help  retorting,  though  I  fear  this  does  not  meet  the 
unqualified  approval  of  the  judge. 

Next  he  is  asked  for  an  account  of  his  dealings 
with  the  musician  when  that  gentleman  visited  the 
kitchen  upon  the  night  of  the  burglary,  and  it  ap- 
pears that,  shortly  after  the  grinder's  departure, 
he  lost  consciousness  with  a  completeness  and 
rapidity  that  can  only  have  been  caused  by  some 
insidious  drug  surreptitiously  introduced  into  the 
glass  of  beer  he  happened  to  be  finishing  at  that 
moment.  He  scorns  the  insinuation  (made  by 
myself)  that  he  and  the  musician  were  drinking 
together;  he  would  not  so  far  demean  himself. 
That  outcast  did,  however,  on  one  occasion,  ap- 
proach suspiciously  near  his  half-empty  glass. 

"Well,"  I  remark,  with  a  smile,  "the  moral  is 
that  next  time  you  should  provide  your  guests 
with  glasses  of  their  own." 

Again  I  score,  but  quickly  he  has  his  revenge. 
Does  he  recognize  me  as  the  organ-grinder?  he  is 
asked.  He  is  not  sure  of  the  face,  not  taking  par- 
ticvilar  notice  of  persons  of  that  description,  but — 
he  is  ready  to  swear  to  my  voice! 

It  seems,  then,  that  I  have  the  same  accent  as 
an  Italian  organ-grinder!  I  bow  ironically,  but  the 
sarcasm,  I  fear,  is  lost. 

"What  is  so  distinctive  about  this  voice  I  share 
with  your  Italian  boon  companion?"  I  inquire, 
suavely. 

44 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

lie  evidently  dislikes  the  innuendo,  but,  in  the 
presence  of  so  many  of  his  betters,  decides  to  re- 
taliate only  by  counter  -  sarcasm.  "It's  what  I 
call  an  unedicated  voice/'  says  he. 

"Uneducated  Italian  or  uneducated  English?" 
I  inquire. 

"Italian,"  he  replies,  with  the  most  consum- 
mate assurance. 

"You  know  Italian?" 

"Having  travelled  in  Italy,  I  am  not  altogether 
unfamiliar,"  he  answers. 

I  then  put  to  him  a  simple  Italian  sentence. 

"  What  does  that  mean,  and  is  it  educated  or  un- 
educated?" I  ask. 

"  It  means  something  that  I  should  not  care  for 
his  lordshij)  to  hear,  and  is  the  remark  of  a  thor- 
oughly uneducated  person,"  he  retorts. 

The  court  roars,  and  some  even  cheer  the  wit- 
ness. For  m\\self,  I  am  compelled  to  join  the 
laughter — the  impudence  is  so  colossal. 

"  My  lord,"  I  say  to  the  judge,  "  this  distinguished 
scholar  has  so  delicate  a  mind  that  I  should  only 
scandalize  him  b\^  asking  further  questions." 

So  the  butler  retires  with  such  an  air  of  self- 
satisfaction  that  I  could  have  shot  him,  and  the 
gagged  cook  takes  his  place. 

This  young  woman  is  not  ill-looking,  and  is 
very  abashed  at  having  to  make  this  public  ap- 
pearance. It  appears  that  her  glimpse  of  the 
burglar  was  brief,  as  with  commendable  prudence 

45 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

he  rapidly  fastened  her  night-shift  over  her  head, 
but  in  that  ghnipse  she  recognized  my  mustache! 

"Could  she  tell  how  it  felt?"  I  ask. 

The  point  is  appreciated  by  the  court,  though 
not,  I  fear,  by  the  judge,  who  looks  at  me  as  though 
calculating  the  droj)  he  should  allow.  Yes,  it  is 
all  very  well  to  jest  about  my  mustache,  but  to  be 
hanged  by  it,  that  is  a  different  affair.  And  the 
case  is  very  black  against  me. 

"Has  the  prisoner  any  witnesses  to  call?"  asks 
the  judge. 

"No,"  I  rejily,  "  but  I  shall  make  you  a  speech." 

And  thereupon  I  delight  them  with  the  follow- 
ing oration,  an  oration  which  should  have  gone 
on  much  longer  than  it  did  but  for  a  most  unfore- 
seen interruption. 

"My  lord,  the  jury,  and  my  peers,"  I  begin — re- 
membering so  much  from  my  historical  stories — 
"  T  am  entirely  guiltless  of  this  extraordinary  and 
infamous  charge.  No  one  but  such  a  man  as 
Fi.sher  would  have  brought  it!"  [Here  I  point 
my  finger  at  the  unhappy  tenant  of  Chickawun- 
garec.]  "No  one  else  of  the  brave  Rngli.sh  woidd 
have  stooped  to  injure  an  innocent  and  defenceless 
stranger!  As  to  the  butler  and  the  cook,  you  have 
seen  their  mitruthful  faces,  you  have  heard  their 
incredible  testimony.  T  say  no  more  regarding 
them.  The  policemen  have  only  shown  that  they 
found  me  an  miwilling  and  insulted — though  in- 
vited— guest  of  the  perfidious  Fisher.      What  harm, 

46 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

then?  Have  you  never  been  the  unwiUing  guests 
of  a  distasteful  host? 

"Who  am  I?  Why  did  I  visit  such  a  person  as 
Fisher?  I  shall  tell  you.  I  am  a  French  subject, 
a  traveller  in  England.  Only  yesterday  I  arrived  in 
London.  How  can  I,  then,  have  burgled  Miidame 
Thompson?  Impossible!  Absurd!  I  had  not  set 
my  foot  upon  the  shores  of  England — " 

At  this  point  the  judge,  in  his  dry  voice,  inter- 
rupts me  to  ask  if  I  can  bring  any  witnesses  to 
prove  this  assertion. 

"Witnesses?"  I  exclaim,  not  knowing  what  the 
devil  to  add  to  this  dramatic  crj^  when,  behold! 
I  see,  sent  by  Providence,  a  3'oung  man  rising  from 
his  seat  in  the  court.  It  is  my  fair-haired  fellow- 
]:)assenger ! 

"May  I  give  evidence?"  says  he. 

"Though  your  name  be  Iscariot,  yes!"  I  cry. 

The  judge  frowns,  for  it  seems  the  demand  was 
addressed  to  him  and  not  to  me;  but  he  permits 
my  acquaintance  to  enter  the  box.  And  now  a 
doubt  assails  me.  What  will  he  say?  Add  still 
more  damaging  testimony,  or  prove  that  I  am 
the  harmless  Bun3'an? 

He  does  neither,  but  in  a  very  composed  and 
assured  fashion,  that  carries  conviction  with  it, 
he  tells  the  judge  that  he  travelled  with  me  from 
Paris  on  the  very  night  of  the  crime,  adding  that  I 
had  appeared  to  him  a  very  harmless  though  some- 
what eccentric  person.     Not  the  adjectives  I  should 

47 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

have  chosen  myself,  perhaps;  but,  I  assure  you,  I 
should  have  let  him  call  me  vulgar  or  dirty  with- 
out a  word  of  protest. 

Of  course  it  follows  that  I  cannot  be  the  musical 
burglar,  while  as  for  my  friend  Fisher,  that  worth\^ 
gentleman  is  so  disconcerted  at  the  turn  things 
have  taken  that  he  seems  as  anxious  to  withdraw 
his  share  of  the  charge  as  he  was  to  make  it. 

I  am  saved ;  the  case  breaks,  down. 

"How's  that?"  says  the  judge. 

"Guiltless!"  cries  the  \\xxy. 

And  so  I  am  a  free  man  once  more,  and  the  cook 
must  swear  to  another  mustache. 

The  first  thing  I  do  is  to  seize  my  witness  and 
drag  him  from  the  court,  repeating  my  thanks  all 
the  while. 

"But  how  did  you  come  to  be  in  court?"  I  ask. 

"Oh,  I  happen  to  be  a  barrister,"  he  explains. 
"I  came  in  about  another  case,  and,  finding  you'd 
been  burgling,  I  thought  I'd  stay  and  see  the  fun." 

"Your  case  must  take  care  of  itself;  come  and 
lunch  with  me." 

Yes,  he  can  escape.  His  case  will  not  come  on 
to-day,  as  mine  has  taken  so  long;  and  so  we  go 
forth  together  to  begin  a  friend.ship  that  I  trust 
may  always  endure. 

And  to  this  day  I  have  never  paid  for  Fisher's 
broken  pane  of  glass. 


THE  ADJ/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter  VI 

"On  earth  men  style  him  'Richard,' 
'Bui  the  gods  hail  him  'Dick!'" 

— An  English  Poet  (adapted). 


?  FRIEND  in  need/'  say  the  English, 
^^  5^  "  is  a  friend  indeed. "     And  who  could 

>y  <%  be  more  in  need  of  a  friend  than  I  at 
^  that  moment?  It  was  like  the  roll- 
?  ing  up  of  London  fog-banks  and  the 
smile  of  the  sun  peeping  through  at  last.  No 
longer  was  I  quite  alone  in  my  exile.  If  you  have 
ever  wandered  solitary  through  an  unknown  city, 
listened  to  a  foreign  tongue  and  to  none  other, 
eaten  alien  viands,  fallen  into  strange  misadvent- 
ures, and  all  without  a  single  friendly  ear  to 
confide  your  troubles  to,  you  will  sympathize  with 
the  joyous  swelling  of  my  heart  as  I  faced  my 
barrister  at  that  luncheon. 

And  he,  I  assure  you,  was  a  very  other  person 
from  the  indifferent  Englishman  of  the  journey. 
The  good  heart  was  showing    through,  still  ob- 
♦  49 


THE  ADf^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

scured  as  it  was  by  the  self-contained  manner  and 
the  remnants  of  that  suspicion  with  which  every 
Briton  is  taught  to  regard  the  insinuating  Euro- 
pean. 

I  have  already  given  you  a  sketch  of  his  exterior 
— the  smooth,  fair  hair,  the  ruddy  cheek,  the  clear 
eye,  and,  I  should  add,  the  compressed  and  resolute 
mouth ;  also,  not  least,  the  admirable  fit  of  his  gar- 
ments. Now  I  can  fill  in  the  picture :  Name,  to 
begin  with,  Richard  Shafthead;  younger  son  of 
honest,  conservative  baronet ;  eldest  brother  pro- 
vided with  an  income,  I  gather,  Dick  with  injunc- 
tions to  earn  one.  Hence  attendance  at  courts 
of  justice,  a  respectable  gravity  of  apparel,  and 
that  compression  of  the  lips.  In  speech,  courteous 
upon  a  slight  acquaintance,  though  without  any 
excessive  anxiety  to  please;  on  greater  intimacy, 
very  much  to  the  point  without  regarding  much 
the  susceptibilities  of  his  audience.  Yet  this  blunt- 
ness  was,  tempered  always  by  good  -  fellowship, 
and  sometimes  by  a  smile;  and  beneath  it  flowed, 
deep  down,  and  scarcely  ever  bubbling  into  the 
light  of  day,  a  stream  of  sentiment  that  linked  him 
with  the  poetr}^  of  his  race.  IVIy  friend  Shafthead 
would  have  laughed  outright  had  you  told  him 
this.  Nevertheless  this  secret  is  the  skeletoii  in 
the  respectable  English  cupboard.  Your  John 
Bull  is  an  edifice  of  sentiment  jealously  covered 
by  a  hoarding  on  which  are  displayed  advertise- 
ments of  pills  and  other  practical  commodities.     It 

50 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

is  his  one  fear  lest  any  one  should  discover  this 
preposterous  and  hideous  erection  is  not  the  real 
building. 

Dick's  only  comment  on  the  above  statement 
would  probably  be  that  I  had  mixed  my  metaphors 
or  had  exceeded  at  lunch.  But  he  is  shrewd  enough 
to  know  in  his  heart  that  I  have  but  spoken  the 
truth,  even  though  my  metaphors  were  as  hetero- 
geneous as  the  ark  of  Noah.  How  else  can  you 
explain  the  astonishing  contrast  between  those 
who  write  the  songs  of  England  and  those  whose 
industry  enables  them  to  recompense  the  singers? 

No  doubt  there  is  a  noticeable  difference  between 
the  poet  and  the  people  in  every  land  and  every 
race,  but  in  England  it  is  so  staggering.  The 
hair  of  the  English  poet  is  so  very  long,  his  eye  so 
very  frenzied,  his  voice  so  steeped  in  emotion,  so 
buoyed  by  melody.  Even  his  prose  appeals  to  the 
heart  rather  than  to  the  head.  Thackeray  weeps 
as  he  writes  of  good  women;  Scott  blushes  as  he 
writes  of  bad.  No  one  is  cynical  but  the  villains. 
The  heroines  are  all  pure  as  the  best  cocoa. 

Then  look  at  the  check  suits  and  the  stony  ej^es 
of  Mr.  Cook's  protegees.  Do  they  understand 
what  Tennyson  has  written  for  them?  If  not, 
why  do  thc}^  pay  for  it? 

John  Bull  and  John  Milton;  William  Bull  and 
William  Shakespeare ;  Lord  Bull  and  Lord  Byron ; 
Charles  Bull  and  Charles  Dickens;  how  are  these 
couples  related?    By  this  religious,  moral,  senti- 

51 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

mental  stream;  welling  in  one,  hidden  in  another 
under  ten  tons  of  shyness  and  roast  beef ;  a  torrent 
here,  a  trickle  there,  sometimes  almost  dry  in  a 
dusty  season.     That  is  how. 

Does  Dick  again  recommend  teetotalism  as  a 
cure  for  these  speculations?  Come  with  me  to 
your  rooms,  my  friend,  and  let  us  glance  through 
your  library. 

I  take  up  a  volume  of  Shakespeare  and  find  it 
contains  the  sonnets. 

"Ah,  Shakespeare's  sonnets,"  I  say,  with  an  air 
of  patronage  towards  that  eminent  poet.  "  You 
know  them?" 

"Used  to  know  'em  a  little."  He  is  giving  me 
another  taste  of  that  characteristic  British  stare. 
Evidently  he  is  offended  by  my  tone,  and  will  fall 
an  easy  victim  to  my  next  move. 

"They  are  much  overrated,"  I  say,  putting  the 
book  away. 

"You  should  write  to  the  Times  about  it,"  he 
replies,  sarcastically,  and  then  adds,  with  convic- 
tion, "  They  are  about  the  finest  things  in  English." 

"Yet  no  Englishman  reads  them,"  I  remark, 
lightly. 

"I  used  to  know  half  a  dozen  of  'em  bj'  heart," 
he  retorts. 

Half  a  dozen  of  those  miracles  of  sensuous  dic- 
tion off  by  heart!  Prosaic  Briton!  I  do  not  say 
this  aloud,  but  take  next  the  songs  of  Kipling,  and 
profess  not  to  understand  one  of  them.     To  con- 

52 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

vince  me  it  is  not  mere  nonsense,  he  reads  and  ex- 
pounds. 

He  has  been  round  the  world,  and  shot  wild 
beasts  on  the  veldt  and  in  the  jungle,  and  can  ex- 
plain allusions  and  share  exotic  sentiments. 

Is  this  man  mere  plum-pudding  and  international 
perfidy,  who  feels  thus  the  glamour  of  the  song? 

"Ah,  here  is  a  novel  of  Zolal"  I  exclaim.  "  You 
enjoy  him,  of  course?" 

"A  filthy  brute,"  says  Dick.  "I  read  half  of 
that,  and  I  am  keeping  it  now  for  shaving-papers." 

There  is  perhaps  more  strength  of  conviction 
than  critical  judgment  in  this  comment.  I  might 
retort  that  all  the  water  in  the  world  neither  has 
been  passed  through  a  filter  nor  foams  over  a  fall, 
and  that  the  pond  and  the  gutter  have  their  purpose 
in  the  world.  I  do  not  make  this  reply,  however; 
I  merely  note  that  a  strong  sentiment  must  underlie 
a  strong  prejudice. 

As  you  will  perhaps  have  gathered,  my  good 
Dick  had  his  limitations.  He  could  be  sympa- 
thetic; if,  for  instance,  he  were  to  see  me  insult- 
ed, beaten,  robbed  of  my  purse  and  my  mistress, 
and  blinded  in  one  eye,  he  would,  I  am  sure,  feel 
for  me  deeply,  and  show  himself  most  tactful  in 
his  consolation.  But  it  would  require  some  such 
well-marked  instance  to  open  the  gates  of  his  heart ; 
and  in  minor  matters  I  should  not  dream  of  apply- 
ing to  him,  unless,  indeed,  it  was  a  practical  service 
he  could  perform. 

53 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

He  himself  had  held  his  peace  and  confided  in 
no  one  when  his  fair  cousin  married  the  wealthy 
manufacturer  of  soda-water,  and  his  heart  had 
long  since  healed.  In  the  days  of  his  wild  oats, 
when  duns  were  knocking  at  his  door,  he  had  re- 
tired from  St.  James  Street  to  a  modest  apartment 
in  the  Temple,  sold  such  of  his  effects  as  were  mar- 
ketable, and  philosophically  sought  a  cheap  res- 
taurant and  a  coarser  tobacco.  His  debts  were 
now  paid  and  all  was  well  again.  When  he  did 
not  get  the  degree  he  was  expected  to  at  Oxford, 
he  may  have  said  "  damn,"  but  I  doubt  if  he  en- 
larged on  this  observation.  What  did  that  disa}> 
pointment  matter  to-day?  Then  wh^^  should  other 
people  make  a  fuss  if  they  were  hurt? 

Yet  his  heart  was  as  a  child's  if  3"ou  could  ex- 
tract it  from  its  wrapi^ings  of  tin-foil  and  brown 
paper,  and  I  am  happy  I  knew  him  long  enough 
to  see  him  "play  the  fool,"  as  he  would  term  it. 

On  that  first  afternoon  of  our  acquaintance  I 
found  him  courteous  before  lunch,  genial  after  (I 
took  care  to  "make  him  proud,"  as  the  English 
sa\').  I  was  perfectly  frank;  told  him  my  true 
name,  the  plot  that  had  miscarried,  my  flight  to 
England — everx^thing. 

"I  am  not  Bunyan,  I  am  not  even  Cellarini, 
but  merely  Augustine  d'Haricot,  eternally  at  your 
ser\ice,"  I  said.  "  You  have  saved  me  from  prison, 
perhaps  from  the  scaffold." 

He  laughed. 

54 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"It  wouldn't  have  been  as  bad  as  that,  but  Vm 
glad  to  have  been  of  any  use." 

And  then  changing  the  subject,  as  an  English- 
man does  when  complimented  (for  they  hold  that 
either  you  lie  and  are  a  knave,  or  tell  the  truth  and 
are  a  fool),  he  asked: 

"What  are  you  going  to  do  now?" 

"That  depends  upon  your  advice,"  I  replied. 
"What  is  my  danger?  How  wise  is  it  to  move 
freely  in  this  country?" 

"  There  is  no  danger  at  all  if  it  is  only  a  politi- 
cal offence,"  he  answered.  "  Unless  you've  been 
picking  pockets,  or  anything  else  as  well." 

I  answered  him  I  had  not,  and  he  promised  to 
inquire  into  the  case  and  give  me  a  full  assurance 
on  the  next  morning. 

"And  now,"  I  said,  "tell  me,  my  friend,  how  to 
live  as  an  Englishman.  I  do  not  mean  to  adopt 
the  English  mind,  the  English  sentiment,  but  only 
to  move  in  your  world,  so  long  as  I  must  live  in 
it.  I  want  to  see,  I  want  to  hear,  I  want  to  re- 
cord my  impressions  and  my  adventures.  As  the 
time  is  not  ripe  to  wield  the  sword,  I  shall  wield 
the  eyes  and  the  pen.  Also,  I  shall  doubtless  fall 
in  love,  and  I  should  like  to  hunt  a  fox  and  shoot 
a  pheasant." 

We  laughed  together  at  this  programme;  in 
brief,  we  made  a  good  beginning. 

That  afternoon  we  set  out  together  to  look  for 
suitable  apartments  for  myself,  and  by  a  happy 

55 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

chance  we  had  hardly  gone  a  hundred  paces  be- 
fore we  spied  a  gentleman  approaching  us  whom 
Shafthead  declared  to  be  a  veritable  authority  on 
London  life;  also  a  cousin  of  his  own. 

"But  will  he  not  be  busy?"  I  inquired. 

"Young  devil,"  answered  Shafthead,  "it  will 
serve  to  keep  him  out  of  mischief  for  an  hour  or 
two." 

Thereupon  I  was  presented  to  IVIr.  Teddy  Lummc, 
a  young  gentleman  of  small  stature,  with  a  small, 
cheerful,  clean  -  shaven,  dark  face,  and  a  large 
hat  that  sloped  backward  and  sideways  towards 
a  large  collar.  His  elbows  moved  as  though 
he  were  driving  a  cab;  his  boots  shone  brightly 
enough  to  serve  for  mirrors ;  his  morning  -  coat 
was  cut  in  imitation  of  the  "pink"  of  a  hunts- 
man ;  a  large  mass  of  variegated  silk  was  fastened 
beneath  his  collar  by  a  neat  pearl  pin;  in  a  word, 
he  belonged  to  a  type  that  is  universal,  yet  this 
specimen  was  unmistakably  English.  In  age  I 
learned  afterwards  that  he  was  just  twenty-five, 
emancipated  for  little  more  than  a  year  from  the 
University  of  Oxford,  and  still  enjoying  the  relief 
from  the  rigorous  rules  of  that  institution.  No 
accusation  of  reticence  to  be  made  against  Mr. 
Lumme!  He  talked  all  the  time,  cheerfully  and 
artlessly. 

"You  want  rooms?"  he  said.  "Quelle  chose? 
I  mean,  don't  you  know,  what  kind?  I  don't  know 
much  French,  I'm  afraid.     Oh,  vou  talk  English? 

56 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Devilish  glad  to  hear  it.  I  say,  Dick,  you  remem- 
ber that  girl  I  told  you  of?  Well,  it's  just  as  I  said. 
I  knew,  damn  it  all.  What  do  you  want  to  give?" 
(This  to  me.)  "You  don't  care  much?  That 
simplifies  matters." 

In  this  strain  Mr.  Lumme  entertained  us  on  our 
way,  Shafthead  regarding  him  with  a  half-amused, 
half  -  sardonic  grin,  of  which  his  relative  seemed 
entirely  oblivious,  while  I  enjoyed  myself  amaz- 
ingly. I  felt  like  Captain  Cook  on  the  gallant 
Marchand  palavering  with  the  chiefs  of  some 
equatorial  state. 

"  I  demand  a  cold  bath  and  an  English  servant," 
I  said.  "Anything  else  characteristic  you  can 
add,  but  those  are  essential." 

I  do  not  know  whether  Lumme  quite  understood 
this  to  be  a  jest.  He  took  me  to  three  sets  of  apart- 
ments, and  at  each 
asked  first  to  be 
shown  the  bath- 
room, and  then  the 
servant,  after  which 
he  inquired  the  price, 
and  whether  a  ten- 
ant was  at  liberty  to 
introduce  any  guest 
at  any  hour. 

Finally,  to  end  the  story  of  that  day,  which  began 
in  jail  and  ended  so  merrily,  I  found  myself  the 
tenant    of  a  highly  comfortable  set  of  apartments, 

57 


ocoU  tatkanJ 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

with  everj^hing  but  the  valet  supphed  at  an  as- 
tonishingly high  price. 

"However/'  I  said  to  myself,  "it  may  be  ex- 
pensive, but  it  is  better  than  ten  years'  transporta- 
tion for  burgling  Fisher!" 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter  VII 


"Little,  cheerful,  and  honest — do  you  not 
know  the  species}" 

— -KOVALEFFSKI. 


HAD  left  my  hotel  and  settled  in  my 
9^  ^  apartments ;  the  labels  with  "  Nelson 

^  /  ^  Bunyan  "  were  removed  from  my  lug- 
■%  *%  gage ;   I  had   been   assured  that  so 

^^^^^  long  as  I  remained  on  English  soil  I 
was  safe.  Next  thing  I  must  find  a  servant;  one 
who  should  "  know  the  ropes "  of  an  English  life. 
Lumme  had  promised  to  make  inquiries  for  me, 
and  I  had  impressed  upon  him  that  the  following 
things  were  essential — in  fact,  I  declared  that  with- 
out them  I  should  never  entertain  an  application 
for  one  instant.  First,  he  must  be  of  such  an  ap- 
pearance as  would  do  me  credit,  whether  equipped 
in  the  livery  I  had  already  designed  for  him,  in  the 
cast-off  suits  I  should  provide  him  with,  or  in  the 
guise  of  an  attendant  at  the  chase  or  upon  the 
moors.     Then,  that  he  must  be  honest  enough  to 

59 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

trust  in  the  room  with  a  handful  of  mixed  change, 
sober  enough  to  leave  alone  with  a  decanter,  dis- 
cerning enough  to  arrange  an  odd  lot  of  sixteen 
boots  into  eight  pairs,  cleanly  enough  to  pack  col- 
lars without  soiling  them.  Finally,  he  must  be 
polite,  obliging,  industrious,  discreet,  and,  if  pos- 
sible, a  little  religious — not  sufficiently  so  to  crit- 
icise my  conduct,  but  enough  to  regulate  his 
own. 

I  wrote  this  list  down  and  handed  it  to  the  oblig- 
ing Teddy. 

"You  will  procure  him  by  this  afternoon?"  I 
said. 

"  I  know  a  man  who  keeps  a  Methodist  footman 
in  his  separate  establishment,"  answered  Lumme, 
after  a  moment's  reflection.  "That's  the  kind  of 
article  you  require,  I  suppose.  If  you  get  'em  too 
moral  there's  apt  to  be  a  screw  loose  somewhere, 
and  if  3"ou  get  'em  the  other  way  the  spoons  go. 
Well,  I  can't  promise,  but  I'll  do  my  best." 

So  this  amiable  young  man  departed,  and  I,  to 
pass  the  time,  walked  into  Piccadilly,  and  there 
took  my  seat  once  more  upon  the  top  of  an  omnibus 
to  enjoy  the  sunshine,  and  be  for  a  time  a  sj^ectator 
of  the  life  in  the  streets.  To  obtain  a  better  view 
I  sat  down  on  the  front  bench  close  to  the  driver's 
elbow,  and  we  had  not  gone  very  far  before  this 
individual  turned  to  me  and  remarked  with  a  cor- 
diality that  pleased  me  infinitely,  and  a  perspi- 
cacity that  astonished  me: 

60 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"Been  long  in  London,  sir?" 

"You  perceive  that  1  am  a  stranger,  then?"  I 
asked. 

"Well,"  said  the  man,  as  he  cracked  his  whip 
and  drove  his  lumbering  coach  straight  at  an  ori- 
fice between  two  cabs  just  wide  enough,  it  seemed 
to  me,  for  a  wheelbarrow,  "I'm  a  observer,  I  am. 
When  I  sees  that  speckled  tie  droopin'  from  a  collar 
of  unknown  horigin,  and  them  rum  kind  of  boots, 
I  says  to  myself  a  Rooshian,  for  'alf  a  sovereign. 
Come  from  Rooshia,  sir?" 

The  man's  naivete  delighted  me. 

"I  belong  to  an  allied  power,"  I  replied,  won- 
dering if  his  powers  of  observation  would  enable 
him  to  decide  my  nationality  now. 

He  seemed  to  debate  the  question  as,  with  an 
apropos  greeting  to  each  cabman,  his  'bus  bumped 
•them  to  the  side  and  sailed  down  the  middle  of  the 
street. 

"Native  o'  Manchuria,  perhaps?"  he  hazarded. 

"Not  quite;  try  again." 

"Siberia?"  he  suggested  next. 

Seeing  that  either  his  imagination  or  my  ap- 
pearance confined  his  speculations  to  Asia,  I  told 
him  forthwith  that  I  was  French. 

"French?"  he  said.  "Well,  now  I'm  surprised 
to  'ear  it,  sir.  If  you'll  excuse  me  saying  so,  you 
don't  look  like  no  Frenchman." 

"Why  not?"  I  asked. 

"I  always  thought  they  was  little  chaps,  no 
6i 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

bigger  than  a  monkey.  Why,  you're  quite  as 
tall  as  most  Englishmen." 

Considering  that  my  friend  could  not  possibly 
have  measured  more  than  five  feet,  two  inches,  and 
that  I  am  five  feet,  nine  inches,  in  my  socks,  I  was 
highly  diverted  by  this. 

"  Have  you  seen  many  Frenchmen?"  I  asked  him. 

"I  knew  one  once,"  he  replied,  after  a  minute 
or  two's  thought,  and  a  brief  interruption  to  invite 
some  ladies  on  the  pavement  to  enter  his  'bus. 
"'E  was  a  waiter  at  the  Bull's  'Ead,  'Ighbury.  I 
drove  a  'bus  that  way  then,  and  there  was  a  young 
lady  served  in  the  bar  'im  and  me  was  both  sweet 
on.  Nasty,  greasy  little  man  'e  was  —  meaning 
no  reflection  on  you,  sir.  They  couldn't  make  out 
where  the  fresh  butter  went,  and  when  'e  left — 
which  'e  'ad  to  for  kissing  the  missis  when  she 
wasn't  'erself,  'aving  'ad  a  drop  more  than  'er 
usual — do  you  know  what  they  found,  sir?" 

I  confessed  my  inability  to  guess  this  secret. 

"Why,  'e'd  put  it  all  on  'is  beastly  'air,  two 
pounds  a  week,  sir,  of  the  very  best  fresh  butter 
in  'Ighbury.  Perhaps,  sir,  I've  been  prejudiced 
against  Frenchmen  in  consequence." 

1  admitted  that  he  had  every  excuse,  and  asked 
him  whether  my  buttered  compatriot  had  won 
the  maiden's  affections  in  addition  to  his  other 
offences. 

"No,  sir,"  said  he,  "I'm  'appy  to  say  she  'ad 
more  sense.     More  sense  than  to  take  either  of 

62 


THE  ADyENTUR.ES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


us,"  he  added,  with  a  deep  sigh,  and  then,  as  if 
to  quench  melancholy  reflections,  hailed  another 
driver  who  was  passing  us  in  the  most  hilarious 
fashion. 

"  'Old  your  'at  on,  ole  man!"  he  shouted. 
"Them  opera-'ats  is  getting  scarce,  you  know!" 

The  other  driver, 
a  bottle-nosed  man,  "  '*^n.  .sKc  wasnt'eMeir, ' 

redeemed  only  from 
unusual  shabbiness 
by  the  head  -  gear 
in  question,  winked, 
leered,  and  made 
some  reply  about 
"not  'aving  such  a 
fat  head  underneath 
it  as  some  people." 

My  friend  turned  to  me  with  a  confidential  air. 

"You  saw  that  gentleman  as  I  addressed?"  he 
said,  in  an  impressive  voice.  "Well,  that  man 
was  driving  'is  own  kerridge  not  five  years  ago. 
On  the  Stock  Exchange  'e  was,  and  worth  ten 
thousand  a  year  if  'e  was  worth  a  penny;  'ouse 
in  Park  Lane,  and  married  to  the  daughter  of  a 
baronite.  'E's  told  me  all  that  'isself,  so  it's  true 
and  no  'umbug. 

"  'Ow  did  'e  lose  'is  money?  Hunfortunit  specu- 
lations and  consols  goin'  down ;  but  you,  being  a 
furriner,  won't  likely  understand." 

Looking  as  unsophisticated  as  possible,  I  pressed 
63 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


my    friend    for    an    explanation    of    these    mys- 
teries. 

"Well,"  said  he,  "it's  something  like  this:  If 
you  goes  on  the  Stock  Exchange  you  buys  what 
they  calls  consols — that's  stocks  and  shares  of  va- 
rious sorts  and  kinds, 
but  principally  mines 
in  Australia,  and  in- 
ventions for  to  make 
things  different  from 
what  they  is  at  pres- 
ent. That's  what's 
called  makin'  a  cor- 
ner, which  ain't  a  cor- 
ner exactly  in  the 
usual  sense  —  not  as 
used  in  England, 
that's  to  say,  but  a 
kind  o'  American  va- 
riety. 

"What,  0  Bill! 
Bloomin',  thank  you.  'Ow's  yourself?"  (This  to 
another  driver  passed  upon  the  road.) 

"As  I  was  sayin',  sir,  this  'ere  pore  friend  o' 
mine  speculated  in  consols,  and  prices  being  what 
they  calls  up,  and  then  shiftin',  he  loses  and  the 
bank  wins.  Inside  o'  twenty-four  hours  that  there 
gentleman  was  changed  from  one  of  the  richest 
men  in  the  city  into  a  pore  cove  a-looking  out  for 
a  job  like  you  and  me." 


the  vei-y 
Luttef  in 


64 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"And  he  chose  driving  an  omnibus?''  1  asked. 

"  'Adn't  got  no  choice.  He  was  too  much  of  a 
gentleman  to  sink  to  a  ordinary  perfession,  and 
drivin'  a  pair  o'  'orscs  seems  to  'im  more  in  keepin' 
with  'is  position  than  drivin'  one  'orse  in  a  cab, 
which  was  the  only  thing  left." 

He  paused,  and  then  shaking  his  head  with  an 
air  of  sentiment,  continued: 

"  Wunderful  'ow  sensitive  he  is,  sir.  He  wouldn't 
part  with  that  there  hopera-'at,  not  if  you  give 
him  five  'undred  pounds;  yet  he  can't  a-bear  to 
'ear  it  chipped,  not  except  in  a  kind  o'  delicate  way, 
same  as  I  did  just  now.  You  'eard  me,  sir?  '  Hop- 
era-'ats  is  scarce,'  says  I;  but  I  dursn't  sail  closer 
to  the  wind  nor  th£it.  'E'd  say,  '  'Old  your  jaw, 
Halfred,'  or  words  to  that  effec',  quick  enough. 
Comes  o'  being  bred  too  fine  for  the  job,  I  tells 
'im  often ;  I  says  it  to  'im  straight,  sir.  '  Comes 
o'  being  bred  too  fine  for  the  job,'  says  I." 

At  this  point  my  friend's  attention  was  called 
from  the  romantic  history  of  his  fellow-driver  to 
the  exigencies  of  their  common  profession,  and  I 
had  an  opportunity  of  studying  more  attentively 
this  entertaining  specimen  of  the  cockney. 

He  was,  as  I  have  said,  a  very  short  man,  from 
thirty  to  thirty-five  years  of  age,  I  judged,  red- 
cheeked  and  snub-nosed,  with  a  bright,  cheerful 
eye,  and  the  most  friendly  and  patronizing  manner. 
Yet  he  was  perfectly  respectful  and  civil,  despite 
his  knowledge  of  my  unfortunate  nationality.     In 

65 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

fact,  it  seemed  his  object  to  place  nie  as  far  as  possi- 
ble at  my  ease,  and  enable  me  to  forget  for  a  space 
the  blot  upon  my  origin. 

"There's  some  quite  clever  Frenchmen,  I've 
'eard  tell,"  he  said,  presently.  "That  there  'idro- 
phobia  man  —  and  Napoleon  Bonypartj",  in  his 
wa}^  too,  I  suppose,  though  we  don't  think  so 
much  of  'im  over  'ere." 

"I  am  sorrj^  to  hear  that,"  I  said. 

"Well,  sir,"  he  explained,  "we  believes  in  a 
man  'aving  his  fair  share  of  what's  goin'.  Like 
as  if  me  and  a  friend  goes  inter  a  public  'ouse,  and 
another  gentleman  he  comes  in  and  he  says, 
'What's  it  going  to  be  this  time?'  or,  'Name  your 
gargle,  gents,'  or  words  to  some  such  effec' ;  and 
we  says,  'Right  you  are,  old  man,'  and  'as  a  drink 
at  his  expense.  Now  it  wouldn't  be  fair  if  I  says 
to  the  young  ladj^ '  I'll  'ave  a  'ole  bottle  of  Scotch 
whiskey,  miss,  and  what  I  can't  drink  I'll  take 
'ome  in  a  noospaper,'  and  I  leaves  'im  to  pay 
for  all  that;  would  it,  sir?  Well,  that's  what 
Bonyparty  done;  'e  tried  to  get  more  nor  his 
.share  o'  what  was  goin'  in  Europe.  Not  that  it 
affec's  us  much,  we  being  able  to  take  care  of  our- 
selves, but  we  don't  like  to  see  it,  sir.  That's  'ow 
it  is." 

All  this  time  we  had  been  going  eastward  into 
the  city  of  London,  and  now  we  were  arrived  at 
the  most  extraordinary  scene  of  confusion  you  can 
possibly  imagine.     I  should  be  afraid  to  sa^^  how 

66 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

many  'buses  and  cabs  were  struggling  and  surg- 
ing in  a  small  open  space  at  the  junction  of  several 
streets.  Foot  -  passengers  in  hundreds  bustled 
along  the  pavements  or  dodged  between  the 
horses,  and,  immobile  in  the  midst  of  it,  the 
inevitable  policeman  appeared  actually  to  be  sift- 
ing this  mob  according  to  some  mysterious 
scheme. 

"  Cheer-0 1"  cried  my  friend  upon  the  box.  "  '0 vv's 
the  price  o'  lime-juice  this  morning? 

"  That  there's  wot  we  calls  the  Bank,  sir,  where 
the  Queen  keeps  'er  money,  and  the  Rothschilds 
and  the  like  o'  them ;  guarded  by  seven  'undred  of 
the  flower  o'  the  British  army,  it  is,  the  hofficer 
bein'  hinvariably  a  millionaire  hisself,  in  case  he's 
tempted  to  steal.  Garn  yerself  and  git  yer  face 
sj^ringed  w-ith  a  fire-'ose.  You  can't  clean  it  no  'ow 
else.  The  'andsome  hedifice  to  your  right,  sir,  is 
the  Mansion  'Ouse ;  not  the  station  of  that  name, 
but  the  'ome  of  the  Lord  Mayor;  kind  o'  governor 
of  the  city,  'e  is;  'as  a  hextraordinary  show  of  'is 
own  on  taking  the  hoath  of  hoffice;  people  comes 
all  the  way  from  Halgiers  and  San  Francisco  to 
see  it;  camels  and  'orses  got  up  like  chargers  of 
the  holden  time,  and  men  disguised  so  as  their 
own  girls  wouldn't  know^  'em.  Representing  harts, 
hindustries,  and  hempire,  that's  their  game.  Fleece- 
man,  them  there  bloomin'  whiskers  of  yours  will 
get  mowed  off  by  a  four-wheel  cab  some  day,  and 
then  'ow'U  vou  look?     Too  l^loomin'  funnv,  am  I? 

67 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


More'n   them   whiskers   is,   hinterfering   with   the 
traffic  hke  that. 

"Yes,  sir,  we  'as  a  rest  'ere  for  a  few  minutes; 
we  ain't  near  at  the  end  yet,  though." 

I  shall  leave  it  to  your  judgment  to  guess  which 
of  these  remarks  were  addressed  to  me  and  ^\•hich 

to  various  of  his 
countrj'mcn  in  this 
vortex  of  wheels  and 
human  beings.  For 
a  few  minutes  he 
now  sat  at  case 
in  a  quieter  street 
(though,  my  faith! 
no  street  in  this  city 
of  London  l)ut  would 
seem  busy  in  most  towns),  apparently  deliberating 
what  topic  to  enter  upon  next.  I  say  apparent- 
ly deliberating,  but  on  further  acquaintance  with 
my  good  "Halfred,"  as  he  called  himself  (the  a.s- 
])irated  form  of  "  Alfred "  used  by  the  cocknc}^  ; 
Alfred  being  the  name  of  England's  famous  mon- 
arch), I  came  to  the  conclusion  that  his  mind  never 
was  known  to  go  through  any  such  process.  What 
came  first  into  his  head  flew  straight  to  his  tongue, 
till  by  constant  use  that  organ  had  got  into  a 
state  of  unstable  ecjuilibrium,  like  the  tongue  of  a 
toy  mandarin,  that  oscillates  for  live  miiuiles  if 
you  moA'c  him  ex'cr  so  gently. 

In  a  word,  llalfred  was  an  inveleraile  cluitterbox. 
68 


THE  ADl/ENTUHES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

\\i\QW  had  I  been  that  very  compatriot  of  mine 
who  had  so  deeply,  and,  I  could  not  but  admit,  so 
justly,  roused  his  ire,  he  would,  I  am  sure,  have 
chattered  just  as  hard. 

By  the  time  we  were  under  way  again  and  thread- 
ing the  eastern  alleys  of  the  city — for  they  are 
called  streets  only  by  courtesy — his  tongue  htid 
started  too,  and  he  was  talking  just  as  hard  as 
ever.  Now,  however,  his  conversation  took  a 
more  reminiscent  and  a  more  personal  turn,  and 
this  led  to  such  sweeping  consequences  that  I  shall 
keep  the  last  half  of  our  journey  together  for  a 
separate  chapter. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   VIII 

"  Your  valet?     Pardon;   I  thought  he  had 
come  to  measure  the  gas!" 

— Hercule  d'Enville. 


^^S?^|??§/?v|9  UT  of  the  limits  of  this  cit^'  of  Lon- 
9|?  9|?  don  we  drove  into  the  be[i;innings  of 

■^  {^  '^  the  east.  Not  the  Orient  of  the  i)oet 
"%  v^^^and   the   traveller,    the    land   of   the 

#####  thousand -and -one  nights,  but  the 
miles  and  miles  of  brick  where  some  millions  of 
Londoners  pass  an  existence  that  ages  me  to  think 
of.  Picture  to  \"ourself  ii  life  more  desolate  of 
jo^'s  than  the  Arctic,  more  crowded  with  fellow- 
animals  than  any  ant-heiij),  uglier  ihm\  the  Great 
Desert,  as  poor  and  as  diseased  as  Job.  Not  even 
the  wealthy  there  to  gossiy)  about  and  gape  at,  no 
great  house  to  envy  and  admire,  no  glitter  any- 
where to  distract,  except  in  the  music-halls  of  an 
evening.  Yet  they  work  on  and  do  not  hang 
themselves — ])oor  de\'ils ! 

But  I  grow  serious  where  I  had  set  out  to  be  gay, 
70 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

and  thoughtful  when  you  arc  asking  for  a  sonier- 
vSault.  Worse  still,  I  am  solemn,  sitting  at  the 
elbow  of  my  cheerful  Ilalfred. 

That  genial  driver  of  the  omnibus  was  not  one 
whit  depressed  upon  coming  into  this  region,  nor, 
to  tell  the  truth,  was  I  that  morning,  for  I  could  not 
see  the  backward  parts,  but  only  the  wide  main 
road,  very  airy  after  the  lanes  of  the  city,  and 
crowded  with  quite  a  different  population.  No 
longer  the  business-man  with  shining  hat,  hands 
in  pockets,  quick  step,  and  anxious  face ;  no  longer 
the  well-dressed  woman  hurrying  likewise  through 
the  throng;  no  longer  the  jingling  hansom;  but, 
instead,  the  compatriot  of  the  prophets,  the  coster- 
monger  with  his  barrow,  the  residue  of  Hungary 
and  Poland,  the  pipe  of  the  British  workman. 
Wains  of  hay  in  the  midst  of  the  road,  drays  and 
lorries,  and  an  occasional  omnibus  jolting  at  the 
sides;  to  be  sure  there  was  life  enough  to  look  at. 

As  for  my  friend,  his  talk  began  to  turn  more 
upon  his  own  private  affairs.  Apparently  there 
was  less  around  to  catch  his  attention,  and,  as  I 
have  said,  he  had  to  talk,  and  so  spoke  of  himself. 
As  I  sat  on  the  top  of  that  'bus  listening  with  con- 
tinuous amusement  to  his  candid  reminiscences  and 
naive  philosophy,  I  studied  him  more  attentively 
than  ever,  for,  as  you  shall  presenth^  hear,  I  had 
more  reason.  His  dress,  I  noticed,  was  neat  beyond 
the  average  of  drivers ;  a  coat  of  box  -  cloth,  once 
light  yellow,  now  of  various  shades,  but  still  quite 

71 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


respectable;  a  felt  hat  with  a  flat  top,  glazed  to 
throw  off  the  rain ;  a  colored  scarf  around  his  neck, 
whether  concealing  a  collar  or  not  I  could  not  say; 
and  something  round  his  knees  that  might  once 
have  been  a  rug  or  a  horse-cloth,  or  even  a  piece  of 
carpet. 

"  Yus,"  said  Halfred,  meditatively,  as  he  cracked 
his  whip  and  urged  his  'bus  at  headlong  speed 
through  a  space  in  the  traffic,  "  it's  some  rum 
changes  o'  luck  I've  'ad  in  my  day.  My  father 
he  give    me    a    surprisin'  good    eddication  for   a 

hembyro  'bus-driver, 
meaning  me  to  go 
into  the  stevedore 
business  in  Lime- 
'ouse  basin,  same  as 
'e  was  'imself,  but 
my  'e£id  got  swelled 
a-talkin'  to  a  most 
superior  policeman 
what  'ad  come  down 
in  the  world,  and 
nothing  would  sat- 
ersfy  me  but  mixin' 
in  'igh  life.  So  our 
rector  'e  gives  me  a 
introduction  to  a  bloomin'  aunt  o'  his  in  the  coun- 
try what  wanted  a  boy  in  iDuttons,  and  into  Inil- 
tons  I  goes,  and  I  says  to  myself,  says  I,  'Halfred, 
you're  goin'  to  be   a   credit  to  your    fam'ly,  you 


•— I>ut  my 
'eaa  fot 

dwelled 


72 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

are';  that's  what  I  says.  Bhmy,  I  often  larf  now 
a-thinkin'  of  it!" 

lie  paused  to  blow  his  nose  in  a  primitive  but 
effective  fashion,  and  smiled  gently  to  himself  at 
these  recollections  of  his  youthful  optimism. 

"How  long  did  you  remain  in  these  buttons?" 
I  asked  him. 

"Till  I  outgrowed  them,"  said  Halfred. 

"And  after  that?" 

"  I  was  servant  to  a  gentleman  what  hadvertised 
for  a  honest  young  man,  hexperience  bein'  no 
hobject." 

I  asked  him  how  he  liked  that. 

"I  was  comfertable  enough;  that  I  can't  deny," 
said  Halfred. 

"And  why,  then,  did  you  leave?" 

"The  heverlastin'  reason  w'y  I  does  most  foolish 
things,  sir.  My  'eart  is  too  suscepterble,  and  the 
ladies' -maid  was  too  captivatin'.  She  wouldn't 
'ave  nothin'  to  do  with  me,  so  I  chucks  the  'ole 
thing  up,  and,  saj^s  I,  'I'll  be  hinderpendent,  I 
will.'     'Ence  I'm  a-drivin'  a  'bus." 

"Are  you  happy  now?"  I  inquired. 

"Well,"  said  he,  candidly,  "I  couldn't  say  as  I 
was  exactly  'umped;  but  it  ain't  all  bottled  beer 
sittirt'  in  this  bloomin'  arm-chair  with  your  whiskers 
froze  stiff,  and  the  'orses'  ears  out  o'  sight  in  the 
fog.  And  there  ain't  much  variety  in  it,  nor  much 
chance  of  becomin'  a  millionaire.  Hoften  and 
hoften  I  thinks  to  myself,  '  What  0  for  a  pair  o' 

73 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


trousers  to  fold,  and  a  good  fire  in  the  servants' 
'all,  and  hinderpendence  be  blowed!'" 

I  think  it  was  at  this  moment  that  an  inspiration 
came  into  my  head.    It  was  rash,  you  will  doubtless 

say.     It  was  certainly 


pair  oTirouSeM 


sudden,  but  then,  as 
perhaps  you  have  dis- 
covered ere  now,  I  am 
not  the  most  prudent 
of  men.  This  little, 
cheerful  Halfred  had 
taken  my  fancy  enor- 
mously, and  my  heart 
was  warmed  towards 
him. 

"Halfred,"!  asked, 

abruptly,    "  are    you 

still  an  honest  young 

man?" 

"I  'ope  so,  sir,"  said  he,  with  becoming  modesty 

and  evident  surprise. 

"And  now  3'ou  are  experienced?" 
"Well,  sir,"   he    said,   "you've    'ad    threepence 
worth  o'  this  'ere  'bus,  and  you  'aven't  seed  me 
scrai)e  off  no  ])aint  yet." 

"  But,  I  mean,  you  arc  experienced  in  folding 
trousers,  in  packing  shirts,  in  varnishing  boots, 
in  all  the  niceties  of  your  old  profession,  are  you 
not?  You  would  do  credit  to  a  gentleman  if  he 
should  engage  you?" 

74 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Halfred  looked  at  me  sharply,  with  a  true  cock- 
ney's suspicion  of  what  he  feared  might  be 
"chaff." 

"You  ain't  a-pulling  my  leg,  sir?"  he  inquired, 
guardedly. 

"  On  the  contrary,  I  am  taking  your  hand  as  an 
honest  and  experienced  valet,  Halfred.  " 

"You  knows  of  a  gentleman  as  wants  one?" 
said  he. 

"I  do/'  I  answered,  with  conviction. 

"It  ain't  yourself,  sir?" 

"It  is,"  said  I. 

"Blimy!"  exclaimed  Halfred,  in  an  audible 
aside. 

"What  about  references?"  said  he. 

"Oh,  references;  ye&,  I  suppose  you  had  better 
have  some  references,"  I  replied,  though,  to  tell 
the  truth,  I  had  not  thought  of  them  before. 

He  rubbed  his  chin  with  the  back  of  his  hand 
and  screwed  his  rosy  face  into  a  deliberative  ex- 
pression, while  his  eyes  twinkled  cheerfully. 

"I  don't  mind  'aving  a  go  at  the  job,"  he  re- 
marked, after  a  couple  of  minutes'  reflection. 

"Apply  this  evening,"  I  said.  "Bring  a  refer- 
ence if  you  have  one,  and  I  shall  engage  you,  Hal- 
fred!" 

For  the  rest  of  our  journey  together  his  grati- 
tude and  pleasure,  his  curiosity,  and  his  qualms 
as  to  how  much  he  remembered  and  how  much 
he  had  forgotten  of  a  man-servant's  duties,  de- 

75 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

lighted  nie  still  further,  and  made  me  eongratulate 
myself  upon  my  discrimination  and  judgment. 

We  parted  company  among  the  docks  and  shii> 
ping  of  the  very  far  east  of  London,  and  after 
rambling  for  a  time  by  the  busy  wharves  and 
breezy  harbor  basins,  and,  marvelling  again  at 
the  vastness  and  variety  of  this  city,  I  mounted 
cmother  omnibus  and  drove  back  to  my  rooms. 

"A  man  to  see  j^ou,  sir,"  said  the  maid. 

Could  it  be  Half  red,  alread\'?  No,  it  was  a  very 
different  individual ;  a  tall  and  statel}^  man,  with  a 
prim  mouth  and  an  eye  of  unfathomable  discre- 
tion. He  stood  in  an  attitude  denoting  at  once  re- 
spect for  me  and  esteem  for  himself,  and  followed 
me  to  my  room  upon  a  gently  creaking  boot. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  at  a  loss  to  know  whether  he  came 
to  collect  a  tax  or  induce  me  to  order  a  coffin,  "  what 
can  I  do  for  you?" 

"Mr.  Lumme,  sir,"  said  he,  in  a  mincing  voice, 
"  has  informed  me  that  you  was  requiring  a  man- 
servant. Enclosed  you  will  find  Mr.  Lunmie's 
recommendation. " 

lie  handed  me  a  letter  which  ran  as  follows : 

"  Dear  Moxsieur,— I  have  found  the  very  man  you 
want.  He  was  valet  to  Lord  Pluckham  for  five  year.s, 
and  could  not  have  learned  more  from  any  one.  Pluck- 
ham  was  very  particular  as  to  dress,  and  had  many  af- 
fairs requiring  a  discreet  servant.  He  only  left  when 
P.  went  bankrupt,  and  has  had  excellent  experience 
since.    Been  witness  in  two  divorce  cases,  and  is  highly 

76 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

recommended  by  all ;  also  a  primitive  Wesleyan  by  relig- 
ion, and  well  educated.  You  cannot  find  a  better  man  in 
London,  nor  as  good,  I  assure  you.  His  name  is  John 
Mingle.  Don't  lose  this  chance.  I  have  had  some 
trouble,  but  am  glad  to  have  found  the  very  article. 
"  Yours  truly, 

"  Edward  Lumme." 


This  was  a  pretty  dilemma!  The  industrious 
and  obliging  Lumnie  had  found  one  jewel,  and  in 
the  meanwhile  I  had  engaged  another.  I  felt  so 
ungrateful  and  guilty  that  I  was  ashamed  to  let 
my  good  Teddy  discover  what  I  had  done.  So 
instead  of  telling  Mr.  Mingle  at  once  that  the  place 
w^as  filled,  I  resolved  to  find  him  deficient  in  some 
important  point,  and  decline  to  engage  him  on  these 
grounds.     Easier  said  than  done. 

"Your  experience  has  been  wide?"  I  asked, 
looking  critical  and  feeling  foolish. 

"If  I  may  say  so,  sir,  it  has,"  said  he,  glancing 
down  modestly  at  the  hat  he  held  in  his  hands. 

"You  can  iron  a  hat?"  1  inquired,  casting  round 
in  my  mind  for  some  tasl^  too  heavy  for  this  Her- 
cules. 

He  smiled  with,  I  thought,  a  little  pity. 

"Oh,  certingh^  sir." 

"Can  you  cook?" 

"I  have  hitherto  stayed  at  houses  where  sep- 
arate cooks  was  kept,"  said  he;  "but  if  we  should 
happen  to  be  a-cami)ing  out  in  Norway,  sir,  there 

77 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

isn't  nothing  but  French  pastry  1  won't  be  happy 
to  obhge  with — on  a  occasion,  that's  to  sa}^,  sir." 

Not  only  were  Mr.  Mingle's  acconipHshments 
comprehensive,  but  he  evidently  looked  upon  him- 
self as  already  engaged  by  me.  hiternally  curs- 
ing his  impudence,  1  asked  next  if  he  could  sew. 

"  At  a  pinch,  sir,"  said  he.  "  That  is,"  he  added, 
correcting  this  vulgar  expression,  "  if  the  maids  is 
indisposed,  or  like  as  if  we  was  on  board  your 
yacht,  sir,  and  there  was  no  bother  alternative." 

"  We "  again  —  and  it  seemed  Mr.  Mingle  ex- 
pected me  to  keep  a  yacht! 

Could  he  load  and  clean  a  gun,  saddle  a  horse, 
ride  a  bicycle,  oil  a  motor-car,  read  a  cipher,  and 
manage  a  camera?  Yes;  in  the  absence  of  the 
various  officials  which  "our"  establishment  main- 
tained for  these  purposes,  Mr.  Mingle  would  be 
able  and  willing  to  oblige. 

Moreover,  he  talked  with  a  beautiful  accent, 
and  only  very  occasionally  misused  an  aspirate ; 
and  there  could  be  no  doubt  he  would  make  an 
impressive  appearance  in  any  livery  I  could  de- 
sign. Even  as  a  Pierrot  he  would  have  looked 
dignified.  On  what  pretext  could  I  reject  this 
paragon? 

"Can  you  drive  an  omnibus?"  I  demanded,  at 
last,  with  a  flash  of  genius. 

This  time  Mr.  Mingle  looked  fairly  disconcerted. 

"Drive  a  homnilms  ! "  said  he.  "No,  sir;  my 
position  and  i)rospec's  have  always  been  such  that 

78 


THE  ADl/ENTUHES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 


1  am  happy  to  say  I  have  never  had   the  oppor- 
tunity of  practising." 

I  shook  niy  head. 

"  I  am  afraid/'  I  said,  ''  that  you  won't  suit  me. 
Mingle.      It    is    my 
amusement   to    keep 
a  private  omnibus." 

"  Oh,  private,"  said 
Mr. Mingle,  as  though 
that  might  make  a 
difference. 

But  quickly  I  add- 
ed : 

"It  is  painted  and 
upholstered  just  like 
the  others.  In  fact, 
I  buy  them  second- 
hand when  beyond 
repair.  Also  I  take 
poor  people  from  the 
work  -  house  for  a  drive, 
in  all  weathers." 

That  was  the  end  of  Mr.  Mingle.  In  fact,  I  think 
he  was  glad  to  find  himself  safely  out  of  my  room 
again,  and  what  he  thought  of  my  tastes,  and 
even  of  my  sanity,  I  think  I  can  guess. 

That  evening  my  friend  lialfred  appeared,  bring- 
ing a  testimonial  to  his  honesty  and  sobriety  from 
the  proprietor  of  the  stables,  and  a  brief  line  of 
eulogy  from  the  official   who  collected  the  pence 

79 


Even 
as  a 

Pierrot 


.A..L. 


And  you  must  drive  it 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

and  supplied  the  tickets  upon  his  own  'bus.  This 
last  certificate  ran  thus — I  give  it  exactly  as  it 
stood : 

"  certtifieing  alfred  Winkes  is  I  of  The  best  obligging 
and  You  will  find  him  kind  to  animils  yours  Sinseerly 
P.  Widdup." 

As  Halfred  explained  to  me,  this  was  entirely  un- 
solicited, and  Mr.  Widdup,  he  was  sure,  would  feel 
hurt  if  he  learned  that  it  had  not  been  presented. 

"You  can  tell  him,"  I  said,  "that  it  has  secured 
the  situation  for  you." 

I  had  just  told  him  that  I  should  expect  him  to 
begin  his  duties  upon  the  following  morning,  and 
he  was  inspecting  my  apartment  with  an  air  of 
great  interest  and  satisfaction,  when  there  came 
a  knock  upon  the  door,  and  in  w^alkcd  Mr.  Teddy 
Lumme  himself.  lie  was  in  evening-dress,  covered 
by  the  most  recent  design  in  top -coats  and  the 
most  spotless  of  white  scarfs.  On  his  head  he 
wore  a  large  opera-hat,  tilted  at  the  same  angle, 
and  on  his  feet  small  and  shiny  boots. 

"Hullo,"  said  he.  "Sorry;  am  I  interrupting? 
Came  to  see  if  you'd  booked  Mingle.  I  suppose 
you  have." 

"A  thousand  thanks,  my  friend,  for  your 
trouble,"  I  replied,  with  an  earnestness  proi)or- 
tionate  to  my  feeling  of  compunction.  "  Mingle 
was,  indeed,  admirable  —  exquisite.  In  fact,  he 
was  perfect  in  every  respect  save  one." 

80 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"What's  that?"  said  Teddy,  looking  a  httle 
surprised. 

"He  could  not  drive  an  omniljus. " 

I  am  afraid  my  friend  Teddy  thought  that  I 
was  joking.  He  certainly  seemed  to  have  diffi- 
culty in  finding  a  reply  to  this.  Then  an  expla- 
nation struck  him. 

"You  mean  what  we  call  a  coach,"  he  sug- 
gested. "  Thing  with  four  horses  and  a  toot- 
toot  -  toot  business  —  post  -  horn,  we  call  it. 
What?" 

"I  mean  an  omnibus,"  I  replied.  "The  ele- 
gani,  the  fascinating,  British  'bus.  And  here  I 
have  found  a  man  who  can  drive  me.  This  is  my 
new  servant.  Half  red  Wrinkles." 

Lumme  stared  at  him,  as  well  he  might,  for  my 
Halfred  cut  a  very  different  figure  from  the  grave, 
polished,  quietly  attired  Mingle.  To  produce  the 
very  best  impression  possible,  he  had  dressed  him- 
self in  a  suit  of  conspicuously  checkered  cloth, 
very  tight  in  the  leg  and  wide  at  the  foot,  and  sur- 
mounted by  a  very  bright-blue  scarf  tightly  knot- 
ted round  his  neck.  In  his  button-hole  was  an 
artificial  tulip,  in  his  pocket  a  wonderful  red-and- 
yellow  handkerchief.  His  ruddy  face  shone  so 
brightly  that  I  shrewdly  suspected  his  friend  Wid- 
dup  had  scrubbed  it  with  a  handful  of  straw,  and 
he  held  in  his  hand,  pressed  against  his  breast, 
the  same  shining  waterproof  hat  beneath  which 
he  drove  the  'bus. 

6  8i 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


"Left  your  last  place  long?"  asked  Lumnie,  of 
this  apparition. 

"Gave  'em  notice  this  arternoon,  sir,"  said  Hal- 
fred. 

"Who  were  you  with?" 

"London  General/'  rejilied  Halfred. 

"  A  London  gen- 
eral?" said  Teddy. 
"  Sounds  all  right. 
He  gave  you  a  good 
character,  I  sup- 
pose?" 

"The   very  best," 
^    I  interposed. 

"Well,"  said 
Lunime,  dubiously, 
"I  hope  you'll  turn  out  all  right,  cuid  do  my 
friend,  the  monsieur  here,  credit." 

As  he  turned  to  go  he  added  to  me,  aside: 
"  Rum  -  looking  chap,   he    seems   to  me.     Keep 
an   eye   on  him,  I'd  advise  you.     Personally,  I'd 
have    chosen    Mingle,    but    o'    course   you    know 
best.     Good-night." 

And  I  was  left  with  the  faithful  Halfred. 


London 
Ceneral ' 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M   D'HARICOT 


Chapter  IX 

"/  often  envy  the  snail.  Mon  Dieu,  think 
of  always  travelling  beneath  the  comfortable 
roof  of  one' s  own  house!" 

— Maxime  Argon. 


^^^^^  ND  now  I  must  tell  you  something 
<^  9^  about  my  rooms,  the  little  ledge  in 

9^  y^  ^  London  in  which  I  rested,  and  flapped 
^  ^  my  wings  and  preened  my  feathers. 

#####  The  door  of  the  house  rented  by  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Titch,  and  disposed  of  piece-meal  to  unmar- 
ried gentlemen,  looked  upon  a  very  tiny  square  open- 
ing off  a  busy  street.  But  my  two  chambers  were 
at  the  back,  and  from  their  windows  I  saw  nothing 
of  square  or  street,  or  any  house  at  all.  The  green 
Hyde  Park  with  its  trees  and  grass,  and  the  wide 
drive  where  carriages  and  people  aired  themselves 
and  lingered,  that  was  what  I  saw;  and  often  I 
could  fancy  myself  in  the  woods  and  the  gardens 
about  a  certain  house  in  another  land,  and  then  I 
would  shut  m^'  eves  and  let  the  ]3icture  grow  and 

83 


THE  ADFENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

grow,  till  I  could  hear  known  voices  and  look 
upon  old  faces  that  perhaps  I  should  never  again 
hear  or  see  in  any  other  fashion.  Yes,  the  exile 
may  be  very  g£iy,  and  jingle  the  foreign  coins  in 
his  pocket,  and  whistle  the  airs  of  alien  songs, 
and  afterwards  write  humorously  of  his  advent- 
ures; bvit  there  are  many  moments  when  he  and 
the  canary  in  the  cage  are  very  near  together. 

For  m3\self,  I  am  best,  my  friends  say,  when  I 
am  laughing  at  the  world  and  plaj^ing  somewhat 
the  buffoon.  And,  of  course,  I  am  naturally  anx- 
ious to  appear  at  my  best.  Besides,  I  must  con- 
fess that  I  do  not  think  this  world  is  an  affair  to  be 
treated  with  a  too  great  gravity ;  not,  at  least,  if  one 
can  help  it.  Frequently  it  makes  itself  ridiculous 
even  in  the  partial  eyes  of  its  ow^n  inhabitants.  How 
nmch  more  frequently  if  one  could  sit  outside — 
upon  a  passing  shower,  for  instance — and  see  it 
£is  we  look  upon  a  play?  Ten  to  one,  some  of  our 
most  sententious  friends  would  seem  no  different 
from  those  amusing  sparrows  discussing  the  law 
of  property  in  a  bread-crumlD,  or  from  my  dog  play- 
ing the  solemn  comedy  of  the  buried  bone.  There- 
fore I  always  think  it  safer  to  assume  that  there  is 
some  unseen  cynic,  some  creature  in  the  fourth 
dimension,  looking  over  my  shoulder  as  I  write, 
and  exclaiming,  when  I  grow  too  sensiljlc,  "Oh, 
the  wise  fool!" 

Vet  for  ixW  this  excellent  philosojihy,  and  in 
S])ite  of  a  most  reasonable  desire  to  say  those  things 

84 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

that  lire  instantly  re\v:irded  by  a  smile,  rather 
than  those  an  audience  receives  in  silence,  and 
}jerha]xs  ap])roves,  perhaps  condemns — despite  all 
this,  the  rubbing  of  the  world  upon  a  set  of  nerves 
does  not  always  make  one  merry ;  and  in  that  humor 
I  should  sometimes  like  to  perpetrate  a  serious 
sentence.  If  ever  I  succumb  to  this  temptation  of 
the  writer's  devil,  please  turn  the  page  and  do  not 
linger  over  the  indiscretion. 

Therefore  I  shall  pass  quickly  over  the  thin 
ice  of  sentiment,  the  days  when  I  felt  lonely  on  my 
comfortable  ledge,  the  hours  1  spent  looking  at  the 
fire.  More  anmsing  to  tell  you  of  the  bright  lining 
to  my  clouds;  of  the  sitting-room,  for  instance, 
low  in  the  ceiling,  commodious,  and  .shaped,  I 
think,  to  fit  the  chimneys  or  the  stairs  or  the  water- 
butt  outside;  at  any  rate,  to  suit  something  that 
required  two  unequal  recesses  and  three  non- rec- 
tangular corners.  It  was  on  the  ground-floor,  and 
had  two  French  windows  (of  which  the  adjective 
cheered  me,  I  think,  as  much  as  the  noun).  These 
opened  upon  a  little,  stone-paved  space,  shaded  by 
a  high  tree  in  the  park,  and  which  I  called  my 
garden. 

Rejecting  some  articles  of  my  landlord's  fur- 
niture as  too  splendid  for  an  untitled  tenant — a 
plush-covered  settee,  for  instance,  and  an  alabaster 
tea-table,  adorned  with  cut-glass  trophies  from  the 
drawing-room  of  a  bankrupt  alderman — I  replaced 
them  by  a  bookcase,   three  easy-chairs,   and   an 

85 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

inviting  sofa  of  m\^  own;  I  bought  substitutes  for 
the  engravings  of  "The  Child's  First  Prayer"  and 
"The  Last  Kiss/'  and  the  colored  plates  represent- 
ing idyllic  passages  from  the  lives  of  honest  arti- 
sans, which  had  regaled  my  predecessor ;  I  re- 
curtained  the  dear  French  windows. 

Neither  Mr.  Titch  nor  his  good  wife  entirely  a]> 
proved  of  these  changes.  In  fact,  I  suspect  they 
would  have  given  such  a  Goth  notice  to  quit  in  a 
month  had  it  not  been  for  the  reflection  that,  after 
all,  such  eccentricities  were  only  to  be  expected  of 
a  foreigner.  The  English  have  a  most  amusing 
contempt  for  the  rest  of  mankind,  accompanied 
by  an  equally  amusing  tolertition  for  the  peculiar- 
ities that  are  naturally  associated  with  such  degen- 
erates. The  Chinese,  I  understand,  have  an  equal 
national  modesty,  but  their  contempt  for  the  for- 
eigner finds  expression  in  a  desire  to  decapitate 
his  mangled  remains.  John  Bull,  on  the  other 
hand,  will  not  only  allow  but  expect  you  to  walk 
upon  your  head,  eat  rats  smd  mice,  maintain  a 
staff  of  poisonous  serpents,  and  even  play  the 
barrel-organ.  This  goes  to  such  a  length  that 
supposing  you  beat  him  at  something  he  most 
prides  himself  upon,  such  as  rowing,  boxing,  or 
manufactures,  he  will  but  smile  and  shake  his 
head  and  say,  "  These  are,  indeed,  most  remarkable 
animals." 

Air.  and  Mrs.  Titch  were  no  exceptions  to  this 
rule,  and  I  think   that   in  time  they  even  came  to 

86 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

have  an  affection  for  and  a  pride  in  their  preposter- 
ous tenant,  much  Hke  an  enthusiastic  savant  who 
handicaps  himself  with  a  half-tamed  cobra. 

Mr.  Titch  was  a  little,  gray-haired  man,  with  ii 
respectful  manner  overlaid  upon  a  consequential 
air.  He  had  enjoyed  varied  experience  as  footman 
and  butler  in  several  families  of  distinction,  and 
my  Halfred  had  been  but  a  short  time  in  the  house 
before  he  became  tremendously  impressed  by  Mr. 
Titch's  reminiscences  of  the  great,  and  his  vast 
knowledge  of  Halfred 's  own  profession. 

"Wonderful  man,  Mr.  Titch,  sir,"  he  would  say 
to  me.  "What  'e  don't  know  about  our  Henglish 
haristocracy  ain't  worth  knowing.  You'd  'ardly 
believe  it,  sir,  but  he  seed  the  Dook  of  Balham 
puttin'  his  arm  round  Lady  Sarah  Elcey's  waist 
three  months  before  their  engagement  was  in  the 
papers,  and  the  Dook  'e  says  to  'im,  'Titch,'  says 
he,  '  'ere's  a  five-pun'  note;  you're  a  man  of  dis- 
cretion, you  are,  and  what  you  sees  you  keeps  to 
yourself,  don't  you?  I  mean  no  'arm,'  he  says. 
'I'll  hundertake  to  marry  the  lady  if  you  only 
gives  me  time.'  And  Mr.  Titch,  he  lay  low  three 
'ole  months  a-knowing  a  secret  like  that." 

Mr.  Titch's  caution  and  advice  were  certainly 
serviceable  to  Halfred,  who  was  rapidly  becoming 
transformed  from  the  cheerful  'bus-driver  into  the 
obliging  valet.  Whether  the  w'orld  did  not  lose 
more  than  I  gained  by  this  change  I  shall  not  un- 
dertake to  sav;  but  I  can  always  console  mvself 

87 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

for  depriving  societ}^  of  a  friend,  and  Halfred  of 
his  "  hinderpendence/'  by  picturing  the  httle  man, 
poorly  protected  by  his  nondescript  rug,  driving 
his  'bus  all  day  through  the  wind  and  the  rain. 
He,  at  least,  enjoyed  the  transformation;  and  one 
result  is  worth  a  hundred  admirable  theories.  Be- 
sides, the  virtues  of  Halfred  remained  the  virtues 
of  Halfred  through  all  the  }X)lishings  of  circum- 
stances £uid  Mr.  Titch. 

For  the  good  Mrs.  Titch,  my  discerning  servant 
expressed  a  respect  only  a  shade  less  profound 
than  his  homage  to  her  spouse.  Now  this  ex- 
cellent lady,  though  motherly  in  appearance  and 
wonderfully  dignified  in  the  black  silk  in  which 
she  rustled  to  church  of  a  Sunday,  was  not  re- 
markable either  for  acuteness  of  mind  or  that  wide 
knowledge  of  the  world  enjoyed  by  Mr.  Titch. 
She  knew  little  of  the  aristocracy  except  through 
his  reminiscences,  though  I  am  bound  to  say  her 
rcsi)ect  for  thtit  august  institution  was  as  ])n)- 
found  £is  Major  Pendcnnis  himself  could  have  de- 
sired. Also  her  observations  on  that  portion  of 
the  world  she  had  met  were  distinguished  by  iin 
erroneous  and  solemn  foolishness  that  cannot  have 
passed  unnoticed  by  Htdfred. 

Yet  he  quoted  and  reverenced  her  with  an  inex- 
l)licable  lack  of  discrimination. 

"Mrs.  Titch  is  what  I  calls,  sir,  a  genuwinc 
lady  in  a  'umble  sphere,"  he  once  remarked  to  me. 
"Her  delicacy  is  surj)risin'." 

88 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

Yes,  there  must  be  some  mysterious  glamour 
about  these  worthy  people,  and  this  glamour  I  be- 
gan to  have  dark  suspicions  was  none  other  than 
Miss  Aramatilda  Titch,  daughter  of  the  ex-butler 
and  his  genuine  lady. 

At  first  1  saw  this  maiden  seldom,  and  then  only 
by  glimpses.  As  more  than  one  of  these  revealed 
her  in  curl-papers,  and  as  I  do  not  appreciate  woman 
thus  decked  out,  I  paid  her  but  little  attention. 
But  after  a  week  or  two  had  passed  I  surprised  her 
one  afternoon  conversing  in  my  sitting-room  with 
the  affable  Halfred. 

"Miss  Titch  is  a-lookin'  to  see  if  the  windows 
want  cleaning,"  he  explained.  Though,  as  they 
were  standing  in  the  recess  farthest  removed  from 
the  windows,  I  came  to  the  conclusion  that  other 
matters  also  were  being  discussed. 

It  was  about  this  time  that  I  had  hired  a  piano 
to  console  my  solitude,  and  a  day  or  two  later,  as  I 
came  towards  my  room,  I  heard  a  tinkle  of  music. 
Pushing  the  door  gently  open,  I  saw  Miss  Ara- 
matilda picking  out  the  air  of  a  polka,  and  Halfred 
listening  to  this  melody  with  the  most  undisguised 
admiration. 

This  time  his  explanation  was  more  lamely  de- 
livered, while  Aramatilda  showed  the  liveliest 
confusion  and  dismay. 

"My  dear  Miss  Titch,"  1  assured  her,  "by  all 
means  practise  my  piano  while  I  am  out — provided, 
of  course,  that  Mr.  Winkles  gives  you  permission. 

89 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

She  asked  you,  no  doubt,  if  she  might  plav  it, 
lialfred?" 

This  did  not  diminish  their  confusion,  I  am  afraid, 
and  after  that  their  concerts  were  better  protected 
against  surprise. 

Not  that  I  should  have  objected  very  strongly  to 
take  Halfred's  place  as  audience  one  day,  for  these 
further  opportunities  of  seeing  Miss  Titch  roused 
HI  me  some  sympathy  with  my  valet.  Aramatilda 
Wcis  undoubtedly  attractive  with  her  hair  freed 
from  a  too  severe  restraint,  a  plumji,  brown -eyed 
young  woman,  smiling  in  the  most  engaging 
fashion  when  politely  addressed.  Indeed,  I  should 
have  addressed  her  more  frequently  had  not  Hal- 
fred  shown  such  evident  interest  in  her  himself. 
In  these  matters  I  have  always  held  it  better 
that  master  and  man  should  be  separately  appor- 
tioned. 

There  remains  but  one  other  inhabitant  of  this 
house  who  comes  into  my  story,  and  that  was  c\ 
certain  old  gentleman  living  in  the  rooms  immedi- 
ately over  mine.  In  fact,  we  two  were  the  only 
lodgers,  and  so,  having  few  friends  as  yet,  I  began 
to  feel  some  interest  in  him. 

I  had  heard  him  referred  to  always  as  "  the  Gen- 
eral," and  the  few  glimpses  I  had  had  of  him  con- 
firmed this  title.  I'^igure  to  yourself  an  erect  man 
of  middle  height,  white-mustached,  quick  in  his 
stej),  with  an  eye  essentially  military — that  is  to 
say,  expressionless  in  repose,  keen  when  aroused — 

90 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

and  do  you  not  allow  that,  if  he  is  not  a  general,  he 
at  least  ought  to  be? 

"Who  is  this  general?"  I  asked  Plalfred  one 
day. 

"As  rummy  a  old  customer  as  ever  was,  sir," 
said  Halfred.  "  Been  here  for  three  years  and 
never  'ad  a  visitor  inside  his  room  all  that  time, 
exceptin'  one  lady." 

"A  lady?"  I  said.     "His—" 

"  Don't  know,  sir.  Some  says  one  thing,  some 
sa3^s  another.  Kind  o'  a  hcxotic,  I  c£ills  'im,  sir. 
Miss  Titch  she  thinks  he's  'ad  a  affair  of  the  'eart ; 
I  think  he  booses  same  as  a  old  pal  o'  mine  what 
kept  a  chemist's  shop  in  Stepney  used  to.  My 
friend  he  locks  'isself  up  in  the  btick  room  and  puis 
away  morphine  and  nicotine  and  strychnine  and 
them  things  by  the  'alf-pint.  'Ole  days  at  it  he 
were,  sir,  and  all  the  time  the  small  boys  a-sneak- 
ing  cough-drops,  and  tooth-brushes  for  to  make 
feathers  for  their  'ats  when  playin'  at  soldiers, 
and  when  the  doctor  he  sees  'im  at  last  he  says 
nothing  but  a  hepileptic  'ome  wouldn't  do  'im  any 
good." 

"You  think,  then,  the  General  drinks?"  I  said. 

"Either  that  or  makes  counterfeit  coins,  sir," 
said  Halfred,  with  an  ominous  shake  of  his  bullet 
head. 

I  was  quite  aware  of  my  Halfred 's  partiality  for 
the  melodramatic.  Nevertheless  there  was  cer- 
tainly something  unusual  in  my  neighbor's  con- 

91 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

duct  that  excited  my  interest  considerably.  For  I 
confess  I  am  one  of  those  \vh(j  are  apt  to  be  blind 
towards  the  mysteries  of  the  olsvious  and  the  mir- 
acles of  every  da\',  and  to  revel  in  the  romance  of 
the  singular. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter  X 

"Seek  you   wine   or  seek  you    maid    at  the 
journey '  s  end? 
Give  to  me  at  every  stage  the  welcome  of 
a  friend!" 

— Cyd. 


^^^0  not  think  that  all  this  time  I  had 
^  '^  lost  sight  of  my  new  friends,  the  fair- 

^  /  J  '^  haired  Dick  Shafthead  and  the  genial 
^  ^  Teddy  Lumme.     On  the  contrary,  we 

##4?#^  had  had  more  than  one  merry  night 
together,  and  exchtmged  not  a  few  confidences. 
V\ny  .soon  after  I  was  settled,  Dick  had  come  round 
to  my  rooms  and  criticised  everything,  from  Hal- 
fred  to  the  curtains.  His  tastes  were  a  trifle  too 
austere  to  altogether  appreciate  these  latter  rather 
sumptuous  hangings. 

"  They'll  do  for  waistcoats  if  you  ever  go  on 
the  music-hall  stage,"  he  observed,  sardonically. 
"That's  why  you  got  'em,  perhaps?" 

"The  very  reason,  my  friend,"  I  replied.  "I 
93 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

cannot  cifford  to  get  both  new  waistcoats  and  new 
curtains;  just  as  I  am  compelled  to  employ  the 
same  person  to  get  me  out  of  jail  and  criticise 
my  furniture." 

Dick  laughed. 

"You  are  too  witty,  mossyour. "  (He  came  as 
near  the  pronunciation  of  my  title  as  that.)  "  You 
should  write  some  of  these  things  down  before  you 
forget  'em." 

"For  the  French,"  I  retorted,  "that  precaution 
is  unnecessar}'. " 

For  Halfred,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  he  did  not  at 
first  show  that  appreciation  I  had  expected. 

"Your  'bus-man,"  was  the  epithet  he  applied 
behind  his  back;  though  I  am  bound  to  say  his 
good-breeding  made  him  so  ])olite  that  Halfred,  on 
his  side,  conceived  the  highest  oi^inion  of  my  friend. 

"A  real  gentleman,  Mr.  Shafthcad  is,  sir,"  he 
confided  to  me.  "  What  I  calls  a  hunmistakable 
toff.  He  hiisn't  got  no  side  on,  and  he  s]ieaks  to 
one  man  like  as  he  would  to  another.  In  fact,  sir, 
he  reminds  me  of  Lord  Haugustus  I  once  seed  at 
the  Hadelphi ;  a  nobleman  what  said,  '  I  treats  hev- 
ery  fellow-Briton  as  a  gentleman  so  long  as  Bri- 
tannia rules  the  waves  and  'e  behaves  'issclf  ac- 
cordingly.' " 

This  may  seem  exaggerated  j^raisc,  but,  indeed, 
it  would  be  difficult  to  exaggerate  my  dear  Dick's 
\'irtucs.  Doubtless  liis  faults  are  being  placed  in 
the  o]iposite  page  of  a  ledger  kept  somewhere  with 

94 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

his  name  upon  the  cover;  but  that  is  no  business 
of  mine.  To  paste  in  parallel  columns  the  virtues 
of  our  friends  and  the  faults  of  ourselves,  that  may 
be  unpleasant,  but  it  is  necessary  if  we  are  to  turn 
the  search-light  inward.  Certain  weak  spots  we 
must  not  look  at  too  closely  if  we  are  to  keep  our 
self-respect ;  but,  my  faith  !  we  can  well  give  the 
most  of  our  humanity  an  airing  now  and  then; 
also,  if  possible,  a  fumigating.  It  was  Dick 
Shafthead,  more  than  any  other,  who  took  my 
failings  for  a  walk  in  the  sunshine,  and  some- 
how or  other  they  always  returned  a  little 
abashed. 

A  very  different  person  was  his  cousin  Tedd\^ 
Lumme,  for  whom,  by-the-way,  I  discovered  Dick 
had  a  real  regard  carefully  concealed  behind  a 
most  satirical  attitude.  Teddy  was  not  clever — 
though  shrewd  enough  within  strict  limits ;  he  was 
no  moralist,  no  philosopher;  an  observ^er  chiefly 
of  the  things  least  worth  observing — a  performer 
upon  the  tin-whistle  of  life.  But,  owing  to  his 
kindness  of  heart  and  ingenuous  disposition,  he 
was  w^onderfuUy  likable. 

His  leisure  moments  were  devoted,  I  believe,  to 
the  discharge  of  some  duty  in  the  foreign  office, 
though  what  precisely  it  \vas  I  could  never,  even 
by  the  most  ingenious  cross-examination,  discover. 
His  father  held  the  respectable  position  of  Bishop 
of  Battersea;  his  mother  was  the  Honorable  Mrs. 
Lumme.     These  excellent  parents  had  a  high  re- 

95 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 


gard  for  Teddy,  whom  they  considered  Ukely  lo 
make  his  mark  in  the  world. 

I  was  taken  to  the  bishopric  {sic),  and  discussed 
with  the  most  venerable  Luiimie,  senior,  many 
points  of  interest  to  a  foreigner. 

Note  of  a  conversation  with  Bishop  of  Battersea, 
taken  down  from  memory  a  few  days  after: 

Myself.  "  What  is  the  difference  between  a  High 
Church  and  a  Low  Church?" 

Bishop.  "  A  High  Church  has  a  high  conception 
of  its  duties  towards  mankind,  religion,  the  apos- 
tolic succession,   and  the  costume  of  its  clergy- 
men.    A  Low  Church  has  the  opposite." 
Myself.  "Are  you  Low  Church?" 
Bishop.  "No." 

Myself.  "I  understand  that  the  conversion  of 
the  Pope  is  one  of  your  objects.     Ls  that  so?" 

Bishop.  "  Should  the  Pope  approach  us  in  a 
proper  spirit  we  should  certainly  be  willing  to  ad- 
mit him  into  our  fold." 

Myself.  "  Have  you  written  many  theological 
works  ?" 

Bishop.  "\  believe  tea  is  ready." 
Afterwards    further   discussion    on    tithes,    doc- 
trine, and  the  Thirty-nine  Articles,  of  which  I  for- 
get the  details. 

My  friend  Teddy  did  not  live  at  the  bishopric 
with  his  parents,  but  in  exceedingly  well-appointed 
chambers  near  St.  James  Street.  Here  I  met 
various   other   young   gentlemen   of   fortune   and 

96 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

promise,  who  discussed  with  me  many  questions 
of  international  interest — such  as  the  price  of  cham- 
pagne in  foreign  hotels,  the  status  of  the  music- 
hall  artiste  at  home  and  cibroad,  the  best  knot  for 
the  full-dress  tie,  and  so  forth. 

Dick  Shafthead  did  not  often  appear  in  this 
company. 

"Can't  afford  their  amusements,  and  can't  be 
bothered  with  their  conversation,"  he  explained 
to  me.  "  Look  in  and  have  a  pipe  this  evening 
if  you're  doing  nothing  else.  If  you  want  cigars, 
bring  your  own;  I've  run  out." 

And,  after  all,  learning  to  perform  upon  the 
briar-pipe  in  Dick's  society  under  the  old  roof  of 
the  Temple,  applauding  or  disapproving  of  our 
elders  and  our  betters,  had  infinitely  more  charm 
to  me  than  those  intellectual  conclaves  at  his  cous- 
in's, for  six  nights  in  the  week  at  least.  A  dif- 
ferent mood,  a  different  friend.  Sometimes  one 
desires  in  a  companion  congenial  depravity;  at 
others,  more  points  of  contact. 

This  Temple  where  Dick  lived  is  not  a  church, 
though  there  is  a  church  within  it.  It  is  one  of 
those  surprising  secrets  that  London  keeps  and 
shows  you  sometimes  to  reconcile  you  to  her  fogs. 
Out  of  the  heart  of  the  traffic  and  the  noise  you 
turn  through  an  ancient  archway  into  a  rabbit 
warren  of  venerable  and  sober  red  buildings ;  each 
court  and  passage  tidy,  sedate,  and,  if  I  may  say 
it  of  a  personage  of  brick,  thoughtful  and  kindly 
7  97 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


disposed  to  its  inhabitants.  This  is  the  Temple, 
once  the  home  of  the  Knight  Templars,  now  of 
English  law.  In  one  court  Dick  shared  with  a 
friend  an  austerely  furnished  office  where  he  re- 
ceived such  work  as  the  solicitors  sent  him,  and 
was  ready  to  receive  more.  But  it  was  on  the  top 
flight  of  another  staircase  in  another  court-yard 
that  he  kept  his  household  gods. 

He  had  come  there,  as  I  have  said  before,  during 
a  period  of  financial  depression,  and  there  he  had 
stayed  ever  since.  I  do  not  wonder  at  it;  though, 
to  be  sure,  I  think  I  should  find  it  rather  solitary 
of  an  evening,  when  the  offices  emptied,  silence 
fell  upon  the  stairs  and  the  quadrangles,  and  there 
were  only  left  in  the  whole  vast  warren  the  sprink- 
ling of  permanent  inhal^itants  who  dwelt  under 
the  slates.  Yet  there  was  I  know  not  quite  what 
about  those  old  rooms,  an  aroma  of  the  past,  a 
link  with  romance,  that  made  them  lovable.  The 
panelled  walls,  the  undulating  floors,  the  odd  angle 
which  held  the  fireplace,  the  beam  across  the  ceiling, 
the  old  furniture  to  match  these,  all  had  character; 
and  to  what  but  character  do  we  link  sentiment  ? 

Also  the  prosjject  from  the  windows  was  delight- 
ful ;  an  open  court,  a  few  trees,  the  angles  of  other 
ancient  buildings,  a  glim])se  of  green  turf  in  a 
garden,  a  peep  of  more  stems  and  branches,  with 
the  Thames  beyond.  Yes,  it  was  quite  the  neigh- 
borhood for  a  romantic  episode  to  happen.  And 
one  day,  as  you  shall  hear  in  time,  it  happened. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 


Chapter   XI 


"And  then  I  came  to  another  castle  where 
lived  a  giant  whose  name  was  John  Bull." 

— Maundeville  (adapted). 


'i'^^0  you  dance?"  asked  Teddy. 
?^  ^^  ^      "  All  night,  if  you  will  play  to  me/' 

"%     /  J  '^^  replied. 
#  #      "Ride?"  said  he. 

#####      "On  a   horse?     Yes,  my  friend,  I 
can  even  ride  a  horse." 

"Well,  then,  I  say,  d'  j^ou  care  to  come  to  a  ball 
at  Seneschal  Court,  the  Trevor- Hudson's  place; 
meet  next  day,  and  that  sort  of  thing?  Dick  and 
I  are  going.     We'll  be  there  about  a  week." 

"  But  I  do  not  know  the  —  the  very  excellent 
people  3^ou  have  named." 

"Oh,  that's  all  right,"  said  Teddy.  "They 
want  a  man  or  two.  So  few  men  dance  nowcida\'s, 
don't  3^ou  know.  I  keep  it  up  myself  a  little; 
girls  get  sick  if  I  don't  hop  round  with  'em  now  and 
then.     Hullo,  I   see  you've  got  a  card  from  my 

99 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

mater,  for  the  twenty-ninth.  Don't  go,  whatever 
you  do.  Sure  to  be  dull.  The  mater's  shows 
always  are.  What  did  3^ou  think  of  that  girl  the 
other  night?  Ha,  ha!  Told  you  so;  I  know  all 
about  women.  What's  this  book  you're  reading? 
French,  by  Jove!  Pretty  stiff,  isn't  it?  Oh,  o' 
course  you  are  French,  aren't  you?  That  makes  a 
difference,  I  suppose.  Well,  then,  you'll  come  with 
us.     Thursday,  first.     I'll  let  you  know  the  train." 

"May  I  bring  my  Halfred?"  I  inquired. 

"  Rather.  Looks  well  to  have  a  man  with  j'ou. 
I'd  bring  mine,  only  he  makes  a  fuss  if  he  can't 
have  a  bedroom  looking  south,  and  one  can't  in- 
sist on  people  giving  him  that.  Au  revoir,  mos- 
soo." 

This  was  on  Monday,  so  I  had  but  little  time 
for  preparation. 

Halfred  was  at  once  taken  into  consultation. 

"I  am  going  to  hunt,"  I  said;  "also  to  a  ball; 
and  you  are  coming  with  me.  Prepare  me  for  the 
ballroom  and  the  chase.  What  do  I  require  be- 
yond the  things  I  already  have?" 

"A  pink  coat  and  a  'ard  'at,  sir,"  said  he,  with 
great  confidence.  "Likewise  toj>boots  and  white 
gloves  for  to  dance  in,  not  forgettin'  a  pair  o'  spurs 
and  a  whip." 

"  I  shall  get  the  hat,  the  coat,  and  the  boots, 
(iloves  I  have  already.  You  will  buy  me  the  spurs 
£uid  the  whip.  Bj^-the-way,  have  you  ever  hunted, 
Halfred?" 

100 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Not  exactly  'uiited  myself,  sir,"  said  he,  "but 
Tve  seed  the  'unt  go  by,  and  knowed  a  lot  o'  'unt- 
ing-iuen.  Then,  bein'  connected  with  bosses  so 
much  myself  I've  naterally  took  a  hinterest  in  the 
turf  and  the  racin'-stable." 

"You  are  a  judge  of  horses?"  I  asked. 

"  Well,  sir,  I  am  generally  considered  to  know 


"a  p'mk  coa-t  aivA 


something  about  'em.  In  fact,  sir,  Mr.  Widdup — 
that's  the  gentleman  what  give  me  the  testimonial 
— he's  said  to  me  more  nor  once,  'Halfred,'  says 
he,  'what  j^ou  don't  know  about  these  'ere  hani- 
mals  would  go  into  a  pill-box  comfertable. ' " 

"Good,"  I  .said.  "Find  me  two  hunters  that  I 
can  hire  for  a  week." 

The  little  man  looked  me  up  and  down  with  a 
discriminating  eye. 

"Something  that  can  carry  a  bit  o'  weight,  sir, 
lOI 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

and  stand  a  lot  o'  'ard  riding ;  that's  what  you  need, 
sir." 

Now,  I  am  not  heavy,  nor  had  circumstances 
hitherto  given  me  the  opportunity  of  riding  ex- 
cessively hard,  but  the  notion  that  I  was  indeed  a 
gigantic  Nimrod  tempted  my  fancy,  tmd  I  am 
ashamed  to  confess  that  I  fell. 


"Yes,"  I  said,  "that  is  exactly  what  I  require." 
"Leave  it  to  me,  sir,"  he  assured  me,  with  great 
confidence.     "I'll  make  hall  the  arrangements." 

M\^  mind  was  now  Ccisy,  and  for  the  two  follow- 
ing days  I  studied  all  the  T^nglish  novels  treating 
of  field  sports,  and  the  articles  on  hunting  in  the 
encyclopfedias  and  almanacs,  so  that  when  Thurs- 
day arrived  and  I  met  my  friends  at  the  sttition  I 
felt  myself  qualified  to  take  ])art  with  some  assur- 
ance in  their  arguments  on  the  chase.     We  are  a 

102 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

receptive  race,  we  French,  and  the  few  accomphsh- 
nients  we  have  not  actually  created  we  can  at 
least  quickly  comprehend  £uid  master. 

Next  door  to  us,  in  a  second-class  compartment, 
Halfred  was  travelling,  and  attached  to  our  train 
was  the  horse-box  continuing  the  two  himters  he 
held  engaged.  I  had  had  one  look  at  these,  and 
certainly  there  seemed  to  be  no  lack  of  bone  and 
muscle. 

"Mr.  Widdup  and  me  'ired  'em,  sir,"  said  Hal- 
fred, "  from  a  particular  friend  o'  ours  what  can  be 
trusted.  Jumps  like  fleas,  they  do,  he  says,  and 
'as  been  known  to  run  for  sixty-five  miles  without 
stoppin'  more'n  once  or  twice  for  a  drink.  'Ard  in 
the  mouth  and  'igh  in  the  temper,  says  he,  but  the 
very  thing  for  a  gentleman  in  good  'ealth  what 
doesn't  'unt  regular  and  likes  'is  money's  worth 
when  he  does." 

"You  have  exactly  described  me,"  I  replied. 

But  if  I  had  the  advantage  over  my  two  friends 
in  the  suite  I  was  taking  with  me,  Teddy  Lumme 
certainly  led  the  way  in  conversation.  He  was 
vastly  impressed  with  the  importance  of  our  party 
(a  sentiment  he  succeeded  in  communicating  to 
the  guard  and  the  other  officials) ;  also  with  the  re- 
spectability of  the  function  we  were  going  to  at- 
tend, and  with  the  inferiority  of  other  travellers 
on  that  railway.  This  air  of  triumphal  progress 
or  coronation  procession  was  still  further  increased 
by  the  indefatigable  attentions  of  Halfred,   who 

103 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

at  every  station  ran  to  our  carriage  door,  touched 
his  hat,  and  made  inquiries  concerning  our  com- 
fort and  safety;  so  that  more  than  once  a  loyal 
cheer  was  raised  as  the  train  steamed  out  again, 
and  Dick  even  declared  that  at  an  important  junc- 
tion he  perceived  the  Lord  Mayor's  daughter  ap- 


Jump5  like  fleai" 


proaching  with  a  basket  of  flowers.  Unfortunate- 
ly, however,  she  did  not  reach  our  carriage  in  time. 

The  glories  of  this  j^ageant  he  was  ])artaking  in 
filled  Teddy's  mind  with  reminiscences  of  other 
scenes  where  he  had  jilayed  ixn  equally  distin- 
guished part. 

"  I  remember  one  day  with  the  Ouorn  last  year," 
he  remarked.     "Devil  of  a  run  we  had;  seventy- 

104 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

five  minutes  without  a  check.  When  we'd  killed, 
I  said  to  a  man, '(lot  anything  to  drink?'  It  was 
Pluckham.     You  know  Lord  Pluckham,  Dick?" 

"  His  bankruptcy  case  went  through  our  cham- 
bers," said  Dick,  dryl^^ 

"Dashed  hard  lines  that  was,"  said  Teddy. 
"He's  a  good  chap,  is  Pluckham;  ke])t  the  best 
whiskey  in  England.  B}^  Jove !  I  never  had  a  drink 
like  that.  A  man  needs  one  after  riding  with  the 
Quorn." 

And  Teddy  puffed  his  cigar  and  chewed  the  cud 
of  that  proud  moment. 

"Where  are  your  horses,  Teddy?"  asked  Dick. 
"Coming  down  by  a  special  train?" 

"  Oh,  they  are  mounting  me,"  said  Teddy.  "  Tre- 
vor-Hudson always  keeps  a  couple  of  his  best  for 
me.     What  are  you  doing?" 

"Following  on  a  bicycle,"  replied  Dick.  "My 
five  grooms  and  six  horses  haven't  turned  up." 

"My  dear  Shafthead,"  said  I,  "I  shall  lend  you 
one  of  mine." 

"Many  thanks,"  he  answered,  wath  gratitude, 
no  doubt,  but  with  less  enthusiasm  than  I  should 
have  expected.     "Unfortunately  I've  seen  'em." 

"And  do  you  not  care  to  ride  them?"  I  asked, 
with  some  disappointment,  I  confess. 

"Not  alone,"  said  Dick.  "If  you'll  lend  me 
Halfred  to  sit  behind  and  keep  the  beast  steady  I 
don't  mind  trying." 

"Very  well,"  I  said,  with  a  shrug. 
105 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

This  strain  of  a  brutality  that  is  pecuHarly  Brit- 
ish occasionally  disfigures  my  dear  Dick.  Yet  I 
continue  to  love  him — judge,  then,  of  his  virtues. 

"Are  they  good  fencers?"  asked  Lumme. 

"I  have  not  yet  seen  them  with  the  foils,"  I  re- 
plied, smiling  politely  at  what  seemed  a  foolish  joke. 

"I  mean,"  said  he,  "do  they  take  their  jumps 
well?" 

"Pardon,"  I  laughed.  "Yes,  I  am  told  they  are 
excellent — if  the  wall  is  not  too  high.  We  shall 
not  find  them  more  than  six  feet?" 

But  I  was  assured  that  o1)stacles  of  more  than 
this  elevation  would  not  be  met  frequently. 

"Do  they  take  water  all  right?"  asked  the  in- 
quisitive Tedd}^  again. 

"Both  that  and  corn,"  I  replied.  "But  Halfred 
will  attend  to  these  matters." 

English  humor  is  peculiar.  I  had  not  meant  to 
make  a  jest,  yd  I  was  applauded  for  this  simple 
answer. 

"Tell  me  what  to  look  for  in  my  hosts,"  I  said 
to  Dick,  presently. 

"Money  and  money's  w'orth,"  he  replied. 

"What  we  call  the  nouveau  riche?"  I  asked. 

"On  the  contrary,  what  is  called  a  long  i)edi- 
gree,  nowadays — two  generations  of  squires,  two 
of  captains  of  industry  (I  think  that  is  the  proper 
term),  and  before  that  the  imagination  of  the  Her- 
ald's Office.  There  is  tilso  a  pretty  daughter — 
isn't  there,  Teddy?" 

io6 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Quite  a  nice  little  thing/'  said  Luuinic,  gra- 
ciously. 

"I  thought  you  rather  fancied  her." 

"I'm  off  women  at  present/'  the  venerable  roue 
declared. 

Dick's  grin  at  hearing  this  sentiment  was  more 
eloquent  than  any  comment. 

But  now  we  had  reached  our  destination.  Hal- 
fred  and  a  very  statel}^  footman,  assisted  by  the 
station  -  master,  the  ticket  -  collector,  and  all  the 
porters,  transferred  our  luggage  to  a  handsome 
private  omnibus;  then,  Half  red  having  arranged 
that  the  horses  should  be  taken  to  stables  in  the 
village  (since  my  host's  were  full),  we  all  bowled 
off  between  the  hedge-rows. 

It  was  a  beautiful  October  evening,  still  clear 
overhead  and  red  in  the  west;  the  plumage  of  the 
trees  had  just  begun  to  turn  a  russet  brown ;  the  air 
was  very  fresh  after  the  streets  of  London;  our 
horses  rattled  at  a  most  exhilarating  pace. 

"  My  faith,"  I  exclaimed,  "  this  is  next  to  heaven ! 
I  shall  be  buried  in  the  country." 

"Those  hunters  of  yours  ought  to  manage  it 
for  you,"  observed  Dick. 

Yet  I  forgave  him  again. 

We  turned  through  an  imposing  gateway,  and 
now  we  were  in  a  wide  and  charming  English 
park.  Undulating  turf  and  stately  trees  spread 
all  round  us  and  ended  only  in  the  dusk  of  the 
evening;  a  herd  of  deer  galloped  from  our  path; 

107 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

rooks  cawed  in  the  branches  overhead ;  a  gorgeous 
pheasant  ran  for  shelter  towards  a  thicket.  Then, 
on  one  side,  came  an  ivy-covered  wall  o\er  whose 
top  high,  dark  evergreens  stood  uj)  like  Ethiopian 
giants.  Evidently  these  were  the  gardens,  and  in 
a  moment  more  w'e  were  before  the  house  itself. 

As  I  went  from  the  carriage  to  the  door  I  had 
just  time  and  light  to  see  that  it  was  a  verj'  great 
mansion,  not  old,  apparently,  but  tempered  enough 
by  time  to  inspire  a  kindly  feeling  of  respect.  A 
high  tower  rose  over  the  door,  and  along  the  front, 
on  either  side,  creepers  climbed  between  the  win- 
dows, and  these  gave  an  impression  at  once  of 
stateliness  and  home. 

By  the  aid  of  two  servants,  who  were  nearly  as 
tall  as  the  tower,  we  were  led  first  through  an  ami)le 
vestibule  adorned  with  a  warlike  array  of  spears. 
These,  I  was  informed,  belonged  to  the  bodj'-guard 
of  my  host  when  he  was  high  sheriff  of  his  county, 
and  this  explanation,  though  it  took  from  them 
the  romance  of  antiquity,  gave  me,  nevertheless, 
a  pleasanter  sensation  than  if  they  had  been  bran- 
dished at  Flodden.  They  were  a  relic  not  of  a  dead 
but  a  living  feudalism,  a  symbol  that  a  sovereign 
still  ruled  this  land.  And  this  reminded  me  of 
the  reason  I  was  here  and  the  cause  for  which  I 
still  hoped  to  fight;  and  for  a  moment  it  saddened 
me. 

But  again  I  commit  the  crime  of  being  serious ; 
also  the  still   less   ]jardonable  offence  of  leaving 

io8 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

iny  two  friends  standing  outside  the  doors  of  the 
hall. 

Hastily  I  rejoin  them ;  the  doors  open,  a  buzz  of 
talk  within  suddenly  subsides,  and  we  march 
ticross  the  hall  in  single  file  to  greet  our  host  and 
hostess.  What  I  see  during  this  brief  procession 
is  a  wide  and  high  room,  a  gallery  running  round 
it,  a  great  fire])lace  at  the  farther  end,  and  a  com- 
pany of  nearly  twenty  people  sitting  or  standing 
near  the  fire  and  engaged  in  the  consumption  of 
tea  and  the  English  crumpet. 

I  am  presented,  received  in  a  very  off-hand  fash- 
ion, told  to  help  myself  to  tea  and  crumpet,  and 
then  left  to  my  own  devices.  Lumme  and  Shaft- 
head  each  find  an  acquaintance  to  speak  to,  my 
host  and  hostess  turn  to  their  other  guests,  and, 
with  melted  butter  oozing  from  my  crumpet  into 
my  tea,  I  do  my  best  to  appear  oblivious  of  the 
glances  which  I  feel  are  being  directed  at  me.  I 
look  irresolutely  towards  my  hostess.  She  is  faded, 
affected,  and  talkative;  but  her  talk  is  not  for  me, 
and,  in  fact,  she  has  already  turned  her  back. 
And  my  host?  He  is  indeed  looking  at  me  fixedly 
out  of  a  somewhat  bloodshot  e\'e,  while  he  stuffs 
tea-cake  into  a  capacious  mouth;  but  when  I 
meet  his  gaze,  he  averts  his  eyes.  A  cheerful 
couple;  a  kindlj^  reception !  "  What  does  it  mean?" 
I  ask  myself.  "  Has  Lumme  exceeded  his  powers 
in  bringing  mc  here?"  I  remember  that  at  his  in- 
stigation Mrs.  Trevor-Hudson  sent  me  a  brief  note 

109 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

of  invitation,  but  possibly  she  repented  afterwards. 
Or  is  my  appearance  so  unpleasant?  In  France, 
I  tell  myself,  it  was  not  generally  considered  re- 
pulsive. In  fact,  I  can  console  myself  with  several 
instances  to  the  contrary;  but  possibly  English 
standards  of  taste  are  different. 

At  last  I  venture  to  accost  a  gentleman  who,  at 
the  moment,  is  also  silent. 

"Have  you  also  come  from  London?"  I  ask. 

"I?  No.  Live  near  here,"  he  says,  and  turns 
to  resume  his  conversation  with  a  lady. 

I  am  seriously  thinking  of  taking  my  departure 
before  there  is  any  active  outbreak  of  hostilities, 
when  I  see  a  stout  gentleman,  with  a  very  red  face, 
approaching  me  from  the  farther  side  of  the  fire- 
place. I  have  noticed  him  staring  at  me  with,  it 
seemed,  undisguised  animosity,  and  I  am  prepar- 
ing the  retort  with  which  I  shall  answer  his  request 
to  immediately  leave  the  house,  when  he  remarks, 
in  a  bluff,  cheerful  voice,  as  he  advances: 

"Bringin'  your  horses,  I  hear." 

"I  am,  sir,"  I  reply,  in  great  surprise. 

"  Lumme  was  tellin'  me,"  he  adds,  genially. 
"Ever  hunted  this  country  before?" 

And  in  a  moment  I  find  myself  engaged  in  a 
friendly  conversation,  which  is  as  suddenly  inter- 
rupted by  a  very  beautifully  dressed  apparition 
with  a  very  long  nmstache,  who  calls  my  short 
friend  "Sir  Henry,"  and  consults  him  about  an 
accident  that  has  befcillen  his  horse.     But  I  began 

no 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

to  see  the  theory  of  this  reception.  It  is  an  Enghsh- 
man's  idea  of  making  you — and  hnnself — feel  at 
home.  You  eat  as  much  cake  as  3^ou  please,  talk 
to  anybody  you  please,  remani  silent  as  long  as 


I  Keai*" 


you  please,  leave  the  company  if  you  please  and 
smoke  a  pipe,  and  you  are  not  interfered  with  by 
any  one  while  doing  these  things.  To  introduce 
you  to  somebody  might  bore  you ;  you  may  not 
be  a  conversationalist,  and  may  prefer  to  stand 
and  stare  like  a  surfeited  ox.  Well,  if  such  are 
your    tastes    it    would    be    interfering    with    the 

III 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

liberty  of  the  subject  to  cross  them.  What  was  the 
use  of  King  John  signing  the  iMagna  Charta  if  an 
Enghshman  finds  himself  compelled  to  be  agreeable? 

This  idea  having  dawned  upon  me  and  my 
courage  returned,  I  cast  my  eyes  round  the  com- 
pany, and  selecting  the  prettiest  girl  made  straight 
at  her.  She  received  me  with  a  smiling  eye  and 
the  most  delightful  manner  possible,  and  as  she 
talked  and  I  looked  more  closely  at  her,  I  saw  that 
she  was  even  fairer  than  I  had  thought. 

Picture  a  slim  figure,  rather  under  middle  height, 
a  bright  eye  that  sparkled  as  though  there  was 
dew  upon  it,  piquant  little  features  that  all  joined 
in  a  frequent  and  quite  irresistible  smile;  and, 
finally,  dress  this  dainty  demoiselle  in  the  most 
fascinating  costume  you  can  imagine.  Need  it  be 
said  that  I  was  soon  emboldened  to  talk  quite  frank- 
ly and  presently  to  ask  her  who  some  of  the  com- 
pany were?  "Sir  Henry''  turned  out  to  be  Sir 
Henry  Horley,  a  prosperous  baronet,  who  scarcely 
ever  left  the  saddle;  the  gentleman  with  the  long 
mustache,  to  be  Lord  Thane,  an  elder  son  with 
political  aspirations ;  while  the  man  I  had  first 
accosted  was  no  less  a  person  than  Mr.  H.  Y.  Tonks, 
the  celebrated  cricketer. 

"  And  now  will  you  point  out  to  me  Miss  Trevor- 
Hudson?"  I  asked.     "  I  hear  she  is  very  beautiful." 

"Who  told  you  that?"  she  inquired,  with  a  more 
charming  smile  than  ever. 

"Her  admirers,"  I  answered. 

112 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

The  girl  raised  her  eyebrows,  shot  nie  the  archest 
glance  in  the  world,  and  pointing  her  finger  to  her 
own  breast,  said,  simply: 

"There  she  is." 

I  said  to  myself  that  though  my  friend  Teddy 
Lumme  was  "off  women,"  I,  at  any  rate,  was 
not. 

8 


THE  ADk'ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HAR/COT 


Chapter   XII 

''Our  language  is  needlessly  complicated. 
lVhy,for  instance,  have  tivo  such  ivords  as 
'li'oman'  and  'discord/  irhen  one  -d^ould 
serve}" 

— La  Rabide. 


VTLY  the  men  retired  to  smoke, 
<?!?  ^/j^  and  for  an  hour  or  two  I  had  to  tear 

^  f-^  *%  niyself  from  the  smiles  of  Aliss  Trevor- 
•%  =?^  Hudson.     The  smokinp^-room  opened 

'%^^^^i'?^into  the  bilhard-room,  and  some  i)la3'ed 
pool  while  the  rest  of  us  sat  about  the  lire  and  dis- 
cussed agriculture,  the  preservation  of  pheasants, 
and,  principal!}',  horses,  hounds,  tmd  foxes.  A 
short  fragment  will  show  you  the  standard  of  elo- 
quence to  which  we  attained.  It  is  founded,  I 
cidmit,  more  on  imagination  than  memory,  JDut  is 
sufficiently  accurate  for  the  ]nirpose  of  illustra- 
tion. As  to  who  the  different  speakers  were  3'ou 
can  please  your  fancy. 

First  Sportsma  n .  "  Are  your  turnips  large  ?" 
114 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Second  Sportsman.  "  Not  so  devilish  bad.  Did 
you  t^o  to  the  meet  on  Tuesday?" 

First  Sportsman.  "  Yes,  and  I  noticed  Charley 
Tootle  there." 

Third  Sportsnian.  "  Ridin'  his  bay  horse  or  his 
black?" 

First  Sportsman.  "The  bay." 

Fourth  Sportsman.  "Oats  make  better  fced- 
nig. 

Second  Sportsman.  "My  man  prefers  straw." 

First  Sportsman.  "Did  j^ou  fish  this  summer?" 

Third  Sportsman.  "No;  I  shot  buffcdoes  in- 
stead." 

First  Sportsman.  "Where — Kamchatka  or  Ja- 
pan?" 

Third  Sportsman.  "Japan.  Kamchatka's  get- 
ting overshot." 

Fifth  Sportsman.  "  Do  you  supply  your  pheas- 
ants with  warm  water?" 

Second  Sportsman.  "I  am  having  it  laid  on." 

Fifth  Sportsman.  "What  system  do  you  use?' 

Second  Sportsman.  "Two -inch  pipes  attached 
by  a  rotatory  tap  to  the  conservatory  cistern." 

Fifth  Sportsman.  "  Sounds  a  devilish  good  no- 
tion." 

First  Sportsman.  "Now,  let  me  tell  you  my 
experience  of  those  self-lengthening  stirrups." 

And  so  on  till  the  booming  of  a  gong  summoned 
us  to  dress  for  dinner. 

"Well,"  said  Dick,  as  we  went  to  our  rooms, 
115 


THE  ADFENTUR.es  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"  you  looked  as  though  your  mind  was  being  im- 
proved." 

"It  is  trying  to  become  cidjusted,"  I  rephed. 

On  our  way  we  passed  along  the  gallery  over- 
looking the  hall,  and  suddenly  I  was  struck  by  the 
contrast  between  this  house  and  its  inhabitants : 
on  the  one  hand  the  splendid  proportions  and  dig- 
nity of  this  great  hall,  dtirk  under  the  oak  beams 
of  the  roof,  fire-light  and  lami>light  falling  below 
upon  polished  floor  and  carpets  of  the  East ;  the 
library  lined  with  what  was  best  in  English  litera- 
ture, the  walls  with  the  worthiest  in  English  art; 
on  the  other,  my  heavy-eyed  host  full  of  port  and 
prejudices,  and  as  meshed  about  by  unimagina- 
tive limitations  as  any  strawberry-bed.  Possibly 
I  am  too  foreign,  and  only  see  the  surface,  but 
then  how  is  one  to  suspect  a  gold-mine  beneath  a 
vegetable  garden? 

At  dinner  I  found  myself  seated  between  Lady 
Thane  and  Miss  Rosalie  Horley.  Lady  Thcuie, 
wife  to  the  nobleman  with  the  long  mustache,  had 
an  attractive  face,  but  took  herself  seriously.  In 
man  this  is  dangerous,  in  woman  fatal.  I  turned 
to  my  other  neighlDor  and  partially  olDtaincd  my 
consolation  there.  She  was  young,  highly  colored, 
hearty,  and  ingenuous,  and  proved  so  apprecia- 
tive a  listener  as  nearly  to  suffocate  herself  wath 
an  oyster-pate  when  I  told  her  how  I  had  burgled 
Fisher.  The  remainder  of  my  consolation  I  ob- 
tained from  the  prospect,  directly  opposite,  of  Miss 

ii6 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

Trevor-Hudson.  Slie  was  sitliiiu;  next  to  Teddy 
l^umme,  and  if  it  had  not  been  for  his  exi)ress  decla- 
ration to  the  contrary  I  should  have  said  he  Wiis 
far  from  insuscejjtible  to  her  charms.  Yet,  since 
I  knew  his  real  sentiments,  I  did  not  hesitate  to 
distract  her  glance  when  possible. 

After  dinner  a  great  bustling  among  the  ladies, 
a  great  putting  on  of  overcoats  and  lighting  of 
cigars  among  the  men,  and  then  we  all  embarked 
in  an  immense  omnibus  and  clattered  off  to  the 
ball.  This  dance  was  being  held  in  the  county 
town  some  miles  away",  so  that  for  more  than  half 
an  hour  I  sat  between  Dick  and  Teddy  on  a  seat 
behind  the  driver's,  my  cigar  between  my  teeth, 
a  very  excellent  dinner  beneath  my  overcoat,  and 
my  heart  as  light  as  a  sparrow's.  On  either  side 
the  rays  of  our  lamps  danced  like  fire-flies  along 
the  woods  and  hedge-rows,  but  my  fancy  seemed 
to  run  still  faster  than  these  meteor  companions, 
and  already  I  pictured  myself  claiming  six  dances 
from  Miss  Trevor- Hudson. 

But  now  other  lights  began  to  appear,  twink- 
ling through  trees  before  us,  and  presently  we  were 
clattering  up  the  high  street  of  the  market-town. 
Other  carriages  were  alread}^  congregated  about 
the  assembly  rooms  at  the  Checkered  Boar,  a 
crowd  of  spectators  had  gathered  before  the  door 
to  stare  at  visions  of  lace  and  jewelry,  the  strains 
of  the  band  came  through  an  open  window,  and  al 
together  there  was  an  air  of  revelry  that  I  sup- 

117 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

pose  only  visited  the  little  borough  once  a  year. 
Inside  the  doors,  waiters  with  shining  heads  and 
rudd}^  faces  waved  us  on  vip  cind  down  stairs  and 
along  passages,  where,  at  intervals,  we  met  other 
guests  as  resplendent  as  ourselves,  till  at  last  we 
reached  the  ballroom  itself.  This  was  a  long, 
low  room  with  a  shining  floor,  an  old-fashioned 
wall-paper  decorated  with  a  pattern  of  pink  roses, 
and  a  great  blaze  of  candles  to  light  it  up.  It  was 
evident  that  many  generations  of  squires  must 
have  danced  beneath  those  candles  and  between 
the  rose-covered  walls,  and  this  suggestion  of  old- 
worldness  had  a  singularly  pleasant  flavor. 

In  a  recess  about  the  middle  of  the  room  the  or- 
chestra were  tuning  up  for  another  waltz ;  at  one 
end  the  more  important  families  were  assembling ; 
at  the  other,  the  lesser.  Need  I  say  that  we  joined 
the  former  group? 

In  English  country  dances  it  usually  is  the 
custom  to  have  programmes  on  which  you  write 
the  names  of  your  partners  for  the  evening.  I  now 
looked  round  to  secure  one  particular  partner,  but 
she  was  not  to  be  seen.  The  waltz  had  begun ;  I 
scanned  the  dancers.  There  was  Shafthead  tear- 
ing round  with  Miss  Ilorley,  his  athletic  figure 
moving  well,  his  good  features  lit  by  a  smile  he 
could  assume  most  agreeably  when  on  his  best 
behavior.  There  w^as  the  stout  Sir  Henry  revolv- 
ing with  the  more  deliberate  pomjD  of  sixty  sum- 
mers.    But    where    were    the    bright   eyes?     Sud- 

ii8 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

denly  I  spied  the  .skirt  of  a  light-blue  dress  through 
the  opening  of  a  door\va3^  I  rushed  for  it,  and 
there,  out  in  the  passage,  was  the  niisogamist 
Lumiue  evidently  entreating  Miss  Trevor-Hudson 
for  more  dcinces  than  she  was  willing  to  surrender. 
For  her  sake  this  must  be  stopped. 

"I  have  come  to  make  a  modest  request,"  I  said. 
"  Will  you  give  me  a  dance — or  possibly  two?" 

With  the  sweetest  air  she  took  her  programme 
from  the  disconcerted,  and  I  do  not  think  ver}' 
amiable,  Teddy,  and  handed  it  to  me. 

"I  have  taken  three,  seven,  and  fourteen,"  I 
said,  giving  it  back  to  her. 

"Fourteen  is  mine,"  cried  Teddy. 

"Not  now,"  I  said,  smiling. 

"I  had  booked  it,"  said  he. 

"Your  name  was  not  there,"  I  replied.  "And 
now.  Miss  Hudson,  if  you  are  not  dancing  this 
dance  will  you  finish  it  with  me?" 

She  took  my  arm,  and  the  baffled  despiser  of 
women  was  left  in  the  passage. 

This  may  sound  hard  treatment  to  be  dealt  out 
to  a  friend,  and,  indeed,  I  fear  that  though  out- 
wardly calm,  and  even  polite  to  exaggeration, 
my  indigucition  had  somewhat  run  away  with 
me.  Had  I  any  excuse?  Yes;  two  eyes  that,  as 
I  have  said,  were  bright  as  the  dew,  and  a  smile 
not  to  be  resisted. 

She  danced  divinely,  she  let  me  clasp  her  hand 
tenderly  yet  firmly,  and  she  smiled  at  me  when 

119 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


she  was  dancinj^  with  others.  I  noticed  once  or 
twice  when  we  danced  together  that  Lumme  also 
smiled  at  her,  l)iit  I  was  convinced  she  did  not  re- 
\Ay  to  this.  In  fact,  his  whole  conduct  seemed  to 
me  merely  presumptuous  and  impertinent.  How 
mine  seemed  to  him  I  cannot  tell  you. 


•bKe 

Jespisen 
\x/ometv 


He  had  secured  the  advantage  oi  engaging  sev- 
eral dances  licfore  I  had  time  to  interfere,  and  also 
fx3ssessed  one  other — a  scarlet  evening -coat,  the 
uniform  of  the  hunt.  But  I  glanced  in  the  mirror, 
and  said  to  myself  that  T  did  not  grudge  him  this 
adornment,  while  as  for  my  fewer  number  of 
dances,  I  found  my  partner  quite  willing  to  allow 
me  others  to  which  1  was  not  legally  entitled.  In 
this  Wiiy  I  obtained  numljer  thirteen,  to   the  dct- 

120 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

riment  of  Mr.  Tonks,  and  was  just  prepared  to 
embark  upon  number  fourteen  when  Lumme  ap- 
proached us  with  an  air  I  did  not  approve  of. 

"This  is  my  dance,"  he  said,  in  a  manner  in- 
excusable in  the  presence  of  a  lady. 

"Pardon,"  I  replied.     "It  is  mine." 

Miss  Hudson  looked  from  one  to  the  other  of  us 
with  a  delighfully  perplexed  expression,  but,  I 
fear,  with  a  little  wickedness  in  her  brown  eye. 

"What  am  I  to  do?"  she  said,  with  a  shrug  of 
her  shoulders. 

"It  is  my  dance,"  repeated  Teddy,  glaring  fix- 
edly at  me. 

I  shrugged  my  shoulders,  smiled,  and  offered 
her  my  arm  to  lead  her  away. 

"I  am  sorry,  Mr.  Lumme,"  said  the  cause  of 
this  strife,  sweetly,  "  but  I  am  afraid  Mr.  D'Hari- 
cot's  name  is  on  my  programme." 

Teddy  made  a  tragic  bow  that  would  have  done 
credit  to  a  dyspeptic  frog,  and  I  danced  off  with 
my  prize.  At  the  end  of  the  waltz  he  came  up  to 
me  with  a  carefully  concocted  sneer. 

"You  know  how  to  sneak  dances,  moshyour," 
he  observed.  "  Do  you  do  everything  else  as 
well?" 

I  kept  my  temper  and  replied,  suavely,  "  Yes,  I 
shoot  tolerably  with  the  pistol,  and  can  use  the 
foils." 

"Like  your  cab-horses?"  sneered  Teddy,  taking 
no  notice,  however,  of  the  implied  invitation   to 

121 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

console  himself  if  aggrieved.     "I'm  keen  to  see 
how  long  you  stick  on  top  of  those  beasts." 

"Good,  my  friend/'  I  replied,  "I  take  that  as  a 
challenge  to  ride  a  race.  We  shall  see  to-morrow 
who  first  catches  the  fox!" 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Cbapfer  XIII 


"With   his   horse  and  his   hounds  in  the 
morning!" 


— English  Ballad. 


'%":?5'^ib^^^"I^'^^  ^  awoke  next  morning,  my  first 
^  ^  thoughts  were  of  a    pair    of    brown 

^  j/f/  ^;^  eyes,  dainty-  features  that  smiled  up 
^  <%  at  me,  and  a  voice  that  whispered  as 

^^^^^^  we  danced  for  the  last  time  together, 
"  Xo,  I  shall  not  forget  you  when  you  are  gone." 

Then,  quickh',  I  remembered  the  sport  before 
me,  and  the  challenge  to  ride  to  the  death  with  the 
rival  who  had  crossed  my  path. 

"  lialfred,"  I  said. 

The  little  man  looked  up  from  the  pile  of  clothes 
he  was  folding  in  the  early  morning  light,  and 
stopped  the  gentle  hissing  that  accompanied,  and 
doubtless  lightened,  every  task. 

"Fasten  mj'  spurs  on  firmly,"  I  said.  "I  shall 
ride  hard  to-day." 

He  cannot  have  noticed  the  grave  note  in  my 
123 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

voice,  for  he  replied,  in  his  customary  cheerful 
fashion,  "If  heverythint^  sticks  on  as  well  as  the 
spurs,  sir,  you  won't  'ave  nolhin'  to  complain  of." 
"I  shall  ride  ver^^  hard,  llalfred." 
'Arder  nor  usual,  sir?"  he  asked,  with  a  look 
of  greater  interest. 

T  5  kail  riic 
karJ.  toaa.'5 


"  Vastly,  immeasurablj^ ! ' ' 

"What's  huj),  sir?"  he  exclaimed,  in  some  con- 
cern now. 

"I  have  made  a  little  bet  with  Air.  Lumme," 
I  answered  in  a  serious  voice,  "a  small  wager 
that  I  shall  be  the  first  to  catch  the  fox.  If  you 
can  nuike  a  suggestion  that  may  help  me  to  win, 
I  slmll  be  happy  to  listen  to  it." 

"Catch  the  fox,  sir?  he  re])eated,  thought- 
124 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

fully,  scratching  his  head.  "Well,  sir,  it  seems 
to  me  there's  nothin'  for  it  but  starting  hoff  first 
and  not  Icttin'  'im  catch  you  up.  I  'aven't  'unf- 
ed myself,  sir,  but  I've  'card  tell  as  'ow  a  sharp 
gent  sometimes  spots  the  fox  afore  any  of  the 
bothers.     That's  'ow  to  do  it,  in  my  opinion." 

I  thought  this  over  and  the  scheme  seemed  ex- 
cellent. 

"We  shall  arrange  it  thus,"  I  said:  "You  will 
mount  one  horse  and  I  the  other.  We  shall  ride 
together  and  look  for  the  fox." 

Conceive  of  mj^  servant's  delight.  I  do  not  be- 
lieve that  if  I  had  offered  him  a  hundred  pounds 
he  would  have  felt  so  much  joy. 

I  dressed  myself  with  the  most  scrupulous  ac- 
curacy, for  I  was  resolved  that  nothing  about  me 
should  suggest  the  novice.  My  pink  coat  fitted 
to  within  half  a  little  wrinkle  in  an  inconspicuous 
place,  my  breeches  were  a  miracle  of  sartorial  art, 
the  reflection  from  my  top-boots  perceptibly  light- 
ened the  room.  No  one  at  the  breakfast-table  cut 
more  dash.  I  had  secured  a  seat  beside  Miss 
Trevor-Hudson  and  we  jested  together  with  a 
friendliness  that  must  have  disturbed  Lumme, 
for  he  watched  us  furtively,  with  a  dark  look  on 
his  face,  and  never  addressed  a  word  to  a  soul  all 
the  time. 

"I  shall  expect  you  to  give  me  a  lead  to-day," 
she  said  to  me. 

"Are  you  well  mounted?"  I  asked. 
125 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"\  am  riding  my  favorite  gray." 

"  Ride  hard,  then/'  I  said,  loud  enough  for  Lumme 
to  hear  me.     "  The  lead  I  give  will  be  a  fast  one!" 

Before  breakfast  was  over  we  had  been  joined 
by  guest  after  guest  who  had  come  for  the  meet. 
Outside  the  house  carriages  and  dog- carts,  spec- 
tators on  foot,  grooms  with  horses,  and  sports- 
men who  had  already  breakfasted  were  assembled 
in  dozens,  and  the  crowd  was  growing  greater 
every  moment.  I  adjusted  my  shining  hat  upon 
my  head  and  went  out  to  look  for  Halfred.  There 
he  was,  the  centre  evidently  of  considerable  inter- 
est and  admiration,  perched  high  upon  one  of  the 
gigantic  and  noble  quadrupeds,  and  grasping 
the  other  by  the  reins.  His  livery  of  deep- plum 
color,  relieved  by  yellow  cording,  easily  distin- 
guished him  from  all  other  grooms,  while  my  two 
steeds  appeared  scarcely  to  be  able  to  restrain  their 
generous  impatience,  for  it  required  three  villagers 
at  the  head  of  each  to  control  their  exhilaration. 

"I  congratulate  j^ou,"  I  said  to  ipy  servant. 
"The  tout  ensemble  is  excellent." 

At  that  moment  his  mount  began  to  plunge 
like  a  ship  at  sea,  and  the  little  man  went  up  and 
down  at  such  a  rate  that  he  could  only  gasp : 

"'Old  'im,  3'ou  there  chaw-bacons!  'Old  'im 
tight!     'E  won't  'urt  you!" 

In  response  to  this  petition  the  villagers  leaped 
out  of  range  and  uttered  incomprehensible  sounds, 
iimch    to    my    iimusemcnt.      This,    however,    was 

126 


THE  AD^ENrURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

quickly  changed  to  concern  when  I  observed  ni\' 
own  steed  suddenly  stand  upon  end  and  flourish 
his  fore-legs  like  a  heraldic  emblem. 

"You  have  overfed  them  with  oats,"  I  said  to 
Halfred,  severely. 

"Oats  be — "  he  began,  and  then  pitched  on  to 
the  mane,  "oats  be — "  and  here  he  just  clutched 


Oati  te  _' 


the  saddle  in  time  to  save  himself  from  retiring 
over  the  tail — "oats  be  blowed!" 

"  It  ain't  oats  that's  the  matter  with  'em,"  said  a 
bluff  voice  behind  me. 

I  turned  and  saw  Sir  Henrj^  looking  with  an 
experienced  eye  at  this  performance. 

"What  is  it?"  I  inquired. 

"Vice,"  said  he.  "I  know  that  fiddle  -  headed 
brute  well ;  no  mistakin'  him.  It's  the  beast  that 
broke  poor  Oswald's  neck  last  season.  His  widow 
sold  him  to  a  dealer  at  Rugby  for  fifteen  pounds, 
and,  by  Jove!  here  he  is  again,  just  waitin'  for  a 
chance  to  break  yours!" 

127 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

He  turned  his  critical  cyQ  to  Half  red's  refract(jr\' 
steed. 

"And  I  think  I  remember  that  dancin'  stallion, 
too,"  he  added,  grimh'.  "Gad!  you'll  have  some 
fun  to-day,  monsieur!" 

This  was  cheerful,  but  there  was  no  getting 
out  of  it  now.  Indeed,  the  huntsman  and  the  pack 
were  already  leading  the  way  to  the  first  covert 
and  everybody  was  on  the  move  behind  them.  I 
mounted  my  homicide  during  one  of  its  calmer 
intervals,  the  villagers  bolted  out  of  the  way,  and 
in  a  moment  we  were  clearing  a  course  through 
the  throng  like  a  charge  of  cavalry. 

"Steady  there,  steady!"  bawled  the  master  of 
the  hunt.     "Keep  back,  will  yo\xT' 

With  some  difficulty  I  managed  to  take  my 
mount  plunging  and  sidling  out  to  where  Halfrcd 
was  galloping  in  circles  at  a  little  distance  from 
the  rest  of  the  field. 

"Where  are  the  hounds?"  I  cried.  "Where  is 
the  fox?" 

"In  among  them  trees,"  replied  Halfred,  as  we 
galloped  together  towards  the  master. 

"Let  us  go  after  them!"  I  exclaimed.  "  Lumme 
waits  behind  with  the  others.     Now  is  our  chance !" 

"Come  on,  sir!"  said  Halfred,  and  we  dashed 
past  the  master  at  a  pace  that  scarcely  gave  us 
time  to  hccir  the  encouraging  cry  with  which  he 
greeted  us. 

The  wood  was  small,  but  the  trees  were  densely 
128 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

packed,  and  it  was  only  by  the  most  miraculous 
jj^ood  luck,  aided  also  bj^  skilful  management,  that 
we  avoided  injury  from  the  branches.  Somewhere 
before  us  we  coidd  hear  the  baying  of  the  hounds, 
and  we  directed  our  course  accordingly.  Suddenly 
there  arose  a  louder  clamor  and  we  caught  a 
glimi)se  of  white  and  tan  forms  leaping  towards 
us  But  we  scarcely  noticed  these,  for  at  that 
same  instant  we  had  espied  a  small,  brown  animal 
slipping  away  almost  under  our  horses'  feet. 

"The  fox!"  cried  Ilalfred. 

"The  fox!"  I  shouted,  bending  forward  and 
aiming  a  blow  at  it  with  my  whip. 

With  a  loud  cheer  we  turned  and  burst  through 
the  covert  in  hot  pursuit,  and,  easily  out-distancing 
the" hounds,  broke  into  the  open  with  nothing  be- 
fore us  but  Rej^'nard  himself.  Figure  to  yourself 
the  sensation! 

Ah,  that  I  could  inoculate  you  with  some  potent 
fluid  that  should  set  your  blood  on  fire  and  make 
you  feel  the  intoxication  of  that  chase  as  j'ou  read 
my  poor,  bald  words!  Over  a  fence  we  went  and 
descended  on  the  other  side,  myself  hatless,  Hal- 
fred  no  longer  perched  upon  the  saddle,  but  clinging 
manfulh^  to  the  more  forward  portions  of  his  steed. 
Then,  through  a  wide  field  of  grass  w^e  tore.  This 
field  was  lined  all  down  the  farther  side  by  a  hedge 
of  thorns  quite  forty  feet  high,  which  the  English 
call  a  "  bulrush."  At  one  corner  I  observed  a  gate, 
and  having  never  before  charged  such  a  barrier, 

9  129 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


I  endeavored  to  direct  my  horse  towards  this.  But 
no!  He  had  seen  the  fox  s^o  throu.L;h  the  hedge, 
and  I  beheve  he  was  inspired  by  as  eager  a  desire 
to  catch  it  as  I  was  nij-self.  I  shut  ni}"  ej'es,  I 
lowered  my  head,  I  felt  my  cheek  torn  by  something 
sharp  and  heard  a  great  crash  of  breaking  branches. 


Figure  io  Voujtse^ 
-me    oeruyatioTv  . 


and  then,  behold!  I  was  on  the  farther  side!  IVty 
spurs  had  instinctively  been  driven  harder  into 
m\'  horse's  flank,  and  though  I  had  long  since 
dropped  my  whi]),  they  proved  sufficient  to  en- 
courage him  to  still  greater  exertions. 

Finding  that  he  was  capable  of  directing  his 
course  unassisted,  and  perceiving  also  that  he 
had  taken  the  bit  so  lirmh'  between  his  teeth  as 
to    preclude    the    jKxssibility    of    my    guiding    him 

130 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

with  any  certainty,  I  discarded  the  reins  (which 
of  course  were  now  unnecessary),  and  confined 
my  attention  to  seeing  that  he  should  not  be  ham- 
pered by  my  shpping  on  my  saddle.  One  brief 
glance  over  my  shoulder  showed  me  his  stable 
companion  following  hard,  in  spite  of  the  incon- 
venience of  having  to  support  his  rider  up  on  his 
neck,  and  racing  alongside  came  the  foremost 
hounds.  Behind  the  pack  were  scattered  in  a  long 
procession  pink  coats  and  galloping  horses,  dark 
habits  and  more  galloping  horses.  I  tried  to  pick 
out  my  rival,  but  at  that  instant  my  horse  rose  to 
another  fence  and  my  attention  was  distracted. 

Another  field,  this  time  ploughed,  and  a  stiff er 
job  now  for  my  good  horse.  Yet  he  would  cer- 
tainly have  overtaken  our  quarry  in  a  few  min- 
utes longer  had  he  selected  that  part  of  the  next 
fence  I  wished  him  to  jump.  But,  alas!  he  must 
take  it  at  its  highest,  and  the  ploughed  field  had 
proved  too  exhausting.  We  rose,  there  was  a 
crash,  and  I  have  a  dim  recollection  of  wondering 
on  which  portion  of  my  frame  I  should  fall. 

Then  I  knew^  no  more  till  I  found  myself  in  the 
arms  of  the  faithful  Halfred,  with  neither  horse, 
hounds,  fox,  nor  huntsmen  in  sight. 

"Did  \"ou  catch  it?"  I  asked. 

"No,  sir,"  said  he,  "but  I  give  it  a  rare  fright." 

But  I  had  scarcely  heard  these  consoling  w^ords 
before  I  swooned  again. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


f3 


P 


Chapter  X!F 

'"You  feel  yourself  insulted}  That  is 
fortunate,  for  otherwise  I  should  have  been 
compelled  to !" 

— Hercule  d'Enville. 


??^ICTURE  me  now,  stretched  upon  a 
^  sofa  in  the  very  charming  morning- 
<%  room  of  Seneschal  Court,  a  httle 
<^  bruised,  a  Httle  shaken  still,  but  mak- 
ing a  quick  progress  towards  re- 
covery. Exasperating,  no  doubt,  to  be  inactive 
and  an  invalid  when  others  are  well  and  spending 
the  da3^  in  hunting  and  shooting,  but  I  had  two 
consolations.  First  of  all,  Lumme  had  not  beaten 
me.  He,  too,  had  been  dismounted  a  few  fields 
farther  on,  and  though  he  had  ridden  farthest, 
3'ct  I  had  gone  fastest,  and  could  fairly  claim  to 
have  at  least  divided  the  honors.  But  consola- 
tion number  two  would,  I  think,  have  atoned 
even  in  the  absence  of  consolation  number  one. 
In  two  words,  this  comfort  was  my  nurse.     Yes, 

132 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

3'ou  can  picture  Amy  Trevor- Hudson  sitting  by 
the  side  of  that  sofa,  intent  upon  a  piece  of  fancy- 
work  that  progresses  at  the  rate  of  six  stitches  a 
da\^  yet  not  so  intent  as  to  be  unable  to  converse 
with  her  guest  and  patient. 

"You  are  really  feeling  better  to-day?"  she  asks, 
with  that  sparkling  glance  of  her  brown  eyes  that 
accompanies  every  word,  however  trivial. 

"  Thank  \ox\ ;  I  have  eaten  two  eggs  and  a  plate 
of  bacon  for  breakfast,  and  should  doubtless  be 
looking  forward  now  to  lunch  if  ni}^  thoughts  were 
not  so  much  more  pleasantly  employed." 

"Are  you  thinking,  then,  that  j^ou  will  soon  be 
well  enough  to  go  away?" 

"I  am  thinking,"  I  reph^,  "that  for  some  days  I 
shall  still  be  invalid  enough  to  lie  here  and  talk  to 
you. 

She  does  not  look  up  at  this,  but  I  can  see  a 
charming  smile  steal  over  her  face  and  stay  there 
while  I  look  at  her. 

"Who  did  you  say  these  things  to  last?"  she 
inquires,  presently,  still  looking  at  her  work. 

"What  things?  That  I  am  fond  of  luncheon — 
or  that  I  am  fond  of  you?" 

"I  meant,"  vshe  replies,  looking  at  me  this  time 
with  the  archest  glance,  "  what  girl  did  you  last 
tell  that  you  were  fond  of  her?" 

Now,  honestly,  I  cannot  answer  this  question 
off-hand  with  accurac}^  I  should  have  to  think, 
and  that  is  not  good  for  an  invalid. 

133 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"1  cannot  tell  you,  because  1  do  not  remember 
her/'  I  reply. 

She  puts  a  wrong  construction  on  this — as  I 
had  anticipated. 

"I  don't  believe  you,"  she  says.  "I  am  sure 
you  must  have  said  these  things  before." 

"If  you  think  my  words  are  false,  how  can  I 
help  myself?"  I  ask,  with  the  air  of  one  impaled 
upon  an  ignited  stake,  yet  resigned  to  this  posi- 
tion. "I  dare  not  dispute  with  you,  even  to  save 
my  character,  for  fear  you  become  angry  and  leave 
me." 

She  smiles  again,  gives  me  another  dazzling 
glance,  and  then,  with  the  elusiveness  of  woman, 
turns  the  subject  to  this  wonderful  piece  of  work 
that  she  is  doing. 

"What  do  you  think  of  this  flower?"  she  asks. 

To  obtain  the  critical  reply  she  desires  entails 
her  coming  to  the  side  of  the  couch  and  holding 
one  edge  of  the  work  while  I  hold  the  other.  Then 
I  endeavor  to  hold  both  edges  and  somehow  find 
myself  holding  her  hand  as  well.  It  happens  so 
naturally  that  she  takes  no  notice  of  this  occur- 
rence but  stands  there  smiling  down  at  me  and 
talking  of  this  flower  while  I  look  up  cit  her  face 
and  talk  also  of  the  flower.  In  fact,  she  seems 
first  conscious  of  that  chance  encounter  of  hands 
when  a  stej)  is  heard  in  the  passage.  Then, 
indeed,  she  withdraws  to  her  scat  and  the  very 
faintest    rise    in  color  might    be  distinguished  by 

134 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


one  who  had  acquired  the  habit  of  looking  at 
her  closely. 

It  was  Dick  Shafthead  who  entered,  in  riding- 
breeches  and  toi>boots.  I  may  say,  by-the-way, 
that  he  had  not  been  reduced  to  a  bicycle.  On 
tlie  contrary,  he  made  an  excellent  display  upon 
a  horse  for  one  who  affected  to  be  too  j^oor  to  ride. 

"My  horse  went  lame,"  he  exi)lained,  "so  I 
thought  I'd  come  back  and  have  a  look  at  the 
patient." 

From  his  look  I  could  see  that  he  was  unpre- 
pared to  find  me  already  provided  with  a  nurse. 
Not  that  it  was  the  first  time  she  had  been  here — 
but  then  I  did  not  happen  to  have  mentioned  that 
to  Dick.  In  a  few  moments  Amy  left  us  and 
he  looked  with  a  quizzical  smile  first  at  the  door 
through  which  she  had  gone  and  then  at  me. 

"You  take  it  turn  tibout,  I  see,"  he  said.  "I 
didn't  know  the  arrangement  or  I  shouldn't  have 
interrupted." 

"I  beg  your  pardon?"  I  replied.  "Either  my 
head  is  still  somewhat  confused  or  I  do  not  under- 
stand English  as  well  as  I  thought." 

"I  imagined  Teddy  w^as  having  a  walk-over," 
said  he,  with  a  laugh. 

None  are  so  quick  of  apprehension  as  the  jeal- 
ous.    Already  a  dark  suspicion  smote  me. 

"Do  3'ou  allude  to  Miss  Trevor-Hudson?"  I 
asked. 

"Who  else?" 

135 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  And  you  thought  Teddy  was  having  what  you 
call  a  walk-over?" 

"I  did,"  said  Dick.  "But  it  is  none  of  my  busi- 
ness. 

"It  is  mj^  business/"  I  replied,  "to  see  that  this 
charming  lady  does  not  have  her  name  associated 
with  a  man  she  only  regards  as  the  merest  ac- 
quaintance." 

"  Has  she  told  3'ou  that  is  how  she  looks  on  Teddy? ' ' 

"She  has." 

Dick  laughed  outright. 

"What  are  your  hours?"  he  asked.  "When 
does  Miss  Hudson  visit  the  sick-bed?" 

"If  you  must  know,"  I  replied,  "she  has  had 
the  kindness  to  visit  me  every  morning;  also  in 
the  evening." 

"Then  Teddy  has  the  afternoons,"  said  he. 

"But  he  has  been  hunting." 

"He  comes  home  after  lunch,  I  notice,"  laughed 
Dick. 

I  became  angry. 

"Do  you  mean  that  Aliss  Hudson — " 

"Is  an  incorrigible  flirt?     Yes,"  said  he. 

"Shafthead,  you  go  too  far!"  I  cried. 

"My  dear  monsieur,  I  withdraw  and  I  a])olo- 
gize,"  he  answers,  with  his  most  disarming  smile. 
"Have  it  as  you  wish.  Onl}" — don't  let  her  make 
a  fool  of  you." 

lie  turned  and  walked  out  of  the  room  whistling, 
cmd  1  was  left  to  digest  this  dark  thought. 

136 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Certainly  it  was  true  that  I  did  not  see  much 
of  her  in  the  afternoons,  but  then,  I  argued,  she 
had  doubtless  household  duties.  Her  mother  was 
an  affected  woman  who  loved  jwsing'  as  an  in- 
valid and  had  st^iyed  in  her  room  ever  since  the 
ball.  Therefore  she  had  to  entertain  the  guests ; 
and,  now  I  came  to  think  of  it,  Lumme  would  nat- 
urally press  his  suit  whenever  he  saw  a  chance, 
and  how  could  she  protect  herself?  Certainly 
she  could  never  comjxire  that  ridiculous  little  man 
with — well,  with  ixwy  one  you  pletise.  It  was 
absurd!  I  laughed  at  the  thought.  Yet  I  be- 
came particularly  anxious  to  see  her  again. 


I lauehej 


In  the  evening  she  came  for  a  few  minutes  to 
cheer  my  solitude.  She  could  not  stay ;  yet  she 
sat  down.  I  must  be  very  sensible ;  yet  she  lis- 
tened to  my  complitnents  with  a  smile.     She  was 

137 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

ravishing  in  her  simple  dress  of  white,  that  cost, 
I  should  like  to  wager,  some  fabulous  price  in 
Paris ;  she  was  charming ;  she  was  kind.  Yes, 
she  had  l^een  created  to  be  a  temptation  to  man, 
like  the  di^unonds  in  her  hair;  and  she  perfectly 
understood  her  mission.  Inevitably  man  must 
wish  to  play  with  her,  to  caress  her,  to  have  her 
all  to  himself;  and  inevitabh^  he  must  get  into 
that  state  when  he  is  willing  to  pay  any  price  for 
this  possession.  And  she  was  willing  to  make 
him — and  not  unwilling  to  make  another  paj' 
also.  Indeed,  I  do  not  think  she  could  conceivabl}" 
have  had  too  many  admirers. 

But  I  did  not  criticise  her  thus  philosophically 
that  evening.     Instead,  I  said  to  her : 

"  I  was  afraid  I  should  not  see  you  till  to-morrow 
— and  perhaps  not  to-morrow." 

"Not  to-morrow?"  she  asked.  "Are  you  going 
away,  after  all?" 

"I  shall  be  here;  but  you?" 

"And  I  suppose  I  must  visit  my  patient." 

"  But  if  Mr.  Luinme  does  not  go  hunting — will 
3'ou  then  have  time  to  spare?" 

She  rose  and  said,  as  if  offended,  "  I  don't  think 
you  want  to  see  me  very  much." 

Yet  she  did  not  go.  On  the  contrary,  she  stood 
so  close  to  me  that  I  was  al)le  to  seize  her  hand 
and  draw  her  towards  me. 

"Ah,  no!"  I  cried.     "(Jive  me  my  turn!" 

"Your  turn?"  she  asked,  drawing  away  a  little. 
138 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Yes;  what  can  I  hope  for  but  a  brief  turn? 
I  am  but  one  of  your  admirers,  and  if  you  are 
kind  to  all—'' 

I  paused.  She  gave  me  a  bright  glance,  a  little 
smile  that  drove  away  all  prudence. 

"Amy!"  I  cried;  "I  have  something  to  give 
you!" 

And  I  gave  her — a  kiss. 

She  protested,  but  not  very  stoutly. 


lb  is. 


Ie|. 


"I  have  something  else,"  I  said.  And  I  was 
about  to  present  her  with  a  very  similar  offering — 
indeed,  I  was  almost  in  the  act  of  presentation, 
when  she  started  from  me  with  a  cry  of,  "  Let  me 
go!"  and  before  I  could  detain  her  she  had  fled 
from  the  room.  In  her  flight  she  passed  a  man 
who  was  standing  at  the  door,  and  it  was  he  who 
spoke  next. 

139 


THE  ADVENTURES    O F  M .  D'HA RICOT 

"You  damned,  scoundrelly  frog-eater "M"  he  re- 
marked. 

It  was  the  voice  of  my  ri\al,  Lumme! 

"Ah,  monsieur!"  I  exclaimed,  springing  up. 
"You  have  come  to  act  the  spy,  I  see." 

"  I  haven't,"  he  replied.  "  I  came  for  Miss 
Hudson — and  I  came  just  in  time,  too!" 

"No,"  I  said,  "not  just;  half  a  minute  after." 


Itv/as  tW  Voice 
Of -my  rival,  Lutnme} 


"You  dirty,  sneak}",  French  beast!"  he  cried. 
"I  bring  3^011  to  a  decent  house — the  first  3'ovi've 
ever  been  to — and  you  go  shamming  sick  to  get  a 
chance  of  insulting  a  virtuous  girl!" 

"Shamming!"  I  cried.  "Insulting!  What  words 
are  these?" 

"Do  you  mean  to  say  j^ou  aren't  shamming? 
You  can  walk  as  well  as  me!" 

''  It  i.s  a  legend  among;  the  Engli.sh  that  we  subsi.st 
j)riiicipally  upon  froj^s. — D'H. 

140 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Unquestionably  I  was  more  recovered  than  I  had 
admitted  to  m^'self  while  convalescence  was  so 
pleasant,  and  now  I  had  risen  from  my  couch  1 
discovered,  to  my  surprise,  that  there  seemed  little 
the  matter  with  me.  That,  however,  could  not 
excuse  the  imputation.  Besides,  1  had  been  ad- 
dressed by  se\eral  epithets,  each  one  of  which  con- 
veyed an  insult. 

"You  vile,  low,  little  English  pig!"  I  rei)lied ; 
"  you  know  the  consequences  of  your  language, 
I  suppose?" 

"I'm  glad  to  see  it  makes  you  sit  uj),"  he  replied. 

I  advanced  a  step  and  struck  him  on  the  face, 
£ind  then,  seeing  that  he  was  about  to  assault  me 
with  his  fists,  I  laid  him  on  the  floor  with  a  well- 
directed  kick  on  the  chest. 

"Now,"  I  said,  as  he  rose,  "will  you  fight,  or 
are  you  afraid?" 

"Fight?"  he  screamed.  "Yes;  if  you'll  fight 
fair,  you  kicking  froggy!" 

"As  to  the  weapons,"  I  replied,  "I  am  willing  to 
leave  that  question  in  the  hands  of  our  seconds — 
swords  or  pistols — it  is  all  the  same  to  me." 

He  looked  for  a  moment  a  little  taken  aback 
by  my  readiness. 

"Ah,"  I  smiled,  "you  do  not  enjoy  the  prospect 
very  much?" 

"If  you  think  I'm  going  to  funk  you  with  any 
dashed  weapons,  you  are  mistaken,"  said  Teddj^, 
hotly.     "We  don't   fight   like   that   in   England, 

141 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

but  I  won't  stand  upon  that.  My  second  is  Dick 
Shafthead." 

"And  I  shall  request  Mr.  Tonks  to  act  for  me," 
I  replied.     "The  sooner  the  better,  I  presume?" 

"  To-morrow  morning  will  suit  me/'  said  he. 

"Very  well,"  I  answered.  "I  shall  now  send  a 
note  by  my  servant  to  Mr.  Tonks." 

I  bowed  with  scrupulous  politeness,  and  he, 
with  an  endeavor  to  imitate  this  courtesy,  with- 
drew. 

Then  I  rang  for  Halfred. 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter  XV 


"An  animal  I  should  define  as  a  man 
-who  fights  in  a  sensible  way  for  a  reason- 
able end. " 

— La  Rabide. 


E 


<;|J9<^9|?'?|?^XTRACT  from  my  journal  at  this 
time: 

"  Wednesday  Night. 

"  All  is  arranged.  Tonks  and  Shaft- 
head  have  endeavored  to  dissuade 
us,  but  words  have  passed  that  cannot  be  over- 
looked, and  Lumme  is  as  resolute  to  fight  as  I. 
I  must  do  him  that  credit.  At  last,  seeing  that 
we  are  determined,  they  have  consented  to  act  if 
we  will  leave  all  arrangements  in  their  hands. 
We  are  both  of  us  willing,  and  all  we  know  is 
that  we  meet  at  daybreak  to-morrow  in  a  place 
to  be  selected  by  our  seconds.  Even  the  weapons 
have  not  yet  been  decided.  Should  I  fall  and 
this  writing  pass  into  the  hands  of  others,  I  wish 
them    to    know    that    these    two    gentlemen,    ]\Ir. 

143 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Shafthead  and  Air.  Tonks,  have  done  their  best 
to  procure  a  bloodless  issue.  In  these  circum- 
stances I  also  wish  Mr.  Lumnie  to  know  that  I 
fully  forgive  him. 

"Aly  will  is  now  made,  and  Half  red  is  remem- 
bered in  it.  Another,  too,  will  not  find  herself  for- 
gotten. AI\'  watch  and  chain  and  my  sisj^net-rin^  I 
ha^"  bequeathed  to  Amy.  I^'arewell,  detir  maiden ! 
Do  not  altop^ether  forget  me! 

"  Halfred  is  perturl^ed,  poor  fellow,  at  the  chance 
of  losing  a  master  whom,  I  think,  he  has  already 
learned  to  venerate.  Yet  he  has  a  fine  spirit,  and 
It  is  his  chief  regret  that  the  etiqviette  of  the  duel 
will  not  permit  him  to  he  a  spectator. 

"'Aim  at  'is  wind,  sir,'  he  advised  me.  'That 
oughter  double  'im  up  if  you  gets  'im  fair.  And 
perhaps,  sir,  if  you  was  to  give  'im  the  second 
barrel  somewhere  about  the  point  of  'is  jaw,  sir, 
things  would  be  made  more  certain-like.' 

"'And  what  if  he  aims  at  these  places  himself?' 
I  asked. 

"'Duck,  sir,  the  minute  you  see  'im  ci-pulling 
of  his  trigger — like  this,  sir.' 

"  ?Ie  showed  me  how  to  'duciv'  scientifically, 
and  I  gravely  thanked  him.  1  had  not  the  heart 
to  tell  how  different  are  the  fcital  circumstances  of 
the  duel,  his  devotion  touched  me  so.  I  have  told 
him  to  lay  out  my  best  dark  suit,  a  white  shirt,  my 
patent-leather  boots,  and  a  black  tie  that  will  not 
make  a  mark  for  the  bullet.     lie  is  engaged  at 

144 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

present  in  packing^  the  rest  of  my  things,  for,  what- 
ever the  issue,  I  cannot  stay  longer  here.  Fare- 
well again.  Amy!  Now  I  shall  write  to  my  friends 
in  France,  and  warn  them  of  the  possibilities  that 
may  arise.     Then  to  bed!" 

I  have  given  this  extract  at  length,  that  it  may 
be  seen  how  grave  we  all  considered  the  situation, 
and  also  to  disprove  the  common  idea  that  Eng- 
lishmen do  not  regard  the  duel  seriously.  They 
are,  however,  a  nation  of  sportsmen,  whose  war- 
fare is  waged  against  the  "furs  and  feathers," 
and  the  refinements  of  single  combat  practised 
elsewhere  are  little  cippreciated,  as  will  presently 
appear. 

It  was  scarcely  yet  daylight  when  I  left  my  room, 
and  with  a  little  difficulty  made  my  way  along  dim 
corridors  and  down  shadowy  stairs  to  the  garden 
door,  by  which  it  had  been  decided  we  could  most 
stealthily  escape  to  the  rendezvous.  Through  the 
trimmed  evergreens  and  the  paths  where  the  leaf- 
fall  of  the  night  still  lay  unswept  I  picked  \\\y 
course  upon  a  quiet  foot  that  left  plain  traces  in 
the  dew,  iDut  made  no  sound  to  rouse  the  sleeping 
house.  A  wicket -gate  led  me  out  into  the  park, 
and  there  I  followed  a  path  towards  an  oak  paling 
that  formed  the  boundary  along  that  side.  At 
the  end  of  this  path  a  gate  in  the  jDaling  took  me 
into  a  narrow  lane,  and  this  gate  was  to  be  our 
rendezvous. 

145 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

As  I  advanced,  I  saw  between  the  trees  a  solitary 
figure  leaning  against  the  paling,  and  I  was  as- 
sured that  my  adversary  at  least  had  not  failed 
me.  Looking  back,  I  next  caught  sight  of  the 
seconds  following  me,  and  I  delayed  my  steps  so 
that  I  only  reached  Lumme  a  minute  or  so  before 
them.  We  raised  our  hats  and  bowed  in  silence. 
He  looked  pale,  but  I  could  not  deny  that  his  ex- 
pression was  full  of  spirit,  and  I  felt  for  him  that 
respect  which  a  brave  man  always  inspires  in  one 
of  my  martial  race. 

His  costume  I  certainly  took  exception  to,  for, 
instead  of  the  decorous  garments  called  for  by  the 
occasion,  he  was  attired  in  a  light  check  suit,  with 
leather  leggings  and  a  pale -blue  waistcoat,  and, 
indeed,  rather  suggested  a  morning's  sport  than 
the  business  we  had  come  upon.  This,  however, 
might  be  set  down  to  his  inexperience,  and,  as  a 
matter  of  fact,  he  was  outdone  by  our  seconds,  for, 
in  addition  to  wearing  somewhat  similar  clothes, 
they  each  carried  a  gun  and  a  cartridge-bag.  Evi- 
dently, I  thought,  they  had  brought  these  to  dis- 
arm suspicion  in  case  the  party  were  observed. 
Their  demeanor  w^as  beyond  reproach,  and,  in- 
deed, surprising,  considering  that  they  had  never 
])cf()re  acted  either  as  princi})als  or  seconds.  They 
raised  their  hats  and  bowed  with  formality. 

"(iood-morning,  gentlemen,"  said  Shafthead. 

He  took  the  lead  throughout,  my  second,  Tonks, 
concurring  in  everything  he  said. 

146 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"You  still  wish  to  fight?" 

Lumme  and  I  both  bowed. 

"You  both  refuse  to  settle  your  differences  ami- 
cably?" 

"I  refuse,"  replied  Lumme. 

"And  I,  certainly,"  I  said. 

"Very  well,"  said  Dick,  "it  only  remains  to  as- 
sure you  that  the  loser  will  be  decently  interred." 

Here  both  he  and  Tonks  were  obviously  affected 
by  a  very  natural  emotion ;  with  a  distinct  effort 
he  cleared  his  throat  and  resumed: 

"And  to  tell  you  the  conditions  of  the  combat. 
Here  are  the  weapons." 

Conceive  our  astonishment  when  we  were  each 
solemnly  handed  a  double-barrelled  shot-gun  and 
a  bagful  of  No.  5  cartridges!  Even  Lumme  rec- 
ognized the  unsuitability  of  these  firearms. 

"1  say, hang  it!"  he  exclaimed;  "I'm  not  going 
to  fight  with  these!" 

"Tonks,  I  protest!"  I  said,  warmly.  "This  is 
absurd." 

"Only  things  you're  going  to  get,"  replied 
Tonks,  stolidly. 

"Gentlemen,"  said  Shafthead,  with  more  cour- 
tesy, "  you  have  agreed  to  fight  in  any  method  we 
decide.  If  you  back  out  now  we  can  only  suj> 
pose  that  you  are  afraid  of  getting  hurt — and  in 
that  case  why  do  you  fight  at  all?" 

"All  right,  then,"  replied  Lumme,  with  an  elan 
I  must  give  him  everj^  credit  for;  "I'm  game." 

147 


THE  ADFENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"And  I  am  in  your  hands,"  said  I,  with  a  shruj^ 
that  was  intended  to  protest,  not  against  the  dan- 
gler, but  the  absurdity  of  the  weapons.  "  At  what 
distance  do  we  stand?" 

"  In  that  matter  we  propose  to  introduce  another 
novehy,"  rephed  Dick. 

"To  make  it  more  sportinj^/'  explained  Tonks. 

"Just  so/'  said  Dick.  "You  see  that  planta- 
tion? We  are  goinp^  to  put  one  of  you  in  one  end 
and  the  other  in  the  other ;  you  have  each  fifty 
cartridges,  and  you  can  fire  as  soon  as  you  meet 
and  as  often  as  you  pleiise.  One  of  the  seconds 
will  remain  at  either  end  to  welcome  the  survivor." 

"  Oh,  that's  not  a  bad  idea,"  said  Lumme,  bright- 
ening up. 

I  had  my  own  opinion  on  this  unheard-of  inno- 
vation, but  I  kept  it  to  myself. 

"Now  3'ou  toss  for  ends,"  said  Tonks.     "Call." 

He  spun  a  shilling,  and  Lumme  called  "Heads." 

"Heads  it  is,"  said  Tonks.     "Which  end?" 

"It  doesn't  make  much  difference,  I  suppose," 
replied  Teddy.     "I'll  start  from  this  end." 

"Right  you  are,"  said  Dick.  "  Au  revoir, 
monsieur.  When  you  are  ready  to  enter  the  wood 
fire  a  cartridge  to  let  us  know.  Here  is  an  extra 
one  I  have  left  for  signalling." 

I  bowed  and  followed  my  second  across  the  lane 
and  through  a  narrow  gate  in  a  high  hedge  that 
bounded  the  side  farthest  from  the  park.  Lumme 
was  left  with  Shafthead  in  the  lane  to  make  his 

148 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

way  to  the  nearest  end  of  the  wood,  so  that  I  should 
see  no  more  of  him  till  we  met  pun  to  shoulder  in 
the  thickets.  I  confess  that  at  that  moment  I  coidd 
think  only  of  our  past  friendship  and  his  genial 
virtues,  and  it  was  with  a  great  effort  that  I  forced 
myself  to  recall  his  insults  and  harden  my  heart. 

We  now  walked  down  a  long  field  shut  in  by 
trees  on  either  hand.  At  the  farther  end  from  the 
lane  these  plantations  almost  met,  so  that  they 
and  the  hedge  enclosed  the  field  all  the  wa}'^  round 
except  for  one  narrow  gap.  Here  Tonks  stopped 
and  turned. 

"You  enter  here,"  he  said,  indicating  the  wood 
on  the  right-hand  side  of  this  gap,  "  and  370U  work 
your  way  back  till  yon  meet  him.  By-the-waj^ 
if  you  happen  to  hear  shots  anywhere  else  pay 
no  attention.  The  keeper  often  comes  out  after  rab- 
bits in  the  early  morning." 

"But  if  he  hears  us?"  I  asked. 

"  Oh,  we've  made  that  right  He  knows  we  are 
out  shooting.     Good  luck." 

I  would  at  least  have  clasped  the  hand  of  pos- 
sibly the  last  man  I  should  ever  talk  with.  I 
should  have  left  some  message,  said  something ; 
but  with  the  phlegmatic  coolness  of  his  nation 
he  had  turned  awa^^  before  I  had  time  to  reply. 
For  a  moment  I  watched  him  strolling  noncha- 
lantly from  me  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets,  and 
then  I  fired  my  gun  in  the  air  and  stepped  into 
the  trees. 

149 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Well,  it  mit^ht  be  an  unorthodox  method  of 
duelling,  but  there  coidd  be  no  questioning  the 
element  of  hazard  and  excitement.  Here  was  I 
at  one  end  of  a  narrow  belt  of  trees,  not  thirty 
\'ards  wide  and  nearly  a  quarter  of  a  mile  in  length, 
and  from  the  other  came  a  man  seeking  my  life. 
Ever}'  moment  must  bring  us  nearer  together,  till 
before  long  each  thicket,  each  tree  -  stem,  might 
conceal  the  muzzle  of  his  gun.  And  the  trees  and 
undergrowth  were  dense  enough  to  afford  shelter 
to  a  whole  company. 

Three  i)lans  onh'-  were  possible.  First,  T  might 
remain  where  I  was  and  trust  to  catching  him 
unnerved,  and  perhaps  careless,  at  the  end  of  a 
long  and  fruitless  search.  But  this  I  dismissed 
at  once  as  imworthy  of  a  man  of  spirit,  and,  in- 
deed, impossible  for  my  temperament.  Secondly, 
I  might  advance  at  an  even  pace  and  probably 
meet  him  about  the  middle.  This  also  I  dismissed 
as  being  the  procedure  he  would  naturalh'  ex- 
pect me  to  adopt.  Finally,  I  might  advance  with 
alacrity  and  encounter  him  before  I  was  expected. 
And  this  was  the  scheme  I  adopted. 

At  a  good  pace  I  pushed  mj^  way  through  the 
branches  and  the  thorns,  wishing  now,  I  must 
confess,  that  I  had  adopted  a  costume  more  suit- 
able for  this  kind  of  warfare,  till  I  had  turned 
the  corner  of  the  field  and  advanced  for  a  little 
distance  up  the  long  side.  While  I  was  walking 
down  with  Tonks  I  had  taken  the  precaution  of 

ISO 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

noting  a  particvilarly  large  pine  which  seemed 
as  nearly  as  possible  the  half-way  mark,  but  now 
a  disconcerting  reflection  struck  me.  That  pine 
was,  indeed,  half-way  down  the  side  of  the  field, 
but  I  had  also  had  half  of  the  end  to  tr^iverse,  so 
that  the  point  at  which  we  should  meet,  going  at 
a  similar  pace,  would  be  considerably  nearer  than 
I  had  calculated.  Supposing,  then,  that  Lumme 
was  also  hastening  to  meet  me,  he  might  even 
now  be  close  at  hand !  I  crouched  behind  a  thorn- 
bush  and  listened. 

It  was  a  still,  delightful  morning;  the  sun  just 
risen;  the  air  fresh;  no  motion  in  the  branches. 
Every  little  sound  could  be  distinctly  heard,  and 
presenth^  I  heard  one;  a  something  moving  in 
another  thicket  not  ten  ptices  away.  I  raised  my 
gun,  aimed  carefully,  and  pulled  the  trigger. 

The  stealthy  sound  ceased,  and  instead  a  pheas- 
ant flew  screaming  out  of  the  wood.  No  longer 
could  there  be  any  doubt  of  my  position.  I  ex- 
ecuted a  strategic  retreat  for  a  short  distance  to 
upset  my  enemy's  calculations  and  waited  for 
his  approach.  But  I  heard  nothing  except  two 
or  three  shots  from  the  plantation  across  the  field, 
where  the  keeper  had  evidently  begun  his  shoot- 
ing. I  advanced  again,  though  more  cautioushs 
but  in  a  very  short  time  was  brought  to  a  sudden 
stand-still  by  a  movement  in  a  branch  overhead. 
The  diabolical  thought  flashed  through  my  mind, 
"He  is  aiming  at  me  from  a  tree!" 

151 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Instanth'  I  raised  my  gun  and  discharged  both 
barrels  into  the  leaves.  There  came  down,  not 
Lmnme,  but  a  squirrel ;  yet  the  incident  inspired 
me  with  an  idea.  I  chose  a  suitable  tree,  and, 
having  scrambled  up  with  some  difficulty  (which 
was  not  lessened  by  the  thought  that  I  might 
be  shot  in  the  act),  I  waited  for  my  rival  to  pass 
below. 

Five  minutes  passed  —  ten  —  fifteen.  I  heard 
more  shots  from  the  keeper's  gun.  I  slew  two  foxes 
and  a  pheasant  which  were  ill-advised  enough 
to  make  a  suspicious  stir  in  the  undergrowth ;  but 
not  a  sign  of  Lumme.  I  had  not  even  heard  him 
fire  one  shot  since  the  duel  began.  Some  myster\^ 
here,  evidently.  Perhaps  he  was  waiting  patient- 
h^  for  me  to  approach  within  a  few  paces  of  the 
lane  whence  he  started.  And  I — should  I  court 
his  cartidges  b}^  falling  into  a  trap  I  had  thought 
of  laying  nwself? 

Yet  one  of  us  must  move,  or  we  should  be  the 
laughing-stock  of  the  country-side,  and  if  one  of 
two  must  attack,  the  brave  man  can  be  in  no  doubt 
as  to  which  that  is.  I  descended,  and  with  in- 
finite precautions  slowly  pushed  my  way  forward, 
raking  with  my  shot  every  bush  that  might  con- 
ceal a  foe.  Suddenly  between  the  trees  I  saw  a 
man — undoubtedh"  a  m£in  this  time.  I  put  my 
hand  in  my  cartridge  -  bag.  One  cartridge  re- 
maining, besides  two  in  my  chambers ;  three  car- 
tridges against  a  man  who  had  still  left  fifty !     Yet 

152 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


three  would  be  suflicicnt  if  I  could  but  get  them 
home. 

Carefully  I  cre])t  on   my  hands  and   knees   to 
within  a  dozen  paces;  then  I  raised  my  head,  and 


I  slew  T/Wto^xa$ 
and  a  'Pneasant/- 


behold!  it  was  Tonks  I  saw  standing  in  the  lane 
leaning  against  the  paling  of  the  park!  But 
Lumme?     Ah,  I  had  it.     He  had  fled! 

Shouldering  my  gun,  I  stepped  out  of  the  wood. 

"Hillo!"  cried  Tonks.     "Bagged  him?" 

"No,"  I  said. 

"Been  hit?"  he  asked.  "You  look  in  rather  a 
mess." 

153 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

And  indeed  I  did,  for  my  clothes  had  been  rent 
by  the  thorns,  my  face  and  my  hands  torn,  and 
doubtless  I  showed  also  some  mental  signs  of  the 
ordeal  I  had  been  through.  For  remember  that 
though  I  had  not  met  an  adversary,  I  had  braved 
the  risk  of  it  at  every  step.  And  I  had  made  those 
steps. 

"  No,"  I  replied.     "  I  have  not  even  been  fired  at. " 

"I  heard  a  regular  cannonade,"  he  said. 

"Forty-seven  times  have  I  fired  at  a  venture," 
I  answered.  "And  I  have  not  been  inaccurate  in 
my  aim.  In  that  wood  you  will  find  the  bodies  of 
four  squirrels,  five  pheasants,  and  two  foxes." 

"But  where  is  Lumme?"  he  inquired. 

"Fled,"  I  replied,  with  an  intonation  of  con- 
tempt I  could  not  conceal. 

"What!  funked  it?" 

"I  saw  no  sign  of  him." 

"By  Jove!  that's  bad,"  said  Tonks,  though  in 
so  matter-of-course  a  tone  that  I  was  astonished. 
A  man  of  a  sluggish  spirit,  I  fear,  was  my  cricket- 
ing second. 

"  Let  us  call  Shafthead,"  I  said.  "  For  myself, 
my  honor  is  satisfied,  and  I  shall  leave  him  and 
you  to  deal  with  the  runaway." 

We  walked  together  along  the  lane  till  we  came 
to  the  gate  in  the  hedge  through  which  we  had 
started  for  the  wood.  Through  this  we  could  see 
right  down  the  field,  and  there,  coming  towards 
us,  walked  Shafthead  and  Lumme. 

154 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"The  devil!"  I  exclaimed. 

"By  Jove!"  said  Tonks. 

"Can  you  explain  this?"  I  asked  him. 

"I?     No;  unless  you  passed  each  other." 

"Passed!"  I  cried,  scornfully. 

I  threw  the  gate  open  and  advanced  to  meet 
them.  To  my  surprise,  Lumme  looked  at  me 
with  no  sign  of  shame,  but  rather  with  indigna- 
tion. 

"Well,"  he  cried  to  me,  "you're  a  fine  man  to 
fight  a  duel.     Been  in  a  ditch?" 

"Poltroon!"  I  replied.  "Where  did  you  hide 
yourself?" 

"I  hide?"  said  he.  "Where  have  you  been 
hiding?" 

"Do  you  mean  to  tell  me  that  you  men  never 
met?"  asked  Shafthead. 

"Never!"  we  cried  together. 

"  Tonks,"  said  he,  "  into  which  plantation  did 
you  put  your  man?" 

"  The  right-hand  one,"  said  Tonks. 

"  The  right!"  exclaimed  Dick.  "  Then  you  have 
been  in  different  woods!  Oh,  Tonks,  this  is  scan- 
dalous!" 

But  my  second  had  already  turned  his  head 
away,  and  seemed  so  bowed  by  contrition  that 
my  natural  anger  somewhiit  relented. 

"Possibly  your  own  directions  were  not  clear," 
I  suggested. 

"Ah,"  said  Dick,  "I  see  how  it  was!  He  must 
155 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

have  turned  round,  and  that  made  his  right  hand 
his  left." 

"  Well/'  said  Lumme,  "  you've  made  a  nice  mess 
of  it.     What's  to  be  done  now?" 

"I  am  in  my  second's  hands,"  I  replied. 

"And    I    think    you've    fought    enough,"    said 


Tonks.  "How  many  cartridges  did  you  fire, 
Lumme?" 

"  Thirty-two,"  said  he. 

"  Well,  hang  it,  you've  loosed  seventy-nine  car- 
tridges between  you,  and  that's  more  than  any 
other  duellists  I  ever  heard  of.  Let's  pull  up  the 
sticks*  and  come  in  to  breakfast." 

"Is  honor  satisfied?"  asked  Dick,  who  had  more 
appreciation  of  the  delicacies  of  such  a  sentiment 
than  my  prosaic  second. 

Lumme  and   I   glanced  at  each  other,  and   we 

*  "  Pull  up  sticks  " — a  football  metaphor. — D'H. 
156 


THE  ADVENTURES  OE  M.  D'HAKICOT 

rcnienibered  now  our  past  intimacy;  also,  pcrhai)S, 
the  strain  of  that  fruitless  search  for  each  other 
among  those  thorny  woods. 

"Mine  is,"  said  Lmnme. 

"Mine  also,"  said  I. 

And  thus  ended  what  so  nearly  was  a  fatal  en- 
counter. 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 


Chapter   XVI 

"Heed   my  words!    Beware  of  women. 
Shallowest  when   overhrimmin' , 
Deepest  when   they  wish  you   well! 
Tears  and  trifles,  lace   and  laughter. 
The    Deuce     alone     knows    what     they're 

after — 
And  he  s   too   much   involved  to  tell." 

— Anon. 


q|^q^9|?i^9^E  all  walked  back  from  the  field  of 
'^  ^  battle  in  a  highh"  aniiciible  frame  of 

^  l/f/  "?!?  mind.  Going  across  the  park,  Lumme 
^-  <%  and  I  fell  a  little  behind  our  seconds 

'%#4^4?'%  and  conversed  with  the  friendliness  of 
two  men  who  have  learned  to  respect  each  other. 
We  had  cordially  shaken  hands,  we  laughed,  we 
even  jested  about  the  hazards  we  had  escaped — one 
would  think  that  no  more  complete  understanding 
could  be  desired.  Yet  there  Wcis  still  a  little  thorn 
pricking  us  both,  a  thorn  that  did  not  come  from 
the  woods  in  which  we  had  waged  battle,  but  lived 

158 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

in  the  jx^aceful  house  before  u.s.  Our  talk  flagp^ed ; 
we  were  silent.     Then  Teddy  abruptly  remarked : 

"I  say,  I  don't  want  to  rake  up  by-gones  and 
that  sort  of  thing,  don't  you  know,  but — er — you 
mustn't  try  to  kiss  her  again,  d'liaricot." 

"Try?"  I  replied,  a  little  nettled  at  this  asper- 
sion on  my  abilities.  "Why  not  say,  'You  must 
not  kiss  her  again  '  ?  " 

"By  Jove!  did  you?"  cried  Teddy,  stopping. 

I  shrugged  my  shoulders. 

"My  dear  Lumme,  the  successful  man  is  he 
who  lies  about  himself  and  holds  his  tongue  about 
women." 

"Be  hanged!"  he  exclaimed. 

"Well,  why  not  be?"  I  inquired,  placidly. 

"I  don't  believe  it,"  he  asserted. 

"Continue  a  sceptic,"  I  counselled. 

"She  told  me  she  had  never  kissed  any  one 
else,"  he  blurted  out. 

It  was  now  my  turn  to  start. 

"Except  whom?"  I  asked. 

"Me — if  you  must  know,"  said  Teddy. 

"You  kissed  her?"  I  cried. 

"Well,  it  doesn't  matter  to  you." 

"Nor  does  it  matter  to  you  that  I  did,"  I  retorted. 

"But  did  you?"  he  asked,  with  such  a  painful 
look  of  inquiry  that  my  indignation  melted  into 
humor. 

"My  dear  friend,"  I  replied,  "I  see  it  all  now. 
She  has  deceived  us  both!     We  are  in  the  same 

159 


THE  ADJ/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

ship,  as  you  would  sixy ;  two  of  those  fools  that 
women  make  to  pass  a  wet  afternoon." 

"You  mean  that  she  has  been  flirting  with  me?" 
he  asked,  with  a  woe-begone  countenance. 

"Also  with  me,"  I  answered,  cheerfully.  For 
a  false  woman,  like  spilled  cream,  is  not  a  matter 
worth  lament. 

"\  shall  ask  her,"  he  said,  after  a  minute  or 
two. 

"Have  you  ever  known  a  woman  before?"  I 
asked. 

"I've  known  dozens  of  'em,"  he  replied,  with 
some  indignation. 

"And  yet  you  propose  to  ask  one  whether  vshc 
has  been  true  to  3^ou?" 

"Why  shouldn't  I?" 

"Because,  my  friend,  j^ou  will  receive  such  an 
answer  as  a  minister  gives  to  a  deputation." 

"But  they  might  both  tell  the  truth." 

"Neither  ever  lies,"  I  replied.  "Diplomacy  and 
Eve  were  invented  to  obviate  the  necessitj'." 

This  aphorism  appeared  to  give  him  some  food 
for  reflection — or  possibly  he  was  merely  silenced 
by  a  British  disgust  for  an^^thing  that  was  not 
the  roast  beef  of  conversation. 

We  had  come  among  the  terraces  and  the  trim 
yews  and  hollies  of  the  garden.  The  long  west 
wing  of  Seneschal  Court  with  the  high  tower  above 
it  were  close  before  us.  Suddenh^  he  stopped 
behind   the  shelter  of   a   pruned   and   castellated 

i6o 


THE  ADJ/ENTURHS  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

hedgje,  and,  with  the  air  of  a  lost  traveller  seeking 
for  guidance,  asked  nie, 

"Isa}'',  what  are  you  going  to  do?" 

"Return  to  London  this  morning." 

"Why?" 

"For  the  same  reason  that  I  leave  the  table 
when  dinner  is  over." 

"You  won't  see  her  again?" 

"See  her?     Yes,  as  I  should  see  the  remains 


of  my  meal  were  I  to  pass  through  the  dining- 
room.     But  I  shall  not  sit  down  again." 

I  do  not  think  Tedd}^  quite  appreciated  this 
metaphor. 

"  Don't  you  think  she  is — "  he  began,  but  had 
some  difficulty  in  finding  a  word. 

"Well  served?"  I  suggested. 

"No." 

"Digestible,  then?  No,  my  friend.  I  do  not 
II  l6i 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

think  she  is  very  digestible  either  for  3^011  or  for 
me.     We  get  pains  inside  and  Httle  nourishment." 

"I  hke  her  awfulh","  said  poor  Teddj''. 

"  Who  would  not?"  I  replied.  "  If  a  girl  is  beau- 
tiful, charming,  not  too  chary  of  her  favors,  ^lnd 
yet  not  inartistically  lavish ;  if  she  knows  how 
to  let  a  smile  spring  gently  from  an  artless  dim- 
ple, how  to  aim  a  bright  eye  and  shake  a  light 
curl;  and  if  she  is  not  too  fully  occupied  with 
others  to  spare  one  an  hour  or  two  of  these  charms, 
who  would  not  like  her?  Personally,  I  should 
adore  her — while  it  lasted." 

"Do  you  really  think  she  isn't  all  she  seems?" 
he  asked,  in  a  doleful  voice. 

"  On  the  contrary,  I  think  she  is  more ;  consid- 
cralily  more.  Ah^  dear  Lumme,  I  have  studied 
this  girl  dispassionately,  critically,  as  I  would  a 
work  of  art  offered  me  for  sale,  and  I  pronounce 
nvy  opinion  in  three  words — she  is  false!  I  coun- 
sel 3"ou,  nw  friend,  to  leave  with  me  this  morning." 

"  And  I  shoidd  advise  3"ou  to  take  this  gentle- 
man's advice,"  exclaimed  a  voice  behind  us,  in  a 
tone  that  I  cannot  call  friendly.  We  turned,  pos- 
sibly with  more  precipitation  than  dignity,  to  see 
Miss  Amy  herself  within  five  paces  of  us.  Evi- 
dently she  had  just  appeared  round  the  edge  of 
the  castellated  hedge,  though  how  long  she  had 
been  standing  on  the  other  side  I  cannot  i)retend 
to  guess.  Long  enough,  at  any  rate,  to  give  her 
a  ver}'  flushed  face  and  an  e\'e  that  sparkled  more 

162 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

brightly  than  ever.     Indeed,  I  never  saw  her  io 
more    advantage. 

"How  dare  j'ou!"  she  cried,  tears  threatening 
in  her  voice;  "how  dare  you — talk  of  me  so!" 

"Mademoiselle — "  I  began,  with  conciliatory 
humility. 

"Don't  speak  to  me!"  she  interrupted,  and 
turned  her  brown  e^-es  to  Liunme.  Undoubted 
tears  glistened  in  them  now. 

"  So  you  have  been  listening  to  this — this  per- 
son's slanders?  And  you  are  going  away  now 
because  3'ou  have  letirned  that  I  am  f£ilse?  I 
have  been  offered  for  sale  like  a  work  of  art!  He 
has   studied   me   dispassionately!" 

Here  she  gave  me  a  look  whose  wrathful  sig- 
nificance I  will  leave  you  to  imagine. 

"Go!  Go  with  him!  You  may  be  sure  that  I 
sha'n't  ask  either  of  you  to  stay!" 

Never  had  two  men  a  better  case  against  a  wom- 
an, and  never,  I  am  sure,  have  two  men  taken 
less  advantage  of  it. 

"Miss  liudson;  I  say — "  began  poor  Teddy, 
in  the  tone  rather  of  the  condemned  nuirderer  than 
the  inexorable  judge. 

"Don't  answer  me!"  she  cried,  and  turned  the 
eyes  back  to  me. 

The  tears  still  glistened,  but  anger  shone  through 
them. 

"  As  for  j'ou —     You — you — brute  1" 

"Pardon  me,"   I  replied,  in  a  reasonable  tone, 
163 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  the  conversation  you  overheard  was  intended 
for  another." 

"Yes,"  she  exclaimed,  "while  you  are  trying 
to  force  your  odious  attentions  on  me,  you  are 
attacking  me  all  the  time  behind  mj^  back." 

"Behind  a  hedge,"  I  corrected,  as  pleasanth^ 
as  possible. 

But  this  did  not  appear  to  mollify  her. 

"You  think  every  woman  you  meet  is  in  love 
with  you,  1  suppose,"  she  sneered.  "Well,  j'Ou 
maj^  be  interested  to  know  that  we  all  think  you 
simplj^  a  ridiculous  little  Frenchman." 

"Little!"  I  exclaimed,  justly  incensed  at  this 
unprovoked  and  untrue  attack.  "What  do  you 
then  call  my  friend?" 

For  Lumme  was  considerably  smaller  than  I, 
and  might  indeed  have  been  termed  short. 

"  He  knows  what  I  think  of  him,"  she  answered  ; 
and  with  this  ambiguous  remark  (accompanied 
by  an  equally  ambiguous  flash  of  her  brown  eyes 
at  Teddy),  she  turned  scornfully  and  hurried  to 
the  house. 

For  a  moment  we  stood  silent,  looking  some- 
what foolishly  at  each  other, 

"You've  done  it  now,"  said  Teddj^  at  length. 

"I  have,"  I  replied,  my  equanimity  returning. 

"  I  suppose  ril  have  to  clear  out  too.  Hang  it, 
you  needn't  have  got  me  into  a  mess  like  this," 
said  he,  in  an  injured  tone. 

"Better  a  mess  than  a  snare,"  I  retorted.  "Let 
164 


THE  ADyENTURHS  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

lis  look  up  a  good  train,  cat  some  breakfast,  and 
shiike  the  dust  of  this  house  from  our  feet." 

lie  made  no  answer,  and  when  we  got  to  the 
house  he  tacitly  agreed  to  accompany  Shafthead 
and  myself  by  the  11.25  train. 


*  Little!. ....WKaiJo^ 
■youthen  call 


IVIy  things  were  packed.  Halfred  and  a  foot- 
man were  even  piling  them  on  the  carriage,  and 
I  was  making  ni}^  adieux,  when  I  observed  this 
dismissed  suitor  enter  the  hall  with  his  customary 
cheerful  air  and  no  sign  of  de]:»arture  about  him. 

"Are  you  ready?'  I  asked  him. 

"They've  asked  me  to  stay  till  to-morrow," 
165 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

he  replied,  with  a  conscious  look  he  could  not 
conceal,  "and — er — well,  there's  really  no  neces- 
sity for  going  to-day.  Good-bye — see  you  soon 
in  town/' 

"Good-bye,"  said  Amj^,  sweetly,  but  with  a 
look  in  her  eyes  that  belied  her  voice.  "  I  ^im  so 
glad  we  have  been  able  to  persuade  one  of  you  to 
stay  a  little  longer." 

"Better  a  little  fish  than  an  empty  dish,"  I  said 
to  m3'self,  and  revolving  this  useful  maxim  in 
my  mind  I  departed  from  Seneschal  Court. 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XVII 

"/  tell  thee  in  thine  ear,  he  is  a  man 
'Tis  -wiser  thou  shouldst  drink  "with  than 
affront!" 

—Ben  Verulam. 


B 


what  is  in  it?" 
"I  don't  know,  sir/'  said  Mr.  Titch. 
I  had  just  got  back  to  my  rooms 
and  stood  facing  a  gigantic  packing- 
case  that  had  appeared  in  my  ab- 
sence. It  was  labelled,  "  For  Mr.  Balfour,  care  of 
M.  d'Haricot.  Not  to  be  opened."  Not  another 
word  of  explanation,  not  a  letter,  not  a  message, 
nothing  to  throw  light  on  the  mystery.  The  three 
Titches  and  Halfred  stood  beside  me  also  gazing 
at  this  strange  offering. 

"Could  it  be  fruit,  sir?'"  suggested  Mrs.  Titch, 
in  her  foolishly  wise  fashion. 

"  Fruit!"  said  Aramatilda,  scornfully.     "  It  must 
weigh  near  on  a  ton." 

"You  'aven't  ordered  any  furniture  inadverlenl- 
167 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

\y,  as  it  were,  sir?"  asked  Half  red,  scratching  his 
head,  sagely. 

"  If  anybody  has  ordered  this  it  is  evidently  Mr. 
Balfour,"  I  replied. 

"Who  is  Mr.  Balfour,  sir?"  said  Arainatilda. 

"Do  you  know?"  I  asked  Mr.  Titch. 

My  landlord  looked  solemn,  as  he  always  did 
when  speaking  of  the  great. 

"  There  is  the  Right  Honorable  Arthur  Balfour, 
nephew  to  the  Marquis — " 

"Yes,  yes,"  I  interrupted;  "but  I  do  not  think 
that  admirable  statesman  would  confide  his  pur- 
chases to  me." 

"  Then,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Titch,  with  an  air  of  wash- 
ing his  hands  of  all  lesser  personages,  "  I  give  it 
up. 

"  I  wish  you  could,"  I  replied,  "  but  I  fear  it  must 
remain  here  for  the  present." 

They  left  my  room  casting  lingering  glances 
at  the  monstrosity,  and  once  I  was  alone  my  cu- 
riosity quickly  died  awa3^  I  felt  lonely  and  de- 
pressed. Parting  from  a  houseful  of  guests  and 
the  cheerful  air  of  a  country-house,  I  realized  how 
foreign,  after  all,  this  city  was  to  me.  I  had  ac- 
quaintances; I  could  find  my  way  through  the 
streets;  but  what  else?  Ah,  if  I  were  in  Paris 
now!  That  name  spelled  Heaven  as  I  said  it  over 
and  over  to  myself. 

I  said  it  the  oftener  that  I  might  not  say  "wom- 
an."    What   mockery   in    that   word!     Yet   I   felt 

l68 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

that  I  must  find  relief.     I  opened  my  journal  and 
this  is  what  I  wrote: 

"To  d'Haricot  from  d'Haricot. — Foolish  friend, 
beware  of  those  things  they  call  eyes,  of  that  sub- 
stance they  term  hair,  of  that  abstraction  known 
as  a  smile,  and,  above  all,  beware  of  those  twin 
lies  styled  lips.  They  kiss  but  in  the  intervals  of 
kissing  others;  they  speak  but  to  deceive.  Never- 
more shall  I  regard  a  woman  more  seriously  than 
I  do  this  pretty,  revolving  ring  of  cigarette  smoke. 

"  I  am  twenty-five,  and  romance  is  over.  Follow 
thou  my  counsel  and  my  example." 

Outside  it  rained — hard,  continuously,  without 
room  for  a  hope  of  sunshine,  as  it  only  rains  in 
England,  I  think.  Perhaps  I  may  be  unjust,  but 
certainly  never  before  have  I  been  so  wet  through 
to  the  soul.  I  threw  down  my  pen,  I  went  to  the 
piano,  and  I  began  to  play  "  I>' Air  Bassinette " 
of  Verdi.  Gently  at  first  I  played,  and  then  more 
loudly  and  yet  more  loudly.  So  carried  away 
was  I  that  I  began  to  sing. 

Now  at  last  the  rain  is  inaudible;  my  heart  is 
growing  light  again,  when  above  my  melody 
I  hear  a  most  determined  knocking  on  the  door. 
Before  I  have  time  to  rise,  it  opens,  and  there  en- 
ters— my  neighbor,  the  old  General.  Is  it  that  he 
loves  music  so  much?  No,  I  scarcely  think  so. 
His  face  is  not  that  of  the  ravished  dolphin ;  on 

169 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

the  contrarj^  his  eyes  are  bright  with  an  emotion 
that  is  not  pleasure,  his  face  is  brilHant  with  a 
choleric  flush.     I  turn  and  face  him. 

"  Pray  do  not  stop  your  pandemonium  on  my 
account/'  he  says,  with  sarcastic  politeness.  "I 
have  endured  it  for  half  an  hour,  and  I  now  pur- 
pose to  leave  this  house  and  not  return  till  you 
are  exhausted,  sir." 

"\  am  obliged  to  you  for  your  permission,"  I 
reply,  with  equal  politeness,  "and  I  shall  now  en- 
deavor to  win  my  bet." 

"  Your  bet,  sir?"  he  inquires,  with  scarcely  stifled 
indignation. 

"\  have  made  a  bet  that  I  shall  play  and  sing 
for  thirty-six  consecutive  hours,"  I  explain. 

"  Then,  sir,  I  shall  interdict  you,  as  sure  as  there 
is  law  in  England!" 

"  Have  you  now  explained  the  object  of  this 
visit?"  I  inquire. 

"  No,  sir,  I  have  not.  I  came  in  here  to  request 
you  to  make  yourself  personally  known  to  your 
disreputable  confederates  in  order  that  they  may 
not  mistake  me  for  a  damned  Bulgarian  anarchist 
— or  whatever  your  country  and  profession  happen 
to  be." 

"May  I  ask  you  to  explain  this  courteous  yet 
ambiguous  demand?" 

"Certainly,  sir;  and  I  trust  you  may  see  fit  to 
])ut  an  end  to  the  nuisance.  Two  days  ago  I  was 
accosted  as  I  was  leaving  this  house — leaving  the 

170 


THE  ADyRNTURHS  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


door  of  my  own  house,  sir,  I  would  have  you  re- 
mark! A  dashed  half-hanged  scoundrel  came  uj) 
to  me  and  had  the  impudence  to  tell  me  he  wanted 
to  speak  to  me.  'Well/  I  said,  'what  is  your 
business,  sir?' 

"'My  name  is  Hanke^^'  said  he." 

"Hankey!"  I   exclaimed. 

"  Yes,  sir,  Hankey.     You  know  him,  then?" 

"  By  name  onl3'." 

"Then,  sir,  I  had  the  advantage  over  you," 
said  the  General,  irately.  "I  didn't  know  the 
scoundrel  from  Beelzebub — and  I  told  him  so. 
Upon  that,  sir,  he  had  the  audacity  to  throw  out 
a  hint  that  my  friends — as  he  called  his  dashed 
gang  of  cut-throats — were  kee])ing  an  ej-e  on  me. 
I  pass  the  hint  on  to  you,  sir,  having  no  acquaint- 
ance myself  with  such  gentry!" 

"And  was  that  all  that  passed?"  I  asked,  feel- 
ing too  amazed  and  too  interested  to  take  offence. 

"  No,  sir,  not  all — but  quite  enough  for  my  taste, 
I  assure  j^ou.  I  said  to  him,  'Sir,'  I  said,  'I  know 
your  dashed  name  and  I  maj^  now  tell  you  that 
mine  is  (icneral  Sholto ;  that  I  am  not  the  man 
to  be  humbugged  like  this,  and  that  I  propose  to 
introduce  you  to  the  first  policeman  I  see.'  Gad, 
you  vshould  have  seen  the  rogue  jump!  Then  il 
seemed  that  he  hiid  done  me  the  honor  of  mistak- 
ing me  for  you,  sir,  and  I  must  ask  you  to  have 
the  kindness  to  take  such  stei)s  as  will  enable  your 
confederates  to  know  you  when  they  see  you,  or, 

171 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

by  George!  I'll  pvit  the  whole  business  into  the 
hands  of  the  police!" 

I  felt  strongly  tempted  to  let  my  indignant  fellow- 
lodger  adopt  this  course,  for  my  feelings  towards 
the  absentee  tenant  of  Mount  Olympus  House 
could  not  be  described  as  cordial,  and  the  impu- 
dence of  his  attempt  to  threaten  me  took  m^"  breath 
away  ;  but  then  the  thought  struck  me,  "  This  man 
is  an  agent — though  I  fear  an  unworthy  one — 
of  the  Cause.  I  must  sink  ray  own  grievances!" 
Accordingly,  with  a  polite  air,  I  endeavored  to 
lull  my  neighbor's  suspicions,  assuring  him  that 
it  was  only  a  tailor's  debt  the  conspiring  Hankey 
sought  from  me,  and  that  I  would  settle  the  ac- 
count and  abate  the  nuisance  that  vcr}^  after- 
noon. 

He  seemed  a  little  mollified  ;  to  the  extent,  at 
least,  that  his  thunder  became  a  more  distant 
rumble. 

"  I  don't  want  to  ask  too  many  favors  at  once, 
sir,"  he  said;  "but  I  fear  I  must  also  request 
3^ou  to  remove  your  piano  to  the  basement  for  the 
next  six-and-thirty  hours.  I  shall  not  stand  it, 
sir,  I  warn  you!" 

'"My  dear  sir,"  I  cried,  "that  was  but  a — how 
does  the  immortal  Shakespeare  call  it? — a  coun- 
tercheck quarrelsome  —  that  was  all.  I  should 
not  have  sung  at  all  had  I  known  3'ou  disliked 
music." 

"Music!  music!"  exclaimed  my  visitor,  with 
172 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

an  expressive  blending  of  contempt  and  indigna- 
tion. Then,  in  a  milder  tone,  yet  with  the  most 
crushing,  irony,  continued  :  "  I  go  to  every  musical 
piece  in  London — and  enjoy  'em  sir ;  all  of  'em. 
I've  even  sat  out  a  concert  in  the  Albert  Hall ;  so 
if  I'm  not  musical,  what  the  deuce  am  I?" 

"It  is  evident,"  I  replied. 

"  I  might  even  appreciate  your  efforts,  sir.  Very 
possibly  I  would,  very  possibly,  supposing  I  heard 
'em  at  a  reasonable  hour,"  said  the  General,  with 
magnanimity  that  will  one  day  send  him  to  heaven. 
"  But  it  is  my  habit,  sir,  to  take  a — ah — a  rest  in 
the  afternoon,  and — er — er — well,  it's  deuced  dis- 
turbing." 

This  is  but  the  echo  of  the  storm  among  the  hills. 
The  wrath  of  my  gallant  neighbor  is  evidently 
all  but  evaporated. 

"A  thousand  apologies,  sir.  If  you  will  be 
good  enough  to  tell  me  at  what  hours  my  playing 
is  disturbing  to  3'ou,  I  shall  regulate  my  melody 
accordingly." 

"  Much  obliged ;  much  obliged.  I  don't  want 
to  stop  you  altogether,  don't  you  know,"  says 
nw  visitor,  and  abruptly  inquires,  "Professional 
musician,  I  i)resume?" 

"Did  I  sound  like  it?" 

"  Beg  pardon ;  being  a  foreigner,  I  fancied  37^ou'd 
probably  be — er — "  He  evidently  wants  to  say 
"a  Bohemian,"  but  fears  to  wound  my  feelings. 

"  'A  damned  Bulgarian  anafchist,'  "  I  suggest. 
173 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

He  snorts,  laughs,  and  apparently  is  already 
inclined  to  smile  at  his  recent  heat. 

"I'm  a  bad-tempered  old  boy,"  he  says.  "Par- 
don, mossoo." 

He  is  ashamed,  I  can  see,  that  John  Bull  should 
have  condescended  to  lose  his  temper  with  a  mere 
foreigner.  This  point  of  view  is  not  flattering ; 
but  the  naivete  of  the  old  boy  amuses  me. 

"Take  a  seat,  sir,"  I  now  venture  to  suggest, 
"and  allow  me  to  offer  you  a  little  whiskc}-  and  a 
little  soda  water." 

He  hesitcites  for  a  moment,  for  he  has  not  in- 
tended that  pacification  should  go  to  this  length ; 
but  his  kindness  of  heart  prevails.  He  has  erred 
and  he  feels  he  must  do  this  penance  for  his  lack 
of  discretion.  So  he  says,  "  Thank  you,"  and 
down  he  sits. 

And  that  was  the  beginning  of  my  acquaint- 
ance with  my  martial  neighbor,  (leneral  Sholto. 
In  half  an  hour  we  were  talking  away  like  old 
friends;  indeed,  I  soon  began  to  suspect  that  the 
old  gentleman  felt  as  pleased  as  I  did  to  have  com- 
pany on  that  wet  afternoon. 

"  I  understand  that  j^ou  adorn  the  British  army," 
I  remark. 

"  I  was  a  soldier,  sir ;  I  was  a  soldier.  I  would 
be  now  if  I'd  had  the  luck  of  .some  fellows.  A 
su]5crannuate{l  fossil;  that's  what  I  am,  mos.soo ; 
an  old   wreck,  no  use  to  any  one." 

As  he  sa^'s  this,  he  draws  himself  up  to  show 
174 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

that  the  wreck  still  contains  beans,  as  the  English 
proverb  expresses  it,  but  the  next  moment  the  fire 
dies  out  of  his  eyes  and  he  sits  meditatively,  look- 
ing suddenly  ten  years  older.  He  did  not  intend 
me  to  believe  his  words,  but  to  himself  they  have 
a  meaning. 

I  am  silent. 

"I  am  one  of  the  unemployed,"  he  adds,  in  a 
minute. 

"I  also,"   I  reply. 

I  like  my  neighbor ;  I  am  in  need  of  a  companion ; 
and  I  tell  him  frankly  my  story.  His  sympathies 
are  entirely  with  me. 

"  I'm  happy  to  meet  a  young  man  who  sticks 
up  for  the  decencies  nowada3"s,"  he  saj^s.  "  Bring 
back  your  King,  sir,  give  him  a  free  hand,  and 
set  us  an  example  in  veneration  and  respect  and 
all  the  rest  of  it.  You'll  make  a  clean  sweep,  I 
suppose.  Guillotine,  eh?  Not  a  bad  thing  if  used 
on  the  proper  people." 

I  am  ashamed  to  confess  how  half-hearted  my 
own  theories  of  restoration  are,  compared  with  this 
out-and-out  suggestion.  I  can  but  twist  my  mus- 
tache, and,  looking  as  truculent  as  possible,  mut- 
ter: 

"Well,  well,  we  shall  see  when  the  time  comes. 

When  at  last  he  rises  to  leave  me,  he  repeats 
with  emphasis  his  conviction  that  republicanism 
should  be  trodden  out  under  a  heavy  boot,  and  so 
mollified  is  he  by  my  tactful  treatment  that  as  we 

175 


THE  ADFENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

part  he  even  invites  me  into  that  carefully  guarded 
room  of  his.     It  is  not  yet  a  specific  invitation. 

"Some  day  soon  I'll  hope  to  see  you  in  my  own 
den,  mossoo.     Au  revoir,  sir;  happy  to  have  met 

you." 

Yet  I  cannot  help  thinking  that  even  this  is  a 
triumph  of  diplomacy.  My  spirits  rise;  my  ridic- 
ulous humors  have  been  charmed  quite  away. 
As  for  woman,  she  seems  not  even  worth  cynical 
comment  in  my  journal.  "Give  me  man!"  I  say 
to  myself. 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 


Chapter   XVIII 

"A  drop  of  water  on  a  petal  in  the  sun- 
shine; that  same  drop  down  thy  neck  in 
a  cavern.  Both  are  woman;  thy  mood  and 
the  occasion   make  the  sole   difference." 

— Cervanto  Y'Alvez. 


R 


of  an  episode  taken  from  my 
journal,  and  written  upon  the  evening 
following  my  first  meeting  with  the 
General : 


"This  afternoon  I  decide  to  go  to  the  Temple 
and  see  Dick  Shafthead.  We  shall  dine  together 
quietly,  and  I  shjdl  vent  what  is  left  of  my  hu- 
mors and  be  refreshed  by  his  good-humored  rail- 
lery. The  afternoon  is  fading  into  evening  as  I 
mount  his  stairs ;  the  lamps  are  being  lit ;  by  this 
hour  he  should  have  returned.  But  no;  I  knock 
and  knock  again,  and  get  no  answer. 

"'Well,'  I  say  to  mj^self,  'he  cannot  be  long. 
I  shall  wait  for  him  outside.' 

177 


THE  ADyENTUR.ES  OF  M.  D'HAHICOT 

"  I  descend  again  to  wait  in  that  quiet  and  sooth- 
ing court,  where  the  fountain  plays  and  the  gold- 
fish swim  and  the  autvmin  leaves  tremble  o\'er- 
head.  Now  and  then  one  of  these  drops  stealthily 
upon  the  pavement;  the  pigeons  flit  bj^  settle, 
fly  off  again ;  peojjle  pass  occasionally ;  but  at  first 
that  is  all  that  happens.  At  last  there  enters  a 
w^oman,  who  does  not  pass  through,  but  loiters  on 
the  farther  side  of  the  fountain  as  though  she  were 
meditating — or  waiting  for  somebody.  So  far  as 
I  can  judge  in  the  half-light  and  at  a  little  distance, 
she  is  young,  and  her  outline  is  attractive ;  there- 
fore I  conclude  she  is  not  meditating. 

"  She  does  not  see  me,  but  I  should  like  to  see 
more  of  her.  I  walk  round  the  fountain  and  come 
up  behind  her.  She  hears  my  step,  turns  sharply, 
and  approaches,  evidently  prepared  to  greet  me. 
Words  are  on  the  tip  of  her  tongue,  when  abruptly 
she  starts  back.  She  does  not  know  me,  after  all. 
But  quickly,  before  she  has  time  to  recover  herself, 
I  raise  my  hat  and  say: 

" '  I  cannot  be  mistaken.  We  have  met  at  the 
bishop's?' 

"  It  is  a  happy  inspiration,  I  think,  to  choose  so 
respectable  a  host,  fuid  for  a  moment  she  is  stag- 
gered. Probably  she  does  actually  know  a  Ijish' 
op,  and  may  hiive  met  a  not  ill-looking  gentleman 
vsomewhat  reseml)ling  myself  at  his  house.  In  this 
moment  I  perceive  that  she  is  certainly  young  and 
very  far  removed,  indeed,  from  being  unattractive. 

178 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  To  nie,  niectiiig  her  dark  eyes  for  an  instant, 
and  then  seeing  the  fair,  full  face  turn  to  a  fair 
profile  as  she  looks  away  in  some  confusion,  she 
seems  beyond  doubt  very  beautiful.  A  simi)le 
straw  hat  covers  her  dark  coil  of  hair  and  slopes 
arrogantly  forward  over  a  luminous  and  brilliant 


eye;  her  nose  is  straight,  her  mouth  small,  sug- 
gesting decision  and  a  little  petulance,  her  chin 
deep  and  finely  movdded,  her  complexion  delicate 
as  a  rare  piece  of  alabaster,  while  her  figure  matches 
these  distracting  charms. 

"  I  make  these  notes  so  full  that  I  maj^  the  better 
summon  her  to  my  memory.  Also  I  note  that  the 
colors  she  wears  are  rich  and  bright ;  there  is  red 
and  there  is  dark  green;  and  they  seem  to  make 
her  beauty  stand  out  with  a  boldness  that  corre- 
sponds to  the  dark  glance  of  her  eye.     Not  that  she 

179 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

is  anything  but  most  modest  in  her  demeanor, 
but,  ah!  that  eye!  Its  glow  betrays  a  fire  deep 
underneath. 

"Her  eye  meets  mine  again,  then  she  says: 

"'I — I  don't  know  you.  I  thought  you  were — 
I  mean  I  don't  know  why  you  spoke  to  me.' 

"Evidently  she  does  not  quite  know  how  to 
meet  the  situation. 

"  I  decide  that  it  is  the  duty  of  a  gentleman  to 
assist  her. 

"'I  spoke  because  I  thought  I  knew  you,  and 
hoped  for  an  instant  I  was  remembered.' 

"'You  had  no  business  to,'  she  replies.  Her 
air  is  haughty,  but  a  little  theatrical.  I  mean 
that  she  does  not  entirely  convince  me  of  her  dis- 
pleasure. 

"'Mademoiselle,  I  offer  you  a  thousand  apolo- 
gies. I  see  now  that  if  I  had  really  met  you  before 
I  could  not  possibly  confuse  your  face  with  an- 
other's. Doubtless  I  ought  to  have  been  more 
cautious,  but  as  you  perhaps  guess,  I  am  a  for- 
eigner, and  I  do  not  understand  the  English 
customs  in  these  matters.' 

"She  receives  this  speech  with  so  much  com- 
plaisance that  I  feel  emboldened  to  continue. 

'"I  am  also  solitary,  and  meeting  with  a  face  I 
thought  I  knew  seemed  providential.  Do  you 
grant  me  your  pardon?' 

"  She  gives  a  little  laugh  that  is  more  than  half 
friendly. 

i8o 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

'"Of  course — if  it  was  a  mistake' 

'"Such  a  pleasant  mistake  that  I  should  like  to 
continue  in  error,'  I  reply. 

"  But  at  this  she  draws  back,  and  her  expression 
changes  a  little.  It  does  not  become  altogether 
hostile,  but  it  undoubtedly  changes. 

'"May  I  ask  you  a  favor?'  I  say,  quickly,  and 
with  a  modest  air.  '  I  was  looking  for  a  friend 
and  have  become  lost  in  this  Temple.  Can  you 
tell  me  where  number  thirty-four  is?' 

"'Yes,'  she  replies,  with  a  look  that  penetrates, 
and,  I  think,  rather  enjoys,  this  simple  ruse,  '  it  is 
next  to  number  thirty-three.'  And  with  that  she 
turns  to  go,  so  abruptly  that  I  cannot  help  sus- 
pecting she  also  desires  to  hide  a  smile. 

"  But  observing  that  I,  too,  shall  not  waste  more 
time  here,  I  also  turn,  and  as  she  does  not  actually 
order  me  away,  I  walk  by  her  side,  studying  her 
afresh  from  the  corner  of  my  eye.  She  is  of  mid- 
dle height,  or  perhaps  an  inch  above  it ;  she  walks 
with  a  peculiar  swing  that  seems  to  say,  "  I  do  not 
care  one  damn  for  anybody ' ;  and  the  expression 
of  her  eyes  and  mouth  bear  out  this  sentiment. 

"Does  she  resent  m}^  conduct? 

"Yes,  probably  she  does,  though  mj^  demeanor 
is  humility  itself. 

'"You  came  to  enjoy  the  quiet  of  the  Temple, 
mademoiselle?' 

'"I  was  enjoying  it — till  I  was  interrupted,'  she 
answers,  still  smiling,  though  not  in  my  direction. 

i8i 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"  I  notice  that  she  again  casts  her  eye  round  the 
court,  and  I  make  a  reckless  shot. 

"'Perhaps  you,  too,  expected  to  see  a  friend?' 

"The  eyes  blaze  at  me  for  an  instant. 

"'No,  I  did  not,'  she  saj-s  abruptly,  and  mends 
her  pace  still  further. 

"  '  I  noticed  another  lady  here  before  you  came,' 
I  say,  mendaciousl}^,  and  with  a  careless  air,  as 
though  I  thought  it  most  natural  that  two  ladies 
should  rendezvous  at  that  hour  in  the  Temple. 
She  gives  me  a  quick  glance,  which  I  meet  un- 
ruffled. 

"We  pass  through  a  gate  and  into  a  side  street, 
and  here,  by  the  most  evil  fortune,  a  cab  was  stand- 
ing. 

"'Cabman,'  says  the  lady,  abruptly,  'are  you 
engaged?' 

"  The  next  moment  she  has  sprung  into  the 
cab,  bade  me  a  'good-bye'  that  seems  com- 
pounded of  annoj^ance  and  of  laughter,  with  per- 
haps a  touch  of  kindness  added,  thrown  me  a 
swift  glance  of  her  brilliant  eyes,  and  jingled  out 
of  my  sight.  And  I  have  not  even  learned  her 
name. 

"  This  exit  of  the  fair  Miss  Unknown  is  made 
so  suddenly  that  for  half  a  minute  I  stand  with 
my  hat  in  my  hand  still,  foolishly  smiling. 

"  Then  I  give  an  exclamation  that  might  be 
deemed  profane,  rush  round  a  corner  and  up  a 
street,  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  back  of  a  cab  disap- 

182 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

pearing  into  the  traffic  of  the  Strand,  leap  into  an- 
other, and  bid  my  driver  pursue  that  hansom  in  front. 

"  Well,  I  had  a  spirited  chase  while  it  lasted,  for 
my  quarry  had  a  swift  steed,  and  there  were  many 
other  cabs  in  the  Strand  that  would  have  confused 
the  scent  for  any  but  the  most  relentless  sleuth- 
hound.  It  ended  in  Pall  Mall,  where  I  had  the 
satisfaction  of  seeing  the  flying  chariot  deposit  a 
stout  gentleman  before  a  most  respectable  club. 

"  I  drove  to  my  rooms  with  my  ardor  cooled  and 
my  cynicism  fast  returning,  and  had  almost  landed 
at  my  door  when  a  most  sur])rising  coincidence 
occurred,  so  surprising  that  I  suspect  it  was  the 
contrivance  of  either  Providence  or  the  devil.  A 
cab  left  the  door  just  as  I  drove  up,  and  in  it  sat 
Miss  Unknown !  I  was  too  dumfounded  to  turn  in 
pursuit,  and,  besides,  I  was  too  curious  to  learn  the 
reason  of  this  visit. 

"  B}^  the  greatest  good  luck  the  door  was  opened 
by  Half  red,  who  in  his  obliging  way  lent  his  ser- 
vices now  and  then  when  the  maid  was  out. 

"'Did  she  leave  her  name?'  I  cried. 

"'Beg  pardon,  sir?'  said  Halfred,  in  astonish- 
ment. 

'"I  mean  the  lady  who  just  called  for  me.' 

'"She  hasked  for  General  Sholto,  sir.' 

"My  face  fell. 

"'The  devil  she  did!'  I  exclaimed. 

"'Yes,  sir,'  said  he;  'that's  the  lady  as  visits 
'im  sometimes.' 

183 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"1  whistled. 

'"Was  the  General  at  home?' 

'''No,  sir,  but  she  left  a  message  as  'ow  she'd 
call  again  to-morrow  morning.' 

'"Halfred/  I  said,  'do  not  deliver  that  message. 
I  shall  see  to  it  myself.' 

"  And  so  Miss  Unknown  is  the  gay  General's 
mysterious  visitor.  And  I  caught  her  at  another 
rendezvous.  But  she  denied  this.  Bah!  I  do 
not  believe  her.     I  trust  no  woman. 

"  On  my  mind  is  left  a  curious  impression  from 
this  brief  passage — an  impression  of  a  beautiful 
wild  animal,  half  shy,  half  bold,  dreading  the 
cage,  but  not  so  much,  I  think,  the  chase.  Yes, 
decidedly  there  was  something  untamed  in  her 
air,  in  her  eye,  in  her  devil-may-care  walk.  For 
myself  a  savage  queen  has  few  charms,  especially 
if  she  have  mereh^  the  cannibal  habit  without 
the  simplicity  of  attire. 

"Yet,  mon  Dieu,  I  have  but  seen  her  once! 
Come,  to-morrow  may  show  her  in  a  better  light. 
Ah,  my  gay  dog  of  a  General!  It  is  unfortunate 
for  you  that  you  were  so  anxious  to  make  my 
acquaintance!" 

Here  ends  the  entry  in  my  journal.  You  shall 
now  see  with  what  tact  and  acumen  I  pursued  this 
entertaining  intrigue. 


THE  ADI/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XIX 


G 


" Introduce  you  to  my  mistress?    I  should 
as  soojt  think  of  lending  you  my  umbrella!" 

— Hercule  D'Enville. 


?00D  -  MORNING,  General.  I  have 
?  come  to  return  your  call." 
?  The  General  stood  in  the  door  of 
?  his  room,  holding  it  half  closed  behind 
?  him.  He  wore  a  very  old  shooting- 
coat,  smeared  with  many  curious  stains.  Evidently 
he  was  engaged  upon  some  unclean  work,  and  evi- 
dently, also,  he  would  have  preferred  me  to  call  at 
some  other  hour.  I  remembered,  now,  Halfred's 
dark  hints  as  to  his  occupation  ;  but  I  remembered 
still  more  distinctly  the  dark  eyes  of  Miss  Un- 
known, and,  whether  he  desired  my  company  or 
not,  I  was  determined  to  spend  that  morning  in  his 
room. 

"Morning,  mossoo,"  he  said.  "Glad  to  see 
you,  but — er — Fm  afraid  Tm  rather  in  a  mess  at 
present." 

185 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

"  You  are  the  better  company,  then,  for  a  con- 
spirator who  is  never  out  of  one,"  I  repUed,  gayly. 

Still  he  hesitated. 

"  My  dear  General,  positivelj^  I  shall  not  permit 
you  to  treat  me  with  such  ceremony/'  I  insisted. 
"I  shall  empty  your  ink-pot  over  my  coat  to  keep 
you  company  if  you  persist  in  considering  me 
too  respectable." 

Well,  who  could  withstand  so  importunate  a 
visitor?  I  entered  the  carefully  guarded  chamber, 
smiling  at  myself  at  the  little  denouement  that 
was  to  follow,  and  curious  in  the  mean  time  to  see 
what  kind  of  a  den  it  was  that  this  amorous  dragon 
dwelt  in.  The  first  glance  solved  the  mystery 
of  his  labors.  An  easel  stood  in  one  corner,  a 
palette  and  brushes  lay  on  a  table,  a  canvas  rested 
upon  the  easel ;  in  a  word,  my  neighbor  pursued 
fhe  arts! 

He  looked  at  me  a  little  awkwardly  as  I  glanced 
round  at  these  things. 

"Fact  is,  I  dabble  a  bit  in  art,"  he  explained. 
"  I  have  nothing  to  do,  don't  you  know,  and — er — 
I  always  felt  drawn  to  the  arts.  Amateur  work 
— mere  amateur  work,  as  you  can  see  for  yourself, 
but  I  flatter  myself  this  ain't  so  bad,  eh?  Miss 
Ara — Ara — what  the  devil's  her  name? — Titch. 
Done  from  memory,  of  course ;  I  don't  want  these 
busybodies  here  to  know  what  I'm  doing." 

"You  keep  your  proficiency  a  secret,  then?" 
I  said,  gazing  politely  at  this  wonderful  work  of 

i86 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 


iiieniory.  It  was  not  very  like  nor  very  artistic, 
and  I  wished  to  avoid  passing  any  o[)inion. 

"Never  told  a  soul  but  you,  mossoo,  and — er — 
well,  there's  only  one  other  in  the  secret." 

Again  I  smiled  to  myself. 


Facttd  I  dot  tie  aSittn 
Art-'*.. 


"It  must  be  delightful  to  perpetuate  the  faces 
of  your  lady  friends,"  I  remarked. 

The  old  boy  smiled  with  some  complacency. 

"  That's  rather  my  forte,  I  consider,"  he  replied. 

"You  are  fortunate!"  I  cried.  "I  would  that 
I  had  such  an  excuse  for  my  gallantries!" 

"Come  now,  mossoo,  I'm  an  old  boy,  remember!" 
he  protested,  though  he  did  not  seem  at  all  dis- 
pleased by  this  innuendo. 

"  You  are  at  the  most  dangerous  age  for  a  wom- 
an's peace  of  mind." 

187 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Tuts — nonsense!"  said  he.  "Twenty  years 
ago,  I  don't  mind  admitting — er — " 

"1  understand!  And  twenty  years  subsequent 
to  that?     Ah,  General! 

He  laughed  good-humoredly.  He  admitted  that 
for  his  years  he  was  certainly  as  youthful  as  most 
men.  He  had  become  in  an  excellent  temper  both 
with  himself  and  his  guest,  when  suddenly  our 
conversation  was  interrupted  by  a  knocking  at  the 
door.  He  barely  had  time  to  open  it  when  the 
denouement  arrived.  In  other  words.  Miss  Un- 
known stepped  into  the  room.  Yet  at  the  threshold 
she  paused,  for  I  could  see  that  at  the  first  glance 
she  recognized  me  and  knew  not  what  to  make 
of  this  remarkable  coincidence. 

As  she  stood  there  she  made  a  picture  that  put 
into  the  shade  anything  a  much  greater  artist 
than  the  General  could  have  painted,  with  her 
deep,  finely  turned  chin  cast  a  little  upward  and 
her  dark,  glowing  eyes  looking  half  arrogantly, 
half  doubtingly,  round  the  room.  I  noted  again 
the  petulant,  wilful  expression  in  the  small  mouth 
and  the  indescribable,  untamed  air.  As  before, 
she  was  dressed  in  bright  colors,  that  set  her  off 
as  a  heavy  gold  frame  sets  off  ix  jjicture ;  only  her 
color  this  time  was  a  vivid  shade  of  purple. 

She  paused  liut  for  a  moment,  and  then  she 
evidently  made  up  her  mind  to  trciit  me  as  a 
vStranger,  for  she  turned  her  glance  indifferentlj^  to 
my  host  and  asked,  in  an  off-hand  tone, 

i88 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

"Didn't  you  know  I  was  coming  this  morning?" 

"I?  No,"  said  he,  with  an  air  as  embarrassed 
as  I  could  have  wished. 

"I  left  a  message  yesterday  afternoon/' 

"I  never  got  it." 

"You  mean  you  forgot  it." 

"I  mean  I  never  got  it,"  he  repeated,  irately 
this  time. 

She  made  a  grimace,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  Don't 
lose  3'our  temper,"  and  glanced  again  at  me. 

"My  niece.  Miss  Kerry,"  said  he,  hurriedly,  in- 
troducing me  with  a  jerk  of  his  hand. 

His  "niece"!  I  smiled  to  myself  at  this  eu- 
phonism,  but  bowed  as  deferentially  as  if  I  had 
really  believed  her  to  be  his  near  relation,  for  I 
have  always  believed  that  the  flattery  of  respect 
paves  the  way  more  readily  than  any  other. 

She  smiled  charmingl}",  while  I  by  my  glance 
endeavored  further  to  assure  her  that  my  dis- 
cretion was  complete. 

We  exchanged  a  few  polite  words,  and  then  she 
turned  contemptuously  to  the  canvas. 

"Are  you  still  at  this  nonsense?"  she  asked, 
with  a  smile,  it  is  true,  but  not  a  very  flattering 
one. 

"Still  at  it,  Kate,"  he  replied,  looking  highly 
annoyed  with  her  tone. 

Evidenth"  this  IioIdIdv  of  his  was  a  sore  subject 
between  them  and  one  which  did  not  raise  him 
in  her  estimation.     For  a  moment  I  was  assailed 

189 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

by  compunction  at  having  thus  let  her  convict 
him  in  the  ridiculous  act.  "  Yet,  after  all,  they  are 
May  and  December/'  I  reflected,  "and  if  the  worst 
comes  to  the  worst,  I  can  find  a  much  more  suitable 
friend  for  this  '  niece. ' ' ' 

With  a  movement  that  was  graceful  in  spite 
of  its  free  and  easy  absence  of  restraint,  she  rum- 
maged first  for  and  then  in  her  pocket  and  pro- 
duced a  letter  which  she  handed  to  her  "uncle," 
asking, 

"What  is  the  meaning  of  this  beastly  thing?" 

Yes,  unquestionably  her  language,  like  her  car- 
riage and  her  eyes,  had  something  of  the  savage 
queen. 

The  General  read  the  mivSsive  with  a  frown  and 
glanced  in  my  direction  uncomfortably  as  he  an- 
swered, 

"It  is  obviously — er — " 

"  Oh,  it's  by  way  of  being  a  bill,"  she  interrupted. 
"I  don't  need  to  be  told  that.  But  what  am  I  to 
do?" 

"Pay  it." 

"Well,  then,  I'll  need — "  She  stopped,  glanced 
at  me,  and  then,  with  a  defiantly  careless  laugh, 
said,  boldly,  "I'll  need  an  advance." 

"The  deuce  you  will!"  said  the  General.  "At 
this  moment  I  can  scarcely  go  into — " 

"Don't  trouble,"  she  interrupted.  "Just  write 
me  a  check,  please." 

Without  a  word,  but  with  a  very  sulky  expres- 
190 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

sion,  the  General  banged  open  a  writing-desk  and 
hastily  scribbled  in  his  check-book,  while  the  un- 
dutiful  Miss  Kerry  turned  to  me  as  graciously  as 
ever.  But  I  thought  I  had  carried  my  plot  far 
enough  for  the  present.  Besides,  she  must  come 
down-stairs,  and  my  room  was  on  the  ground  floor. 

"I  fear  I  must  leave  you.  General,"  I  said. 

"I  must  go,  too,"  said  Miss  Kerry,  as  I  turned 
to  make  my  adieux  to  her.  "Good-bye,  uncle. 
Much  obliged  for  this." 

It  seemed  to  my  ear  that  there  was  a  laugh  in 
that  word  "uncle,"  and  as  I  saw  the  unfortunate 
warrior  watch  our  exit  with  a  face  as  purple  as 
his  "  niece's "  dress,  I  heartily  pitied  the  foiled 
Adonis.  Yet  if  fortune  chose  so  to  redistribute 
her  gifts,  was  it  for  me  to  complain? 

"May  I  accompany  you  for  a  short  distance 
this  time?"  I  asked. 

And  a  couple  of  minutes  later  I  was  gayly  walk- 
ing with  her  from  the  house,  prepared  to  hail  a 
cab  and  hurry  away  my  prize  upon  the  first  sign 
of  pursuit.  No  appearance,  however,  of  a  bereaved 
general  officer  running  hatless  and  distraught 
with  jealousy  behind  us.  Evidently  he  had  re- 
signed himself  to  his  fate — or  did  he  place  such 
reliance  in  the  fidelity  and  devotion  of  his  "  niece  "? 
Well,  we  should  see  about  that! 

"Then  you  remembered  me?"  I  said. 

"How  do  you  know?" 

"By  that  question.  Ah,  it  has  betrayed  you! 
191 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Yes,  you  do  remember  the  ignorant  and  importu- 
nate foreigner  who  pursued  you  with  his  unpleas- 
ing  attentions?" 

"But  it  was  a  mistake,  you  said,"  she  repHed, 
with  a  flash  of  her  eyes  that  seemed  to  mean 
much. 

"A  mistake,  of  course,'  I  said.  "And  now  kt 
us  take  a  cab  and  have  some  lunch." 

She  appeared  a  little  surprised  at  this  bold 
suggestion,  and  recollecting  that  an  appearance  of 
propriety  is  very  rigorously  observed  in  England, 
often  where  one  would  least  expect  it,  I  modified 
my  elan  to  a  more  formal  gallantry-,  and  ver\' 
quickly  persuaded  her  to  accompany  me  to  the 
most  fashionable  restaurant  in  Piccadilly. 

Even  then,  though  she  was  generous  of  her 
smiles  and  those  flashing  glances  that  I  could 
well  imagine  kindling  the  gjdlant  heart  of  Gen- 
eral Sholto,  and  though  her  talk  was  dashed  with 
slang  and  marked  with  a  straightforward  free- 
dom, yet  she  always  maintained  a  sufficient  dig- 
nity to  check  any  too  presumptuous  advances. 
But  by  this  time  all  compunction  for  my  gallant 
neighbor  had  vanished  in  the  delights  of  i\Iiss 
Kerry's  society,  and  I  was  not  to  be  balked  so 
easily. 

"To-night  I  wish  you  to  do  me  a  favor,"  I  said, 
earnestly. 

"Yes?    What  is  it?"  she  smiled. 

"  I  have  a  box  at  the  Gaiety  Theatre,  and  I  should 
192 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

like  a  friend  to  dine  with  nie  first,  and  then  see 
the  play." 

As  a  matter  of  fact  the  box  was  not  yet  taken, 
l)ut  how  was  she  to  know  that? 

"And  I  am  to  be  the  friend?"  she  asked. 

"If  you  will  be  so  kind?" 

"My  micle  is  coming,  of  course?" 

I  smiled  at  her,  and  she  beamed  back  at  me. 

"We  understand  each  other,"  I  thought.  "But, 
my  faith,  how  persistently  she  keeps  up  this  little 
farce!" 

Aloud  I  said: 

"Of  course.  Without  an  uncle  by  my  side  I 
should  not  even  venture  to  turn  out  the  gas. 
Would  you?" 

"Of  course  not!"  she  replied. 

And  so  it  was  arranged  that  at  half-past  seven 
we  were  to  meet  at  this  same  restaurant.  In  the 
mean  time  what  dreams  of  happiness ! 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XX 


''Virtue  is  our   euphoitism  for  reaction." 

— La  Rabide. 


|?9|5'ALF-PAST  seven   had   just  struck 
^  upon  a  church  clock  close  bj'.     Five 
/—i   5^  minutes  passed,  ten  minutes,  and  then 
^  she   appeared,    more    beautiful    than 
i^^'^  ever — irresistible,  in  fact. 
"But  is  this  a  private  room?''  she  asked,  as  she 
surveyed  the  comfortable  little  apartment  v/ith  the 
dinner  laid  for  two,  and  the  discreet  waiter  open- 
ing the  wine. 

"It  could  not  be  more  so,  I  assure  you." 
She  glanced  at  the  two  places.     "  Isn't  my  uncle 
coming?"  she  demanded. 

I  was  prepared  for  this  little  formality,  which, 
it  seemed,  spiced  the  adventure  for  her. 

"At  the  last  moment  he  was  indisposed,"  I  ex- 
plained, graveh";  "but  he  will  join  us  for  dessert." 
The   impossibility  of  gainsaying   this,  and   the 
attractiveness  of  the  present  circumstances — such 

194 


THE  ADFENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

as  they  were  without  an  uncle — quickly  induced 
her  to  accept  this  untoward  accident  with  resig- 
nation, and  in  a  few  minutes  we  were  as  merry  a 
l)arty  of  two  as  j^ou  could  wish  to  find.  Our  jests 
began  to  have  a  more  and  more  friendly  sound. 

"You  do  not  care  for  this  entree?"  I  asked. 

"  It  is  rather  hot  for  my  taste." 

"  Not  so  warm  as  my  heart  at  this  moment/'  I 
declared. 

"What  nonsense  you  talk!"  she  cried.  "It  has 
some  meaning  in  French,  though,  I  suppose. 

Yet  she  laughed  delightfully. 

"Much  meaning,"  I  assured  her. 

"When  was  my  uncle  taken  ill?"  she  asked, 
once. 

Our  eyes  met  and  we  mutually  smiled. 

"When  you  left  his  room  with  me,"  I  replied. 

And  this  answer  seemed  perfectly  to  satisfy 
her. 

"What  do  you  do  with  yourself  all  day?"  I 
asked. 

Again  she  laughed. 

"You  will  only  laugh,"  she  said. 

"I  shall  be  as  solemn  as  a  judge,  a  jury,  and 
three  expert  witnesses,"  I  assured  her. 

"  A  friend  and  I  are  starting  a  women's  mis- 
sion." 

I  certainly  became  solemn  —  dumfounded,  for 
one  instant,  in  fact.  Then  a  light  dawned  upon 
me. 

195 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Your  friend  is  a  clergyman,  I  presume?"  I 
asked. 

I  had  noticed  the  poster  of  an  evening  paper  with 
the  words  "Clerical  Scandal/'  and  I  suppose  that 
put  this  solution  into  my  head. 

"My  friend  is  a  she,"  she  replied,  with  a  laugh. 
^'Clergyman?  No,  thanks!  We  are  doing  it  all 
ourselves." 

"Ha,  ha!"  I  laughed.  "I  see  now  what  you 
mean!     Excellent!     Forgive  my  stupidity." 

I  did  not  see  at  all,  but  I  supposed  that  there 
must  be  some  English  idiom  which  I  did  not  un- 
derstand. Doubtless  I  had  lost  an  innuendo,  but 
then  one  must  expect  leakage  somewhere.  Surely 
I  was  obtaining  enough  and  could  afford  to  lack 
a  little. 

At  last  we  arrived  at  dessert. 

"I  wonder  if  my  uncle  has  come?"   she  said. 

"I  have  just  been  visited  by  a  presentiment," 
I  replied.  "General  Sholto  has  retired  to  bed. 
This  information  has  been  conveyed  to  me  by  a 
spirit — the  spirit  of  love!" 

She  looked  at  me  with  a  new  expression.  Ought 
I  to  have  restrained  my  ardor  a  little  longer? 

"Does  he  know  I  am  here?"  she  asked,  quickly. 

"I  assure  you,  on  my  honor,  he  has  not  the 
least  notion!"  I  declared,  emphatically. 

"Then — "  she  began,  but  words  seemed  to  fail 
her.  "Good-night,"  she  said,  dramatically,  but 
with  unmistakable  emphasis. 

J  96 


THE  ADyENTURBS  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


She  rose  and  stepped  towards  the  door  with  the 
air  of  a  trcigedy  queen. 

A  thought,  too  horrible  to  be  true,  rushed  into 
my  heated  brain. 

"Stop,  one  moment!"  I  implored  her.  "Do  you 
mean  to  say  that — that  he  is  really  your  vmcle?" 

Her  look  of  indignant  consternation  answered 
the  question. 

I  sank  into  m}^  chair,  and,  seeing  me  in  this 
plight,  she  paused  to  complete  my  downfall. 

"What  did  you  imagine?"  she  asked. 

I  endeavored  to  collect  m}"  wits. 

"Who  did  vou  think  I  was?"  she  demanded. 


"Mademoiselle,"  I  replied,  "behold  a  crushed, 
a  penitent,  a  ridiculous  figure.  I  am  even  more 
ignorant  of  3'our  virtuous  country  than  I  imagined. 
Forgive  me,  I  implore  you!  I  shall  endow  your 
mission   with   fifty    pounds;    I    shall    walk   home 

197 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

barefoot ;  you  have  but  to  name  my  penance  and  I 
shall  undergo  it!" 

Whether  it  was  that  my  contrition  was  so  complete 
or  for  some  more  flattering  reason  that  I  may  not 
hint  at,  I  cannot  tell  you  to  this  day,  but  certainly 
Miss  Kerry  proved  more  lenient  than  I  had  any 
right  to  expect.  Not  that  she  did  not  give  me  as 
unpleasant  a  quarter  of  an  hour  as  I  have  ever 
tingled  through.  I,  indeed,  got  "  what  for,"  as  the 
English  say.  But  before  she  left  she  had  actually 
smiled  upon  me  again  and  very  graciously  uttered 
the  words,  "I  forgive  you." 

As  for  myself,  I  became  filled  with  a  glow  of 
penitence  and  admiration;  the  admiration  being 
a  kind  of  moral  atonement  which  I  felt  I  owed  to 
this  virtuous  and  beautiful  girl.  At  that  moment 
the  seven  virtues  seemed  incarnate  in  her,  and 
the  seven  deadly  sins  in  mj^self.  I  was  in  the 
mood  to  pay  her  some  exaggerated  homage;  I 
had  also  consumed  an  entire  bottle  of  champagne, 
and  I  offered  her — my  services  in  her  mission  to 
woman!  I  should  be  her  secretary,  I  vowed. 
Touched  by  my  earnestness,  she  at  last  accept- 
ed my  offer,  and  when  we  parted  and  I  walked 
home  in  the  moonlight,  I  hummed  an  air  from  a 
splendid  oratorio. 

Though  the  hour  was  somewhat  late  when  I  got 
in,  it  seemed  to  me  the  commonest  courtesy  to 
pay  another  call  upon  General  Sholto  and  inquire 
— after  his  health,  for  example.     I  called,  I  found 

198 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

him  in,  and  not  yet  gone  to  bed  as  my  presenti- 
ment had  advised  me,  and  in  two  minutes  we 
happened  to  be  talking  about  his  niece. 

It  appeared  that  she  was  the  orphan  and  only 
child  of  his  sister,  and  that  for  some  years  Kate 
and  her  not  inconsiderable  fortune  had  been  left 
in  his  charge,  but  from  the  first  I  fear  that  she 
had  proved  rather  a  handful  for  the  old  boy  to 
manage. 

"A  fine  girl,  sir;  a  handsome  girl,"  he  declared, 
"  but  a  rum  'un  if  ever  there  was.  I'd  once  thought 
of  living  together,  making  a  home  and  all  that; 
but,  as  I  said,  mossoo,  she's  a  rum  girl.  You 
noticed  her  temper  this  morning?  Hang  it,  I  was 
ashamed  of  her!" 

"Where  is  she,  then?"  I  asked. 

"  Living  in  a  flat  of  her  own  with  another  wom- 
an. She  is  great  on  her  independence,  mossoo. 
Fine  spirit,  no  doubt,  but — er — just  a  little  dull  for 
me  sometimes." 

"She  is  young,"  I  urged,  for  I  seemed  to  see 
only  Miss  Kerry's  side  of  the  argument.  "And 
3'ou,  General — " 

"Am  old,"  he  said.  "Hang  it,  she  doesn't  let 
me  forget  that." 

Evidenth',  I  thought,  ni}^  neighbor  was  feeling 
out  of  sorts,  or  he  would  never  show  so  little  ap- 
preciation of  his  charming  niece.  I  must  take 
up  my  arms  on  behalf  of  maligned  virtue. 

"I  am  certain  she  regards  you  with  a  deep 
199 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

though  possibly  not  a  demonstrative  affection," 
I  declared.  "She  does  not  know  how  to  ex- 
press it;  that  is  all.  She  is  love  inarticulate. 
General!" 

"It  hasn't  taken  you  long  to  find  that  out/' 
said  he;  but  observing  the  confusion  into  which, 
I  fear,  this  threw  me,  he  hastened  to  add,  with  a 
graver  air :  "  Young  women,  mossoo,  and  young 
men  too,  for  the  matter  of  that,  have  to  get  tired 
of  'emselves  before  they  waste  much  affection 
on  any  one  else." 

I  protested  so  warmly  that  the  General's  smile 
became  humorous  again. 

"You  forget  the  grand  passion!"  I  exclaimed. 
"Your  niece  is  at  the  age  of  love." 

"  Possibly  a  young  man  might — er — do  the  trick 
and  that  kind  of  thing,"  he  replied.  "But  I  don't 
think  Kate  is  verj^  likely  to  fall  in  love  at  present 
— unless  it's  w4th  one  of  her  own  notions." 

"Her  own  notions?"  I  asked. 

"Well,"  he  explained,  "the  kind  of  man  I'd 
back  for  a  place  would  be  a  good-looking  cabby 
or  a  long-haired  fiddler.  She'd  rig  him  out  with 
a  soul,  and  so  forth,  to  suit  her  fancy  —  and  a 
deuce  of  a  life  they'd  lead!" 

No  use  in  continuing  this  discussion  with  such 
an  unsympathetic  and  unappreciativc  critic.  He 
was  unworthy  to  be  her  uncle,  I  said  to  myself. 

When  I  returned  to  my  own  rooms,  I  opened  my 
journal  and  wrote  this  striking  passage: 

200 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HAR/COT 

"Illusion  gone,  clear  sight  returns.  I  have 
found  a  woman  worthy  of  homage,  of  admiration, 
of  friendship.  Love  (if,  indeed,  I  ever  felt  that 
sacred  emotion  for  any)  has  departed  to  make 
room  for  a  worthier  tenant.  Reason  rules  my 
heart.  I  see  dispassionateh''  the  virtues  of  Kate 
Kerry;  I  regard  them  as  the  mariner  regards  the 
polar  star.'' 

I  reproduce  this  extract  for  the  benefit  of  the 
3'oung,  just  as — to  pursue  ray  original  and  nautical 
metaphor  —  they  put  buoys  above  a  dangerous 
wreck  or  mark  a  reef  in  the  chart.  It  is  on  the 
same  principle  as  the  awful  example  who  (I  am 
told)  accompanies  the  Scottish  temperance  lecturer. 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XXI 

"  If  you   would  improve  their  lot, 
Put  a  penny   in   the  slot!" 

— English  Song  (adapted). 


J?9^^ERTAINLY  John  Bull  is  a  singularly 
9|?  9^  sentimental  animal.     I  have  said  so 

^  \  ^  before,  but  I  should  like  to  repeat  it 
^  "^now  with  additional  emphasis.     I  do 

#^4^'%^  not  believe  that  he  ever  sold  his  wife 
at  Smithfield,  or,  if  he  did,  he  became  dreadfully 
penitent  immediateh'  after  and  forthwith  purchased 
a  new  one.  He  is  not  a  socialist ;  that  is  a  too  hor- 
ribly and  coldly  logical  creed  for  him,  but  he  enjoys 
stepping  forth  from  the  seclusion  of  that  well-fur- 
nished castle  which  every  Englishman  is  so  proud 
of,  and  dutifully  endeavoring  to  ameliorate  the  con- 
dition of  the  working-classes. 

"England  expects  every  man  to  do  his  duty," 
he  repeats,  as  he  puts  his  hand  into  his  capacious 
pocket  and  provides  half  a  dozen  mendicants  with 
the  means  of  becoming  intoxicated. 

202 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Oh  yes,  my  kind  English  friends,  I  admit  that 
1  am  putting  it  strongly;  but  again  let  me  remind 
you  (in  case  you  ever  see  these  words)  that  if  I 
begin  to  be  quite  serious  I  shall  cease  to  be  quite 
readable.  The  working  -  man,  I  quite  allow,  is 
provided  with  the  opportunity  of  learning  the 
violin  and  the  geography  of  South  America  and 
the  Thirty-nine  Articles  of  the  Anglican  Church, 
besides  obtaining  many  other  substantial  ad- 
vantages from  the  spread  of  the  Altruistic  Idea. 
Vou  are  wiser  than  I  am  (certainly  more  serious), 
cuid  you  have  done  these  deeds.  For  my  part,  I 
shall  now  confine  myself  to  recording  my  own 
share  in  one  of  them.  Only  I  must  beg  you  to 
remember  that  for  a  time  I  was  actually  a  philan- 
thropist myself,  and  as  a  mere  chronicler  write  with 
some  authority. 

The  mission  of  which  I  now  found  myself  unpaid 
and  unqualified  secretary  was  a  recently  born  but 
vigorous  infant ;  considering  the  sex  for  which 
it  catered,  I  think  this  simile  is  both  appropriate 
and  encouraging.  The  credit  of  the  inspiring  idea 
belonged  to  Miss  Clibborn,  the  friend  with  whom 
my  dark-eyed  divinity  shared  a  fiat;  the  funds 
were  supplied  by  both  these  ladies  and  from  the 
purses  of  such  of  their  friends  as  admired  inspiring 
ideas  or  intoxicating  glances ;  the  office  was  in  an 
East  London  street  of  so  dingy  an  aspect  that  I 
felt  some  small  peccadillo  atoned  for  every  time 
I    walked   along   its   savory   pavements.     By   the 

203 


THE  ADJ^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

time  I  had  spent  a  day  in  that  office  I  could  with 
confidence  have  murdered  a  memlDer  of  Parhament 
or  abducted  a  clergyman's  wife;  so  much,  I  was 
sure,  must  have  been  placed  to  the  credit  side  of 
my  account,  that  these  crimes  would  be  cancelled 
at  once. 

Yet  can  I  call  it  drudgery  or  penance  to  sit  in 
the  same  room  with  Ivate  Kerry,  to  discuss  with 
her  whether  Mrs.  Smith  should  receive  a  mangle 
or  Mrs.  Brown  a  roll  of  flgumel  and  two  overshoes, 
to  admonish  her  extravagance  or  elicit  her  smiles? 
Scarcely,  I  fear,  and  I  must  base  my  claims  to  an}' 
credit  from  this  adventure  upon  the  hours  when 
she  happened  to  be  absent  and  I  had  to  amuse 
myself  by  abortive  efforts  to  mesmerize  a  peculiarly 
unsusceptible  office  cat. 

From  this  you  will  perhaps  surmise  that  there 
was  no  great  press  of  business  in  our  mission ;  and, 
indeed,  there  was  not,  or  I  should  not  have  been 
permitted  to  conduct  its  affairs  so  long  ;  for  I  spent 
nearly  three  weeks  in  furthering  the  cause  of  wom- 
an. As  for  our  work,  it  was  really  too  compre- 
hensive to  describe  in  detail.  All  women  in  the 
district,  as  they  were  informed  by  a  notice  outside 
our  door,  were  free  to  come  in.  Advice  in  all  cases, 
assistance  in  some,  was  to  be  given  gratuitously. 
In  time,  when  the  mission  had  thoroughly  es- 
tablished its  position  and  influence,  these  women 
were  to  be  formed  into  a  league  having  for  its 
objects  female  franchise,  a  thorough  reform  of  the 

204 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

marriage  laws,  and  the  opening  of  all  professions 
and  occupations  whatsoever  to  the  gentler  but, 
my  employers  were  convinced,  more  capable  sex. 
In  a  word,  we  were  the  thin  end  of  the  Amazonian 
wedge. 

The  strong  brain  which  had  devised  this  far- 
reaching  scheme  resided  in  the  head  of  Miss  Clib- 


\\fn  iftfc  Kajipcned 


Vll 


aJp&e.n'o : 


born.  Concerning  her  I  need  only  tell  you  that 
she  was  a  pale  little  woman  with  an  intense  ex- 
pression, a  sad  lack  of  humor,  and  an  extreme 
distrust  of  myself.  She  did  not  amuse  me  in  the 
least,  and  I  was  relieved  to  find  that  her  duties 
consisted  chiefly  in  propagating  her  ideas  in  the 
homes  of  the  women  of  that  and  other  neighbor- 
hoods. 

As  for  Kate,  she  had  entered  upon  the  undertak- 
ing with  a  high  spirit,  a  full  purse,  and  a  strong 

205 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

conviction  that  woman  was  a  finer  animal  than 
man  and  that  something  should  be  done  in  con- 
sequence. In  the  course  of  a  week  or  two,  how- 
ever, the  spirit  began  to  wear\^  a  little,  the  purse 
was  becoming  decidedly  more  empty ;  and,  though 
the  conviction  remained  as  strong  as  ever,  one 
can  think  of  other  things  surprisingly  well  in  spite 
of  a  conviction,  and  Miss  Kerry's  thoughts  began 
to  get  a  little  distracted  by  her  secrctar\^  I  am 
afraid,  while  his  became  even  more  distracted  bj- 
Miss  Kerry. 

Plato  ;  that  was  the  theme  on  which  we  spoke.  A 
platonic  friendship — magnificent  and  original  idea ! 
We  should  show  the  astonished  world  what  could 
be  done  in  that  line  of  enterprise.  How  eloquently 
I  talked  to  her  on  this  profound  subject!  On  her 
part,  she  listened,  she  threw  me  more  dazzling 
smiles  and  captivating  glances,  she  delivered 
delightfully  unconsidered  opinions  with  the  most 
davShing  assurance,  she  smoked  my  cigarettes  and 
we  opened  the  window  afterwards.  This  was  phi- 
lanthropy, indeed. 

Do  you  think  I  was  unreasonably  prejudiced 
in  this  lady's  favor?  Picture  to  3'ourself  soft 
lashes  fringing  white  lids  that  would  hide  for  a 
while  and  then  suddenh'^  reveal  two  dark  stars 
glowing  with  possibilities  of  romance;  set  these 
in  the  midst  of  the  ebb  and  flow  of  sudden  smiles 
and  passing  moods;  crown  all  this  with  rich  coils 
of  deep-brown  hair,  and  frame  it  in  soft  colors  and 

206 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

textures  chosen,  I  used  to  think,  by  some  sprite 
who  wished  to  bring  distraction  among  men.  Then 
sit  by  the  hour  beside  this  siren  who  treats  you 
with  the  kind  confidence  of  a  friend,  who  attracts 
and  eludes,  perplexes  and  delights  you,  suggesting 
by  her  glance  more  than  she  says,  recompensing 
by  her  smile  for  half  an  hour's  perversity.  Do 
this  before  judging  me. 

But  I  am  now  the  annalist  of  a  mission,  and  I 
must  narrate  one  incident  in  our  work  that  proved 
to  have  a  very  momentous  bearing  on  that  gen- 
erous inspiration  of  two  women's  minds. 

Kate  and  I  had  been  talking  together  for  the 
greater  part  of  a  profitable  morning,  when  a  wom- 
an entered  our  austere  apartment. 

She  was  one  of  our  few  regular  applicants;  a 
not  ill-looking,  plausible,  tidily  dressed  widow  who 
confessed  to  thirty  and  probably  was  five  years 
older. 

"Good-morning,  Mrs.  Martin,"  said  Kate,  with 
a  haughty,  off-hand  graciousness  that,  I  fear,  in- 
timidated these  poor  people  more  than  it  flattered 
them.     "What  do  you  want?" 

"Please,  mum,"  said  Mrs.  Martin,  glancing 
from  one  to  the  other  of  us  and  beginning  an  ef- 
fective little  dry  cough,  "my  'ealth  is  a-suffering 
dreadful  from  this  weather.  The  doctor  'e  says 
nothink  but  a  change  of  hair  won't  do  any  good. 
I  was  that  bad  last  night,  miss,  I  scarcely  thought 
I'd  see  the  morning." 

207 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

And  here  the  good  lad}"  stopped  to  cough  again. 

"Well/' said  Kate/' what  can  we  do?" 

"  If  I  'ad  the  means  to  get  to  the  seaside  for 
a  week,  miss,  my  'ealth  would  benefit  extraordi- 
nary ;  the  doctor  'e  says  Margate,  sir,  would  set 
me  up  wonderful." 

"You  had  better  see  the  doctor,  Aliss  Kerrj-," 
I  suggested. 

"Oh,  I  can't  be  bothered.  I've  seen  him  before; 
he's  a  stupid  little  fool.     Give  her  a  pound." 

"A  pound,  mum — "  began  ]\Irs.  Martin,  in  a 
tone  of  decorous  expostulation. 


V'-po^'*^!  Mum — '' 

"Oh,  give  her  three,  then,"  said  Kate,  impa- 
tiently. 

Just  as  the  grateful  recipient  of  woman's  gen- 
erosity to  her  sex  was  rctiiing  with  her  l^ooty. 
Miss  Clibborn  returned  from  her  round  of  duty. 
She  was  the  business  jiartncr,   with   the  shrewd 

2()cS 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

head,  the  judgment  comparatively  unbiassed,  the 
true  soul  of  the  missionary.  I  give  her  full  credit 
for  all  these  virtues  in  spite  of  her  antipathy  to 
myself. 

She  overheard  the  last  words  of  the  effusive 
Mrs.  Martin,  demanded  an  explanation  from  us, 
and  frowned  when  she  got  it. 

"You  had  much  better  have  investigated  the 
case,  Kate,"  she  observed,  in  a  tone  of  rebuke. 

"So  I  did,"  replied  Kate,  with  charming  inso- 
lence. "I  asked  her  whether  .she  went  to  church 
and  why  she  wore  feathers  in  her  hat,  and  if  she 
had  pawned  her  watch — all  the  usual  idiotic  ques- 
tions." 

"Kate,"  said  her  friend  severely,  "this  spirit  is 
fatal  to  our  success." 

"Spirit  be  bothered!"  retorted  the  more  mun- 
dane partner. 

"Ladies,"  I  interposed  amicably,  "I  have  in 
my  overcoat  pocket  a  box  of  chocolate  creams. 
Honor  me  by  accepting  them!" 

Not  even  this  overture  could  mollify  Miss  Clib- 
born,  and  presently  she  departed  again  with  a  sad 
glance  at  her  lukewarm  ally  and  frivolous  secretary. 

Ah,  how  divine  Kate  looked  as  she  consumed 
those  bonbons  and  our  talk  turned  back  to  Plato! 
So  divine,  indeed,  that  I  felt  suddenly  impelled  to 
ask  a  question,  to  solve  a  little  lingering  doubt 
that  sometimes  would  persist  in  coming  to  poison 
my  faith  in  my  friend. 
'4  209 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"\  have  been  wondering,"  I  said,  after  a  pause. 

"Wondering  what?" 

"You  remember  that  evening  I  met  you  in  the 
Temple?  I  was  wondering  what  rendezvous  you 
were  keeping." 

"What  a  funny  idea!"  she  laughed.  "I  took 
a  fancy  to  walk  in  the  Temple;  that  was  all." 

"And  expected  no  one?" 

"Of  course  not!" 

At  last  I  was  entirely  satisfied,  so  satisfied  that 
I  felt  a  strong  and  sudden  desire  to  fervently  em- 
brace this  lovely,  pure-hearted  creature. 

But  no;  it  would  be  sacrilege!  I  said  to  vay- 
self.  She  would  never  forgive  me.  Our  friend- 
ship would  be  at  an  end.  The  rules  of  Plato  do 
not  permit  such  liberties.     Alas! 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XXII 


"  To    the   foolish   give    counsel  from    the 
head;   to  the  iiHse  from  the  heart!" 

— CERVANTO    Y'ALVEg. 


since  I  became  secretaty  I  had 
9^  '^  been  as  one  dead  to  my  friends.     Ex- 

^  fi  "^  cept  the  General,  I  had  seen  none  of 
■J^  "^  them.      One  or   two,  including  Dick 

•##^#4?  Shafthead,  had  called  upon  me,  only 
to  be  told  that  I  might  not  return  until  long  after 
midnight  (for  I  was  occasionalh^  in  the  habit  of 
dining  with  one  of  my  emploj^ers  after  m^'  labors) . 
When  I  thought  of  Dick,  my  conscience  smote 
me.  I  intended  always  to  write  to  him,  and  also 
to  Lumme,  to  explain  my  disappearance,  but  never 
took  pen  in  hand.  I  heard  nothing  from  France, 
nothing  about  the  packing-case;  nor  did  I  trouble 
my  head  about  this  silence.  The  present  mo- 
ment was  enough  for  me.  To  Halfred  I  had 
only  mentioned  that  I  was  busily  employed  in  a 
distant  part  of  London,  and  I  fear  my  servant's 

211 


THE  ADl^ENl  URES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


vivid  imagination  troubled  him  considerably,  for 
he  was  earnestly  solicitous  about  my  welfare. 

"It  ain't  nothing  I  can  lend  a  'and  in,  sir?" 
he  inquired  one  day. 

"I  am  afraid  not/'  I  replied. 

He  hesitated,  uncertain  how  best  to  express  his 
doubts  politely  and  indicate  a  general  warning. 

"You'll  excuse  me,  sir,  for  saying  so,"  he 
remarked  at  last,  "  but  Mr.  Titch  'e  says  that  fur- 
rincrs  sometimes  gets  themselves  into  trouble 
without  knowing  as  'ow  they  are  doing  anything 
wrong." 

"Tell  Mr.  Titch,  with  my  compliments,  to  go 
to  the  devil  and  mind  his  own  business,"  I  re- 
plied, with,  I  think,  pardonable  wrath. 


TellMt-.TitcK-. 
to  tfoioiKe^pevil- 


"Yes,  sir;  very  good,  sir,"  said  Halfred,  hastily  ; 
but  I  do  not  know  that  his  doubts  were  removed. 
However  I  consoled  myself  for  my  want  of  con- 

212 


THE  ADU'ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

fidence  in  him  Ijy  thinking  that  he  had  now  a  fair 
field  with  Araniatilda. 

On  the  evening  of  that  day  when  we  had  de- 
spatched Mrs.  Martin  to  the  seaside,  I  returned  ear- 
Her  than  usual  and  sat  in  my  easy-chair  ruminat- 
ing on  the  joys  and  drawbacks  of  platonic  friend- 
ship. "  Yes,"  I  said  to  myself,  "  it  is  pleasant, 
it  is  pure — devilish  pure — and  it  is  elevating.  Rut 
altogether  satisfactory?  No,  to  be  candid;  some- 
thing begins  to  be  lacking.  If  I  had  had  the  au- 
dacity this  morning — what  would  she  have  said? 
Despised  me?  Alas,  no  doubt!  Yet,  is  there  not 
something  delicate,  ideal,  out  of  all  ordinary  ex- 
perience in  our  relations?  And  would  I  risk  the 
loss  of  this?     Never!" 

At  this  point  there  came  a  knock  upon  the  door, 
and  in  walked  my  dear  Dick  Shafthead. 

"Found  you  at  last,"  he  said.  "Well,  mon- 
sieur, give  an  account  of  yourself.  What  have 
you  been  doing — burgling  or  duelling  or  what?" 

His  manner  was  as  cool  and  unpretentiously 
friendly  as  ever;  he  was  the  same,  yet  with  a 
subtle  difference  I  was  instantly  conscious  of. 
There  was  I  know  not  what  of  kindness  in  his  eye, 
of  greater  courtesy  in  his  voice.  Somehow  there 
seemed  a  more  sympathetic  air  about  him.  Slight 
though  it  was,  this  something  insensibly  drew 
forth  my  confidence.  Naturally,  I  should  have 
hesitated  to  confess  my  little  experiment  in  Plato 
and  my  improbable  vocation  to  such  a  satirical 

213 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

critic.  I  could  picture  the  grim  smile  with  which 
he  would  listen,  the  dry  comments  he  would  make. 
But  this  evening  I  was  emboldened  to  make  a 
clean  breast  of  it,  and,  though  his  smile  was  cer- 
tainly sometimes  a  little  more  humorous  than 
sympathetic,  yet  he  heard  me  with  a  surprising 
appearance  of  interest. 

"Then  she's  deuced  pretty  and  embarrassingly 
proper?"  he  said,  when  I  had  finished  the  outline 
of  my  story. 

"Indeed,  my  friend,  she  is  both." 

"Novel  experience?"  he  suggested. 

"Entirely  novel." 

"  And  what's  to  be  the  end  of  it?" 

I  shrugged  my  shoulders. 

"Going  to  marry  her?" 

" Marry!"  I  exclaimed.  "  I  have  told  you  we  are 
not  even  lovers.  Dick,  I  cannot  tell  you  what  my  feel- 
ing is  towards  her,  because  I  do  not  know  it  myself. 
Yes,  perhaps  it  is  love.  She  has  virtues;  I  have 
told  you  them — her  truth,  her  high  spirit,  her — " 

"Yes,  yes,"  interrujjted  Dick,  with  something 
of  his  old  brutcility,  "you've  given  me  the  list  al- 
ready.    Let's  hear  her  faults." 

"She  is  so  full  of  delightful  faults  I  know  not 
where  to  begin.  Perverse,  sometimes  inconsider- 
ate, without  knowledge  of  herself.  Divide  these 
up  into  the  little  faults  they  give  rise  to  in  differ- 
ent circumstances,  and  you  get  a  picture  of  an 
imperfect  but  charming  woman." 

214 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"It  is  evident  you  don't  know  what  falling  in 
love  means,"  said  Dick. 

I  looked  at  him  hard. 

"Do  you?"  I  asked. 

Dick  actually  blushed. 

"Well,"  he  replied,  with  a  smile  that  had  a  little 
tenderness  as  well  as  humor,  "since  you  are  a 
man  of  feeling,  monsieur,  and  by  way  of  being — 
don't  you  know? — yourself,  I  might  as  well  tell 
you.     I've  rather  played  the  fool,  I  expect." 

He  said  this  with  an  air  of  sincerity,  but  it  was 
clear  he  did  not  think  himself  so  very  stupid  in  the 
matter. 

"My  dear  friend,"  I  cried,  "I  am  all  ears  and 
S3anpathy — also  intelligent  advice." 

And  then  the  story  came  out.  I  shall  not  give 
it  in  Dick's  words,  for  these  were  not  selected  with 
a  view  to  romantic  effect,  and  the  story  deserves 
better  treatment. 

It  appeared  that,  some  twenty  years  before,  a 
cousin  of  Lad\'  Shafthead's  had  taken  a  step  which 
forever  disgraced  her  in  the  eyes  of  her  impecuni- 
ous but  ancient  family.  She  had,  in  fact,  married 
the  local  attorney,  a  vulgar  but  insinuating  per- 
son with  a  doubtful  reputation  for  honesty  and  in- 
dustry. The  consequences  bore  out  the  warnings 
of  her  family ;  he  went  from  bad  to  worse,  and  she 
from  discomfort  to  misery,  vmtil,  at  last,  they  both 
died,  leaving  not  a  single  penny  in  the  world,  but, 
instead,  a  little  orphan  daughter.     Of  all  the  scan- 

215 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

dalized  relations.  Lady  Shafthead  had  alone  come 
to  the  rescue.  She  had  the  girl  educated  in  a  re- 
spectable school,  and  now,  when  she  was  nineteen 
years  of  age,  gave  her  a  home  until  she  could  find 
a  profession  for  herself. 

This  latter  step  did  not  meet  with  Sir  Philip's 
approval.  He  had  lent  the  father  money,  and  in 
return  had  had  his  name  forged  for  a  considerable 
amount ;  besides,  he  did  not  approve  of  bourgeois 
relations.  However,  he  had  reluctantly  enough 
consented  to  let  Miss  Agnes  Grey  spend  a  few 
months  at  his  house  on  the  understanding  that,  as 
soon  as  an  occupation  was  found,  that  was  to  be 
the  last  of  the  unworthy  connection. 

At  this  stage  in  the  story — about  a  fortnight 
ago — fate  and  a  short-sighted  guest  put  a  charge 
of  shot  into  the  baronet's  left  shoulder.  At  first 
it  was  feared  the  accident  might  be  dangerous; 
Dick  was  hurriedly  summoned  home,  and  there 
he  found  Miss  Agnes  Grey  grown  (so  he  assured 
me)  into  one  of  the  most  charming  girls  imaginable. 
He  had  known  her  and  been  fond  of  her,  in  a  patron- 
izing way,  for  some  years.  Now  he  saw  her  with 
tears  in  her  voice,  anxious  about  his  father,  de- 
voted to  his  mother,  and  all  the  time  feeling  herself 
a  forlorn  and  superfluous  dependant.  What  would 
any  chivalrous  young  man,  with  an  unattached 
heart,  have  done  under  these  circumstances  ?  What 
would  I  have  done  myself  ?  Fallen  in  love,  of  course 
— or  something  like  it. 

2l6 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Well,  Dick  did  not  do  things  by  halves.  He  fell 
completely  in  love;  circumstances  hurried  matters 
to  an  issue,  and  he  discovered  himself  beloved  in 
turn.  Little  was  said,  and  little  was  done;  but 
quite  enough  to  enable  a  discerning  eye  to  see  at 
the  first  glance  that  something  had  happened  to 
Dick. 

And  here  he  sat,  with  his  blue  eyes  looking  far 
through  the  walls  of  my  room,  and  his  mouth  com- 
pressed, giving  his  confidence  not  to  one  of  his 
oldest  and  most  discreet  friends,  but  to  one  who 
could  share  a  sentiment.  A  strange  state  of  things 
for  Dick  Shafthead! 

"It  is  an  honorable  passion?"  I  asked. 

"  What  the  devil—"  began  Dick. 

"Pardon,"  I  interposed.  "I  believe  you.  But 
the  world  is  complex,  and  I  merely  asked.  You  are 
then  engaged?" 

Dick  frowned. 

"We  haven't  used  that  word,"  he  replied. 

"But  you  intend  to  be?" 

He  was  silent  for  a  little,  and  then,  with  some 
bitterness,  said:  "My  earnings  for  the  last  three 
years  average  £37,  115.,  ^d.  I  have  had  two  briefs 
precisely  this  term,  and  I  am  thirty  years  old.  It 
would  be  an  excellent  thing  to  get  engaged." 

"But  your  father;  he  will  surely  help  you?" 

"He  will  see  me  damned  first." 

"Then  he  will  not  approve  of  Miss  Grey?" 

"He  will  not." 

217 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Have  you  asked  him?" 

"No." 

Again  Dick  was  silent  for  a  minute,  and  then  he 
went  on:  "Look  here,  d'Haricot,  old  man,  this  is 
how  it  is.  I  know  my  father ;  he's  one  of  the  best, 
but  if  I've  got  any  prejudices  I  inherit  them  hon- 
estly. What  he  likes  he  likes,  and  what  he  doesn't 
like  he  doesn't  like.  He  doesn't  like  Agnes,  he 
doesn't  like  her  family  —  or  didn't  like  'em.  He 
doesn't  like  younger  sons  marrying  poor  girls.  On 
the  other  hand,  he  does  like  the  '  right  kind  of  peo- 
ple,' as  he  calls  'em,  and  the  right  sort  of  marriage, 
and  he  does  like  me  too  well,  I  think,  to  see  me 
doing  what  he  doesn't  like.  I  have  only  a  hun- 
dred a  year  of  my  own,  and  expectations  from  an 
aunt  of  fift3^-two  who  has  never  had  a  day's  illness 
in  her  life.     You  see?" 

"What  will  you  do?"  I  asked. 

"What  can  I  do?"  he  replied,  and  added,  "it 
is  pleasant  folly." 

His  brows  were  knitted,  his  mouth  shut  tight, 
his  eyes  hard.  He  had  come  down  to  stern  realities 
and  the  mood  of  tenderness  had  passed. 

"But  you  really  love  her?"  I  said. 

His  face  lit  up  for  a  moment.  "I  do,"  he  an- 
swered, and  then  quickly  the  face  clouded  again. 

"My  friend,"  I  said,  "I,  too,  have  a  friend — a 
girl,  whom  I  place  before  the  rest  of  the  world ;  I 
share  your  sentiments  and  I  judge  your  case  for 
you.     What  is  life  without  woman,  without  love? 

218 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Would  you  place  your  income,  your  prospects, 
the  sordid  aspects  of  3'our  life,  even  the  displeas- 
ure of  relations,  before  the  most  sacred  passion 
of  your  heart?  Dick,  if  j^ou  do  not  say  to  this 
dear  girl, '  I  love  you ;  let  the  devil  himself  try 
to  part  us!'  I  shall  not  think  of  you  as  the  same 
friend." 

He  gave  a  quick  glance,  and  in  his  eye  I  saw 
that  my  audience  was  with  me  in  spirit. 

"And  my  father?  Tell  him  that  too?"  he  said, 
dryly  in  tone,  but  not  unmoved,  I  was  sure. 

"Tell  him  that  your  veneration,  your  homage, 
belongs  to  him,  but  that  your  soul  is  your  own! 
Tell  him  that  you  are  not  afraid  to  take  some  risk 
for  one  you  love!     Are  you  afraid,  Dick?" 
He  gave  a  short  laugh. 
"I'd  risk  something,"  he  replied. 
"Onh^  something?     And  for  Agnes  Grey,  Dick? 
Think  of  the  future  without  her,  the  life  you  have 
been  leading  repeated  from  day  to  day,  now  that 
you  have  known  her.     Is  that  pleasant?     Is  she 
not  worth  some  risk — a  good  deal  of  risk?" 

He  rose  and  then  he  smiled;  and  he  had  a  very 
pleasant  smile. 

"Thanks,"  he  said;  "you're  a  good  chap,  mon- 
sieur. I  wish  3^ou  had  to  tackle  the  governor, 
though." 

"Let  me!"  I  exclaimed. 

"Well,"  he  said,  "if  I  want  an  eloquent  counsel 
I  know  where  to  look  for  one.     Good-night." 

219 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  You  will  dare  it?"  I  asked,  as  he  went  towards 
the  door. 

"  Shouldn't  be  surprised/'  he  answered,  and  with 
a  friendly  nod  was  gone. 

I  said  to  myself  that  I  had  done  a  splendid  night's 
work.  Also  I  began  to  apply  my  principles  to  my 
own  case. 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

— } 


Chapter  XXIII 

"Old  friends  for  me!     I  then  know  what 
folly  to  expect." 

—La  Rabide. 


0 


the  following  morning  Kate  and  I 
'  met  as  usual  in  the  office  of  the  mis- 
'  sion ;  and  as  usual  she  appeared  three 
'  quarters  of  an  hour  after  the  time  she 
was  nominally  to  be  expected.  She 
looked  more  ravishing  than  ever;  the  art  that 
conceals  art  had  never  more  inconspicuously  per- 
vaded every  line  and  shade  of  her  garments,  every 
tress  of  her  hair ;  her  smile  opened  up  a  long  vista 
of  possibilities.  Again  1  strongly  felt  the  sen- 
timents that  had  inspired  me  overnight;  I  could 
have  closed  the  desk  on  the  spot  and  seized  her 
hands;  but  I  restrained  myself  and  merely  asked 
instead  what  had  become  of  hei-  fellow-missionary. 
She  was  indisposed,  it  appeared,  and  could  not 
come  to-day. 

"  She's  rather  worried  about  our  finances/'  said 

221 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Kate,  though  not  in  a  tone  that  seemed  to  share 
the  anxiety. 

I  had  more  than  once  wondered  where  the  money 
was  coming  from  and  how  long  it  would  last,  but 
hitherto  I  had  avoided  this  sordid  aspect  of  the 
crusade. 

"  We  can't  go  on  any  longer  unless  we  get  some 
more  money/'  she  added.  "What  with  all  my 
other  expenses  I  can't  run  to  much  more,  and  Miss 
Clibborn  isn't  very  well  off." 

"My  own  purse — "  I  began. 

"Oh,"  she  interrupted,  "we  want  a  capitalist 
to  finance  us  regularly-,  and  Miss  Clibborn  has 
found  a  man  who  may  help  if  he  approves  of  our 
work.     He  is  coming  down  this  morning." 

"What!"  I  exclaimed.  "We  are  to  be  inspected 
by  a  philanthropist  any  moment?" 

"Yes,"  she  said,  with  a  laugh.  "So  you  had 
better  get  out  your  papers  and  look  busy." 

"Who  is  this  benefactor?"  I  inquired,  as  I  hastily 
made  the  most  of  our  slender  correspondence. 

"  I  can't  remember  his  name ;  but  he  is  some- 
thing in  the  city.     Very  rich,  of  course." 

"And  if  he  refuses  to  help?" 

"Then  we  must  shut  up  shop,  I  suppose,"  she 
answered,  with  a  smile  that  was  very  charming 
even  if  somewhat  inappropriate  to  this  sad  con- 
tingency'.    "Shall  you  be  sorry?" 

"Disconsolate!"  I  said,  with  more  emotion  than 
my  employer  had  shown. 

222 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

The  door  opened  and  the  head  of  our  grimy 
caretaker  appeared. 

"A  gentleman  to  see  you,  miss,"  she  said. 

"Show  him  in,"  said  Kate. 

"The  philanthropist!"  I  exclaimed,  dipping  my 
pen  in  the  ink  and  taking  in  my  other  hand  the 
gas  bill. 

A  heavy  step  sounded  in  the  passage,  mingled 
with  a  strangely  familiar  sound  of  puffing,  and 
then  in  walked  a  stout,  gray-whiskered,  red-faced 
gentleman  whose  apoplectic  presence  could  never 
be  forgotten  by  me.  It  was  my  old  friend,  Mr. 
Fisher,  of  Chickawungaree  Villa! 

"You  are — ah — Miss  Kerry?"  he  said,  hetivily, 
but  with  politeness. 

As  she  held  out  her  hand  I  could  see  even  upon 
his  stolid  features  unmistakable  evidence  of  sur- 
prise and  admiration  at  meeting  this  apparition 
in  the  dinginess  of  East  London. 

"Yes,"  she  said.     "And  you,  I  suppose,  are — " 

"Mr.  Fisher — a  fisher  of — ha,  ha! — women,  it 
seems,  down  here." 

The  old  Gorgon  was  actually  jesting  with  a 
pretty  girl!  As  I  thought  of  him  in  his  dining- 
room  I  could  scarcely  believe  my  senses. 

"And  this  gentleman,"  he  said,  turning  towards 
me,  "is,  I  suppose — " 

He  paused;  his  eyes  had  met  mine,  and  I  fear 
I  was  somewhat  unsuccessfully  endeavoring  to 
conceal  a  smile, 

227, 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HAHICOT 

"Fisher!"  I  said,  holding  out  my  hand.  "How 
do  you  do?" 

He  did  not,  however,  take  it;  yet  he  evidently 
did  not  know  what  to  do  instead. 

"Then  you  know  Mr.  Fisher?"  said  Kate. 

"We  have  met,"  I  replied,  "and  we  could  give 
you  some  entertaining  reminiscences  of  our  meet- 
ing.    Could  we  not,  Mr.  Fisher?" 

"  What  are  j^ou  doing  here?"  said  Fisher,  slowly. 

"Atoning  for  the  errors  of  a  profligate  youth," 
I  replied,  "and  assisting  in  the  education  and 
advancement  of  woman." 

For  some  reason  he  did  not  appear  to  take  this 
statement  quite  seriously.  In  England,  when  you 
tell  the  truth  it  must  be  told  with  a  solemn  coun- 
tenance; no  expression  in  the  face,  nothing  but 
a  simple  yet  sufficient  movement  of  the  jaws,  as 
though  you  were  masticating  a  real  turtle.  A 
smile,  a  relieving  touch  of  lightness  in  3^our  words, 
and  you  are  instantly  set  down  as  an  irreverent 
jester. 

"Miss  Kerry,"  he  said,  sententiously,  "I  warn 
you  against  this  person." 

"But — why?"  exclaimed  the  astonished  Kate. 

"I  say  no  more.  I  warn  yovi,"  said  Mr.  Fisher, 
wdth  a  dull  glance  at  me. 

"Come,  now,"  I  said,  pleasantly,  for  I  recollected 
that  the  mission  depended  on  this  monster's  good- 
humor,  "let  us  bury  the  pick-axe,  as  you  would 
say.     The  truth  is.  Miss  Kerry,  that  Mr.  Fisher 

224 


THE  ADf^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

and  I  once  had  a  merry  evening  together,  but,  un- 
kickily,  towards  midnight  we  fell  out  about  some 
trifle ;  it  matters  not  what ;  some  matter  of  gallant- 
ry that  sometimes  for  a  moment  separates  friends. 
She  preferred  him ;  but  I  bear  no  grudge.  That 
is  all,  is  it  not,  Fisher?" 

And  I  gave  him  a  surreptitious  wink  to  indicate 
that  he  should  endorse  this  innocent  version  of  our 
encounter. 

Unluckily,  at  this  point  Kate  turned  her  back 
and  began  to  titter. 

The  overfed  eye  of  Fisher  moved  slowly  from 
one  to  the  other  of  us. 

"I  came  down  here,"  he  said,  "at  my  friend 
Miss  Clibborn's  request  to — ah — satisfy  myself  of 
the  usefulness  of  her  mission.  Is  this  a  mission 
— or  what  is  it?" 

"It  is  a  mission,"  replied  Kate,  trying  hard  to 
sober  herself.  "We  are  doing  ex  —  ex  —  cellent 
work." 

But  at  that  point  she  had  recourse  to  her  hand- 
kerchief. 

"Our  work,  sir,"  I  interposed,  "is  doing  an  in- 
calculable amount  of  benefit.  It  is  the  most  phil- 
anthropic, the  most  judicious — " 

I  stopped  for  the  good  reason  that  I  could  no 
longer  make  myself  heard.  There  was  a  noise 
of  altercation  and  scuffling  outside  our  door  that 
startled  even  the  phlegmatic  Fisher. 

"What  on  earth  is  this?"  he  demanded, 
IS  225 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

The  door  opened  violently. 

"I  can't  'old  'er  no  longer/'  wailed  the  voice  of 
our  caretaker,  and  in  a  moment  more  there  enter- 
ed as  perfect  a  specimen  of  one  of  the  Furies  as  it 
has  ever  been  my  lot  to  meet. 

She  was  a  woman  we  had  never  seen  before,  a 
huge  creature  with  a  bloated  face  adorned  by  the 
traces  of  a  recently  blacked  eye;  her  bonnet  had 


I  cant  '"old  '«»• 
n-o  longer  " 


been  knocked  over  one  ear  in  the  scuffle  with  the 
caretaker,  and  her  raw  hands  still  clutched  two 
curling-pins  with  the  adjacent  locks  detached  from 
her  adversary's  head. 

"Madam,"  I  said,  "what  can  we  do  for  you?" 
I  was  determined  to  let  Fisher  see  the  business- 
like style  in  which  we  conducted  our  philanthropic 
operations. 

"Where  is  he?     Where  the  bloomin'  blankness 
is  he?"  thundered  the  virago. 

226 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Poor  Kate  gave  a  little  exclamation. 

"Leave  her  to  me,"  I  said,  reassuringly. 
"Where  is  who,  my  good  woman?" 

"My  'usband.  You've  gone  and  stole  my  'us- 
band  away!  But  I'll  have  the  law  on  yer!  I'll 
make  it  blooming  hot  for  3'er!"  (Only  "bloom- 
ing" was  not  the  adjective  she  employed.) 

"Who  are  you,  and  what  do  you  w^ant?"  said 
Fisher. 

There  was  something  so  ponderous  in  his  ac- 
cents that  our  visitor  was  impressed  in  spite  of 
herself. 

"My  name  is  Mrs.  Fulcher,  and  I  wants  my 
'usband.  Them  there  lydies  wot's  come  'ere  to 
mike  mischief  in  the  'omes  of  pore,  hinnercent 
wimmen,  they've  give  Mrs.  Martin  the  money  to 
do  it." 

"To  do  what?"  said  Fisher. 

"To  go  for  a  'oliday  to  the  seaside,  and  she's 
took  my  'usband  with  her!" 

"Taken  your  husband!"  I  exclaimed.  "Why 
should  she  do  that?" 

"  Because  she  ain't  got  no  'usband  of  her  own, 
and  never  'ad.  Missis  Martin,  indeed!  Needin'  a 
'oliday  for  'cr  'ealth!  That's  wot  yer  calls  hele- 
vatin'  wimmen!     'Elpin'  himmorality,  I  calls  it!" 

"This  is  a  nice  business,  young  man!"  said 
Fisher,  turning  to  me. 

Unfortunately  for  himself  he  had  the  ill-taste  to 
smile  at  this  trumiph  over  his  ex-burglar. 

227 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Oh,  you'd  larf,  would  yer!"  shrieked  the  de- 
serted spouse.  "You  hold  proflergate,  I  believe 
you  done  it  on  purpose!" 

"Me?"  gasped  Fisher.  "You  ill-tempered, 
noisy — " 

But  before  he  could  finish  this  impeachment 
he  received  Mrs.  Fulcher's  right  fist  on  his  nose, 
followed  by  a  fierce  charge  of  her  whole  massive 
person;  and  in  another  moment  the  office  of  the 
women's  mission  was  the  scene  of  as  desperate 
a  conflict  as  the  bastion  of  the  Malakoff.  Kate 
screamed  once  and  then  shut  her  lips,  and  watched 
the  struggle  with  a  very  pale  face,  while  I  hurled 
myself  impetuously  upon  the  Amazon  and  endeav- 
ored to  seize  her  arms. 

"Police!     Call  the  police!"  shouted  Fisher. 

"Perlice,  perlice,"  echoed  his  enemy.  "I'll  per- 
lice  yer,  yer  dirty,  himmoral  hold  'ulk!" 

And  bang,  bang,  went  her  fists  against  the  side 
of  his  head. 

"Idiot,  virago,  stop!"  I  cried,  compressing  her 
swinging  arm  to  her  side  at  last. 

"  Send  for  the  police !"  boomed  the  hapless  Fisher. 

"Police!"  came  the  frenzied  voice  of  the  care- 
taker at  the  front  door. 

"I'll  smash  yer  bloomin'  'ead  like  a  bloomin' 
cocoanut!"  shouted  Mrs.  Fulcher,  bringing  the 
other  arm  into  play. 

"Compress  her  wind-pipe,  Fisher,"  I  advised. 
"Tap  her  claret!     Hold  her  legs!     She  kicks!" 

228 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Such  a  contest  was  too  fierce  to  last;  her  vigor 
relaxed;  Fisher  was  enabled  to  thrust  her  head 
beneath  his  arm,  and  I  to  lift  her  by  the  knees, 
so  that  by  the  time  the  policemen  arrived  all  they 
had  to  do  was  to  raise  our  foe  from  the  floor  and 
bear  her  away  still  kicking  freely  and  calling  down 
the  vengeance  of  Heaven  upon  us. 

My  first  thought  was  for  the  unfortunate  wit- 
ness of  this  engagement. 

"  You  are  upset.  Miss  Kerry ;  you  are  disturbed, 
I  fear.     Let  me  bring  you  water." 

"Tm  all  right,  thanks,"  she  replied,  with  won- 
derful composure,  though  she  was  pale  as  a  sheet 
by  now. 

"But  what  is  this?"  I  cried,  pointing  to  a  mark 
on  her  face.     "Were  you  struck?" 

"It's  nothing,"  she  replied,  feeling  for  her  hand- 
kerchief.    "She  hit  me  by  mistake." 

So  engrossed  was  I  that  I  had  quite  forgotten 
Fisher ;  but  now  I  was  reminded  by  the  sound  of  a 
stentorian  grunt. 

"Ugh!"  he  groaned.  "Get  me  a  cab;  fetch 
me  a  cab,  some  one." 

Blood  was  dripping  from  his  nose;  his  collar 
was  torn,  his  cheeks  scarred  by  the  nails  of  his 
foe;  everything,  even  his  whiskers,  seemed  to 
have  suffered.  It  would  not  be  easy  to  persuade 
this  victim  of  the  wars  to  patronize  our  mission 
now,  but  for  Kate's  sake  I  thought  I  must  try. 

"Well,  Fisher,"  I  said,  heartily,  "you  are  a 
230 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

sportsman!     Your  spirit  and  your  vigor,  my  dear 
sir,  were  quite  admirable." 

For  reply  he  only  snorted  again  and  repeated 
his  demand  for  a  cab.  Well,  I  sent  one  of  a  large 
crowd  of  boys  who  had  collected  outside  the  mis- 
sion to  fetch  one,  and  suavely  returned  to  the  at- 
tack. It  was  not  certainly  encouraging  to  find 
that  he  and  Kate  had  evidently  exchanged  no 
amenities  while  I  was  out  of  the  room,  but,  ignor- 
ing this  air  of  constraint,  I  said  to  him: 

"  We  shall  see  you  soon  again,  I  trust?  We 
depend  upon  your  aid,  you  know.  You  have 
shown  us  your  martial  ardor!  let  us  benefit  equal- 
ly by  3^our  pacific  virtues!" 

"I  shall  see  myself — "  began  Fisher.  Then  he 
glanced  at  Kate  and  altered  his  original  design  into, 
"  a  very  long  way  before  I  return  to  this  office.  It 
is  disgraceful,  sir;  madam,  I  say  it  is  disgraceful." 

"But  what  is?"  I  asked. 

"Everything  about  this  place,  sir.  Mission? 
I  call  it  a  bear-garden,  that's  what  I  call  it." 

"I  am  sorry,  Mr.  Fisher,"  began  Kate,  but  our 
patron  was  already  on  his  way  out  without  an- 
other word  to  either  of  us.  And  I  had  been  his 
rescuer!  He  slammed  the  door  behind  him,  and 
that  was  the  last  of  my  friend  Fisher. 

For  a  moment  or  two  we  remained  silent. 

"Well,"  said  Kate,  with  a  little  laugh,  "that's 
the  end  of  our  mission." 

"The  end,  I  fear,"  I  replied. 
231 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter  XX/F 

"Do    I   love  you?    Mon   Dieul    I   am    too 
engrossed   in   this   bonnet  to   say." 

— Hercule  d'Enville. 


V  hour  has  passed  since  the  departure 
^  q^of   Fisher;    the    crowd   outside,  after 

<^  ytiJ  ^i^"  cheering  each  of  the  combatants  down 
"^  ^  the  street,  has  at  last  dispersed ;  the 

'^^'^'i?^  notice  at  the  door  informing  all  females 
of  our  patronage  and  assistance  has  been  removed ; 
the  mission  has  become  only  a  matter  for  the  local 
historian,  yet  w^e  two  still  linger  over  the  office 
fire.  Kate  says  little,  but  in  her  mind,  it  seems 
to  me,  there  must  be  many  thoughts.  She  has 
recovered  her  composure  and  reflections  have  had 
time  to  come.  I,  with  surprising  acumen  and  con- 
fidence, speculate  on  the  nature  of  these.  Disil- 
lusionment, the  collapse  of  hopes,  and  the  chilly 
thaw  that  leaves  only  the  dripping  and  fast-van- 
ishing remnants  of  ideals;  these  arc  surely  W'hat 
she  feels.     As  I  watch  her,  also  sa\nng  little,  her 

252 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

singular  beauty  grows  upon  nie,  and  my  heart 
goes  out  in  sympathy  for  her  troubles,  till  it  is 
beating  ominously  fast.  "Yes,"  I  say  to  my- 
self, "this  is  more  than  Plato.  I  worship  at  the 
shrine  of  woman.     No  longer  am  I  a  sceptic!" 

My  sympathy  can  find  no  words;  yet  it  must 
somehow  take  shape  and  reach  this  sorrowing 
divinity.  I  lay  my  hand  upon  hers  and  she — • 
she  lets  me  press  her  fingers  silently,  while  a  little 
smile  begins  to  awake  about  the  corners  of  her 
wilful  mouth. 

"Poor  friend!"  I  exclaim,  yet  with  gentle  ex- 
clamation.    "Yes,  disillusionment  is  bitter!" 

She  gives  her  shoulders  a  shrug  and  her  eye 
flashes  into  the  fire. 

"It  is  not  that,"  she  replies.  "It's  being  made 
a  beastly  fool  of." 

For  an  instant  I  get  a  shock;  but  the  spell  of 
the  moment  and  her  beauty  is  too  strong  to  be 
broken.  It  seems  to  me  that  I  do  but  hear  an 
evidence  of  her  unconquerable  spirit. 

"You  have  a  friend,"  I  w'hisper,  "who  can  never 
think  you  a  fool.  To  me  you  are  the  ideal,  the 
queen  of  women.  You  may  have  lost  j'our  own 
ardent  faith  in  woman  through  this  luckless  ex- 
I3eriment,  but  you  have  converted  me!" 

At  this  she  gives  me  such  a  smile  that  all  timid- 
ity vanishes.  "Kate!"  I  exclaim,  and  the  next 
moment  she  is  in  my  arms. 

For  a  silent  five  minutes  I  enjoyed  all  the  rapt- 
233 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

ures  that  a  beautiful  woman  and  a  rioting  imag- 
ination can  bestow.  Picture  Don  Quixote  em- 
bracing a  Dulcinea  who  should  really  be  as  fair 
of  face  as  his  fancy  painted  her.  Would  not  the 
poor  man  conceive  himself  in  heaven  even  though 
she  never  understood  a  word  of  all  his  passion? 
For  the  moment  I  shared  some  of  the  virtues  of 
that  paladin  with  a  fairer  reason  for  my  blind- 
ness. Her  soft  face  lay  against  mine,  the  dark 
lashes  hid  her  eyes,  her  form  yielded  to  every  press- 
ure. What  I  said  to  her  I  cannot  remember, 
even  if  I  were  inclined  to  confess  it  now;  I  only 
know  that  my  sentiments  were  flying  very  high 
indeed,  when  suddenly  she  laughed.  I  stopped 
abruptly. 

"Why  do  you  laugh?"  I  asked. 

She  raised  her  head  and  opened  her  eyes  and  I 
saw  that  there  was  certainly  no  trace  of  sentiment 
in  them. 

"You  are  getting  ridiculous,"  she  said.  "Don't 
look  so  beastly  serious!" 

"Serious!"  I  gasped.  "But  —  but  what  are 
you?" 

She  smiled  at  me  again  as  kindly  and  provok- 
ingly  as  ever.  But  the  veil  of  illusion  was  rent 
and  it  needed  but  another  tear  to  pull  it  altogether 
from  my  eyes. 

"You  do  not  love  me,  then?"  I  asked,  as  calmly 
as  I  could. 

"Love?"  .she  smiled.     "Don't  be  absurd!" 

234 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"Pardon!"  I  cried.  "I  see  I  have  neglected  my 
duties  hitherto.  I  ought  to  have  been  kissing 
you  all  this  time.  That  would  hiive  amused  you 
better!" 

Ah,  I  had  roused  her  now,  but  to  anger,  not  to 
love.  She  sprang  back  from  me,  her  eyes  flash- 
ing. 

"You  insult  me!"  she  cried. 

"Is  it  possible?"  I  asked,  with  a  smile. 

Her  answer  was  brief,  it  was  stormy,  and  it 
was  not  very  flattering  to  myself;  evidently  she 
was  genuinely  indignant. 

And  I — yes,  I  was  beginning  to  see  the  ordinary 
little  bits  of  glass  that  had  made  so  dazzling  a 
kaleidoscope.  I  had  been  upbraiding  Dulcinea 
with  not  l:)eing  indeed  the  lady  of  Toboso ;  and 
that  honest  maiden  was  naturally  incensed  at  my 
language. 

I  fear  that  in  the  polite  apology  I  made  her,  I 
allowed  this  discovery  to  be  too  apparent.  Again 
she  was  in  arms,  and  this  time  with  considerable 
dramatic  effect. 

" Oh,  I  know  what  you  think!"  she  cried.  "  You 
think  that  because  I  don't  make  a  fuss  about  you, 
I  have  no  sentiments.  If  you  were  worth  it  you 
would  see  that  I  could  be — " 

She  paused. 

"What?"  I  asked. 

With  the  privilege  of  woman,  she  slightly 
changed  the  line  of  argument. 

235 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

"All  men  are  alike/'  she  said,  contemptuously. 

"  Then  you  have  had  similar  experiences  before?" 

"Yes,"  she  replied,  with  a  candor  I  could  not 
help  thinking  was  somewhat  belated. 

"In  the  Temple?"  I  asked. 

"  He  made  a  fool  of  himself,  just  like  you,"  she 
retorted. 

"  Yet  you  assured  me  there  was  no  one — " 

"What  business  had  you  with  my  confidence?" 
she  interrupted. 

"I  see,"  I  repHed.  "So  you  told  what  was  not 
quite  the  truth?  You  were  quite  right;  people 
are  so  apt  to  misunderstand  these  situations.  In 
future  I  shall  know  better  than  to  ask  questions 
— because  I  shall  be  able  to  guess  the  answers. 
Good-bye." 

She  replied  with  a  distant  farewell,  and  that 
was  the  end  of  a  pretty  charade. 

I  went  away  vowing  that  I  should  never  think 
of  her  again;  I  lunched  at  the  gayest  restaurant 
to  assist  me  in  this  resolution;  I  planned  a  series 
of  consolations  that  should  make  oblivion  amus- 
ing, even  if  not  very  edifying ;  yet  early  in  the 
afternoon  I  found  myself  in  her  uncle's  apart- 
ments, watching  the  old  gentleman  put  the  fin- 
ishing touches  to  "  A  portrait  from  memory  of 
Miss  Kate  Kerry."  That  picture  at  least  did  not 
flatter!  I  had  told  him  before  of  our  ripening  ac- 
quaintance and  my  engagement  as  secretary,  and 
I  think  the  General  had  enough  martial  spirit  still 

236 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

left  to  divine  the  reason  for  my  philanthropic  ar- 
dor. To-day  he  quickly  guessed  that  something 
unfortunate  had  happened. 

"Had  a  row  with  Kate,  eh?"  he  inquired. 

"A  row?"  I  said,  endeavoring  to  put  as  humor- 
ous ci  face  on  it  as  possible.  "General,  I  pulled  a 
string,  expecting  warm  water  to  flow,  and  instead 
I  received  a  cold  shower-bath." 

I  fear  I  must  have  smiled  somewhat  sadly,  for 
it  was  in  a  very  kindly  voice  that  the  old  gentle- 
man replied: 

"  I  know,  mossoo ;  I  know  what  it  feels  like.  I 
remember  my  feelings  when  a  certain  lady  gave  me 
the  conge,  as  j^ou'd  say,  in  '62 — was  it? — or  '63. 
Long  time  ago  now,  anyhow,  but  I  haven't  forgot- 
ten it  yet.  Only  time  I  ever  screwed  my  courage 
up  to  the  proposing  point ;  found  afterwards  she'd 
been  engaged  to  another  man  for  two  years.  She 
might  have  told  me,  hang  it! — but  I  haven't  died 
of  broken  heart,  mossoo.  You'll  get  over  it,  never 
fear." 

"  But  it  is  not  that  she  is  engaged ;  it  is  not  that 
she  has  repulsed  me.  She  is  your  niece.  General, 
but  I  fear  her  heart  is  of  stone.     She  is  a  flirt,  a — " 

In  my  heat  I  was  getting  carried  away ;  I  recalled 
myself  in  time,  and  added : 

"Pardon;  I  forget  myself.  General." 

"I  know,  I  know,"  he  replied.  "I've  felt  the 
same  about  her  myself,  mossoo.  She's  a  fine  girl; 
good  feelings  and  all  the  rest  of  it,  but  a  little — er 

237 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

— unsatisfactory  sometimes,  I  think.  I've  hoped 
for  a  httle  more  myself  now  and  then — a  Httle — er 
— womanHness,  and  so  on." 

"I  cannot  understand  her/'  I  said.  "I  pictured 
her  full  of  soul — and  now!" 

"I  used  to  picture  'em  full  of  soul,  too,"  said  the 
General,  "  till  I  learned  that  a  bright  eye  only 
meant  it  wasn't  shut  and  that  you  could  get  as 
heavenly  a  smile  by  tickling  'em  as  any  other 
way. 

"General!"  I  exclaimed.  "Are  you  a  cynic, 
then?" 

"God  forbid!"  said  the  old  boy,  hastily.  "I've 
seen  too  manj''  good  women  for  that.  I  only  mean 
that  you  don't  quite  get  the  style  of  virtue  you 
expect  when  you  are  —  twenty- five,  for  instance. 
What  3^ou  get  in  the  best  of  'em  is  a  good  wearing 
article,  but  not — er — the  fancy  piece  of  goods  you 
imagine." 

"  In  a  word,"  I  said,  as  I  rose  to  leave  him,  "j^ou 
ask  for  a  pearl  and  you  get  a  cheap  but  serviceable 
pebble." 

"Well,  well,"  he  replied,  good  -  humourcdly, 
"we'll  see  what  you  say  six  weeks  later." 

"I  have  learned  my  lesson,"  I  answered.  "You 
will  see  that  I  shall  remember  it!" 

The  reader  will  also  see,  if  his  patience  with  the 
experimental  philosopher  and  confident  prophet  is 
not  yet  quite  exhausted. 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XXV 


"We  won't  go  home  till  morning!" 

—English  Song. 


now  for  a  'burst'!"  I  said  to  my- 
^^  9^  self .     Adieu,  fond  fancies;  welcome, 

^^  ^  gay  reality  V 

^  I  dressed  for  the  evening;  I  filled 
my  purse;  I  started  out  to  seek  the 
real  friends  I  had  been  neglecting  for  the  sake  of 
that  imaginary  one.  But  I  had  only  got  the  length 
of  opening  my  door  when  I  smiled  a  cj^nical  smile. 
There  was  Halfred  in  the  passage  plaj^ing  the 
same  farce  with  Aramatilda.  They  stood  very 
close  together,  remarkably  close  together,  talking 
in  low  tones. 

"Thus  woman  fools  us  all,"  I  thought. 
With  a  little  exclamation  IVIiss  Titch  flew  up- 
stairs while  Halfred  turned  to  me  with  something 
of  a  convicted  air. 

"Miss  Titch  has  been  a-telling  me,  sir — "  he 
began. 

239 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"I  know;  I  saw  her/'  I  replied,  eying  him  in  a 
way  that  disconcerted  him  considerably.  "She 
has  been  telling  you  that  woman  is  worthy  of 
your  homage;  and  doubtless  j^ou  believed  her. 
bid  you  not?" 

"No,  sir.  She  ain't  said  that  exactly,"  he  an- 
swered; "though  it  wouldn't  be  surprising,  either, 
to  hear  'er  usin'  them  kind  of  words,  considering 
'er  remarkable  heducation.     Wot  she  said  was — " 

"That  you  will  serve  till  she  finds  another,"  I 
interposed. 

"Miss  Titch,  sir,  ain't  one  of  that  kind,"  he  re- 
plied, with  an  air  of  foolish  chivalry  I  could  not 
but  admire  in  spite  of  myself. 

"Pardon,  Halfred.  She  is  divine;  I  admit  it. 
What  did  she  sa3^  then?" 

"She  says  there's  been  a  furriner  pumpin'  'er 
about  you,  sir,  this  very  hafternoon." 

"Pumping?" 

"Masking  questions  like  wot  a  Bobby  does; 
as  if  'e  wanted  hall  the  correct  facts." 

"Ha!"  I  said.  "And  he  asked  them  of  a  wom- 
an!" 

"Yes,  sir;  'e  comed  up  to  'er  in  the  square  and 
says  'e,  'You're  Miss  Titch,  ain't  you?'  and  'e 
gets  a-talkin'  to  'er — a  very  polite  gentleman  'e 
was,  she  says  —  and  then  'e  sorter  gets  haskin' 
about  you,  sir,  and  wot  you  was  a-doing  and  'oo 
your  friends  was,  and  about  the  General,  too, 
sir—" 

240 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

"And,  in  brief,  he  gossiped  with  her  on  every 
subject  that  would  serve  as  an  excuse,"  I  said. 
"Halfred,  if  I  were  you  and  I  felt  interested  in 
Miss  Titch — I  say,  supposing  I  felt  interested  in 
Miss  Titch,  I  should  look  out  for  that  foreigner 
and  practise  my  boxing  upon  him!" 

"Then  you  don't  think,  sir — " 

"I  don't  think  it  was  me  he  was  interested  in." 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  my  servant,  with  a  disappoint- 


I  sVouli 
look,  out 
foi-  tkat- 
lofex^ner  • 


ed  air,  for  he  founded  great  hopes  of  melodrama 
upon  me,  "in  that  case  I  shall  advise  Miss  Titch 
to  take  care  of  'erself." 

I  laughed. 

"Do  not  fear,"  I  replied.  "They  all  do  that. 
It  is  we  who  need  the  caution!  Yes,  Halfred, 
my  sympathy  is  with  that  poor  foreigner." 

I  fear  my  servant  put  down  this  sentiment  to 
i6  241 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

mere  un-British  eccentricity,  but  I  felt  I  had  done 
my  duty  by  him. 

As  for  the  inquisitive  foreigner,  I  smiled  at  the 
idea  that  he  had  really  addressed  the  fair  Arama- 
tilda  for  the  purpose  of  hearing  news  of  me.  I 
may  mention  that  I  had  heard  nothing  more  of 
Hankey;  nothing  from  the  league;  nothing  had 
followed  the  arrival  of  the  packing-case ;  the  French 
government  seemed  to  have  ignored  my  escapade; 
there  were  many  foreigners  in  London  vmcon- 
nected  with  my  concerns ;  so  wh}^  should  I  sup- 
pose that  this  chance  acquciintance  of  Aramatilda's 
had  anything  to  do  with  me?  "If  I  am  wanted, 
I  shall  be  sent  for,"  I  said  to  myself.  "Till  then, 
revelry  and  distrciction!" 

First,  I  sought  out  Teddy  Lumme.  We  met  for 
the  first  time  since  I  left  Seneschal  Court,  but  at 
the  first  greeting  it  was  evident  that  all  resent- 
ment had  passed  from  his  mind  as  completeh^  as 
it  had  from  mine. 

"Where  the  deuce  have  you  been  hiding?"  he 
asked  me,  with  his  old  geniality.  "We  wanted 
you  the  other  night;  great  evening  we  had ;  Archie 
and  me  and  Bobby  and  Tyler ;  box  at  the  Empire, 
supper  at  the  European,  danced  till  six  in  the 
morning  at  Covent  Garden ;  breakfast  at  Mug- 
gins; and  the  devil  of  a  day  after  that.  Fd  have 
sent  you  a  wire  but  I  thought  you'd  left  town. 
No  one  has  seen  you.  Been  getting  up  another 
conspiracy,  what?     Chap  at  the  French  embassy 

242 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

told  me  the  other  day  their  government  expected 
your  people  to  have  a  kick-up  soon.  By  Jove, 
though,  he  told  me  not  to  tell  any  one!  But  you 
won't  say  anything  about  it,  I  dare  say." 

"I  can  assure  you  it  is  news  to  me,"  I  replied, 
"but  in  any  case  I  certainly  should  not  discuss 
the  matter  indiscreetly." 

"And  now  the  question  is,"  said  Teddy,  "where 
shall  we  dine  and  what  shall  we  do  afterwards?" 

Ah,  it  may  be  elevating  and  absorbing  to  ex- 
periment in  Plato  and  guide  the  operations  of 
philanthropy,  but  when  the  head  is  not  yet  bald 
and  the  blood  still  flows  fast,  commend  me  to  an 
evening  spent  with  cheerful  friends  in  search  of 
some  less  austere  ideal!  This  may  not  be  the 
sentiment  of  an  Aurelius  —  but  then  that  is  not 
my  name. 

We  dined  amid  the  glitter  of  lights  and  mirrors 
and  fair  faces  and  bright  colors;  a  band  thun- 
dering a  waltz  accompaniment  to  the  soup,  a 
mazurka  to  the  fish;  a  babel  of  noise  all  round 
us  —  laughing  voices,  clattering  silver,  popping 
corks,  stirring  music ;  and  ourselves  getting  rapid- 
ly into  tune  with  all  of  this. 

"By-the-way,"  I  said,  in  a  nonchalant  tone, 
"have  you  seen  Aliss  Trevor-Hudson  again?" 

"No,"  said  Tedd3%  carelessly,  and  yet  with  a 
slightly  uncomfortable  air. 

"Did  you  become  friends  again?  Pardon  me 
if  I  am  indiscreet." 

243 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"Hang  itl  d'Haricot,"  he  exclaimed;  'Tm  off 
women — for  good  this  time." 

"Then  she  was — what  shall  I  say?" 

"She  kept  me  hanging  on  for  a  week,"  con- 
fessed Teddy,  "and  then  suddenly  accepted  old 
Horley." 

"Horley  —  the  stout  baronet?  Why,  he  might 
be  her  father!" 

"So  Miss  Horley  thinks,  I  believe,"  grinned 
Teddy.     "His  family  are  sick  as  dogs  about  it." 

"And  hers?" 

"Oh,  Sir  Henry  has  twenty  thousand  a  year; 
they're  quite  pleased." 

I  smiled  cynically  at  this  confirmation  of  my 
philosophy. 

"I  say,  have  you  got  over  your  own  penshant, 
as  you'd  call  it,  for  the  lady?"  asked  Teddy. 

"My  dear  fellow,"  I  said,  lightly,  "these  affairs 
do  not  trouble  me  long.  I  give  you  a  toast,  Teddy 
— here  is  to  man's  best  friend — a  short  memory!" 

"And  blow  the  expense!"  added  Teddy,  some- 
what irrelevantly,  but  with  great  enthusiasm. 

"A  short  life  and  a  merry  one!"  I  exclaimed. 

"Kiss  'em  all,  and  no  heel-taps!"  cried  Teddy. 
"  Waiter,  another  bottle,  and  move  about  a  little 
quicker,  will  you?  Getting  that  gentleman's  soup, 
were  you?     Well,  don't  do  it  again;  d'3^e  hear?" 

At  this  moment  a  piercing  cry  reached  us  from 
the  other  side  of  the  room.  It  sounded  like  an 
elementary  attempt  to  pronounce  two  words,  "  Hey, 

244 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 


Teddy !  Hey,  Teddy  \"  and  to  be coniixjsed  of  sever- 
al voices.  We  looked  across  and  saw  four  or  five 
young  men,  most  of  them  on  their  feet,  and  all  wav- 


ing either  napkins  or  empty  bottles.  On  catching 
my  friend's  eye  their  enthusiasm  redoubled,  and 
on  his  part  he  became  instantly  excited. 

"By  Jove!"  he  exclaimed.  "Excuse  me  one 
minute." 

He  rushed  across  the  room  and  I  could  see  that 
he  was  the  recipient  of  a  most  hilarious  greeting. 
Presently  he  came  back  in  great  spirits. 

"I  say,  we're  in  luck's  waj^"  he  said.  "I'd 
quite  forgotten  this  was  the  night  of  the  match." 

It  then  appeared  that  the  universities  of  Oxford 
and  Cambridge  had  been  playing  a  football  match 
that  afternoon  and  that  on  the  evening  of  the 
encounter  it  was  an  ancient  custom  for  these  seats 
of  learning  to  join  in  an  amicable  celebration  of 
the  event. 

245 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  The  very  thing  we  want/'  said  Teddy.  "  Come 
on  and  join  these  men — old  pals  of  mine;  dashed 
good  chaps  and  regular  sportsmen.     Come  on!" 

"But/'  I  protested,  as  I  let  him  lead  me  to  these 
"regular  sportsmen/'  "I  am  neither  of  Oxford 
nor  Cambridge/' 

"Oh,  that  doesn't  matter.  Hi!"  (this  was  to 
call  the  attention  of  his  friends  to  my  presence). 
"  Let  me  introduce  Mr.  Black,  of  Brasenose ;  Mr. 
Brown,  of  Balliol,  Mr.  Scarlett,  of  Magdalen ;  Mr. 
White,  of  Christchurch.  This  is  my  honorable  and 
accomplished  friend,  Mr.  Juggins,  of  Jesus!" 

At  this  there  was  a  roar  of  welcome  and  a  uni- 
versal shout  of  "Good  old  Juggins!" 

"But  indeed  my  friend  flatters  me!"  I  ex- 
claimed. "I  have  not  the  honor  to  be  the  Jug- 
gins." 

No  use  in  disclaiming  my  new  name,  however. 
Juggins  of  Jesus  I  remained  for  the  rest  of  that 
evening,  and  there  w^as  nothing  for  it  but  to  live 
up  to  the  character.  And  I  soon  found  that  it  was 
not  difficult.  All  I  had  to  do  was  to  shout  when- 
ever Mr.  Scarlett  or  Mr.  Black  shouted,  and  wave 
my  napkin  in  imitation  of  Mr.  White  or  Mr.  Brown. 
No  questions  were  asked  regarding  my  degree  or 
the  lectures  I  attended,  and  my  perfect  familiarity 
with  Jesus  College  seemed  to  be  taken  for  granted. 
I  do  not  wish  to  seem  vainglorious,  but  I  cannot 
help  thinking  that  I  produced  a  favorable  im- 
pression on  my  new  friends. 

246 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Juggins  won  the  match  for  us,"  shouted  Mr. 
White.     "Good  old  Juggins!" 

"I  did,  indeed.  Vive  la  football!  I  won  it  by 
an  innings  and  a  goal!"  I  cried,  adopting  what 
I  knew  of  their  athletic  terms. 

"Juggins  will  make  us  a  speech!  Good  old 
Juggins!"  shouted  Mr.  Black. 

"Fellow-students!"  I  replied,  rising  promi)tly  at 
this  invitation, "  my  exploits  already  seem  known 


to  you,  better  even  than  to  mj-self.  How  I  hit  the 
wicket,  kick  the  goal,  bowl  the  hurdle,  and  swing 
the  oar,  what  need  to  relate?  Good  old  Juggins, 
indeed!  I  give  you  this  health — to  013^  venerable 
college  of  Jesus,  to  the  beloved  colleges  of  \'ou  all, 
to  my  respectable  and  promising  friend,  Lumme, 

247 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

to  the  goal-post  of  Oxford,  to  love,  to  wine,  to  the 
Prince  of  Wales!" 

Never  was  a  speech  delivered  with  more  fervor 
or  received  with  greater  applause.  After  that  I 
do  not  think  they  would  have  parted  with  me  to 
save  themselves  from  prison.  And  indeed  it  very 
nearly  came  to  that  alternative  more  than  once 
in  the  course  of  the  evening. 

We  hailed  two  hansoms,  and  drove,  three  in 
each,  and  all  of  us  addressing  appropriate  senti- 
ments to  the  passers-by,  to  a  music-hall  which, 
as  I  am  now  making  my  debut  as  a  distinguished 
sportsman,  I  shall  call  the  "Umpire."  I  shall 
not  give  its  real  name,  as  my  share  in  the  occur- 
rences that  ensued  is  probably  still  remembered 
by  the  management.  It  was,  however,  not  unlike 
the  title  I  have  given  it. 

My  head,  I  confess,  was  buzzing  in  the  most 
unwonted  fashion,  but  I  remember  quite  distinctly 
that  as  we  alighted  from  our  cabs  there  was  quite 
a  crowd  about  the  doors,  all  apparently  making 
as  much  noise  as  they  could,  and  that  as  we 
pushed  our  way  through,  my  eyes  were  fascinated 
by  a  bill  bearmg  the  legend  "NEPTUNE— the 
Amphibious  Marvel!  First  appearance  to-night! 
All  records  broken!"  And  I  wondered,  in  the 
seriously  simple  way  one  does  wonder  under  such 
conditions,  what  in  the  world  the  meaning  of  this 
cryptogram  might  be. 

We  got  inside,  and,  my  faith!  the  scene  that 
248 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

met  our  eyes !  Apparently  the  football  match  was 
being  replayed  in  the  promenade  and  on  the  stair- 
cases of  the  Umpire.  Three  gigantic  figures  in 
livery — "the  bowlers-out"  as  they  are  termed — 
were  dragging  a  small  and  tattered  man  by  the 
head  and  shoulders  while  his  friends  clung  des- 
perately to  his  lower  limbs.  Round  this  tableau 
seethed  a  wild  throng  shouting  "Oxford!"  "Cam- 
bridge!" and  similar  war-cries  —  destroying  their 
own  and  each  others'  hats,  and  moved  apparent- 
ly by  as  incalculable  forces  as  the  billows  in  a 
storm.  On  the  stage  a  luckless  figure  in  a  gro- 
tesque costume  was  vainly  endeavoring  to  make 
a  comic  song  audible;  and  what  the  rest  of  the 
audience  were  doing  or  thinking  I  have  no  means 
of  guessing. 

"Oxford!     To  the  rescue!"  shouted  Mr.  Black. 

"Vive  Juggins!  Kick  the  football!"  I  cried, 
leading  the  onslaught  and  hurling  myself  upon 
one  of  the  bowlers-out. 

"Good  old  Juggins!"  yelled  my  admirers,  as 
they  followed  my  spirited  example,  and  in  a  mo- 
ment the  house  rang  with  my  new  name.  "Jug- 
gins!" could,  I  am  sure,  have  been  heard  for  half 
a  mile  outside. 

The  uproar  increased ;  more  bowlers-out  hurried 
to  the  rescue ;  and  I,  thanks  to  my  efficient  use  of 
my  fists  and  feet,  found  myself  the  principal  object 
of  their  attention.  Had  it  not  been  for  the  loyal 
support  of  my  companions  I  know  not  what  my 

250 


THE  ADVENTURES   OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


fate  would  have  been,  but  their  attachment  seemed 
to  increase  with  each  fresh  enemy  who  assailed 
me. 

At  last,  panting  and  dishevelled,  my  opera-hat 
flattened  and  crushed  over  my  eyes,  the  lining  of 
my  overcoat  hanging  out  in  a  long  streamer,  like 


SECute 

Pjl»C€S 
TH(? 


a  flag  of  distress,  I  was  dragged  free  by  the  united 
efforts  of  Mr.  White  and  Air.  Scarlett,  and  for  an 
instant  had  a  breathing  space. 

I  could  see  that  the  curtain  was  down  and  the 
performance  stopped ;  that  many  people  had  risen 
in  their  places  and  apparently  were  calling  for  the 
assistance  of  the  police,  and  that  from  the  number 

251 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

of  liveries  in  the  melee  the  management  were  taking 
the  rioters  seriously  in  hand.  In  another  moment 
two  or  three  of  these  offici^Js  broke  loose  and  bore 
down  upon  me  with  a  shout  of  "That's  'imT' 

"  Boh,  Juggins \"  cried  !\Ir.  Scarlett.  "  We'll  give 
you  a  start." 

The  two  intrepid  gentlemen  placed  themselves 
between  me  and  my  pursuers.  I  stood  my  ground 
for  a  minute,  but  seeing  that  nothing  could  with- 
stand the  onset  of  my  foes,  and  that  ^Ir.  White  was 
already  on  the  floor,  I  turned  and  fled.  The  chase 
was  hot.  I  dashed  down  a  flight  of  stairs,  and 
then,  by  a  happy  chance,  saw  a  door  marked  "  pri- 
vate." Through  it  I  ran  and  was  making  my 
way  I  knew  not  whither,  but  certainly  in  forbidden 
territory,  when  I  was  confronted  by  an  agitated 
stranger.  I  stopped,  tmd  would  have  raised  my 
hat  had  it  not  been  so  tightly  jammed  upon  my 
head. 

The  man  looked  at  me  for  a  moment,  and  then 
seemed  to  think  he  recognized  my  face. 

"You  are  Mr.  Neptune?"  said  he. 

"You  have  named  me!"  I  cried,  opening  my 
arms  and  embracing  him  effusively. 

"I  am  afraid  you  got  into  the  crowd,"  said  he, 
withdrawing,  in  some  cmliarrassment,  I  thought. 
"I  suppose  that  is  why  you  are  late." 

"That  is  the  reason,"  I  replied,  feeling  mystified, 
indeed,  but  devoutly  thankful  that  he  did  not  recog- 
nize me  as  the  hunted  Juggins. 

252 


THE  ADFENTURES  OF  M.  D'HAHICOT 

"Well,"  he  said,  "you  had  better  go  on  at  once, 
if  you  don't  mind.  There  is  rather  a  disturbance, 
I  am  afraid,  and  we  have  lowered  the  curtain ;  but 
perhaps  your  appearance  may  quiet  them." 

"My  appearance?"  I  asked,  glancing  down  at 
my  torn  overcoat,  and  wondering  what  sedative 


"  jyovL  Kave  mmved  me  ! 


effect  such  a  scarecrow  was  likeh"  to  have.  Be- 
sides, I  had  appeared  and  it  had  not  quieted  them ; 
though  this,  of  course,  he  did  not  know. 

"  I  mean,"  he  answered,  "  that  the  nature  of  your 
performance  is  so  absorbing  that  we  hope  it  may 
rivet  attention  somewhat." 

A  light  dawned  upon  me.  I  now  remembered 
253 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

the  bill  outside  the  theatre.  I  was  the  "  Amphibi- 
ous Marvel!"  Well,  it  would  not  do  for  the  in- 
trepid Juggins  to  refuse  the  adventure.  For  the 
honor  of  Jesus  College  I  must  endeavor  to  "  break 
all  records."  ]\Iy  one  hope  was  that,  as  it  was  to 
be  my  first  appearance,  anything  strange  in  the 
nature  of  my  performance  might  be  received  merely 
as  a  diverting  novelty. 

"  The  stage  is  set  for  you,"  said  my  unknown 
friend.     "  How  long  will  it  take  j^ou  to  change?" 

"Change?"  I  replied.  "This  is  the  costume  in 
which  I  always  perform." 

He  looked  surprised,  but  also  relieved  that  there 
would  be  no  further  delay,  and  presently  I  found 
myself  upon  a  huge  stage,  the  curtain  down  in  front, 
and  no  one  there  but  myself  and  my  conductor. 
What  was  I  expected  to  do?  I  was  sufficiently 
expert  at  gj^mnastics  to  make  some  sort  of  show 
upon  the  trapeze  without  more  than  a  reasonable 
chance  of  breaking  my  neck.  But  there  was  no 
sign  of  any  such  apparatus.  Was  I,  then,  a  strong 
man?  I  had  always  had  a  grave  suspicion  that 
those  huge  cannon-balls  and  dumb-bells  were 
really  hollow,  and,  in  any  case,  I  could  at  least 
roll  them  about.  But  there  were  neither  cannon- 
balls  nor  dumb-bells.  No,  there  was  nothing  but 
a  high  and  narrow  box  of  glass. 

"It  is  all  right,  you  will  fmd,"  said  my  con- 
ductor, coming  up  to  this. 

I  also  approached  it  and  gave  a  gasp. 
254 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

The  box  was  filled  with  water — water  about 
six  feet  deep! 

"I  shouldn't  care  to  dive  into  it  myself/'  he 
said,  jocularly.  "  But  I  suppose  it  is  all  a  matter 
of  practice." 

"  Do  I  dive  in — from  the  roof?"  I  asked,  a  little 
weakly,  I  fear. 

"Did  you  mean  to?"  he  replied,  evidently  per- 
turbed lest  their  arrangements  had  been  insuffi- 
cient. 

"Not  to-night,"  I  said,  w^ith  a  sigh  of  relief. 
"  But  to-morrow  night — ah,  yes ;  you  will  see  me 
then!" 

He  regarded  me  with  undisguised  admiration. 

"You  are  all  ready?"  he  asked. 

"Quite,"  I  replied. 

We  went  into  the  wings  and  the  curtain  rose. 

"I  time  you,  of  course,"  said  my  friend,  taking 
out  his  watch.  "You  have  stayed  under  five 
minutes  in  Paris,  haven't  you?" 

I  had  discovered  my  vocation  at  last.  The 
Amphibious  Neptune  was  a  record-breaking  diver. 

"Ten,"  I  answered,  carelessly,  and  with  such 
an  air  as  I  thought  appropriate  to  my  reputation 
I  walked  onto  the  stage. 

"Gentlemen  and  ladies!"  shouted  my  friend, 
coming  up  to  the  foot-lights.  "  This  is  the  world- 
famed  Neptune,  who  has  repeatedly  stayed  under 
water  for  periods  of  from  eight  to  ten  minutes! 
He  is  rightly  styled — " 

255 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HAR/COT 

But  at  this  point  his  voice  was  lost  in  such  an 
uproar  as,  I  flatter  myself,  greets  the  appearance 
of  few  Umpire  artistes.  "Good  old  Juggins!" 
they  shouted.  "Good  old  Juggins!"  I  was  rec- 
ognized now,  and  I  must  live  up  to  my  reputation 


I  cannot 
say. 

i  Jived 


as  the  high-spirited  representative  of  Jesus  College, 
Oxford.  Kissing  my  hand  to  my  cheering  au- 
dience I  mounted  the  steps  placed  against  the  end 
of  the  tank,  and  with  a  magnificent  si)lash  leaped 
into  the  water — I  cannot  strictly  say  I  dived,  for, 
on  surveying   the  constricted  area  of  my  aquatic 

236 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

operations,  it  seemed  folly  to  risk  cracking  a  valu- 
able head. 

Unluckily,  I  had  omitted  in  my  enthusiasm  to 
remove  even  my  top-coat,  and  either  in  the  air  or  the 
water  (1  cannot  say  which)  I  drove  my  foot  throujj^h 
the  torn  lininj^.  Conceive  now  the  situation  into 
which  my  recklessness  had  plunged  me — entangled 
in  my  overcoat  at  the  bottom  of  six  feet  of  water, 
struggling  madly  to  free  myself,  with  only  a  sheet 
of  triinsparent  glass  between  me  and  as  dry  a 
stage  as  any  in  England ;  drowning  ridiculously 
in  clear  view  of  a  full  and  enthusiastic  house' 
Ah^  struggles  can  only  have  lasted  for  a  few  sec- 
onds, though  to  me  they  seemed  longer  than  the 
ten  minutes  I  had  boasted  of,  and  then — the  good 


XyAo  tk^ 


f  the 


God  be   thanked! — I   felt  the   side  of  my  prison 
yield  to  my  kicking,  and  in  another  moment  I  was 
seated   in    three   inches   of    water,  dizzily  watch- 
'7  257 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

ing  a  miniature  Niagara  sweep  the  stage  and 
foam  over  the  foot-Hghts  into  the  panic-stricken 
orchestra. 

"Down  with  the  curtain!"  I  heard  some  one 
cry  from  behind,  but  before  it  had  quite  descended 
the  Amphibious  Marvel  had  smashed  his  way  out 
of  his  tank  and  leaped  into  the  unwilling  arms  of 
the  double-bass. 

Ah !  that  was  a  night  to  be  remembered — though 
not,  I  must  frankly  admit,  to  be  repeated.  An- 
other melee  with  the  exasperated  musicians ;  a 
gallant  rescue  by  Teddy  and  his  friends ;  a  tri- 
umphant exit  from  the  Umpire  borne  on  the  shoul- 
ders of  my  cheering  admirers ;  all  the  other  events 
of  that  stirring  night  still  live  in  the  memory  of 
"Good  old  Juggins."  To  my  fellow  undergradu- 
ates of  an  evening  I  dedicate  this  happ3^  disrepu- 
table reminiscence. 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  DHA'Trr-OT- 


Chapter   XXVI 

"  So  you  pushed  that  little  snowball  from 
the  top?  And  now  it  has  reached  the  bottom 
and  become  quite  large?  My  faith!  how  sur- 
prising! " 

— La  Rabide. 


9S'??C??^'?^v4?T  is  an  afternoon  in  December,  grav 
<?^^  9^?  and  chilly  and  dark ;  neither  the  sea- 

'^^      /      '%  son  nor  the  hour   to   exhilarate  the 
'^  ^  hetirt.     I  am  alone  in  my  room,  bend- 

'%W'4?W'%^  ing  over  my  writing-table,  endeavor- 
ing to  relieve  my  dej^ression  u])on  paper. 

Since  my  ajipearance  upon  the  music-hall  stage 
I  have  enjo\'ed  the  society'  of  nw  Oxford  friends 
while  they  remained  in  town ;  I  have  revelled  with 
Teddy;  I  have  had  my  "burst";  and  now  the  re- 
action has  come.  The  solace  of  my  most  real  and 
intimate  friend,  Dick  Shafthead,  is  denied  me, 
for  he  has  apparentlj^  left  London  for  a  time ;  at 
any  rate,  his  rooms  are  shut  up  and  he  is  not  there. 
N.O  company  now  but  regrets  and  cynical  reflec- 
259 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

tions.  A  short  time  ago  what  bright  fancies  were 
visiting  me! 

"Woman  gives  and  woman  takes  awa}^"  I  said 
to  myself.  "But  she  takes  more  than  she  gives!" 
I  felt  indeed  bankrupt. 

Opening  my  journal  and  glancing  back  over 
rose-tinted,  deluded  eulogies,  I  came  to  the  inter- 


Av/oman  giv«5  and 
a  woman  ta-kes  omto-Y 


rupted  entry,  "To  d'Haricot  from  d'Haricot." 
Ah,  that  I  had  profited  by  my  own  advice!  "  Fool- 
ish friend,  beware!" — but  he  had  not. 

I  took  up  my  pen  and  continued  the  exhorta- 
tion. 

"What  is  woman?  A  false  coin  that  passes 
current  onh^  with  fools!  Art  thou  a  fool,  then? 
No  longer!" 

Just  then  came  a  tap  at  the  door,  followed  bj'' 
the  comely  face  of  Aramatilda. 

"A  lady  to  see  you,  sir,"  she  said. 

I  started.     Could  it  be — ?     hnpossible! 

"Who  is  she?"  I  asked,  indifferently. 
260 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"She  didn't  give  her  name,  sir." 

"Show  her  in,"  I  rephed,  closing  my  journal, 
but  repeating  its  last  words  to  myself. 

Again  the  door  o]:)ened.     I  rose  from  my  seat. 

Did  Kate  hope  to  befool  me  again?  No,  it  was 
not  Kate  who  entered  and  said,  in  a  tone  of  perfect 
self-possession : 

"  Are  you  Mr.  d'Haricot?" 

She  was  rather  small,  she  was  young  —  not 
more  than  two-and-twent}'.  She  had  a  very  fresh 
complexion  and  a  prettj^  round  little  face  saved 
from  any  dolliness  by  the  steadiness  of  her  blue 
eyes,  the  firmness  of  her  mouth,  and  the  expres- 
sion of  quiet  .self-possession.  She  reminded  me 
of  some  one,  though  for  the  moment  I  could  not 
think  who. 

"I  am  Mr.  d'Haricot,"  I  replied.     "And  you?" 

"I  am  Miss  Shafthead." 

"Dick's  sister!"  I  exclaimed. 

"  Ves,"  she  said,  with  a  pleasant  glimpse  of 
smile  that  accentuated  the  resemblance.  "Have 
you  seen  him  lately?" 

"Unfortunately,  no." 

She  gave  me  a  quick,  clear  glance  as  if  to  test 
my  truth,  and  then,  as  though  she  were  satisfied, 
went  on  in  the  same  quiet  and  CcUidid  voice: 

"I  tried  to  find  my  cousin  Teddy  Lumme,  but, 
as  he  was  out,  I  have  taken  the  liberty  of  calling 
on  you,  because  I  know  you  are  one  of  Dick's 
friends — and   because — "     She  hesitated,  though 

261 


THE  ADJ/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

without  any  embarrassment,  and  gave  me  the 
same  kind  of  glance  again — just  such  a  look  as 
Dick  would  have  given,  translated  into  a  woman's 
eye. 

"Is  anything  the  matter?"  I  asked,  quickly. 

"Yes,"  she  said.  "He  has  left  home  and  we 
don't  know  where  he  is." 

"What  has  happened?"  I  exclaimed. 

"He  has  told  you  of  Agnes  Grey,  I  think?"  she 
answered. 

"He  has  given  me  his  confidence." 

"Dick  came  home  a  few  da^'s  ago,  and  became 
engaged  to  her.  M3^  father  was  angrj^  about  it 
and  now  they  have  gone  awa\^." 

She  told  me  this  in  the  same  quiet,  straight- 
forward way,  looking  straight  at  me  in  a  manner 
more  disconcerting  than  am^  suggestion  of  re- 
proach. It  was  I — I,  the  misanthrope,  the  con- 
temner of  woman,  who  had  urged  him,  exhorted 
him  to  this  reckless  deed!  And  evidently  she 
knew  what  my  counsel  had  been.  I  could  have 
shot  myself  before  her  eyes  if  I  had  thought  that 
step  would  have  mended  matters. 

"Then  the^^  have  run  away  together!"  I  cried. 

"They  have  gone  away,"  she  rejieated,  quieth-, 
"and,  I  suppose,  together.  I  am  afraid  \\\y  father 
was  very  hard  on  them  both." 

"And  doubtless  you  have  learned  what  ridicu- 
lous advice  I  gave  him?" 

"Yes,"  she  re]}lied,  "Dick  told  me." 
262 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"And  now  yoxx  abhor  inc.' 

"  I  should  be  much  obh^cd  if  you  would  help  me 
to  fhid  them,"  she  answered,  still  keeping  her 
steady  e\'es  upon  my  distracted  countenance. 

"I  ask  3'our  ])ardon,"  I  said.  "It  is  help  you 
want,  not  my  regrets  —  though,  I  assure  you,  I 
feel  them.     Have  you  been  to  his  chambers?" 

"  Yes,  I  went  and  knocked,  but  I  could  get  no 
answer." 

"Perhaps  they — I  .'?liould  say  he — has  returned 
by  now.     I  shall  go  at  once  and  see." 

"Thank  you,"  she  replied,  still  quietly,  but  with 
a  kinder  look  in  her  eyes. 

"And  3'ou — will  you  wait  here?" 

"Oh,  I  shall  come,  too,  of  course,"  she  said,  and 
somehow  I  found  this  announcement  pleasing. 

As  we  drove  together  towards  the  Temple,  I 
learned  a  few  more  particulars  of  Dick's  escapade. 
When  he  told  his  father  his  intention  of  marrying 
Miss  Grey,  the  indignation  of  the  baronet  evidently 
knew^  no  bounds,  for  even  his  daughter  admitted 
that  he  had  been  less  than  courteous  to  poor  Agnes, 
and  what  he  had  said  to  Dick  was  discreetly  left 
to  my  imagination.  This  all  happened  yesterday; 
Agnes  had  retired,  weeping,  to  her  bedroom,  and 
Dick,  swearing,  towards  the  stables.  The  orders 
he  gave  the  coachman  were  onh'  discovered  after- 
wards; but  his  ])lans  were  well  laid,  for  it  was  not 
(ill  the  culprits  were  missing  at  dinner  that  any 
one  discovered  they  had  onh'  waited  till  darkness 
263 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

fell  and  then  driven  straight  to  the  station.  No 
message  was  left,  no  clew  to  their  whereabouts. 
You  can  picture  the  state  of  mind  the  family  were 
thrown  into. 

Morning  came,  but  no  letter  with  it,  and  by  the 
middle  of  the  day  Miss  Shafthead  could  stand  the 
suspense  no  longer,  so,  in  the  same  business-like 
fashion  as  Dick,  without  a  word  to  her  parents, 
she  had  started  in  pursuit.  The  aunt  she  proposed 
to  spend  the  night  with  was  not  as  yet  informed 
that  she  was  to  have  a  visitor;  business  first,  and 
till  that  was  accomplished  my  fair  companion  was 
simply  letting  fate  take  charge  of  her.  "  With 
fate's  permission,  I  shall  assist,"  I  said  to  myself. 

As  we  drew  near  to  the  Temple,  she  fell  silent, 
and  I  felt  sure  that,  despite  her  air  of  sang-froid, 
her  sisterly  heart  was  beating  faster. 

"  Do  you  think  they — I  mean  he — will  have  re- 
turned?" she  said  to  me,  suddcnl}^  as  we  walked 
across  the  quiet  court. 

"Sooner  or  later  he  is  sure  to  be  in — if  he  is  in 
London.  Alay  I  ask  you  to  say  nothing  as  we 
ascend  the  stairs,  and  to  permit  me  to  make  the 
inquiries?" 

She  gave  her  consent  in  a  glance,  and  we  tramj)- 
ed  up  the  old  wooden  staircase  till  we  stopped  in 
silence  before  Dick's  door.  These  chambers  of  the 
Temi^le  cire  unj)rovided  with  any  bells  or  other 
means  of  calhng  the  innuites'  attention  beyond 
the  simple  method  of  knocking.     If  the  heavy  outer 

264 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

door  of  oak  be  closed,  and  he  away  from  home,  or 
disinchncd  to  receive  you,  you  may  knock  all  after- 
noon without  ^cttin^  any  satisfaction;  and  it  was 
the  latter  alternative  I  fetired.  At  this  juncture 
I  coidd  imagine  circumstances  under  which  my 
friend  might  prefer  to  remain  undisturbed. 

For  a  moment  I  listened,  and  I  was  sure  I  could 
hear  a  movement  inside.  Then  I  knocked  loudly. 
No  answer.     I  knocked  again,  but  still  no  answer. 

"Stay  where  you  are  and  make  no  sound,"  I 
whispered  to  my  companion.  "  Like  the  badger, 
he  nuist  be  drawn." 

I  fumbled  at  the  letter-slit  in  the  door  as  though 
I  were  the  postman  endeavoring  to  introduce  a 
packet,  and  dropped  my  pocket-book  on  the  floor 
outside.  This  I  knew  to  be  the  habit  of  these 
officials  when  a  newspaper  prox-ed  too  bulky.  Then, 
quieth^  picking  up  the  pocket-book,  I  descended 
the  stairs  with  as  much  noise  as  possible,  till  I 
thought  I  was  out  of  hearing,  when  I  turned  and 
ran  lightly  up  again.  Just  as  I  was  quietly  ap- 
proaching the  top  of  the  flight  I  saw  the  door  open 
and  the  astonished  Dick  confront  his  sister.  I 
stop]ied. 

"Daisy!"  he  exclaimed,  in  a  tone  which  seemed 
to  be  made  up  of  several  emotions. 

"Dick!"  she  replied,  her  self-control  just  failing 
to  keep  her  voice  quite  stead\^ 

"Was  it  \^ou  who  knocked?"  he  asked,  more 
suspiciously  than  kindlv. 

265 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"No,  Dick;  it  was  I  who  look  that  Hberty/'  I 
answered,  continuing  my  ascent. 

He  turned  with  a  start,  for  he  had  not  seen  me. 

"You?"  he  said,  sharply.  "It  was  a  dodge, 
then,  to — " 

" To  induce  you  to  break  from  co\er.  Yes,  my 
friend,  to  such  extremities  have  you  driven  us." 

"In  what  capacity  have  you  come?"  he  asked, 
with  ominous  coolness. 


■bite  fcaJ-^r 
must  le  drawn. 


"As  friends,"  I  replied.  "Friends  A'ho  have 
come  to  place  ourselves  at  your  service;  haven't 
we.  Miss  Shafthead?" 

"Yes,"  said  she,  "we  are  friends.  Don't  you 
believe  me,  Dick?" 

266 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"  Who  sent  you?"  he  asked. 

"  I  came  myself." 

"Does  my  father  know?" 

"No." 

Dick's  manner  changed. 

"  It's  very  good  of  3'ou,  Dai.sy.  Unfortunate- 
ly— "  here  he  hesitated  in  some  embarrassment — 
"mifortr.nately,  I  am  engaged  —  I  mean  I  have 
some  one  with  me." 

At  this  crisis  Miss  Daisy  rose  to  the  occasion 
in  a  way  that  surprised  me,  even  though  I  had 
done  little  but  admire  her  spirit  shice  we  met. 

"Of  course,"  she  replied,  with  a  smile;  "I  was 
sure  you  would  have,  Dick,  and  I  want  to  see  you 
both." 

"Come  in,  then,"  he  vsaid. 

"And  1?"  I  asked,  with  a  becoming  air  of  diffi- 
dence. 

"  As  I  acted  on  your  advice,"  he  answered,  "  you'd 
better  see  what  j^ou've  done." 

We  entered,  and  there,  standing  in  the  lamp- 
light, we  saw  the  cause  of  all  this  mischief.  She 
was  a  little,  slender  figure  with  a  pretty  little  oval 
face  in  which  two  very  soft  brown  ev'es  made  a 
unite  appeal  for  sympathy.  There  was  some- 
thing about  her  air,  something  about  her  demure 
expression,  somethnig  about  the  simplicit}'  of  her 
dress  and  the  Puritan  fashion  in  which  she  wore 
her  hair,  that  gave  one  an  indescribably  quaint 
and  old-fashioned  impression,  and  this  impression 

267 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

was  altogether  pleasant.  When  she  opened  her 
lips,  and  in  a  voice  that,  I  know  not  how,  height- 
ened this  effect,  and  with  an  expression  of  sweet- 
ness and  contrition  said,  simply :  "  Daisy,  what 
must  you  think?"  I  forgot  all  my  worldly  wisdom 
and  was  ready,  if  necessary,  to  egg  her  lover  on  to 
still  more  gallant  courses  Daisy  herself,  how- 
ever, capitvdated  more  tardily.  She  did  not,  as  I 
hoped,  rush  into  the  charming  little  sinner's  arms, 
but  only  answered,  kindly,  indeed,  yet  as  if  holding 
her  judgment  in  reserve : 

"I  haven't  heard  what  has  happened  yet." 

I  gave  a  sign  to  Dick  to  be  discreet  in  answer- 
ing this  inquiry,  which  he  however  read  as  merely 
calling  attention  to  my  presence. 

"Oh,  let  me  introduce  Mr.  d'Haricot  —  Miss 
Grey,"  he  said. 

So  she  was  still  Miss  Grey — and  they  had  fled 
together  nearly  four  -  and  -  twenty  hours  ago.  I 
repeated  my  signal  to  be  careful  in  making  ad- 
missions. 

"Where  have  you  been?"  said  Daisy. 

"I  have  some  cousins  —  some  cousins  of  my 
father's — in  London,"  Agnes  answered.  "I  am 
slaying  with  them." 

"And  you  are  living  here?"  I  said  to  Dick. 

"Where  else?"  he  replied,  with  a  surprise  that 
was  undoubtedly  genuine. 

"The  arrangement  is  prudence  itself,"  I  pro- 
nounced.    "  You  see.  Miss  Shafthcad,  that  these 

268 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

younf^  j)cople  have  tempered  their  ardor  with  a 
discretion  we  had  scarcely  looked  for.  I  do  not 
know  what  you  intend  to  do,  but,  for  in3\self,  I  kiss 
Miss  (irey's  hand  and  i)lace  my  ])oor  services  at 
licr  disjwsal!" 

And  I  proceeded  to  carry  out  the  more  imme- 
diately possible  ])art  of  this  resolution  without  fur- 
ther delay. 

The  little  mademoiselle  was  evidently  affected 
by  my  act  of  salutation,  while  Dick  exclaimed, 
with  great  cordiality: 

"Good  old  monsieur;  by  Jove!  you're  a  sports- 
man!" 

Still  his  sister  hung  back ;  in  fact,  my  impetu- 
osity seemed  to  have  rather  a  damping  effect  u])on 
her. 

"  What  are  you  going  to  do,  Dick?"  she  asked. 

"We  are  going  to  get  married." 

"What,  at  once?" 

"Almost  immediately." 

"  W^ithout  father's  consent?" 

"After  what  he  said  to  us  both — to  Agnes  in 
l^articular — do  you  think  I  am  going  to  trouble 
about  his  opinion?" 

"  But,  Dick,  supposing  we  can  get  him  to  change 
his  mind?" 

"  Who  is  going  to  change  it  for  him?  for  he  won't 
do  it  himself — I  know  the  governor  well  enough 
for  that." 

"If  I  try  to,  will  you  wait  for  a  little?" 
269 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"It's  no  use/' said  Dick. 

"Wait  till  we  see,  Dick!" 

"Yes,  we  shall  wait,"  said  Agnes.  "Dick,  you 
will  wait,  won't  you?" 

"If  you  insist,"  replied  Dick,  though  not  very 
cordially. 

"Then  you  will  try?"  said  Agnes. 

Daisy  came  to  her  side,  took  her  hand,  and  kiss- 
ed her  at  last. 

"Oh  yes,  I'll  do  my  very  best!"  she  exclaimed. 

There  followed  one  of  those  little  displays  of 
womanly  affection  that  are  so  charming  yet  so 
tantalizing  when  one  stands  outside  the  embraces 
and  thinks  of  the  improvement  that  might  be  ef- 
fected by  a  transposition  of  either  of  the  actors. 

"What  will  you  say?"  asked  Dick,  in  a  minute. 

"I  don't  quite  know,"  replied  Daisy,  candidly. 
"I  suppose  I  had  better  say  that — " 

She  paused,  as  if  considering. 

"Say  that  this  is  one  of  the  matches  made  in 
heaven!"  I  cried.  "Say  that  not  even  a  fcithcr 
has  the  right  to  stand  between  two  people  who 
love  each  other  as  these  do!" 

"By  gad!  Daisy,"  said  Dick,  "you  ought  to 
take  the  monsieur  with  3'ou.  I  don't  believe  there 'd 
be  any  resisting   him." 

"Let  me  come!"  I  exclaimed;  "I  claim  the  priv- 
ilege. My  rash  counsels  heli)ed  to  cause  this  sit- 
uation ;  permit  me  to  try  and  make  the  atone- 
ment!" 

270 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 


Daisy  U)()lvcd  at  nic,  I  am  bound  to  say,  rather 
doubtfully. 

"lie  has  a  wonderful  way  with  him,"  ur^ed 
Dick.  "  We  can't  do  that  kind  of  elo(}uent  aj)peal- 
to-the-feelin.t.js  business  in  I'^n^land,  but  it  fetches 
us  if  it's  properly  manaj.red.  You  sec,  I  don't  want 
to  fall  out  with  the  governor.  I  know,  Daisy, 
what  a  good  sort  he  has  been — but  I  am  not  going 
to  give  uj)  Agnes." 

"If  3'ou  think  Mr.  d'llaricot  would  re^ill^-  do  any 
good — "  said  Daisy. 

"He  can  ])ut  tr\',"  I  broke  in. 

"Please  let  him,"  said  Agnes,  softly. 

Ah,  I  had  not  shown  her  my  devotion  in  vain! 

"All  right,"  said  Daisy. 

And  so  it  was  arranged  that  we  were  to  start 
uj3on  our  embassy  next  morning. 


THE  ADyENTUR.ES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


r 


Chapter   XXVII 

"High    Toryism,    High    Churchism,    High 
Farming,  and  old  port  forever !" 

— CORLETT. 


)HAT  evening,  when  I  came  to  medi- 
'  tate  in  solitude  upon  the  appeal  1 
'  purposed  to  make,  m^^  confidence 
'  began  to  evaporate  in  the  most  un- 
■^^^^^  comfortable  manner.  Was  I  quite  cer- 
tain that  I  should  be  pleading  a  righteous  cause? 
Ah,  3'es;  I  had  gone  too  far  now  to  question  my 
cause;  but  how  would  my  eloquence  be  received? 
Would  it  "fetch  if  properly  managed"?  I  tried  to 
picture  the  baronet,  and  the  more  my  fancy  laid  on 
the  colors,  the  more  danqiing  the  prospect  became. 
"Ah,  well;  Providence  must  guide  me,"  I  said 
to  myself  at  last.  And  in  a  way  that  I  am 
sufficiently  old-fashioned  —  superstitious  —  call  it 
what  you  will — to  think  more  than  mere  coinci- 
dence. Providence  responded  to  m\^  faith.  I  could 
scarcely  guess  that  my  friend,  the  old  General,  who 

272 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


came  in  to  smoke  a  pipe  with  me,  was  an  agent 
employed  by  Heaven,  but  vSo  he  proved. 

"1  want  your  advice,"  I  said.  "What  should 
1  say,  what  should  I  do,  under  the  following  per- 
plexing circumstances?" 

And,  without  giving  him  any  names,  I  told  him 
the  stor\'  of  Dick. 

"Diflicult  business,  mossoo,  delicate  affair  and 


An  agent  cm-^'loVeJ  W 


that  sort  of  thing,"  he  observed,  when  I  had  fin- 
ished. "  You  say  your  friend  is  a  pretty  obstinate 
young  fellow?" 

"Dick  Shafthead  is  obstinacy  itself,"  I  replied, 
letting  his  name  escape  by  a  most  fortunate  slip 
of  the  tongue. 

"Shaftliead!"  said  the  General.  "By  Jove! 
Any  relation  to  Sir  Philip  Shafthead?" 

"Since  you  know  his  name,  and  can  be  trusted 

.8  273 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

not  to  repeat  it,  I  may  as  well  say  you  that  Sir 
Philip  is  the  stern  father  in  question.  Do  you 
know  him?" 

"  Knew  his  other  son,  Major  Shafthead.  He  is 
the  heir,  isn't  he?" 

"Yes,"  I  said.     "Dick  is  the  second  son." 

"Ever  met  Tommy  Shafthead  —  as  we  called 
him — the  Major,  I  mean?" 

"No;  he  is  stationed  abroad,  I  believe." 

"  Heard  about  his  marriage?" 

"No,"  I  replied.  "Dick  has  seldom  mentioned 
him." 

"I  wonder  if  he  knows,"  said  the  General. 

"  What?"  I  asked. 

"About  Tommy's  marriage." 

"Is  there  a  mystery?" 

"Well/'  said  the  General,  "it's  a  matter  that 
has  been  kept  pretty  quiet;  but  in  case  it  may  be 
any  good  to  you  to  know,  I  might  as  well  tell  ycni. 
Tommy  was  in  m\^  old  regiment ;  that's  how  i 
know  all  about  it.  When  he  was  only  a  subaltern 
he  got  mixed  up  with  ix  girl  much  beneath  him  in 
station.  liis  friends  tried  to  get  him  out  of  it,  but 
he  was  like  \^our  friend,  pig-hccided  as  the  devil. 
lie  married  her  privately,  lived  with  her  for  a  year, 
found  he'd  made  a  fool  of  himself,  and  separated 
for  good." 

"They  were  divorced?"  I  a-sked. 

"No  such  luck,"  said  the  (leneral.  "lie  can't 
get  rid  of  her.     She's  behaving  herself  proi:)erly 

274 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

for  the  sake  of  getting  the  title,  and  naturally  she's 
not  going  to  divorce  him.  So  that's  what  comes 
of  marrying  in  haste,  mossoo.  Not  that  there 
isn't  a  good  deal  to  be  said  for  a  young  fellow  who 
havS — er — a  warm  heart  and  wants  to  do  the  right 
thing  by  the  girl,  and  so  forth.  I  am  no  Chester- 
field, mossoo;  right's  right  and  wrong's  wrong 
idl  the  world  over,  but — er — there  are  limits,  don't 
3^ou  know." 

"  Has  Major  Shafthead  any  family?"  I  inquired. 

"No,"  said  the  General. 

"Then  Dick  will  succeed  to  the  baronetcy  one 
day?" 

"Or  his  son." 

"Ah,"  I  reflected,  "I  see  now  why  Sir  Philip  is 
so  stern.  He  would  not  have  a  girl  he  dislikes  the 
mother  of  future  baronets,  and  he  will  not  allow 
the  younger  son  to  follow,  as  he  thinks,  in  the 
elder's  steps." 

At  first  sight  this  seemed  only  to  increase  mj^ 
difficulties;  but  as  I  thought  more  over  it,  my 
spirits  began  to  rise.  Yes,  I  might  make  out  a 
good  case  for  Dick  out  of  this  buried  story. 

"Well,  good-night,  mossoo,"  said  the  old  boy, 
rising.     "Good  luck  to  you." 

"And  many  thanks  to  j^ou,  General." 

The  next  morning  broke  very  cold  and  gray. 
Wc  were  well  advanced  in  December,  and  the  frost 
was  making  us  his  first  visit  for  the  winter;  in- 
deed, it  was  cold  enough  to  give  Miss  Daisy  the 

275 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

opportunity  of  looking  charming  in  a  fur  coat 
when  I  met  her  at  the  station.  Dick  came  to  see 
us  off,  cind  I  must  admit  that  I  felt  more  responsi- 
bility than  I  quite  liked  in  seeing  the  cheerful  con- 
fidence he  reposed  in  me. 

"It  is  but  a  chiuice  that  I  can  do  anything/'  I 
reminded  him.     "I  may  fail." 

"No  fear/'  he  replied.  "I  expect  a  pardon  b^' 
return  of  post.  By-the-way,  we  got  the  manor  of 
Ilelmscote  in  Edward  the  Third's  time — Edward 
the  Third,  remember  —  and  the  baronetcy  after 
Blenheim.  The  governor  doesn't  object  to  be  re- 
minded of  that  kind  of  thing  if  j^ou  do  it  neatly. 
But  you  know  the  trick." 

"I  should  rather  depend  on  your  sister's  elo- 
quence/' I  suggested. 

"Oh,  she!s  like  me;  can't  stand  on  her  hind 
legs  and  catch  cake/'  laughed  Dick.  "We  are 
plain  English." 

"Not  so  ver\^  plain/'  I  said  to  myself,  glancing 
at  mj'  travelling  companion's  fresh  little  face  nest- 
ling in  a  collar  of  fur. 

She  was  very  silent  this  morning,  cind  I  could 
now  see  that  the  experiment  of  taking  down  an 
advocate  ins])ired  her  with  considerably  less  con- 
fidence than  it  had  Dick. 

"Confess  the  truth.  Miss  Shafthead,"  I  said  to 
her,  at  last.  "  You  fear  I  shall  only  make  bad 
into  worse." 

"I  don't  know  what  you  will  do,"  she  replied, 
276 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

with  a  smile  that  was  rather  nervoiis   than  en- 
couraging. 

"  Coniniand   ine,    then ;    I   shall   say   what   yon 
please,  or  hold  my  tongue,  if  you  prefer  it." 


can't  statvd.  on- 
\\et    kitvi   legs    atvi 


"Oh  no,"  she  said,  "j^ou  had  better  say  some- 
thing— now  that  you  have  come  with  me;  only 
don't  be  too  sentimental,  please." 

"  I  vshall  talk  turnips  till  I  see  my  opportunity ; 
then  I  shall  observe  coldly  that  Richard  is  an  af- 
fectionate lad  in  sj^ite  of  his  faults." 

Dai.s\^  laughed. 

"\  think  I  hear  3"ou,"  she  replied. 

Well,  at  least,  my  jest  served  to  make  her  a  little 
more  at  her  ease,  and  we  now  fell  to  planning  our 
arrival.     She  had  left  a  note  before  she  started  for 

277 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

town,  saying  only  that  vshe  would  be  away  for  the 
night,  but  giving  no  intimation  of  when  she  might 
return,  so  that  we  expected  no  carriage  at  the  sta- 
tion. This,  we  decided,  was  all  the  better.  We 
should  walk  to  lielmscote,  attract  as  little  notice 
as  possible  on  entering  the  house,  and  then  she 
would  find  out  how  the  land  lay  before  even  an- 
nouncing ni}'  presence ;  at  least,  if  it  were  possi- 
ble to  keep  me  in  the  background  so  long. 

"Aly  father  is  rather  difficult  sometimes,"  she 
said. 

"  Hasty?"  I  asked. 

"I'm  afraid  so." 

"He  may,  then,  decline  to  receive  me?" 

"It  is  quite  possil)le. " 

The  adventure  began  to  assume  a  more  and 
more  formida])le  aspect.  I  agreed  that  great  cir- 
cumspection was  required. 

At  last  we  alighted  at  a  little  waj'-side  station 
in  the  heart  of  the  country.  We  were  the  only 
travellers  who  descended,  and  when  we  had  come 
out  into  a  quiet  road,  and  watched  the  train  grow 
smaller  and  smaller,  and  rumble  more  and  more 
faintly  till  the  arms  of  the  signals  had  all  risen 
behind  it,  and  the  shining  steel  lines  stretched  still 
and  uninhabited  through  the  fields,  we  saw  no 
sign  of  life  beyond  ti  cawing  flock  of  rooks.  The 
sun  was  bright,  the  hoar-frost  only  lay  under  the 
shadow  of  the  hedge-rows,  and  not  a  breath  of  wind 
stirred  the  bare  branches  of  the  trees.       After  a 

278 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

word  of  protest  I  took  the  fur  coat  over  my  arm, 
and  Dai.s3^'s  ba^  in  ni}'  hand,  and  we  set  out  at  a 
brisk  i)ace  to  cover  the  two  miles  before  us. 

Presently'  a  sleepy  httle  village  appeared  ahead 
of  us ;  before  we  reached  it  my  guide  turned  off 
to  the  left. 

"It  is  a  little  longer  round  this  way,"  she  said, 
"  but  I  am  afraid  the  people  in  the  village  might 
—well—" 

"Exactly,"  I  replied.  "We  are  a  secret  em- 
bassy." 

It  was  a  narrow  lane  we  were  noW'  in,  w^inding 
in  the  shade  of  high  beech-trees  and  littered  with 
their  brown  cast  leaves.  Whether  it  was  the 
charm  of  the  place,  or  that  we  instinctively  de- 
hiyed  the  crisis  now  that  it  was  so  near,  I  can- 
not say,  but  gradually  our  pace  slackened. 

"  I  am  afraid  they  will  be  rather  anxious  about 
me,"  said  Daisy. 

"If  they  value  you  as  they  ought,"  I  replied. 

She  smiled  a  little,  and  then,  in  a  minute,  we 
roiuided  a  corner,  and  she  said,  "  That  is  Helms- 
cote  we  see  through  the  trees." 

I  looked,  and  saw  a  \)\\e  of  chimneys  and  gables 
close  before  us  and  just  a  little  distance  removed 
from  the  lane.  Along  that  side  now  ran  a  high, 
ancient-looking  wall  with  a  single  door  in  it,  op- 
posite the  house.  Evidently  this  unostentatious 
jiostern  was  a  back  entrance,  and  the  gates  must 
o]jen  into  some  other  road. 
279 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

My  fellow  -  ambassador  paused  and  glanced  in 
both  directions,  but  there  was  no  sign  of  any  one 
but  ourselves. 

"I  think  it  will  be  best  if  I  leave  j^ou  in 
the  garden,"  she  said,  "while  I  go  in  and  find 
mother." 

"Yes,  I  think  it  will  be  wise,"  I  answered. 

She  took  out  a  key  and  opened  the  door  in  the 
wall,  and  I  found  myself  in  an  old  flower-garden 
screened  by  a  high  hedge  of  evergreens  at  the 
farther  end. 

"Give  me  mj^  coat  and  bag,"  she  said.  "Many 
thanks  for  carrying  them.  Now  just  wait  here. 
I  shall  be  as  quick  as  I  can." 

I  lit  a  cigar  and  began  to  pace  the  gravel  path, 
keeping  myself  concealed  behind  the  bushes  as 
far  as  I  coidd.  Decidedly  this  had  a  flavor  of  ad- 
venture, and  the  longer  I  paced,  the  more  did  a 
certain  restlessness  of  nerves  grow  upon  me.  I 
took  out  m\^  watch.  She  had  been  gone  ten  min- 
utes. Well,  after  all,  I  could  scarcel}'^  expect  her 
to  return  so  soon  as  that.  I  paced  and  smoked 
again,  and  again  took  out  my  watch.  Twenty 
minutes  now,  and  no  sign  of  \\\y  fellow-ambassa- 
dor. I  began  to  grow  impatient  and  also  to  feel 
less  the  necessity  for  caution.  No  one  had  dis- 
covered me  so  far  and  no  one  was  likely  to ;  why 
should  I  not  explore  this  garden  a  little  farther? 
I  ventured  down  to  the  farther  end,  till  I  stood  be- 
hind   the   hedge.     It    was    charmingly   quiet   and 

280 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

restful  and  sunny,  with  high  trees  looking  over 
the  walls  and  rooks  flapping  and  cawing  about 
their  tops,  and  ti  glimpse  of  the  house  beyond. 
This  glinijxse  was  so  pleasing  that  I  thought  I 
should  like  to  see  more,  and,  spying  a  garden  roller 
propped  against  the  wall  and  a  niche  in  the  stone 
above  it,  I  gave  a  wary  look  round,  and  in  a  mo- 
ment more  had  scrambled  up  till  my  feet  were  in 
the  niche  and  my  head  looking  over  the  top. 

Below  me  I  saw  a  grass  terrace  and  a  broad 
walk,  and  beyond  these  the  mansion  of  Helmscote. 
No  wonder  Dick  showed  a  touch  of  pride  and  af- 
fection when  (on  \ery  rare  occasions,  I  admit) 
he  had  alluded  to  his  home.  It  was  an  old  brick 
house  of  the  Tudor  period,  though  some  parts 
were  apparently  more  ancient  than  that  and  had 
been  built,  I  should  say,  by  the  first  Shafthead 
who  had  settled  there.  The  colors — the  red  with 
diagonal  designs  of  black  bricks  through  it,  the 
stone  of  the  mullioned  windows,  the  old  tiles  on 
the  roof,  the  gray  of  the  ancient  portions,  even, 
I  fancied,  the  green  ivy — had  all  been  softened  and 
harmonized  by  time  and  by  weather  till  the  W'hole 
house  had  become  a  rich  scheme  that  would  have 
defied  the  most  cunning  painter  to  imitate  it. 

"  I  know  Dick  better  since  I  have  seen  his  home," 
I  said  to  nn^self.  "And  his  sister?  Yes,  I  think 
I  know  her  better,  too,  though  not  so  well  as  I 
should  like  to.  Pardieu!  what  has  become  of 
her?" 

281 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Well,  sir/'  said  a  voice  behind  me,  "what  are 
3'ou  doing  there?" 

I  turned  with  a  start,  mj^  grip  of  the  wall  slipped, 
and,  with  more  j^rccipitation  than  grace,  I  descend- 
ed to  the  garden  again  to  hnd  myself  confronted 
by  a  decidedly  formidable  indi^■idllal.  He  was  a 
gentleman  of  something  over  sixty  years  of  age. 


I  JcscervieJ.  "to  ■ftie. 


but  tall  and  broad  and  upright  far  bc\^ond  the 
common,  and  even  though  his  left  arm  w^is  in  a 
sling  of  ])lack  silk  I  should  not  have  cared  to  try 
conclusions  with  him.  His  face  was  ruddy  and 
fresh,  his  features  aristocratic  and  well-marked, 
his  eyes  blue  and  very  Ijright,  and  he  was  dressed 
in  a  shooting-suit  and  leather  leggings.     The  air 

282 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


of  ])r()j)riel()rshi]),  the  wounded  left  arm,  and  the 
family  resemlilance  left  me  in  no  doubt  a.s  to  who 
he  wa.s.  1  was,  in  fact,  about  to  enjoj'  the  inter- 
view with  Sir  Philip  Shafthead  for  the  sake  of 
which  I  had  entered  his  garden. 

Vet,  strani^^e  thousrh  it  may  vSeem,  gratitude 
for  this  stroke  of  good  luck  was  not  my  first  sen- 
sation. 

"  Who  the  devil  are  you,  and  what  are  3"ou  do- 
ing here,  sir?"  he  repeated,  sternly. 

Lie  had  not  heard  of  my  arrival,  then,  and  on 
the  instant  the  thought  struck  me  that  since  he 
did  not  know  who  I  was,  I  might  make  the  ex- 
periment of  feigning  ignorance  of  him. 

"I  address  a  fellow -guest  of  Sir  Philip's,  no 
doubt?"  I  said,  with  as  easy  an  air  as  is  pos- 
sible for  a  man  who  has  just  fallen  from  the  toj) 
of  a  wall  where  he  had  no  business  to  ha\-e 
climbed. 

"  Fellow-guest !"  he  repeated.  "  Do  3'ou  mean  to 
pretend  you  are  visiting  Helmscote?" 

"I  am  about  to;  though  I  confess  to  you,  sir, 
that  Sir  Philip  is  at  present  unaware  of  my  in- 
tention." 

"hidecd?"  said  he. 

"Yes,"  I  said.  "You  are  doubtless  a  friend  of 
Sir  Philip's,  sir?" 

He  emitted  something  that  was  between  a  laugh 
and  an  exclamation. 

"  IVIore  or  less,"  he  replied.     "  And  who  are  you  ?" 
283 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"My  name  is  d'Haricot,  and  I  am  a  friend  of 
his  son,  Dick  Shafthead." 

He  started  perceptibly,  and  looked  at  me  with  a 
different  expression. 

"I  have  heard  \'our  name/'  he  said. 

"As  you  are  staying  at  Helmscote  you  have 
no  doubt  heard  of  Dick's  imprudence?"  I  went  on, 
boldly. 

"I  have,"  he  replied,  shortly.  "Have  you  come 
to  see  Sir  Philip  about  that?" 

"Yes,"  I  said.  "I  have  travelled  down  with 
Miss  Shafthead  this  morning ;  she  left  me  here  for 
a  short  time  while  she  went  in  to  see  her  parents, 
and  while  waiting  I  had  the  indiscretion  to  mount 
this  wall,  in  order  to  obtain  a  better  view  of  the 
beautiful  old  house.  It  is  the  finest  mansion  I 
have  seen  in  England.  No  wonder,  sir,  that  Dick 
is  so  attached  to  his  home!" 

"  Yet,  as  you  are  aware,  he  has  run  away  from 
it,"  said  the  baronet,  dryly. 

"Ah,"  I  said,  "you  have  doubtless  heard  the 
father's  view  of  his  escapade.  Will  you  let  me 
tell  you  the  vSon's,  while  I  am  waiting?" 

"  liad  you  not  better  keeji  this  for  Sir  Philip — 
that  is,  if  he  consents  to  hear  you?" 

"No,"  I  .said,  eagerly.  "I  have  no  .secrets  to 
tell,  and  if  I  can  persuade  you  that  Dick  has  some 
excuse  for  his  conduct,  perhaps  yovi,  too,  might 
say  a  word  to  Sir  Philip  in  his  favor." 

"It  is  unlikeh^"  said  the  baronet;  "but  go  on." 
284 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


At  that  moment  I  spied  Daisy  entering  the  gar- 
den, though  fortunately  her  father's  back  was 
towards  her.  Swiftly  I  made  a  signal  for  her  to 
go  awa}^,  and  after  an  instant's  astonished  pause 
she  turned  and  slipped  quietly  out  again.  I  had 
been  given  a  better  chance  than  I  had  dared  to 
hope  for. 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XXVIII 


"At  the  journey's  end  a  u^elcome ; 
For  the  n'anderer  a  friend!" 

— Cyd. 


<?^9^?|?^^?^IR,"  I  began,  "I  must  tell  you,  in  the 
9^?  ^  first  place,  that   there   is   this    to  be 

?i?  V  ^i?  said  for  Dick  Shafthead — and  it  is 
9^  '^  an  argument  he   is   too    generous  to 

'^^^l^'^^^^^use  himself  —  he  took  counsel  of  a 
friend,  who,  perhaps  rashh^  urged  him  to  follow 
the  dictates  of  his  heart." 

"Indeed?"  said  the  baronet. 

"Yes;  I  can  answer  for  it,  because  I  was  that 
friend;  and  that  is  one  of  the  reasons  wh\'  I  was 
so  eager  to  plead  for  him  with  Sir  Philip." 

"  It  sounds  a  damned  ]:)oor  one,"  said  he.  "  May 
I  ask'  why  you  advised  a  son  to  rebel  against  his 
father?" 

"  If  I  had  thought  his  father  would  regard  his 
marrying  the  girl  he  loved  as  an  act  of  rebellion, 
'  "night — though  I  do  not  sa}'  I  would — have  ad- 

286 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  DHAHICOT 

vised  him  otherwise.  But  he  had  told  nic  that 
Sir  Phihp  was  a  man  of  great  sense  and  under- 
standing ;  therefore  I  argued  that  he  would  not 
take  a  narrow  or  prejudiced — " 

"Prejudiced!"  he  exclaimed. 

"Or  a  prejudiced  view  of  his  son's  conduct.  I 
knew  he  was  a  good  churchman;  therefore,  as  a 
follower  of  a  Carpenter's  Son,  he  could  not  seriously 
let  anj^  blemish  on  a  girl's  pedigree  stand  betw^een 
his  son  and  himself.  Besides,  he  was  so  highly 
placed  that  an  alliance  with  his  family  would  be 
sufficient  to  ennoble.  Furthermore,  as  he  loves  his 
son,  he  would  wish  for  nothing  so  much  as  his  hap- 
piness. Lastly,  being  a  great  gentleman.  Sir  Philip 
would  give  a  lady's  case  every  consideration." 

But  at  this  the  baronet's  feelings  could  no  longer 
be  contained. 

"By  God,  sir!"  he  exclaimed.  "Do  you  mean 
to  say  3'ou  preached  this  damnable  sermon  to 
my — to  Dick  Shafthcad?" 

I  had  not  preached  this  sermon,  nor  anything 
very  much  like  it;  but  these  were  undoubtedly 
the  arguments  I  ought  to  have  used. 

"I  argued  from  what  he  had  told  me  of  his 
father,"  I  replied.  "If  I  am  incorrect  in  my  esti- 
mate of  Sir  Philip ;  if  he  is  not  a  Christian,  a  gen- 
tleman, an  affectionate  father,  and  a  man  of  sense, 
then,  indeed,  I  reasoned  wrongly." 

At  this  thrust  beneath  his  guard.  Sir  Philip  was 
silent,  and  I  hastened  to  follow  up  my  attack. 

287 


THE  ADFENTUHES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"Another  argument  I  used — and  it  seemed  to 
me  the  strongest — was  this :  that  as  Dick  had  told 
me  of  the  deep  affection  Sir  PhiHp  feU  for  Lady 
Shafthead,  I  knew  his  father  had  a  heart  which 
could  love  a  woman  devotedly,  and  he  had  but  to 
turn  back  the  pages  of  his  own  life  to  find  himself 
reading  the  same  words  as  his  son." 

"Sir  Philip  loved  a  lad}'  of  his  own  degree  and 
station,"  he  answered. 

"And  Dick  a  relative  of  that  lady/'  I  said.  "A 
girl  with  the  same  blood  in  her  veins,  and  a  char- 
acter which  no  one  can  impeach.     Can  Sir  Philip?" 

"  Her  character  is  beside  the  point,"  said  he. 

"  Dick's  father  woidd  not  say  so  of  his  son's 
wife,"  I  retorted. 

Again  the  baronet  seemed  at  a  loss  for  a  fitting 
answer ;  and  from  his  expression  I  think  he  was 
on  the  point  of  revealing  his  identity,  and  sending 
me  forthwith  to  the  devil ;  but  without  a  j^ause  I 
hurried  up  the  rest  of  my  artillery. 

"Even  if  Sir  Philip  remains  deaf  to  all  that  I 
have  hitherto  said,  there  yet  remains  this,  which 
must,  at  least,  make  him  pause.  He  will  be  losing 
a  son." 

"And  the  son  will  be  losing  his  father." 

"  Ves;  and  therefore  Sir  Philip  will  not  onh'  be 
suffering,  but  inflicting  a  misfcjrlune." 

"  I  may  remind  3'ou,  sir,  that  Dick  has  only  to 
listen  to  reason." 

"Dick's  mind  is  made  up;    and  can  you,  sir, 
288 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

who  know  tliese  Shaf theads,  expect  them  to  aban- 
don their  resohitions  so  easily?  From  whom  has 
he  inherited  his  firmness  and  tenacity?  From  his 
father,  of  course ;  and  he  from  that  long  line  of 
cincestors  who  have  made  the  name  of  Shafthead 
honorable  since  the  days  of  Edward  the  Third! 
The  warrior  who  w'as  ennobled  on  the  field  of  Blen- 
heim has  not  left  descendants  of  milk  and  w^ater!" 

"I  am  perfectly  aware  that  Dick  is  obstinate 
as  the  devil/"  replied  the  baronet,  but  this  time 
in  a  tone  that  seemed  to  have  in  it  a  trace  of  some- 
thing not  unlike  satisfaction. 

"  And  so,  sir,  his  father  will  be  ruthlessly  dis- 
carding a  second  daughter-in-law." 

At  these  w-ords  the  change  that  came  over  the 
baronet  was  so  sudden  and  violent  that  I  almost 
repented  of  having  uttered  them. 

"What  do  3^ou  mean?"  he  exclaimed,  in  a  stifled 
voice.     "  Dick  didn't  tell  you?    He  does  not  know!" 

"No,"  I  replied.  "  I  learned  it  through  an  old 
companion  in  arms  of  ^lajor  Shafthead." 

For  a  moment  there  was  a  pause.  Then  he  said, 
in  a  steadier  voice: 

"  And  does  this  seem  to  you  an  argument  for 
permitting  another  son  to  commit  an  act  of  folly?" 

"  It  does  seem  an  argument  for  not  breaking 
the  last  link  with  the  generation  to  come." 

The  baronet  turned  round  and  walked  a  few 
paces  away  from  me;  then  he  turned  back  and 
said : 

19  289 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  Well,  sir,  if  it  is  any  satisfaction  to  you,  I  may 
tell  you  that  you  have  already  discharged '  your 
task.     I  am  Sir  Philip  Shafthead."' 

"What!"  I  exclaimed,  in  simulated  surprise. 
"  Then  I  must  indeed  ask  your  pardon  for  the 
freedom  with  which  I  have  spoken.  My  affec- 
tion for  your  son  is  my  only  excuse." 

"He  is  fortunate  in  his  friends,  sir,"  said  Sir 
Philip,  though  with  precisely  what  significance 
I  could  not  be  sure.  "  You  will  now  have  lunch- 
eon with  us,  I  hope." 

We  walked  in  silence  to  the  house,  my  host's  face 
expressing  nothing  of  what  he  thought  or  felt. 

In  a  long,  low  room  whose  oak  panelling  and 
beams  were  black  with  age  and  whose  windows 
tinged  the  sunshine  with  the  colors  of  old  coats 
of  arms,  I  was  introduced  to  Lady  Shafthead. 
She  was  like  her  daughter,  smaller  and  slighter 
than  the  muscular  race  of  Shaftheads,  gray-haired 
and  very  charming  and  simple  in  her  manner. 
Daisy  stood  beside  her,  and  both  women  glanced 
anxiously  from  one  to  the  other  of  us.  What  those 
who  knew  him  could  read  in  Sir  Philip's  coun- 
tenance, I  cannot  say.  For  myself,  I  merelj'  pro- 
fessed my  entire  readiness  for  lunch  and  my 
appreciation  of  lielmscote,  but,  surreptitiously 
catching  Daisy's  eye,  I  gcxve  her  a  glance  that 
was  intended  to  indicate  a  fair  possibility  of  line 
weather. 

Evidently  she  read  it  as  such,  for  she  replied 
290 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

b}'  a  smile  from  which  all  her  distrust  had  varn- 
ished. 

The  meal  passed  off  in  outward  calm  and  with 
no  reference  to  the  conversation  of  the  morning. 
Indeed,  Sir  Phili])  scarceh^  spoke  at  all,  and  I  was 
too  afraid  of  making  a  discordant  remark  to  say 
much  myself. 

"  You  will  excuse  me  from  joining  you  in  the 
smoking-room  at  present,"  said  the  baronet,  when 
we  had  finished.  "  Daisy,  you  will  act  as  hostess, 
perhaps?" 

Nothing  could  have  suited  me  better  than  this 
arrangement,  and  for  an  hour  we  discussed  our 
embassy  and  its  prospects  with  the  friendliness 
of  two  intimates  who  have  shared  an  adventure. 

Then  Lady  Shafthead  entered  and  said  with 
a  smile  towards  us  both, 

"Sir  Philip  hcis  written  to  Dick." 

"He  is  forgiven?"  I  cried. 

"He  is  told  to  come  home." 

"Alone?" 

"Yes,  alone." 

My  face  fell  for  a  little,  but  Lady  Shafthead 's 
air  reassured  me. 

"For  the  present,  at  all  events,  alone,"  she  said. 

"And  may  the  present  be  brief!"  I  rc])lied. 
"And  now  his  ambassador  must  regretfully  re- 
turn to  town." 

"Oh,  but  you  are  staying  with  us,  I  hope,"  said 
Lady  Shafthead. 

291 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"With  one  collar,  a  tweed  suit,  and  no  razors?" 

"Can't  you  send  for  your  things?"  suggested 
Daisy. 

And  that  is  precisely  what  I  did. 

The  next  day  the  prodigal  returned  and  had  a 
long  interview  with  his  stern  parent.  At  the  end 
of  it  he  joined  me  in  the  smoking-room. 

"Well?"  I  asked. 

"An  armistice  is  declared,"  said  Dick.  "For 
six  months  the  matter  is  not  to  be  mentioned." 

"And  that  is  all?" 

"All  at  present." 

"But  six  months,  Dick!     Can  you  wait?" 

"Call  it  three  weeks,"  said  Dick.  "I  know  the 
limit  to  the  governor's  patience.  He  never  let  a 
matter  remain  unsettled  for  one  month  in  his  life." 

He  filled  his  pipe  deliberately,  standing  with 
his  legs  wide  apart  and  his  broad  back  to  the  fire, 
while  an  expression  of  amused  satisfaction  gath- 
ered upon  his  good-looking  countenance. 

"I  say,"  he  remarked,  abruptly,  "don't  think 
I'm  ungrateful.  You  did  the  trick,  monsieur,  and 
I  won't  forget  it  in  a  hurry." 

As  he  said  this  he  turned  his  back  to  me  and 
took  a  match-box  from  the  mantel-shelf,  as  though 
he  had  merely  made  a  casual  remark  about  the 
weather,  but  by  this  time  I  knew  the  value  of  such 
undemonstrative  British  thanks. 

Another  condition  that  Sir  Philip  had  made 
was  that  his  son  should  not  return  to  London  un- 

292 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

til  the  Christinas  vacation  was  over,  and,  though 
this  was  a  matter  of  merely  two  or  three  weeks, 
Dick  found  it  harder  than  a  six  months'  postpone- 
ment of  his  marriage.  But  to  me,  I  fear,  it  did  not 
seem  so  unreasonable,  for,  as  he  could  not  have  his 
sweetheart's  company,he  insisted  on  retaining  mine ; 
so,  after  a  polite  protest,  which  Lady  Shafthead  de- 
clared to  be  unnecessary  and  Daisy  to  be  absurd, 
I  settled  down  to  spend  my  Christmas  at  Helmscote. 

At  that  time  there  was  no  one  else  staying  in 
the  house,  so  that  when  I  sat  down  at  dinner  that 
night,  one  of  a  friendly  company  of  five,  I  felt  al- 
most as  though  I  was  a  member  of  the  family. 
And  the  Shafthcads,  on  their  part,  seemed  bent 
on  increasing  this  illusion.  Once  I  cheerfully  al- 
luded to  my  exile — cheerfully,  because  at  that  mo- 
ment the  thought  had  no  sting. 

"An  exile?"  said  Lady  Shafthead,  smiling  at 
me  as  a  good  mother  might  smile.  "  Not  here, 
surely.     You  must  not  feel  3'ourself  an  exile  here." 

And,  indeed,  I  did  not.  For  the  first  time  since 
I  landed  in  this  country,  I  felt  no  trace  of  strange- 
ness, but  almost  as  though  I  had  begun  to  take 
root  in  the  soil.  Circumstances  had  not  enabled  me 
to  enjoy  any  famil}^  life  since  I  was  a  boy,  and 
had  I  been  given  at  that  moment  a  free  pardon 
and  a  ticket  to  Paris,  I  should  have  said,  "  Wait, 
please,  for  a  few  months,  till  I  discover  to  which 
nation  I  really  do  belong.  Here  I  am  at  home. 
Perhaps,  if  I  return,  I  should  now  be  lonely." 

293 


THE  ADf^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

The  very  look  of  my  room  when  I  retired  to  bed 
impressed  me  further  with  this  feehng.  The  fire 
was  so  bright,  the  curtains  so  warm,  every  httle 
circumstance  so  soothing.  I  drew  up  the  bhnd 
and  looked  out  of  a  latticed  casement-window  into 
a  garden  bathed  in  moonlight,  and  my  heart  was 
filled  with  gratitude.  Last  thing  before  I  went  to 
sleep,  I  remember  seeing  the  firelight  playing  on 
the  walls  and  mingling  with  a  long  ray  from  the 
moon,  and  the  fantastic  designs  seemed  to  form 
themselves  into  letters  making  a  message  of  wel- 
come. And  this  message  was  signed  "  Daisy 
Shafthead." 

At  what  hour  I  woke  I  cannot  say ;  but  I  felt  as 
though  I  had  not  been  long  asleep,  and  that  some- 
thing must  have  roused  me.  The  fire  had  burned 
low,  but  the  long  beam  of  moonlight  still  fell  across 
my  bed  and  made  a  patch  of  light  on  the  opposite 
wall.  Suddcnh^  it  was  obsciu'cd,  and  at  the  same 
moment  I  most  dislincth^  heard  a  noise — a  noise  at 
the  window.  I  turned  on  my  pillow  with  that  curi- 
ous sensation  in  my  breast  that  by  the  metaphysi- 
cal ma\^  easily  be  distinguished  from  exhilaration. 
I  had  left  the  curtains  a  little  apart  with  an  oblong 
of  blind  showing  light  between  them.  Now  there 
was  a  dark  body  moving  stealthily  either  before 
or  behind  this. 

For  a  moment  I  lay  still,  then,  with  a  spring  so 
violent  as  almost  to  suggest  that  I  had  exercised 
some  com])ulsion  vipon  my  movements,  I  leaped 

294 


(6 

O 

P 

o 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

out  of  bed.  The  next  instant  the  body  had  dis- 
appeared, and  I  heard  a  scraping  noise,  ajjparently 
on  the  outside  wall.  I  rushed  to  the  window  and 
drew  aside  the  blind.  The  casement  was  certainly 
open,  but  then  I  had  left  it  so.  I  put  out  my  head 
and  looked  carefully  over  the  garden.  Not  a 
movement  an^^where,  not  a  soimd.  I  waited  for 
a  time,  but  nothing  more  happened,  and  then  I 
went  to  bed  again,  first,  I  confess,  closing  and 
fastening  the  window;  and  in  a  little  the  whole 
incident  was  lost  in  oblivion. 

With  the  prosaic  entry  of  daylight  and  a  servant 
to  fiill  my  bath,  I  began  to  wonder  whether  the 
whole  thing  was  not  a  dream,  and,  in  fact,  I  had 
almost  persuaded  myself  thcit  this  was  the  case 
when  I  spied,  lying  on  the  floor  below  the  window, 
a  slip  of  paper.  It  was  folded  and  addressed  in 
l)encil  to  "M.  d'liaricot,  confidential."  I  opened 
it  and  read  these  words : 

"Beware  how  you  betra\'!  Lumnie  also  is  watched. 
Therefore  be  faithful,  if  it  is  not  too  late!" 

"  What  the  devil!"  I  said  to  mj'self,  after  reading 
these  incomprehensible  words  two  or  three  times. 
"  Is  this  a  practical  joke — or  can  it  be  from — ?"  I 
hastih'  turned  the  scrap  over,  looked  at  it  upside 
down,  and  against  the  light,  but  no,  there  was  no 
mark  to  give  me  a  clew. 

So  meaningless  did  the  warning  seem  that  before 
the  day  was  far  sjjent  it  htid  ceased  to  trouble  me. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XXIX 


"Enter  Truculento  brandishing  a  rapier. 
Ordnance  shot  off  -without." 

—Old  Stage  Direction. 


T 


day  slipped  by  smoothly  and 
swiftly  as  a  draught  of  some  delicious 
opiate,  and  every  moment  my  iancy 
became  anchored  more  securely  to 
^#'#'?|?^  Helmscote.  But  upon  the  next  morn- 
ing I  received  a  letter  from  my  Halfred  which, 
though  it  amused  and  moved  me  by  the  good 
fellow's  own  happiness,  yet  contained  one  perplex- 
ing piece  of  news.  I  give  the  epistle  in  his  own 
words  and  spelling. 

"  Dear  Sir, — Hopping  the  close  reached  you  safely  i 
added  the  waterprove  coat  for  shooting  in  rain  supposing 
such  happened.  Miss  Titch  has  concented  to  marry  me 
some  day  but  not  now  you  being  sir  the  objec  of  my  at- 
tentions for  the  present  hence  i  am  happy  beyond  ex- 
preshon  also  she  is  and  i  hop  you  approve  sir.     Another 

297 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

package  has  come  for  IMister  Balfour  not  to  be  oppened 
and  marked  u  d  t  which  Mr.  Titch  says  means  undertake 
to  return  but  I  have  done  nothing  hopping  I  am  right 
yours  obediently  ALFRED  WlNKES." 

No,  Halfred,  U.  D.  T.  did  not  mean  "Undertake 
to  return,"  but  bore  a  much  graver  significance, 
and  this  news  made  me  so  thoughtful  that  at  least 
one  pair  of  bright  ej^es  remarked  it  at  breakfast. 

"No  bad  news,  I  hope,"  said  Daisy,  as  we  went 
together  to  the  door  to  inspect  the  weather. 

"None  that  you  cannot  make  me  forget,"  I  re- 
plied, with  a  more  serious  gallantry  than  I  had  yet 
shown  towards  her. 

A  little  rise  of  color  in  her  face  did  indeed  make 
me  forget  all  less  absorbing  matters. 

"  By  the  time  you  leave  us,  j^ou  perhaps  won't 
find  us  still  so  consoling,"  she  replied,  with  a  smile. 

"  Don't  remind  me  of  that  day,"  I  said.  "It  is  a 
long  way  off — a  hundred  years,  I  try  to  persuade 
myself!" 

Little  did  I  think  how  soon  fate  would  laugh  at 
my  confidence. 

To-day  we  were  to  shoot  pheasants.  The  bar- 
onet had  his  arm  out  of  the  sling  for  the  first 
time,  and  this  so  raised  his  spirits  that  I  felt 
sure  Dick's  six  months'  probation  were  already 
divided  by  two,  at  least.  Two  friends  were  coming 
from  a  neighboring  house,  and  the  other  gun  was 
to  be  my  second,  Tonks,  who  was  expected  to  stay 

2q8 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

for  the  night.  Presently  he  appeared  and  greeted 
nie  with  a  friendly  grin. 

"  Vou  haven't  got  Lumme  to  fire  at  to-day,"  he 
remarked. 

I  drew  him  aside. 

"Tonks,"  I  said,  "that  incident  is  forgotten — 
also  the  cause  of  it.     You  understand?" 

lie  had  the  uncomfortal^le  perspicacitj^  to  glance 
over  at  Daisy  as  he  replied : 

"Right  0;  I  won't  spoil  sary  one's  sport." 

This  game  of  pheasant -shooting  is  played  in 
England  with  that  gravity  and  seriousness  that  the 
Briton  displays  in  all  his  sports.  Xo  i^rejiarations 
are  wanting,  no  precautions  omitted.  You  stand  in 
a  specially  prepared  opening  in  a  specially  grown 
plantation,  while  a  specialh'  trained  company  of 
beaters  scientifically  drive  towards  you  several 
hiuidred  artificitdh"  incubated  birds  invigortited 
by  a  patent  pheasant  food.  Owing  to  the  regu- 
lated height  of  the  trees  and  the  measured  dis- 
tance at  which  you  stand  these  birds  pass  over  you 
at  such  a  height  (and,  owing  to  the  qualities  of 
the  patent  food,  at  such  a  pace),  and  the  shot  is 
rendered  what  they  call  "sporting."  Then,  at  a 
certain  distance  from  his  gun  and  a  certain  angle, 
the  skilful  marksman  discharges  both  barrels, 
converts  two  pheasants  into  collapsed  bundles  of 
feathers,  snatches  a  second  gun  from  an  attendant, 
and  in  precisely  similar  fashion  accounts  for  two 
more.     The  flight  of  the  bird  is  so  calculated  that 

299 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

the  bad  shot  has  Uttle  chance  of  hitting  anything 
at  all,  so  that  the  pheasant  may  return  to  his  coop 
and  be  preserved  intact  for  another  day.  When 
such  a  shot  is  firing,  you  will  hear  the  host  anx- 
iously say  to  the  keeper  at  the  end  of  the  day : 

"Did  he  miss  them  all  clean?" 

And  if  the  answer  is  in  the  affirmative,  he  will 
add: 

"Excellent!     I  shall  ask  him  to  shoot  again." 

A  clean  miss  or  a  clean  kill — that  is  what  is  de- 
manded in  order  that  you  may  strictly  obey  the 
rules  of  the  sport,  and  at  my  first  stand,  where  I 
was  able  to  exhibit  five  severed  tails,  a  mangled 
mass  which  had  received  both  barrels  at  three 
paces,  and  seven  swifth^  running  invalids,  my  en- 
thusiasm was  quickh^  damped  by  the  face  Sir 
Philip  pulled  on  hearing  my  prowess. 

"Never  mind,"  said  Daisy,  who  had  come  to  see 
the  sport,  "you  couldn't  expect  to  get  into  it  just 
at  first." 

"Come  and  give  me  instruction,"  I  implored  her. 

"Don't  be  in  such  a  hurry!"  she  cried,  as  she 
stood  beside  me  at  the  next  beat.  "Look  before 
you  shoot  —  that's  what  Dick  always  says  you 
ought  to  do.  Now  you've  forgotten  to  put  in 
your — wait !  Of  course !  No  wonder  nothing  hap- 
pened ;  you  had  forgotten  to  put  in  the  cartridges. 
Stead3^  now.  Oh,  but  don't  wait  till  it's  past  3'Ou! 
Dick  says —  Good  shot!  Was  that  the  bird  you 
aimed  at?" 

300 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Mademoiselle,  it  was  the  bird  a  far-seeing 
Providence  placed  within  the  radius  of  my  shot. 
'L'homme  propose;  Dieu  dispose.'" 

"I  shouldn't  trust  to  Providence  too  much/'  said 
she. 

Well,  between  Heaven  and  Miss  Shafthead, 
aided,  I  must  say  for  myself,  by  a  hand  and  eye 
that  were  ntiturally  quick  and  not  unaccustomed 
to  exercises  of  skill,  I  managed  by  the  end  of  the 
day  to  successfully  uphold  the  honor  of  my  coun- 
try. The  light  was  fading  when  we  stopped  the 
battue,  the  air  was  sharp,  and  the  ground  crisp 
with  frost.  My  fair  adviser  had  gone  home  a 
little  time  before,  and,  wrapped  in  pleasant  recol- 
lections and  meditations,  I  had  fallen  some  wa.y 
behind  the  others  as  we  walked  homeward  across 
a  stubble  -  field.  The  guns  in  front  passed  out 
through  a  gate  into  a  lane,  and  I  was  just  follow- 
ing them  when  a  man  stepped  from  the  shadow  of 
the  hedge  and  said  to  me: 

"A  gentleman  would  speak  to  you." 

I  looked  at  him  in  astonishment. 

He  was  an  absolute  stranger,  and  his  manner 
was  serious  and  impressive.  Beyond  him,  in  the 
opposite  direction  from  that  in  which  my  friends 
had  turned,  stood  a  covered  carriage,  with  another 
man  wrapped  in  a  cloak  a  few  paces  in  front  of 
it,  and  a  third  individual  holding  the  horse's  head. 

"That  is  the  gentleman,"  added  the  stranger, 
indicating  the  man  in  the  cloak. 

301 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

In  considerable  surprise  I  turned  towards  the 
carriage. 

"M.  d 'Haricot,"  said  the  shrouded  individual. 

"M.  le  Marquis!"  I  cried,  in  astonishment. 

It  was  indeed  none  other  than  he  whom  I  have 
before  mentioned  under  the  name  of  F.  ii,  secre- 
tary of  the  league,  conspirator  by  instinct  and 
profession,  by  rank  and  name  the  Marquis  de  la 
Carrabasse. 

"What  are  you  doing  here,  my  dear  Marquis?" 
I  exclaimed. 

He  regarded  me  with  a  fixed  and  searching  ex- 
pression. 

"  The  hour  is  ripe,"  he  said.  "  The  moment  has 
come  to  strike!     Here  is  my  carriage.     Come!" 

For  a  moment  I  was  too  astonished  to  reply. 
Then,  in  a  reasonable  tone,  I  said: 

"Pardon,  Marquis,  but  I  must  first  take  leave 
of  my  hosts." 

"You  cannot." 

"That  is  to  be  seen,"  I  replied,  losing  my  temper 
a  little. 

Before  I  could  make  a  movement  the  Marquis 
was  covering  me  with  a  revolver,  and  from  the 
corner  of  my  eye  I  could  see  that  the  man  who  had 
first  spoken  to  me  had  drawn  one,  too. 

"Enter  the  carriage,"  said  the  Marquis.  "I  do 
not  trust  you." 

"Since  you  give  me  no  alternative  ])etwcen  a 
somewhat   prolonged   rest   in   this   ditch   and   the 

302 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

pleasure  of  3'ovir  society,  I  shall  choose  the  latter/' 
I  replied,  with  as  light  an  air  as  possible.  "  But 
I  warn  you,  Marquis,  that  this  conduct  requires 
an  explanation." 

He  continued  to  look  sternly  at  me,  holding  his 
revolver  to  my  head,  but  making  no  reply,  while, 
in  as  easy  a  fashion  as  possible,  I  strolled  up  to 
the  carriage. 

Then,  to  my  surprise,  I  saw  that  they  had  em- 
plo^^ed  one  of  the  beaters  to  hold  their  horse,  a 
man  whom  I  recognized  at  once  as  having  carried 
my  cartridge-bag. 

"You  may  now  go,"  said  the  Marquis  to  this 
man,  handing  him  coin.  "  And  for  your  own  sake 
be  silent!" 

I  could  have  laughed  aloud  at  the  delightful 
simplicity  of  thus  hiring  a  stranger  at  random 
to  aid  in  an  abduction  and  then  expecting  him 
to  keep  his  coimsel,  had  I  not  seen  in  it  an  omen 
of  further  failures.  So  certain  was  I  that  the  news 
of  my  departure  would  now  reach  Helmscote  be- 
fore night  that  I  did  not  even  trouble  to  send  a 
message  by  him. 

The  man  who  had  first  spoken  to  me  jumped 
upon  the  box  and  took  the  reins,  the  Marquis  and 
I  entered  the  carriage,  and  through  the  dusk  of  that 
winter  evening  I  was  carried  off  from  Helmscote. 

"Now,  M.  le  Marquis,"  I  vSaid,  sternly,  "have 
the  goodness  to  explain  your  words  and  conduct 
to  me." 

304 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

He  looked  at  me  intently  for  a  moment  and  then 
answered : 

"On  your  honor,  are  you  still  faithful?" 

"What  do  you  mean,  monsieur?" 

"Lumme  has  not  betrayed  us?" 

"Lumme!"  I  exclaimed,  in  astonishment,  and 
then  suddenly  remembered  the  warning  paper. 
"Did  you  throw  that  paper  into  my  bedroom?" 

"  An  agent  threw  it  for  me.  Did  you  obey  the 
warning?" 

"Again  I  must  ask  for  an  explanation.  What 
has  M.  Lumme  to  do  with  it  and  what  do  you  sus- 
pect me  of?" 

"M.  Lumme  is  in  the  English  Foreign  Office," 
said  the  Marquis,  with  emphasis. 


tHe  Foreign 
Officcj: 


And  3^ou  suspect  me  of  having  betrayed  my 
cause  to  him?  On  my  honor,  monsieur,  even 
were  I  inclined  to  treason  I  should  as  soon  think 

305 


THE  ADl/ENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

of  confiding  in  that  man  whom  you  so  rashly  em- 
ployed to  hold  your  horse!" 

"Sir  Shafthead  is  in  the  English  government," 
said  the  Marquis,  unmoved  by  my  sarcasm. 

"  Sir  Philip  Shafthead  was  at  one  time  a  member 
of  Parliament,  but  is  so  no  longer.  But  what  of 
that?" 

"  You  have  told  him  nothing?" 

"I  have  not." 

"You  have  been  w^atched,"  said  he.  "Every 
movement  you  have  made  is  known  to  me." 

"And  why?"  I  exclaimed.  "Why  should  you 
think  it  necessary  to  watch  me?" 

"  Why  did  you  not  send  me  any  report  your- 
.self?" 

"You  did  not  ask  for  one." 

"  I  had  not  the  honor  to  be  informed  of  your 
address,"  said  he. 

"I  wrote  to  you  as  soon  as  I  was  settled  in 
London,  and  to  this  day  have  never  received  a 
rei)ly. " 

"  You  wrote?"  he  exclaimed,  with  some  sign  of 
disturbance. 

"I  did,"  I  repeated,  and  I  quoted  some  words 
I  remembered  from  my  letter. 

"Pardon!"  said  the  Marquis,  "I  do  remember 
now  receiving  that  letter,  but  I  must  have  mis- 
laid it,  and  I  certainly  forgot  that  you  had  writ- 
ten." 

"And,  having  forgotten  an  important  commu- 
306 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

nication,  you  proceed  to  suspect   me  of  treason! 
This  is  excellent,  M.  le  Marquis!" 

"My  dear  friend/'  he  replied,  in  an  agitated 
voice,  "you  then  assure  me  I  was  wrong  in  mis- 
trusting you?" 

"Absolutely!" 

"Pardon  me,  my  friend!  I  am  overwhelmed 
with  confusion!" 

He  was  so  genuinely  distressed,  and  the  sincer- 
ity of  his  contrition  was  so  apparent,  that  what 
could  I  do  but  forgive  him?  But  what  careless- 
ness, what  waste  of  time  in  dogging  the  steps  of  a 
friend,  what  indications  of  mismanagement  at  every 
turn!  And  even  at  that  moment  I  was  appar- 
ently embarked  under  this  leader  upon  some  se- 
cret and  hazardous  undertaking.  Well,  there  was 
nothing  for  it  but  to  do  my  best  so  far  as  I  was 
concerned. 

"Ah,  here  is  the  station,"  said  he.  "The  train 
should  now  be  almost  due." 

"Train  for  London,  sir?"  said  the  porter.  "Gone 
ten  minutes  ago.  No,  sir,  no  more  trains  to- 
night." 

"Peste!"  cried  the  Marquis.  "Ah,  well,  my 
friend,  we  must  look  for  some  lodging  for  the 
night." 

"  But  perhaps  we  might  catch  a  train  at  another 
station,"  I  suggested. 

Yes,  by  driving  ten  miles  we  could  just  catch 
an  express. 

307 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"Bravo!"  said  the  Marquis.  "You  are  full  of 
ideas,  my  dear  d' Haricot." 

"And  you?"  I  said  to  myself,  with  a  shrug. 

We  arrived  just  in  time,  and  on  the  platform 
were  joined  by  our  driver. 

"Let  me  introduce  Mr.  Hankey,"  said  the  Mar- 
quis. 

So  this  was  the  elusive  Hankey.  Well,  I  shall 
not  take  the  trouble  to  describe  him.  Imagine  a 
scoundrel,  and  you  have  his  portrait.  I  was  thank- 
ful he  did  not  travel  in  the  same  compartment 
with  us,  but  evidently  regarded  himself  as  in  an 
inferior  position. 

"You  trust  that  man  implicitly?"  I  asked  the 
Marquis,  when  we  had  started. 

"Implicitly!"  he  replied,  with  emphasis. 

"I  do  not,"  I  said  to  myself. 

By  ten  o'clock  that  night  I  was  seated  with  the 
Marquis  de  la  Carrabasse  in  my  own  rooms,  think- 
ing, I  must  confess,  not  so  much  of  politics  and 
dynasties  as  of  the  friends  1  had  just  lost  for  who 
could  say  how  long. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 


Chapter   XXX 


"Conspiracy  requireth  a  ready  wit — and 
a  readier  exit. " 

— Francis  Gallup. 


T 


?HE  Marquis  de  la  Carrabasse,  secre- 
?  tary  of  the  U.  D.  T.  League,  and 
?  known  in  their  circles  as  F.  ii,  enters 
'  this  history  so  near  its  end  that 
'  I  shall  not  stop  to  give  a  prolonged 
account  of  him.  Yet  he  was  a  person  so  re- 
markable as  to  merit  a  few  words  of  descrip- 
tion. The  inheritor  of  an  ancient  title,  but  little 
money;  a  Royalist  to  the  point  of  fanaticism;  a 
man  of  wide  culture  and  many  ideas,  and  of  the 
most  perfect  simplicitj^  of  character  and  hon- 
est}"  of  purpose,  he  had  devoted  his  whole  life 
to  the  restoration  of  the  monarchy,  alternated 
during  lulls  in  the  political  weather  by  an  equally 
feverish  zeal  for  scientific  inventions  of  the  most 
ambitious  nature.  Yet,  owing  to  the  excess  of  his 
enthusiasm  and  fertility  of  mind  over  the  more 

309 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

prosaic  qualities  that  should  regulate  them,  prac- 
tical success  had  hitherto  eluded  this  talented  no- 
bleman. His  flying-machines  had  only  once  risen 
into  the  element  for  which  they  were  intended,  and 
then  the  subsequent  descent  had  been  so  precipi- 
tate as  to  incapacitate  the  inventor  for  a  month. 
His  submarine  vessel  still  reposed  at  the  bottom 
of  the  Mediterranean,  and  the  last  I  heard  of  his 
dynamite  gun  was  that  the  fragments  were  to  be 
found  anywhere  within  a  radius  of  three  miles 
around  its  first  discharge.  As  to  his  merits  as  a 
conspirator,  my  exile  bears  witness. 

Yet  he  was  a  man  for  whom  I  could  not  but  en- 
tertain a  lively  affection.  Of  medium  height  and 
slender  figure,  he  had  a  large,  well-shaped  nose,  a 
black  mustache  tinged  with  gray,  whose  vigorously 
upward  curl  had  a  deceptively  truculent  air  at  first 
sight,  and  a  splendid  dark  eye,  at  times  piercing 
and  bright  and  at  others  dreamj^  as  the  eye  of  a 
somnambulist.  Add  to  this  a  manner  ntiturally 
courteous  and  simple,  which,  however,  he  was  in 
the  habit  of  artificially  altering  to  one  of  decision 
and  mystery,  when  he  thought  the  role  he  was 
plajang  suited  this  transfiguration,  and  you  have 
the  Alarquis  de  la  Carrabasse,  so  far  as  I  can 
sketch  him.. 

We  had  only  just  seated  ourselves  in  my  room, 
when  Halfred  entered  beaming  with  pleasure  at 
the  prospect  of  seeing  me  again. 

"  'Appy  to  see  you  back,  sir,"  he  began,  joyfully. 

3T0 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"A  most  hunexpected  pleasure,  sir.  I  thought  as 
'ow  you  wasn't  comin'  till  hafter  the  festivities  of 
Christmas,  sir." 

But  at  this  point  his  eye  fell  upon  my  friend  the 
Marquis,  and  his  expression  changed  in  the  drollest 
manner.  Half  red's  British  prejudices  had  become 
adjusted  to  me  b}^  this  time,  but  evidently  the  very 
appearance  of  this  stranger  was  altogether  too 
foreign  for  him.  He  became  abnormally  solemn, 
and  handed  me  a  budget  of  letters  that  had  come 
this  evening,  with  no  further  comment,  while  his 
e}' e  plainly  said,  "  Have  a  care  what  company  you 
keep!" 

In  the  mean  time  my  guest  had  been  regarding 
him  with  a  rapt  and  thoughtful  gaze,  and  now  he 
said,  in  the  most  execrable  English : 

"\'ill  \'ou  please  get  me  a  bread  or  biskeet?" 

"Bread,  sir?"  replied  Halfred,  starting  and  look- 
ing hard  at  him.     "Slice  of  'am  with  it?" 

"What  did  he  say?"  the  ]\Iarquis  asked  me,  in 
French. 

I  explained. 

"  Ah,  yes ;  some  pork ;  certain !  Vich  it  vill  also 
quite  good  and  so  to  be." 

What  he  meant  by  this  riddle  I  cannot  tell ;  but 
I  can  assure  you  he  sent  the  honest  Halfred 
from  the  room  with  a  verj'  perturbed  counte- 
nance. 

In  a  few  minutes  he  had  brought  us  some  much- 
needed  refreshments,  and,  with  a  last  dark  glance 

311 


THE  ADFENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

towards   my   unconscious   visitor,   retired   for   the 
night. 

On  our  journey  the  Marquis  had  kept  his  counsel 
with  that  air  of  mystery  he  could  assume  so  ef- 
fectively, nor  had  I  pressed  him  with  questions; 


"  Viclv  it  will  also 
(^uite^ood.  " 


but  when  our  hunger  was  somewhat  abated  I  be- 
gan to  consider  it  time  that  I  was  taken  into  his 
confidence.  For  I  had  gathered  enough  to  feel 
sure  that  some  coup  was  very  shortly  to  be  tried. 

"M.  le  Marquis,"  I  said,  "have  you  nothing  to 
tell  me?" 

"First,  my  dear  friend,  read  your  letters,"  he 
replied. 

"But  they  can  wait." 

"I  beseech  you!" 

A  little  struck  by  his  tone,  I  opened  the  first, 
and  as  I  read  the  contents  I  could  not  refrain  from 
an  exclamation  of  astonishment. 

312 


THE  ADP'ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"You  have  unexpected  news?"  he  said. 

"'The  Bishop  of  Battersea  has  much  pleasure 
in  accepting  M.  d'Haricot's  kind  invitation/  "  I 
read,  aloud.  "I\Ion  Dieu!  I  am  to  have  a  bishop 
to  dinner  in  three  days'  time ;  and  a  bishop  I  have 
never  invited!" 

"Are  you  sure?" 

"Positive!" 

"Read  j^our  other  letters.  Possibly  they  will 
throw  light  upon  this." 

I  opened  the  next,  and  cried  in  bewilderment : 

"Sir  Henrj^  Horley  has  much  pleasure  also! 
But  I  have  never  asked  him ;  I  have  only  met  him 
once  at  a  country  house!" 

The  IMarquis  smiled. 

"Do  not  be  too  sure  you  have  not  asked  these 
gentlemen,"  he  said. 

"  But  I  swear—" 

"Read  this!" 

He  handed  me  an  invitation-card  on  which,  to 
my  utter  consternation,  I  saw  these  words  en- 
graved: "]\Ionsieur  d'Haricot  requests  the  pleas- 
ure of  company  to   dinner  to  meet — "   and 

here  followed  a  name  it  would  be  indecorous  to  re- 
produce in  these  frivolous  memoirs,  the  name  of 
that  royal  personage  for  whose  cause  we  loyalists 
of  France  were  striving! 

"What!"  I  exclaimed.     "It  is  true?" 

"What  is?" 

"That  he  is  to  honor  me  with  his  company?" 
313 


THE  ADI^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Scarcely,  my  dear  d'Haricot,"  said  the  Marquis, 
with  a  smile.  "  But  I  have  full  authority  to  take 
what  steps  I  choose." 

"To  employ  this  ruse?" 

"Certainly,  if  I  deem  it  advisable." 

"But  to  what  end?" 

"Listen!"  said  he,  his  dark  eyes  glowing  with 
enthusiasm  and  his  face  lighting  up  with  patri- 
otic ardor.  "I  have  asked  a  party  of  your  most 
influential  friends  to  dine  with  you,  inducing  them 
by  a  prospect  of  this  honor.  You  will  tell  them 
that  his  Highness  cannot  meet  them  there,  but 
that  he  bids  them,  as  they  reverence  their  own 
sovereign,  to  assist  his  righteous  cause.  When 
they  are  inflamed  with  ardor,  you  will  lead  them 
from  the  table  to  the  special  train  which  I  shall 
have  waiting.  A  picked  force  will  place  them- 
selves under  our  orders.  By  next  morning  the 
King  shall  be  proclaimed  in  France." 

For  a  minute  I  was  too  staggered  to  answer 
him. 

"But,  my  dear  Marquis,"  I  replied,  when  I  had 
recovered  my  breath,  "  I  cannot  induce  these  sober 
and  law-abiding  Englishmen  to  follow  me,  per- 
haps to  battle." 

"  Not  all,  perhaps,  but  some,  certainly.  My  dear 
friend,  you  have  the  gift  of  tongues ;  you  can  move, 
persuade,  influence  to  admiration.  I  myself  would 
try,  but  you  know  the  English  language  better, 
I  think,  than  I,  and  then  I  am  unknown  to  these 

314 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

gentlemen.  Ah,  you  will  not  desert  us,  d'Haricot! 
Your  King  demands  this  service  of  youl" 

"Of  me?" 

"  Yes ;  he  mentioned  your  name  when  I  spoke 
to  him  of  our  schemes." 

"  He  wished  me  to  perform  this  act?" 

"  I  had  not  then  arranged  it.  But  is  it  for  you 
to  choose  the  nature  of  your  service?" 

"If  it  is  put  to  me  thus,  I  shall  endeavor  to  do 
my  best,"  I  replied.  "But  I  confess  I  do  not  care 
for  this  scheme  of  yours." 

No  use  in  protesting ;  the  Marquis  rose  and  em- 
braced me  with  such  flattering  words  as  I  hesi- 
tate to  reproduce. 

"It  is  done!  It  is  accomplished  already!"  he 
cried. 

I  disengaged  myself  and  endeavored  to  reflect. 

"  This  is  all  very  well,"  I  said.  "  But  of  what 
use  to  us  is  a  bishop?" 

"We  wish  the  support  of  the  English  Church." 

"And  Sir  Henry  Horley?" 

"Also  of  the  nobility." 

"  But  he  is  scarcely  a  nobleman,  only  a  baronet," 
I  explained.  "And,  besides,  I  only  know  him 
slightly.     He  is  not  my  friend." 

"Embrace  him;  make  him  your  friend." 

I  fancied  I  saw  myself ;  but  what  was  the  good 
in  arguing  with  an  enthusiasm  like  this? 

I  proceeded  to  read  my  other  answers,  and  I  did 
not  know  whether  to  feel  more  astonished  at  the 

315 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

list  of  guests  or  at  the  curious  knowledge  of  my 
movements  and  acquaintances  which  my  visitor 
must  somehow  have  acquired.  The  acceptances 
included  Lord  Thane,  with  whom  I  had  only  the 
very  slightest  acquaintance,  Mr.  Alderman  Guffm, 
at  whose  house  I  had  once  dined,  one  or  two  peo- 
ple of  social  position  whom  I  had  met  through 
Lumme  or  Shafthead,  and  General  Sholto. 

"Ah,  the  General!"  I  said.  "Well,  he,  at  least, 
is  an  old  soldier." 

"Be  kind  to  him;  he  is  our  brightest  hope," 
said  the  Marquis. 

I  looked  at  him  in  astonishment.  "What  do 
you  know  of  him?" 

I  could  have  sworn  he  blushed.  "What  do  I 
not  know  of  all  your  friends?"  he  replied. 

Could  it  be  from  the  inquiries  of  Ilankey  he 
had  learned  all  this,  and  took  so  much  interest 
in  my  gallant  neighbor?  I  remembered  now  how 
the  General  had  once  met  that  disreputable  indi- 
vidual. Yet  it  did  not  seem  to  me  £dtogether  a 
complete  explanation. 

But  conceive  of  my  astonishment  when,  among 
the  few  refusals,  I  found  one  from  Fisher! 

"What  do  3"ou  know  of  him?"  I  asked. 

"He  is  a  philanthr()i)ist.  I  regret  that  he  can- 
not accept,"  said  the  Marquis,  with  an  air  of  Ccdm 
mystery,  yet  with  another  suggestion  of  flush  in 
his  face.  He  knew  of  my  philanthropic  escapade, 
then — and  how? 

316 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Well/'  I  said,  at  last,  "I  am  prepared  to  tissist 
you  in  any  way  I  can.  In  the  two  days  left  I  shall 
arrange  my  affairs — and  now  I  must  send  some 
explanation  of  my  disappearance  to  Lady  Shaft- 
head." 

He  rose  and  grasped  my  arm. 

"Not  a  word  to  her,"  he  said.  "I  do  not  trust 
the  member  of  Parliament.  We  must  run  no 
risk." 

I  protested,  but  no ;  he  implored  me — commanded 
me. 

"A  line  to  my  friend  Dick  Shafthead,  then?" 
I  suggested.     "  He,  at  least,  is  beyond  suspicion." 

"  My  friend,  we  are  serving  the  King,"  he  re- 
plied. 

"Very  well,"  I  said,  though  my  heart  sank  a 
little  at  this  sudden  rupture  with  those  kind 
friends. 

My  visitor  rose  to  depart,  and  just  then  his  eye 
fell  on  two  inmiense  packing-cases  placed  against 
the  wall. 

"Ah,"  he  said,  "they  are  safe,  I  see." 

I  took  a  lamp  in  my  hand  and  came  up  to  ex- 
amine the  latest  arrived  of  those  mysterious  gifts, 
whose  source  I  now  plainly  perceived. 

"  I  should  not  let  that  lamp  fall  upon  this  box 
of  bonbons,"  he  remarked,  lightly,  and  j^et  with  a 
note  of  warning. 

"  AVlw  not,  Marquis?" 

"The  little  packet  may  explode,"  he  laughed. 
317 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Involuntarily  I  started. 

"It  contains,  then — ?" 

"The  munitions  of  war/'  he  answered. 

"And  the  other?" 

"Was  to  try  you,  my  dear  friend.  It  contains 
only  bricks.  Forgive  me  for  putting  you  to  this 
test.     I  should  not  have  doubted  you." 

"But  to  try  me?"  I  said.  "How  would  you 
have  known  if  I  had  called  in  a  detective?" 

The  ]\Iarquis  looked  at  me. 

"I  had  not  thought  of  that,"  he  confessed. 

It  was  my  turn  to  look  at  him,  and,  I  fear,  not 
altogether  with  a  flattering  cyq. 

"Why  was  it  addressed  to  Mr.  Balfour?"  I 
asked. 

"A  ruse,"  he  replied,  with  his  air  of  confident 
mystery  returning  somewhat.  "A  mere  ruse,  my 
dear  friend." 

"1  perceive,"  I  said,  a  little  dryly.  "Well,  you 
can  trust  me  for  my  own  sake  not  to  explode 
this  box;  also  to  make  the  preparations  for  this 
dinner." 

"My  friend,  I  make  them." 

"You?" 

"Read  your  invitation  again." 

I  looked  at  the  card  sent  out  in  my  name,  and 
then  I  noticed  that  an  address  was  placed  in  one 
corner,  "Twenty-two  Beacon  Street,  Strand." 

"What  is  the  meaning  of  this?" 

"It  is  a  house  I  have  hired  for  two  weeks,"  he 
318 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICGT 

replied.  "The  dinner,  as  you  see,  takes  place 
there.     Ilankey  and  I  make  all  preparations." 

"And  I  do  nothing?" 

"You  prepare  yourself  for  the  hour  of  action. 
Brave  friend,  au  revoir!" 

"Au  revoir.  Marquis." 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


<v=====®"<fef=(^J>/:Q<"-5;=;5j,,5 


13 


Chapter   XXXI 


"So  you  are  actuated  by  the  best  moti'ves? 
Poor  devil!    Have  you  tried  strychnine?" 

— La  Rabide. 


r 


?HE  next  morning  I  called  in  Mr.  and 
?  Mrs.  Titch,  Aramatilda,  and  Half  red, 
?  and,  in  a  voice  from  which  I  could 
?  not  altogether  banish  my  emotion,  I 
told  them  that  I  must  give  up  my 
rooms  and  that  they  might  never  see  me  again. 
From  Halfred's  manner  I  could  not  but  suspect 
he  was  prepared  for  ominous  news ;  he  had  evi- 
dently concluded  that  a  man  who  introduced  after 
dark  such  a  visitor  as  I  had  entertained  last  night 
must  stand  on  the  brink  either  of  insanity  or  crime. 
Yet  his  stoical  look  as  he  heard  my  announcement 
said,  better  than  words  :  "  You  may  disgust  my  judg- 
ment, but  you  cannot  shake  my  fidelity.  Through 
all  your  errors  I  am  prepared  to  stand  by  you,  and 
brush  your  trousers  even  on  the  morning  of  your 
execution." 

320 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Mr.  Titch's  sorrow  was,  I  fear,  somewhat  tinct- 
ured by  regret  at  the  loss  of  a  profitable  tenant, 
though  I  am  sure  it  was  none  the  less  sincere  on 
that  account. 

"  What  'as  to  'appen,  'as  to  come  about,  as  it 
were,  sir,"  he  said,  clearing  his  throat  for  a  further 
flight  of  imagery.  "  You  will  'ave  our  good  wishes 
even  in  furrin  parts,  if  I  may  say  .so,  which  people 
which  has  been  there  tells  me  is  enjoyable  to  such 
as  knows  the  language,  and  'as  the  good  fortune 
for  to  be  able  to  digest  their  vittles.  We  will  'old 
3'our  memory,  sir,  in  respectful  hestimation,  and 
forward  letters  as  may  be  required." 

Mrs.  Titch  being,  as  I  have  said  before,  a  lady  of 
no  ideas  and  a  kindly  heart,  confined  her  remarks 
to  observing: 

"As  Mr.  Titch  says,  what  has  to  be  is  such  as 
we  \\'\\\  hendeavor  to  hestimate  regretfully,  sir." 

As  for  Aramatilda,  she  looked  as  though  she 
would  have  spoken  very  kindly,  indeed,  had  the 
occasion  been  more  private.  That,  at  least,  was 
the  sentiment  which  a  wide  experience  enabled  me 
to  read  in  her  brown  eye. 

"  My  dear  Miss  Titch,"  I  said  to  her,  " I  leave  you 
in  good  hands.  Next  to  having  the  felicity  myself, 
I  should  sooner  see  3^ou  solaced  by  my  good  friend 
Half  red  than  by  any  one  I  can  think  of." 

"Oh,  sir,"  she  replied,  with  a  most  becoming 
blush,  "you  are  very  kind.     But  that  won't  be 
till  you  don't  require  him  no  longer." 
»'  321 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Right  you  are,"  said  her  lover,  regarding  her 
with  an  approving  eye.  "And  Mr.  d'liaricot  ain't 
done  with  me  yet." 

"I  fear  that  I  shall  be  in  two  daj's  more/'  I  re- 
plied, with  a  sadness  that  brought  a  sj^mpathetic 
tear  to  Aramatilda's  eye. 

"That's  to  be  seen,  sir,"  said  Half  red,  with 
resolution. 

Well,  I  dismissed  these  good  people  with  a  sadder 
heart  than  I  cared  to  allow,  and  had  turned  to 
arranging  my  papers  and  collecting  ni}^  bills, 
when  I  was  interrupted  by  the  entry  of  the  Alarquis 
in  person. 

He  was  busy,  he  told  me,  busy  about  many 
things;  and  his  manner  was  m3'Stery  itself.  Yet 
even  a  conspirator  is  human,  and  evidently  he  had 
other  interests  in  London  besides  our  plot.  From 
one  or  two  sighs  and  tender  allusions  I  shrewdly 
guessed  the  nature  of  these. 

"You  are  not  in  love?"  he  asked  me,  suddenly. 

"In  love!"  I  exclaimed,  in  astonishment,  for  his' 
previous  sentence,  though  uttered  with  a  melan- 
choly air,  had  referred  to  the  merits  of  a  new  rifle. 

"In  love  with  a  dark  lady?" 

I  started.  Could  he  refer  to  Kate?  Yes,  of 
course,  now  I  come  to  think  of  it,  he  or  his  agents 
must  have  seen  us  together. 

"No,  Marquis,  I  give  you  my  word  I  am  not  in 
love  either  with  black  or  brown,"  I  answered, 
gayly. 

2)22 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"I  am  glad,  my  dccir  friend,"  he  replied,  "for  I 
would  not  do  \'ou  an  injury." 

"  An  injur\^?"  I  exclaimed,  with  a  laugh.  "  Would 
you  be  my  rival?" 

"No,  no,"  he  said,  though  with  some  confusion. 
"I  meant,  my  friend,  that  I  would  not  like  to  tear 
you  from  her." 

"The  conspirator  must  conspire,"  I  said,  with  a 
smile. 

"True;  true,  indeed,"  he  replied,  with  a  sigh. 

Used  as  I  was  to  the  complex  nature  of  my  friend, 
I  could  not  help  thinking  that  this  was  indeed  a 
sentimental  mood  for  one  who  was  about  to  under- 
take as  mad  and  desperate  an  enterprise  as  ever 
patriot  devised. 

"To-morrow  morning  I  shall  not  be  available," 
he  told  me  as  he  left;  "but  after  that — the  King!" 

"  You  do  not,  then,  prepare  my  dinner  to-morrow 
morning?" 

"No,  monsieur,  not  in  the  morning." 

By  that  night  I  had  made  the  few  preparations 
that  were  necessary  before  striking  my  tent  and 
leaving  England,  perhaps  forever.  The  next  day 
found  me  idle  and  restless,  and  suddenly  I  said  to 
m^'self : 

"  The  most  embarrassing  part  of  this  wild  en- 
terprise is  being  thrown  upon  me.  I  want  a  friend 
by  my  side,  and  if  the  Marquis  de  la  Carrabasse 
objects,  let  the  devil  take  him!" 

Ah,  if  I  could  have  summoned  Dick  Shafthead! 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

But,  having  undertaken  not  to  do  this,  I  select- 
ed that  excellent  sportsman,  his  cousin  Teddy 
Lumme.  His  courage  I  had  proved,  his  wisdom  I 
felt  sure  was  not  sufficient  to  deter  him  from  mix- 
ing himself  up  with  the  business,  and  as  for  any 
harm  coming  to  him,  I  promised  mj'self  to  see 
that  he  did  not  accompany  me  too  far. 

I  went  to  him,  and  having  sworn  him  to  secrecy, 
I  told  him  of  the  dinner.  He,  of  course,  knew  that 
his  father,  the  venerable  bishop,  was  to  be  of  the 
party,  and  when  he  heard  the  part  that  the  guests 
were  afterwards  expected  to  play  you  should  have 
seen  his  face. 

"Of  course  they  will  not  listen  to  me  for  a  mo- 
ment," I  said.  "The  idea  is  absurd.  But  I  am 
bound  to  carry  out  m\'  instructions,  and  afterwards 
to  start  upon  this  reckless  expedition  myself.  I 
only  ask  you,  as  my  friend,  to  come  to  the  dinner, 
and  keep  me  in  countenance,  and  afterwards  take 
my  farewells  to  your  cousins — I  .should  say,  to  all 
my  English  friends.     Will  3'ou?" 

"Like  a  shot,"  said  Teddy.  "I  wouldn't  miss 
the  fun  for  anything.  By  Jove!  I  think  I  see  my 
governor's  face !  I  say,  you  Frenchies  are  good , 
old-fashioned  sportsmen.  You're  going  to  swim 
the  channel,  of  course?" 

His  mirth,  I  confess,  jarred  a  little  upon  me. 

"I  am  serving  my  King,"  I  reminded  him. 

"Oh,  I  know,  I'd  do  the  .same  myself  if  these 
dashed    Radicals   got    into    power   over   here.     A 

324 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


man  can't  be  too  loyal,  I  always  say.     All  right; 
I'll  come.     What  time?" 

"Eight  o'clock." 

In  the  afternoon  a  decidedly  disquieting  inci- 
dent occurred.  Much  more  to  my  surprise  than 
]ileasure,  I  received  a  brief  visit  from  Mr.  Hankey. 
I  had  disliked  the  thought  of  this  individual  ever 
since  my  burgling  experience,  and  now  that  I  saw 
him  in  the  flesh  I  disliked  him  still  more. 

"  Do  you  come  from  tlie  Marquis  de  la  Carra- 
basse?"  I  asked. 

"His  Lordship  has  directed  me  to  remove  the 
l)acking-case  to-night." 

"Take  it,"  I  said.  "My  faith!  I  prefer  its  room 
to  its  company !  The  Marquis  is  at  Beacon  Street 
at  present,  I  suppose?" 

"His  Lordship  is  engaged." 

"Engaged?" 

"Rather  more  than  that,"  said  Mr.  Hankey, 
with  a  peculiar  look.  "  But  he  will  call  upon  you 
to-morrow  and  give  j^ou  your  orders." 

"Aly  orders!"  I  exclaimed,  with  some  annoy- 
ance. 

"His  Lordship  used  that  expression." 

Mr.  Hankey  looked  at  me  as  if  to  see  how  I  liked 
tliis,  and  then,  in  a  friendly  tone  which  angered 
me  still  further,  remarked : 

"It's  a  risky  job,  is  this." 

"A  man  must  take  some  risks  now  and  then." 

"If  the  police  were  to  hear?"  he  suggested. 
325 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Who  is  to  tell  them?" 

"It  might  be  worth  somebody's  while." 

"And  whom  do  you  suspect  of  being  that 
traitor?"  I  exclaimed. 

With  a  very  abject  apology  for  giving  any  of- 
fence, Mr.  Hanke}^  withdrew. 

"They  still  suspect  me!"  I  said  to  myself,  in- 
dignantly. 

Then  another  suspicion,  still  more  unpleasant, 
struck  me.     Was  Mr.   Hankey  making  an  over- 


orders! 


ture  to  me?  I  tried  to  dismiss  it,  but  ray  spirits 
were  not  very  high  that  night,  not  even  after  the 
explosive  packing-case  had  been  removed. 

Before  retiring  to  bed  on  the  last  night  which  I 
was  going  to  spend  in  this  land,  a  sudden  and 
happy  idea  struck  me.  Not  to  write  a  single  line 
of  explanation  to  my  late  hosts  was  ungrateful 
and  unbecoming  in  one  who  boasted  of  belonging 

326 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 

to  the  |X)litcst  nation  in  Europe.  I  had  only  prom- 
ised not  to  write  to  Lady  Shafthead  and  Dick.  Well, 
then,  there  was  nothing  to  hinder  me  from  writing 
to  Daisy.  I  admit  that  Sir  Philip  also  was  exempt, 
hut  this  alternative  did  not  strike  me  so  forcibly. 
If  I  posted  my  letter  in  the  morning,  she  would  not 
get  it  till  it  was  too  late  to  take  any  steps  that  might 
interfere  with  our  plans.  I  seized  my  pen  and  sat 
down  and  wrote: 

"  Dear  Miss  Shafthead,— Truly  you  must  think 
me  the  most  ungrateful  and  unmannerly  of  guests ;  but, 
believe  me,  gratitude  and  kind  recollections  are  not  what 
have  been  lacking.  I  am  prevented  from  explaining 
fullj',  but  I  may  venture  to  tell  you  this — since  the  occa- 
sion will  be  past  even  when  you  read  these  lines ;  I  am 
again  in  the  service  of  one  who  has  the  first  call  upon 
mj'  devotion.  Without  naming  him,  doubtless  you  can 
guess  who  I  mean.  Silence  towards  the  kind  Lady 
Shafthead  and  towards  my  dear  friend  Dick  has  been 
enjoined  upon  me ;  but  since  you  were  not  specifically 
mentioned  I  cannot  resist  the  impulse  to  assure  you  of 
my  eternal  remembrance  of  j^our  kindness  and  of  your- 
self. Convey  mj^  adieus  to  Sir  Philip  and  to  Lady  Shaft- 
head,  and  assure  them  that  their  hospitality  and  good- 
ness will  never  be  forgotten  by  me. 

"  Tell  Dick  that  I  shall  write  to  him  later  if  fate  per- 
mits me.  If  not,  he  can  always  assure  himself  that  I 
was  ever  his  most  affectionate  and  devoted  friend. 

"  I  leave  England  to-night  on  an  adventure  which  I 
cannot  but  allow  seems  hopeless  and  desperate  enough, 
but,  as  I  once  .said  to  you  on  a  less  serious  occasion. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

'  rhomme  propose,  Dieu  dispose.'  The  cause  calls,  I  can 
but  obey !  I  know  not  what  English  customs  permit  me 
to  sign  myself,  but  in  the  language  of  sincerity  and  of 
the  heart,  I  am,  yours  eternally  and  gratefully." 

And  then  I  signed  my  name,  lingering  a  little 
over  it  to  delay  the  curtain  which  seemed  to  descend 
when  I  folded  my  letter  and  placed  it  in  its  en- 
velope. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  DHARICOT 


Chapter    XXXII 


Farewell,  my  friends,  farewell! 

We  have  had  some  brave  days  together! 

— BOULEVARDE. 


T 


momentous  day  had  come.  Look- 
'^  ing  out  of  my  bedroom  window  in  the 
<%  morning,  I  saw  the  sunshine  smihng 
<J^on  the  bare  trees  and  the  frosted 
•jib  grass  of  the  park.  At  that  hour  the 
shadows  were  long,  and  Rotten  Row  quiet  as  a 
lonely  sea-shore,  so  that  a  lively  flock  of  sparrows 
seemed  to  fill  the  whole  air  with  their  cheerful  dis- 
cussions, and  I  fancied  they  were  debating  whether 
they  could  let  me  go  away  and  leave  forever  this 
little  home  that  I  had  made. 

"I  would  sta\%"  I  said  to  them;  "I  w^ould  stay 
if  I  could." 

But,  alas!  it  was  to  be  my  last  day  in  England, 
the  land  I  had  first  regarded  as  so  alien,  and  then 
come  to  love  so  well.  And  there  was  no  use  stand- 
ing here  letting  my  spirit  run  down  at  heel. 

329 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Yet,  when  I  came  into  my  sitting-room  and  saw 
the  bareness  that  had  already  been  made  by  my 
preparations  for  departure,  the  absence  of  httle 
things  my  eye  had  before  fallen  upon  without  no- 
ticing, and  the  presence  of  a  half -packed  box  in  one 
corner,  my  heart  began  to  feel  an  emptiness  again. 

"I  feel  as  a  man  must  when  he  is  going  to  get 
married,"  I  said  to  myself,  and  endeavored  to  smile 
gayly  at  my  humor. 

Hardly  had  I  finished  my  breakfast,  endeavor- 
ing as  I  read  as  usual  my  morning  paper  to  for- 
get that  I  was  leaving  all  this,  when  I  heard  a 
quick  step  in  the  passage,  and  with  a  brisk,  "  Bon 
jour,  monsieur!"  the  Marquis  entered. 

"Ah,"  I  thought,  "he  is  in  his  element.  No 
regrets  with  him." 

Yet,  after  the  first  alertness  of  his  entry,  I  ob- 
served, to  my  surprise,  a  certain  air  of  sentiment 
about  him,  which,  if  it  was  not  regret,  was  at  least 
not  martial  keenness. 

"You  did  your  business  yesterday?"  I  said. 

"I  did,"  he  replied,  in  a  grave  tone,  and  with 
something  like  a  tender  look  in  his  eye.  "I  did 
some  private  business  of  an  unforgettable  and 
momentous  nature,  my  dear  d'Haricot.  But  not 
now ;  I  shall  not  tell  you  now.  To-night  you  shall 
know." 

Then,  making  a  gesture  as  if  to  banish  this  mood, 
he  threw  himself  into  a  chair,  and,  bending  his 
brows  in  a  keen  look  at  me,  said : 

330 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

"  But  to  business,  my  friend ;  to  the  business  wc 
are  embarked  upon." 

"Precisely,"  I  said.     "I  await  it." 

"  In  this  house  where  you  dine  are  two  entrances. 
Your  guests  come  in  by  one,  and  you  await  them 
in  the  rooms  I  have  set  apart  for  you.  In  the  rest 
of  the  house  I  operate." 

"  And  what  do  you  do?" 

"  I  gather  our  force.  Men  picked  by  my  agents 
are  to  be  invited  to  enter  by  the  other  door.  I 
offer  them  refreshments.  They  follow,  or,  rather, 
precede  me.  In  a  Icine  at  the  back  of  the  house 
is  yet  another  door ;  against  it  is  drawn  up  a  great 
van,  a  van  used  for  removing  furniture,  a  van  of 
colossal  size.     You  see?" 

"Hardly;  I  fear  I  am  stupid." 

"You  do  not  see?  Ah,  my  dear  d'Haricot,  elo- 
quence is  your  gift,  contrivance  mine.  I  have  not 
invented  a  flying  -  machine,  a  submarine  vessel, 
and  a  dynamite  gun  for  nothing.  These  men 
enter  this  van ;  the  door  is  closed  upon  them ;  it 
is  driven  to  the  station,  put  on  board  my  special 
train,  and  taken  to  the  coast.  They  then  emerge; 
I  address  them  in  such  terms  as  will  make  it  im- 
}:)ossible  for  them  to  withdraw,  even  if  they  wish 
— imd  they  are  to  be  desperate,  picked  men ;  we 
arm  them,  and  then  to  France!  On  the  coast  of 
Normandy  we  will  be  met  by  five  regiments  of 
foot,  two  of  c£ivalr\',  and  six  batteries  of  artillery 
which   I   am  assured   will   declare   for   the   King. 

331 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HAHICOT 

Paris  is  ripe  for  a  revolution.  Vive  le  Roi !  Why 
are  you  silent?  Is  it  not  well  thought  of,  my 
friend?" 

"It  is  indeed  ingenious,"  I  replied.  "But  the 
carrying  of  it  out  I  foresee  may  not  be  so  easy." 

"Nothing  can  fail.  My  confidence  is  implicit. 
Was  I  ever  deceived?" 

I  might  with  truth  have  retorted  "always,"  but 
I  saw  that  I  should  only  enrage  him. 

I  shrugged  my  shoulders  and  asked: 

"You  superintend  the  affair?" 

"In  the  house.  Hankey  makes  the  arrange- 
ments at  the  station.  Much  is  to  be  done.  One 
man  to  one  task." 

"And  I?     What  do  I  do?" 

"You  bring  your  friends  to  the  station.  At 
eleven  precisely  the  train  starts.     Do  not  be  late." 

"But  if  they  will  not  accompany  me?" 

"  If  all  else  fails,  we  go  to  France  together.  At 
least  our  brave  countrymen  will  not  be  afraid, 
whatever  these  colder  islanders  may  do." 

"You  may  depend  on  me  for  that,"  I  answered. 
"  By-the-way,  I  should  tell  you  that  I  bring  a  friend 
of  my  own  to  dinner — M.  Lumme. " 

"Lumme!"  cried  the  Marquis.  "You  can  trust 
him?" 

"Implicitly." 

"And  I  trust  you.     Bring  him  if  he  is  brave." 

There  was  a  minute's  pause;  he  had  suddenly 
fallen  silent. 

332 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  Is  that  all?"  I  asked. 

"  All  for  the  present,  my  brave  friend ;  au  rcvoir ! 
We  meet  at  the  station  at  eleven  precisely!  Do 
not  forget!" 

He  lea])ed  up  with  that  surjirisini^  vivacity  that 
marked  his  movements,  and  before  I  htid  time  to 
accoini)any  him  even  as  far  as  the  door  he  had 
closed  it  £ind  gone.  In  a  moment,  however,  I 
heard  his  voice  outside,  apparently  engaged  in 
altercation  with  some  one,  and  then  followed  some 
vigorous  ex|)letives  and  a  brisk  sound  of  scuffling. 

1  rushed  into  the  passage,  and  there,  to  my  con- 
sternation, beheld  my  friend  retreating  towards 
me  before  a  vigorous  onslaught  by  lialfred,  who 
was  flourishing  his  fists  and  exclaiming,  "Come 
(Hit,  you  beastly  mounseer!  Come  out  into  the 
sfjuare  and  I'll  paste  3'our  hugly  mug  inter  a 
cocked    at!" 

"Diable!"  cried  the  Marquis.  "Leetle  bad  man 
stop  short!     Mon  Dieu!     What  can  it  was?" 

"  Halfred!"  I  cried,  indignantly.  "Cease!  What 
is  the  meaning  of  this?" 

"  fieg  pardon,  sir,"  said  Halfred,  desisting,  but 
unabashed  at  my  anger.  "  You  told  me  yourself, 
sir,  as    ow  1  was  to  do  it." 

"I  told  you?     Explain!     Come  into  my  room." 

I  brought  the  two  combatants  in,  closed  the 
d(H)r,  and  repeated,  sternly : 

"  I^xi)lain,  sir!" 

"This  is  the  furriner  as  haccosted  Miss  Titch, 
333 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

sir,"  said  Halfred,  doggedly,  "and  you  said  as 
'o\v  I'd  better  practise  my  boxing  on  'im.  I  didn't 
spot  'im  the  other  night,  but  Miss  Titch  she  seed 
'im  this  morning  and  told  me." 

"  I  know  not  the  meaning  you  mean  when  you 
speak  so  fast!"  cried  the  Marquis.     "But  I  see 


**  Small  beasit  to  damn 
witKXou  !  '» 

you  are  intoxicate,  foddled  and  squiff.  Small 
beast,  to  damn  with  you!" 

"You  just  wait  till  I  gets  3^ou  outside,"  said 
Halfred,  ominously.  "I'll  give  you  something  to 
talk  German  about!" 

"German!"  shrieked  the  Marquis,  catching  at 
the  only  word  he  understood.  "If  you  was  gentle- 
man not  as  could  be  which  I  then  should — ha!" 
And  he  stamped  his  foot  and  made  a  gesture 
of  lunging  my  retainer  through  the  chest. 

"Oh,  you're  ready  to  begin,  are  you?"  said 
Halfred,    mistaking   this   movement   for   the   pre- 

334 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOl 

liniinary  to  a  box  and  throwing  himself  into  the 
proper  attitude. 

"With  your  permission,  sir." 

"Stop!"  I  said.  "You  certainly  have  not  my 
permission!  I  shall  dismiss  you  if  you  strike 
my  guest  again!" 

Yet  I  fear  I  was  unable  to  keep  my  counte- 
nance as  severe  as  it  should  have  been.  I  then 
tinned  to  the  livid  and  furious  M^irquis  and  ex- 
plained the  cause  of  the  assault. 

"Address  that  girl!"  cried  he.  "It  was  to  ask 
her  questions  —  questions  about  you,  monsieur, 
when  I  wrongly  distrusted  you.  This  is  a  scan- 
dalous charge!" 

"  But  3'ou  see  how  liable  your  action  was  to 
misconstruction?" 

"I  see,  I  do  see!"  he  exclaimed.  "He  was 
right  to  feel  jealous!  I  have  given  many  good 
cause,  yes,  I  confess  it.     Explain  to  him." 

I  told  Halfred  of  his  mistake. 

"Well,  sir,"  he  said,  "I  takes  your  word,  sir." 

"Good  young  man,"  said  the  Marquis,  turning 
to  him  with  his  finest  courtesy.  "I  forgive.  I 
admire.  You  have  right.  Many  have  I  love,  but 
your  mistress  is  not  admired  of  me.  She  is  pre- 
serve! Good-night,  young  man  ;  good-night,  mon- 
sieur." 

And  off  he  marched  as  briskly  as  ever. 

Halfred  shook  his  head  darkly. 

"  Him  being  a  friend  of  yours,  sir,  I  saj'^s  noth- 
335 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

ing/'  he  observed,  but  his  abstinence  from  fur- 
ther comment  was  more  eloquent  than  even  his 
candid  opinion  would  have  been. 

I  posted  my  letter,  I  smoked,  I  read  a  book  to 
pass  the  time,  and  at  last,  as  the  afternoon  was 
wearing  on,  I  went  to  my  bedroom  and  packed  a 
bag  containing  a  change  of  clothes  and  other  es- 
sentials, for  I  remembered  that  I  should  have  to 
drive  straight  from  the  dinner-table  to  the  train. 
I  looked  out  into  the  street;  dusk  was  falling,  the 
lamps  were  lit,  the  lights  of  a  carriage  and  the 
rattle  of  horses  passed  now  and  then,  the  steady 
hum  of  London  reached  my  ears.  It  was  still 
cheerful  and  inviting,  but  now  my  nerves  were 
tighter  strung  and  I  felt  rather  excitement  than 
depression. 

"Monsieur!     You  in  there?" 

The  voice  came  from  my  sitting-room.  I  start- 
ed, I  rushed  towards  the  welcome  sound,  and  the 
next  moment  I  was  embracing  Dick  Shafthead. 
He  looked  so  uncomfortable  at  this  un-English 
salutation  that  I  had  to  begin  with  an  apology. 

"Never  before  and  never  again,  I  assure  you!" 
I  said.  "  For  the  instant  I  forgot  myself;  that  is  the 
truth.     Tell  me,  what  good  angel  has  sent  you?" 

For  I  knew  his  sister  could  not  yet  have  received 
my  letter. 

"We  were  afraid  you'd  got  into  the  hands  of 
the  police  again,  and  I've  come  prepared  to  bail 
you  out.     What  the  deuce  happened  to  you?" 

336 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"  You  heard  the  circumstances  of  my  departure?" 

"  We  heard  a  cock-and-bull  story  from  a  thick- 
headed yokel  —  something  about  a  pistol  and  a 
villain  with  a  mustache  and  a  carriage  and  pair; 
but  as  we  learned  that  you'd  appeared  at  the  sta- 
tion safe  and  sound,  w^e  divided  the  yarn  by  five. 
I  must  say,  though,  I've  been  getting  a  little  wor- 
ried at  hearing  no  new^s  of  you — that's  to  say,  the 
women  folk  got  in  a  flutter." 

"Did  they?"  I  cried,  with  a  pleasant  excitement 
I  could  not  quite  conceal. 

"  Naturally,  we  cire  not  accustomed  to  have  our 
guests  vanish  like  an  Indian  juggler.  I've  come 
to  see  what's  up." 

1  told  him  then  the  whole  story,  letting  the  Mar- 
quis's i)rohibition  go  to  the  winds.  He  listened 
in  amused  astonishment. 

"  Well,"  he  said,  at  last,  "it  seems  I've  just  come 
in  time  for  the  fair.  You've  napkins  enough  to 
feed  another  conspirator,  I  suppose?" 

"You  are  the  one  man  I  w-ant!" 

"  That's  all  right,  then,"  said  Dick.  "I'd  better 
be  off  to  my  rooms  to  dress.     Where  shall  we  meet  ?" 

"  I  will  call  for  you  soon  after  half-past  seven. 
The  house  is  not  far  from  the  Temple,  I  believe." 

So  now,  thanks  to  Providence,  I  would  have 
both  my  best  friends  by  my  side.  My  spirits  rose 
high,  and  I  began  to  look  forward  gayly  even  to 
urging  a  bishop  to  start  by  a  night  train  with  a 
repeating-rifle. 

337 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Soon  after  seven  Teddy  appeared,  immaculate 
and  garrulous  as  ever,  and  in  high  spirits  at  the 
thought  of  the  shock  his  reverend  father  would  get 
on  finding  him  included  among  the  select  party. 

"  The  governor's  looking  forward  to  having 
a  great  night  of  it,"  said  this  irreverend  son. 
"  Scratching  his  head  when  I  last  saw  him,  trying 


nea.a  to  fchtem-oef* 

to  remember  the  stories  he  generally  tells  to  dooks 
and  royalties.  I  told  him  he'd  better  get  up  a 
few  spicy  ones  to  tickle  a  Frenchie,  don't  you 
know." 

"My  faith!"  I  exclaimed;  "how  disappointed 
they  will  all  be!  I  scarcely  have  the  face  to  meet 
them." 

"Rot,"  said  Teddy.  "Do  'em  good.  Hullo! 
what's  this  bag  for?  Oh,  I  see,  you  cross  to-night, 
don't  you?    Is  Half  red  going  with  you?" 

I  also  looked  at  my  servant  in   surj^risc.     He 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

was  dressed  in  his  overcoat,  and  stood  holding  my 
bag  in  one  hand  and  his  hat  in  the  other. 

"Going  to  take  3'our  bag  down  for  you,  sir,"  he 
explained. 

"  But  1  do  not  need  you,  my  good  Halfred.  I 
was  just  going  to  say  farewell  to  you  this  moment. " 

"I'm  a-coming,"  he  persisted. 

"Even  against  my  wishes?" 

"Beg  pardon,  sir,  but  that  there  furriner,  'e's 
in  this  show,  ain't  he?" 

"Why  should  you  think  so?" 

"I  smells  a  rat,  sir,  as  soon  as  I  sees  'im.  I 
don't  mean  no  offence,  but  you  don't  know  Heng- 
land  as  well  as  I  do.  I'll  come  along,  sir,  and  if 
you  happens  to  be  thinking  of  a  trip  across  the 
channel,  I  was  thinking,  sir,  a  change  of  hair 
wouldn't  do  me  no  'arm." 

"  But  I  cannot  allow  you!     There  is  danger!" 

"Just  as  I  thought,  sir;  but  I'm  ready  for  'em." 

And,  laying  down  the  bag,  he  showed  me  the 
butt  of  an  immense  pistol  in  his  overcoat-pocket. 

"Halfred,"  I  cried,  "you  may  not  glitter,  but 
]>'ou  are  of  gold!  Come,  then,  my  brave  fellow, 
if  you  will!" 

"Good  sportsman,  isn't  he?"  said  Teddy,  as 
we  drove  off  together. 

At  a  quarter  to  eight  we  three,  Tedd}'^  and  Dick 
and  I,  alighted  at  num1)er  Twenty -two  Beacon 
Street,  Strand,  to  find  Halfred  and  the  bag  await- 
ing us  outside  the  door.  A  waiter  with  a  mystcri- 
339 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

ous  air  showed  us  up  a  narrow  staircase  into  a 
small,  well-furnished  reception-room.  Beyond  this, 
through  folding- doors,  opened  a  dining-room  of 
moderate  size,  where  w^e  found  the  table  laid  and 
ready.  The  man  closed  the  door  and  disappeared, 
and  the  four  of  us  were  left  to  await  the  arrived 
of  my  guests. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter  XXXIII 

"  The  time  has  come,  the  very  hour  has  struck 
When  deeds  most  unforgettable  are  due." 

— Ben  Verulam. 


^I^^^^^UARTER- PAST  eight,  and  no  sign 
^  "  /^     5^5' of  a  guest!"  I  exclaimed. 
^     ^J    ^      "  ^^^'^  'ire  sure  you  asked  'em  for 
'#'     ^^^t^  eight    and    not    eight- thirty?"    said 

"Positive;  it  was  on  the  card.  I  noticed  par- 
ticularly." 

"  Perhajjs  they've  gone  to  3^our  rooms,"  sug- 
gested Teddy. 

"  Sctircely.  Some  of  them  do  not  know  my 
address,  luid  this  house  was  also  engraved  upon 
the  card." 

W'c  were  sitting  rcnuid  the  anteroom  fire  while 
1  lalfred  waited  in  the  dining-room. 

"  Beg  pardon,  sir,"  he  observed,  putting  his  head 
through  the  door -way.  "But  perhaps  they've 
smelled  a  rat,  like  as  1  do." 

341 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

Another  quarter  of  an  hour  passed,  and  then 
we  heard  the  sound  of  heavy  footsteps  on  the  stairs ; 
it  sounded  hke  several  people.  Then  came  a  knock. 
I  opened  the  door  and  saw  the  waiter  who  had 
shown  me  in,  and  behind  him  a  number  of  as  dis- 
reputable-looking fellows  as  I  have  ever  met. 


"Your  visitors,  sir,''  said  the  waiter,  in  his  mys- 
terious voice,  though  with  an  evident  air  of  sur- 
prise, and,  I  think,  of  disgust. 

"Mine?" 

"Yes,  sir;  Mr.  Horleens,  they  wants." 

"But  I  am  not  Mr.  Ilorleens.  There  is  some 
mistake  here." 

I  addressed  a  few  questions  to  one  of  the  men, 
but  he  was  so  abashed  at  the  well-dressed  ap})ear- 
ance  of  myself  and  my  two  guests  that,  muttering 

342 


THE  ADVENTURES  OE  M.  D' HARICOT 


somcthinjj:  about  "l)cin,u:  made  a  blooniinj^  fool  of," 
the  whole  party  turned  and  descended  again. 

"It  was  the  right  word,  sir,"  said  the  waiter  to 
me.     "Some  of  'em  was  to  ask  for  Mr.  Ilorleens." 

"  What  do  you  make  of  that?"  I  exclaimed, 
when  they  had  all  gone. 

"Thej^'ve  mistaken  the  house,  o'  course,"  said 
Teddy. 

"Ilorleens,  Ilorleens,"  rejieatcd  Dick,  thought- 
fully. "I  have  it!  They  meant  Orleans.  They 
nuist  be  some  of  your  gay  sportsmen." 

"Of  course!"  1  cried.  "That  must  have  been 
the  jiassword.  Well,  no  doubt  they  have  found 
the  ])roper  door  b}^  this  time.  But  I  fear,  gentle- 
men, that  we  are  to  have  this  dinner  all  to  our- 
selves." 

"  Let's  cat  it  anyhow,"  said  Dick.  "  I've  a  twist 
like  a  pig's  tail." 

This  sentiment  being  heartily  applauded  by 
Teddy,  I  rang  for  the  waiter,  and  we  sat  down  to 
as  excellent  a  dinner  as  you  could  wish  to  taste. 
Certainly,  whcitever  miscalculations  the  Marquis 
had  made,  this  part  of  his  programme  was  suc- 
cessfulh^  arranged  and  enthusiastically  carried 
through.  We  ate,  we  drank,  we  kuighed,  we  jest- 
ed ;  you  would  have  thought  that  the  night  had 
nothing  more  serious  in  store  for  any  of  us.  Hal- 
fred,  who  helped  to  wait  upon  us,  nearly  dro]:)ped 
the  dishes  more  than  once  in  his  efforts  to  control 
his  mirth  at  some  exuberant  sail}'.     It  was  not 

343 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HAfilCOT 

possible  to  have  devised  a  merrier  evening  for  ni\' 
last. 

"Here's  to  your  guests  for  not  turning  up!" 
cried  Teddy.     "  They'd  onh^  have  spoiled  the  fun." 

"And  the  average  of  bottles  per  man/'  added 
Dick. 

"Yes.  Thank  God  I  am  not  making  an  in- 
flammatory speech  to  Sir  Henry  Horley  and  the 
Bishop  of  Batterseal"  I  said.  "Rut,  my  dear 
friends"  —  and  here  I  pulled  out  my  watch — "I 
fear  I  shall  have  to  make  a  little  speech  as  it  is,  a 
farewell  oration  to  you.  It  is  now  half-past  ten. 
I  leave  you  in  a  few  minutes." 

"The  devil  you  do,"  said  Dick.  "Teddy,  the 
monsieur  proposes  to  dismiss  us.  What  shall  we 
do?" 

"The  monsieur  be  blanked!"  cried  Teddy,  us- 
ing a  most  unnecessaril}'  strong  expression.  "0' 
course  we're  coming,  too." 

"But  I  shall  not  permit — " 

"Silence!"  said  Dick.  "Messieurs,  let  us  put 
on  our  coats !  Half  red,  load  that  pistol  of  \'ours  ; 
the  expedition  is  starting." 

No  use  in  protesting.  These  two  faithful  com- 
rades hilariously  cried  down  all  resistance,  and 
the  four  of  us  set  off  for  the  station. 

In  a  remote,  half-lit  corner  of  that  huge,  draughty 
building,  we  found  the  s{)ecial  train  standing ; 
an  engine,  two  carriages,  and  the  great  colored 
van  already  moiuited  upon  a  truck.     The  Mar- 

344 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

quis  met  me  with  a  surprised  and  disappointed 
look. 

"Is  this  all  the  aid  you  hrin^?"  he  asked. 

"All!"  I  exclaimed.  "I  do  not  know  what  mis- 
take you  have  made,  hut  my  guests  never  ix\>- 
peared." 

"Is  that  the  truth?" 

"M.   le  Marquis!" 

"Pardon.  I  see;  there  must  have  been  some 
error.  Well,  it  cannot  be  helped  now.  I,  at  least, 
have  been  more  successful ;  I  have  got  my  men. 
Who  cire  these  two?" 

I  introduced  mj^  two  friends,  and  we  walked 
down  the  i:>latform.  As  we  passed  the  furniture 
van  I  started  to  hear  noises  proceeding  from  in- 
side. 

"Do  not  be  alarmed,"  said  the  Marquis.  "I 
hiive  explained  that  I  am  conve3'ing  a  mena- 
gerie." 

We  stopped  before  a  first  -  class  compartment. 
He  opened  the  door  and  invited  us  to  enter. 

"  Do  not  think  me  impolite  if  I  mj'self  travel 
in  another  carriage,"  he  said  to  me.  "I  have  a 
companion." 

"AI.  Hankey?" 

"  He  also  is  here,"  he  replied,  I  thought  eva- 
sively. 

Just  before  we  started,  llalfred  put  his  head 
through  our  window  and  said,  with  a  mysterious 
grin : 

345 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"The  furriner's  got  a  lady  with  him!" 
But  he  had  to  run  to  his  own  carriage  before 
he  had  time  to  add  more.     The  next  moment  the 
engine  whistled  and  the  expedition  had  started. 

"  I  don't  quite  know  what  the  penalty  is  for  this 
sort  of  thing,"  said  Dick,  as  we  clanked  out  over  the 


JThc  ^i-i-i net's 


dark  Thames  and  the  constellations  of  the  Em- 
bankment. "Hard  labor  if  we're  caught  on  this 
side  of  the  channel,  and  hanging  on  the  other, 
I  suppose;  so  cheer  up,  Tcdd}'!" 

At  this  quite  unnecessary  exhortation,  Teddy 
forthwith  burst  into  song.  You  would  have  thought 
that  these  two  young  men,  travelling  in  their  even- 
ing clothes  and  laughing  gayly,  were  bound  for 
some  ball  or  carnival.  Yet  they  Ivuew  (juite  well 
they  were  running  a  ver}^  serious  risk  for  a  cause 
they  had  no  interest  in  whatever,  and  that  seemed 
only  to  increase  their  good-humor. 

34^) 


THE  ADyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"What  soldiers  they  would  make!"  I  said  to 
myself. 

But  in  the  course  of  an  hour  or  two  our  talk  and 
laughter  ceased,  not  that  our  courage  oozed  away, 
but  for  the  prosaic  reason  that  we  were  all  be- 
coming desperately  sleepy.  How  long  we  took 
to  make  that  journey  I  cannot  sa^'.  The  lines 
seemed  to  be  consecrated  to  goods  traffic  at  that 
hour  of  the  night  and  our  train  moved  by  fits  and 
starts,  now  running  for  half  an  hour,  then  stop- 
ping for  it  seemed  twice  as  long.  At  last  I 
awoke  from  a  doze  to  find  the  train  apparently 
entering  a  station,  and  at  the  same  instant  Dick 
started  up. 

"  We  must  be  nearl}''  there,"  I  said. 

"i\Iy  dear  fellow,"  he  replied,  seriously.  "Are 
you  rccdh^  going  on  with  this  mad  adventure?" 

"I  have  no  choice;  but  you — " 

"Oh,  I'm  coming  with  j'ou  if  you  persist.  But 
think  twice  before  it's  too  late." 

"licy!"  cried  Teddy,  starting  from  his  slum- 
bers.    "  Where  are  we?" 

Dick  and  I  looked  at  each  other,  and,  seeing  that 
we  were  resolute,  he  smiled  and  then  yawned, 
while  I  let  down  the  window  and  looked  out. 

Ves,  we  were  entering  a  station,  and  in  a  min- 
ute or  two  more  our  journey  was  at  an  end. 

"  There  will  be  a  little  delay  while  we  get  the 
van  off  the  train  and  the  horses  harnessed,"  said 
the  Marquis,  coming   up   to   me.     "  In  the   mean 

347 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 
time  there  is  some  one  to  whom  I  wish  to  present 

He  led  me  to  his  carriage  and  there  I  saw  a  veil- 
ed lady  sitting.  Even  with  her  veil  down  I  start- 
ed, and  when  she  raised  it  I  became  for  the  in- 
stant petrified  with  utter  astonishment.  It  was 
Kate  Kerry! 

"I  believe  3'ou  have  met  this  lady/'  said  the 
Marquis,  in  his  stateliest  manner,  "but  not  pre- 
viouslj^  as  my  wife.'' 

"Your  wife!"  I  exclaimed.  "I  have,  then,  the 
honor  of  addressing  the  Marchioness  de  la  Car- 
rabasse?" 

"  You  have,"  said  Kate,  with  a  smile  and  a 
flash  of  those  dark  ej^es  that  had  once  thrilled 
me  so. 

"We  were  married  yesterday  morning,"  said 
the  Marquis.  "That  was  the  business  I  was 
engaged  upon.  And  now  for  the  moment  I  leave 
you;  the  general  must  attend  to  his  command!" 

I  entered  the  carriage,  and  there,  from  her  own 
li])s,  1  heard  the  story  of  this  extraordinary  ro- 
mance. The  Marquis,  she  told  me,  had  obtained 
an  introduction  to  her  (I  did  not  ask  too  closely 
how,  but,  knowing  his  impetuous  methods,  1  guessed 
what  this  ])hrase  meant) ;  this  had  been  just  after 
the  end  of  the  mission,  and  his  object  at  first  was 
to  obtain  information  about  me  from  one  whom 
(I  also  guessed)  he  regarded  as  ])robably  my  mis- 
tess;    but  in  a  very  short  time  from   playing  the 

348 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

detective  he  had  become  the  lover;  his  suit  was 
pressed  with  irresistible  vigor,  and  now  I  beheld 
the  result. 

"May  I  ask  a  delicate  question?"  I  said. 

"Yes,"  she  replied,  with  all  her  old  haughty 
assurance. 

"  What  was  it  that  moved  your  heart,  that  so 
suddenly  made  you  love  the  Marquis?" 

"He  attracted  my  sympathy." 

"Your  sympathy  only?" 

"And  my  admiration.  He  is  serving  a  noble 
cause." 

Truly,  my  friend  had  infected  his  wife  with  his 
own  enthusiasm  in  the  most  remarkable  way. 

"Does  your  uncle  know?" 

"No." 

"He  might  not  approve  of  my  friend." 

"My  husband  is  a  marquis,"  she  replied,  with 
an  air  of  pride  and  satisfaction  that  seemed  to  me 
to  throw  more  than  a  little  light  on  the  complex 
motives  of  this  young  lady. 

"And  now  j^ou  propose  to  accompany  him  on 
this  dangerous  adventure?" 

"Certainlj^  I  do!     Where  else  should  I  be?" 

"He  is  fortunate,  indeed,"  I  said,  politely. 

Now  I  understand  how  my  friend  F.  ii  had 
obtained  all  his  information  regarding  my  move- 
ments and  ni}^  friends  and  my  different  escapades, 
for  in  the  days  of  Plato  I  had  talked  most  frankly 
with  his  fair  Marchioness.     In  fact,   I   perceived 

349 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

clearly  several  things  that  had  been  obscure  be- 
fore. 

But  our  talk  was  soon  interrupted  by  the  return 
of  the  happy  husband. 

"All  is  ready!     Come!"  he  said. 

Undoubtedh',  with  his  eyes  burning  with  the 
excitement  of  action,  his  effective  gestures  and 
distinguished  air,  his  dramatic  speech,  not  to  speak 
of  that  little  title  of  marquis,  I  could  well  fancy 
his  charming  a  girl  who  delighted  in  the  unusual, 
and  was  ready,  as  her  uncle  said,  to  fdl  in  the  pict- 
ure from  her  own  imagination. 

"And  so  my  dethroned  divinity  is  the  Marchion- 
ess de  la  Carrabasse!"  I  said  to  myself.  "Moii 
Dieu!  I  shall  be  curious  to  see  the  offspring  oi 
this  remarkable  union!" 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


Chapter   XXXIl^ 


" Et  Balbus  bellum  horridum  fecit." 

— CONVULSIUS. 


T 


?HE  Marquis  led  us  from  the  station 
?  into  a  road,  where  we  found  th^e  van 
?  already  under  way  and  two  carriages 
?  awaiting  us.  In  one  Dick  and  Teddy 
?  were  already  installed ;  the  Marquis 
and  Kate  entered  the  other.  I  joined  my  friends, 
and  Half  red  sprang  upon  the  box ;  and  off  we  set 
for  a  destination  which  our  leader,  after  his  habit, 
kept  till  the  last  a  profound  secret.  So  far  as  I 
could  see,  our  force  consisted  of  the  party  I  have 
named,  the  men  in  the  van,  and  the  three  drivers. 
Hanke}^,  I  presumed,  must  be  one  of  the  last. 
Where  we  were  to  find  a  ship,  and  how  soon  we 
were  to  find  our  French  allies,  I  had  no  notion  at 
all. 

That  drive  seemed  as  interminable  as  the  rail- 
wa3^  journey,  and  certainh^  it  was  far  more  un- 
comfortable.    We  were  all  three  too  sleepy  to  talk 

351 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

much,  but,  to  my  constant  wonder  and  delight,  I 
found  my  two  companions  as  ready  as  ever  to  go 
ahead  and  take  their  chance  of  what  might  befall 
them. 

"I  say/'  said  Teddy,  in  a  drowsy  tone,  "do  j'ou 
think  there's  any  chance  of  getting  a  bath  before 
we  begin?" 

"  The  despised  sandwich  would  come  in  handy , 
too,"  added  Dick.  "1  say,  monsieur,  why  didn't 
you  bring  a  flask?" 

"I  did,"  I  replied,  "and  here  it  is." 

"He  is  another  Napoleon,"  said  Dick.  "Noth- 
ing is  forgotten." 

Meantime  the  day  began  to  break,  and,  though 
the  sun  had  not  yet  risen,  it  was  quite  light  when 
we  felt  our  carriage  stop. 

"Alight!"  said  the  voice  of  the  Marquis.  "We 
have  arrived!" 

We  were  in  a  side  track  that  ran  through  the 
fields  of  a  wsheltered  valley;  on  one  side  a  grove  of 
trees  concealed  us ;  on  the  other,  through  the  end 
of  the  valley  and  only  at  a  little  distance  off,  I  saw 
something  that  roused  me  with  a  thrill  of  excite- 
ment. It  was  the  open,  gray  sea,  with  a  small 
steamboat  lying  close  inshore. 

"Peste!"  cried  the  Marquis,  taking  me  aside. 
"Hankey  is  not  here!" 

"Not  with  us?" 

"No;  he  must  have  been  left  at  the  station.  It 
is  a  nuisance!" 

352 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"It  seems  to  me  worse  than  that." 

"  Yes,  for  we  cannot  wait ;  we  must  leave  him 
behind.  It  is  a  great  loss.  And  now,  my  brave 
comrade,  the  drama  commences — the  drama  of  the 
restoration!  You  will  open  the  van,  and  as  the 
men  come  out  I  shall  address  them." 

"In  Enghsh?"  I  asked. 

"  Yes ;  I  have  prepared  and  learned  by  heart  an 
oration.  It  will  not  be  long,  but  it  will  be  moving. 
Ah,  3^ou  will  see  that  I  can  be  eloquent!" 

With  his  wife  at  his  side,  and  the  drivers  a  few 
paces  behind  him,  he  drew  himself  up  and  threw 
out  his  chest,  while  I  unlocked  the  door  of  the  van. 

Throwing  it  open  I  stepped  back,  curious  to  see 
the  desperadoes  he  had  collected,  and  wondering 
how  they  would  regard  the  business,  while  the 
Marquis  cleared  his  throat. 

A  moment's  expectant  pause,  and  then  —  con- 
ceive my  sensations — out  stepped,  first,  the  burly 
form  of  Sir  Henry  Horley,  then  the  upright  figure 
of  General  Sholto,  next  the  benevolent  countenance 
of  the  Bishop  of  Battersea,  and  after  him  the  re- 
mainder of  my  invited  guests.  The  IMarquis  had 
kidnapped  the  wrong  men! 

"What  the  devil!"  began  Sir  Henry,  glancing 
round  him  to  see  in  what  country  and  company 
he  found  himself;  but  before  there  was  time  for  a 
word  of  explanation,  the  Marquis  had  launched 
upon  his  passionate  appeal.  As  the  original 
manuscript  afterwards  came  into  my  possession, 
»3  353 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

I  am  able  to  give  the  exact  words  of  this  remark- 
able oration. 

"  Brave,  gallant  men,"  he  cried ;  "  you  have  come 
to  share  adventures  stupendous,  miraculous,  which 
you  will  enjoy!  I  lead  you,  my  good  Britannic 
sportsmen,  whither  or  why  obviously  can  be  seen, 
to  establish  the  anointed  and  legal  King  in  his 
right  country  I  To  die  successfully  is  glorious! 
But  you  will  not;  you  will  live  forever  conquer- 
ing, and  gratefully  recollected  in  France! 

"You"  [here  he  waved  his  hand  towards  the 
astonished  baronet]  "will  enjoy  drink  of  all  beers 
and  spirits  that  an  English  proverbially  adores 
ever  after  and  alwaj^s!  Also  you"  [here  he  indi- 
cated the  dumf ounded  bishop]  "  will  enjoy  women, 
the  most  lively  and  sporting  in  the  wide  world, 
always  and  ever  after!  Also  you"  [pointing 
towards  the  substantial  form  of  Mr.  Alderman 
Guffin]  "shall  bask  and  revel  in  the  land  of  song, 
of  music,  of  light  fantastic  toes,  amid  all  which 
once  and  more  having  been  never  stopping  again 
bravo  and  hip,  hip,  my  sportsmen!  Once,  twice, 
thrice,  follow  me  to  victory!" 

He  stopped  and  looked  eagerly  for  the  fruits  of 
this  appeal,  and  his  Britannic  sportsmen  returned 
his  gaze  with  interest.  I  am  free  to  confess  that 
long  before  this  my  two  companions  and  I  had 
shrunk  from  publicity  behind  the  door  of  the  van, 
awaiting  a  more  fitting  moment  to  greet  our 
friends. 

354 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Is  this  a  dashed  asylum,  or  a  dashed  night- 
mare?" demanded  Sir  Henry. 

Not  quite  comprehending  this,  but  seeing  that 
these  recruits  displayed  no  great  alacrity,  the 
Marquis  again  raised  his  voice  and  cried : 

"Are  you  afraid,  brave  gargons?" 

But  now  an  unexpected  light  was  thrown  on 
their  captors. 

"Kate I"  exclaimed  General  Sholto  in  a  bewil- 
dered voice. 

That  the  unfortunate  General  should  have  his 
domestic  drama  plaj^ed  in  public  was  more  than 
I  could  bear.  I  stepped  forward,  and  I  may  hon- 
estly say  that  I  effectually  distracted  attention. 
It  was  not  a  pleasant  i^rocess,  even  when  assisted 
by  the  explanations  of  Teddy  to  his  father  and 
the  loyal  assurances  of  Dick;  but  it  at  least  cleared 
the  air.  As  for  the  unfortunate  Marquis,  his  cha- 
grin was  so  evident  that,  diabolically  unpleasant 
as  he  had  made  my  own  position,  I  could  not  but 
feel  sorry  for  him. 

"And  so,"  he  said  to  me,  sadly,  "Heaven  has 
been  unkind  to  me  again.  I  acted  for  the  best, 
my  dear  d'Haricot,  believe  me  I  But  I  fear  I 
do  not  excel  so  much  in  carrying  out  details  as 
in  conceiving  plans.  I  see,  it  was  my  fault!  I 
allowed  these  gentlemen  to  enter  that  house  by 
the  wrong  door.  Well,  if  they  will  not  follow  us 
— and  I  fear  they  are  reluctant,  though  I  do  not 
understand  all  they  say — we  three  must  go  alone  1" 

355 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Three?"   I   asked. 

"  My  wife  and  j^ou  and  I.  Say  farewell  to  your 
friends  and  come!  The  vessel  awaits  us  and  our 
forces  in  France  will  at  all  events  be  ready." 

But  Heaven  was  to  prove  still  more  unkind  to 
our  unfortunate  leader. 

"Who  are  these?"  I  exclaimed. 

"The  English  police!"  he  cried.  "We  are  be- 
trayed!" 

And  indeed  we  were.  A  force  of  mounted  po- 
licemen swept  round  the  corner  of  the  wood  and 
trotted  up  to  us,  and  in  the  midst  of  them  we  recog- 
nized the  double-faced  Hankey. 

"  What  do  you  want,  gentlemen?"  asked  the 
Marquis,  calmly,  though  his  eyes  flashed  danger- 
ously at  the  traitor. 

"We  come  in  the  Queen's  name!"  replied  the 
officer  in  command.     "  Are  you  the  Marquis  dc  la 
Carrabasse?" 
1  am. 

"I  have  a  warrant,  then,  for  your  arrest." 

But  now,  for  the  first  time,  fortune  turned  in 
the  Marquis's  favor,  though  I  fear  it  seemed  to 
that  zealous  patriot  a  poor  crumb  of  consolation 
that  she  threw. 

Instead  of  finding,  as  our  betraj^er  had  calculated, 
a  crew  of  suspicious-looking  adventvirers,  he  be- 
held a  small  party  of  middle-aged  gentlemen  at- 
tired in  evening  clothes  and  anxious  only  to  hnd 
their  way  home  again;  and,  to  add  to  our  good 

356 


THE  ADl^ENTUKES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

luck,  when  they  came  to  look  for  our  ciise  of  arms 
iuid  ammunition  it  appeared  that  the  Marquis 
had  forijotten  to  bring  it.  Also,  these  same  elderly 
gentlemen  showed  a  very  marked  disinclination 
to  have  their  share  in  the  adventure  appear  in 
the  morning  papers,  even  in  the  capacity  of  wit- 
nesses. 

And,  finally,  as  the  French  government  had 
been  informed  of  our  plans  for  some  weeks  past, 
so  that  we  were  ab.solutely  powerless  for  mis- 
chief, the  i)olice  decided  to  overlook  my  share  al- 
together and  make  a  merely  formal  matter  of  my 
friend's  arrest. 

"What  will  my  King  sa}''?"  cried  the  poor  Mar- 
quis. "Oh,  d'llaricot,  I  am  disgraced,  and  my 
honor  is  lost !  Tell  me  not  that  I  am  unfortunate ; 
for  what  difference  does  that  make?  Such  mis- 
fortinies  must  not  be  survived!  Adieu,  my  friend  1 
Pardon  my  suspicions!" 

I^efore  I  covdd  j^revent  him,  the  vmfortunate 
man  quickh^  thrust  his  hand  into  his  pistol-pocket, 
and  in  that  same  instant  would  have  blown  out 
those  ingenious,  unpractical  brains.  But,  with  a 
fresh  look  of  despair,  he  stopped,  petrified,  his 
hand  still  in  his  pocket. 

"]\Iy  revolver  also  is  forgotten!"  he  exclaimed. 
"  I  am  neither  capable  of  living  nor  of  dying  \" 

"Thank  Heaven  who  mislaid  that  pistol,"  I 
replied.     "  Had  you  forgotten  your  bride,  too?" 

"Mon  Dieu!     I  had!     I  thank  you  for  remind- 
357 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

ing  me.     Ah,  3^es,  I  have  some  consolation  in  Hfe 
left,  me!" 

But  though  the  Marchioness  no  doubt  consoled 
him  later,  she  was  at  that  moment  in  anything 
but  a  sympathetic  mood. 

"Well,  my  dear,"  I  overheard  the  General  say- 
ing to  her,  "as  you  make  your  bed  so  you  must 
lie  in  it.  This — er — Marquis,  doesn't  he  call  him- 
self?— of  yours  hasn't  started  very  brilliantly, 
but,  I  dare  say,  by  the  time  he  has  been  before  the 
magistrate  and  cooled  down,  and  had  a  shave  and 
so  forth,  he  will  do  better.  I  shouldn't  let  him 
mix  himself  up  in  any  more  of  these  plots  of  his, 
though,  if  I  were  you." 

She  tossed  her  head,  and  the  defiant  flash  of 
her  eyes  told  her  uncle  plainly  to  mind  his  own 
business ;  but  I  fear  his  words  had  stung  her  more 
than  he  intended,  for  when  her  husband  said  to 
her,  dramatically,  "My  love,  we  have  failed!"  she 
merely  replied,  with  a  sarcastic  air,  "Naturally; 
what  else  could  you  have  expected?" 

She  beamed  upon  me  with  contrasting  kindness, 
lingered  to  say  farewell  to  the  admiring  Teddy, 
who  had  just  been  presented  to  her,  went  bj'  her 
uncle  with  a  disdainful  glance,  and  then  the  happy 
couple  passed  out  of  this  story. 

"A  devilish  fine  woman!"  said  Teddy. 
"Others  have  made  the  same  reflection,"  I  re- 
plied. 

"And  now,  monsieur,"  said  Dick,  "I  think  it's 
358 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D' HARICOT 

about  time  wo  were  ^ettintc  back  to  London,  batb, 
and  breakfast." 

"  Carriage  is  ready,  sir,"  said  the  voice  of  Hal- 
fred. 

"  Whose  carria,u;e?" 

'Xarriaije  as  we  came  down  in,  sir.  I've  give 
tlie  driver  the  tip,  and  he's  waiting  behind  them 
trees." 

"  But  what  about  all  these  unfortunate  gentle- 
men?" 

"  Thought  as  'ow  they  might  prefer  travelling 
in  the  xixn  they  comcd  in,"  he  replied,  with  a  sem- 
blance of  great  gravit3^ 

But  I  had  not  the  hardihood  to  do  this,  and  con- 
cerning my  journey  to  town  with  my  dinnerless, 
sleepless,  and  breakfastless  guests,  I  should  rather 
sav  as  little  as  possible. 

I  confess  I  envied  the  ]\Iarquis  accompanying 
his  escort  of  constables. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 


Chapter  XXXV 


"Adieu!  I  never  wait  till  my  friends  have 
yawned  twice." 

— Hercule  d'Enville. 


9^9^<?|^';|5'9|?ELL,  I  am  back  in  London  after  all, 
^  9^  amid    the    murmur    of    millions    of 

^  1/1/     "^  English  voices,  the   rumble   of  mill- 
•%  '^  ions  of  wheels,  the  painted  onmibus, 

#4^###and  the  providential  policeman— all 
the  things  to  which  I  bade  a  long  farewell  last 
night.  And  nw  reader,  if  indeed  he  has  kept  me 
company  so  far,  now  fidgets  a  little  for  fear  I  am 
about  to  mix  m\'self  in  further  complications  and 
pour  more  follies  into  the  surfeited  ear.  But  no  I 
I  have  rambled  and  confessed  enough,  and  in  a 
few  more  pages  I,  like  the  Indian  juggler  Dick 
compared  me  to,  shall  throw  a  rope  into  the  sk}', 
and,  climbing  up  it,  disappear  —  into  heaven? 
Again  no!  It  may  be  a  surprise  to  many,  but 
it  was  not  there  that  these  memoirs  were  written. 
To  round  up  and  finish  off  a  narrative  that  has 
360 


THE  ADVENTURES  OE  M.  D' HARICOT 

no  plot,  no  moral,  and  only  the  most  ridiculous 
hero,  is  not  so  easy  as  I  thought  it  was  going  to  be. 
Probably  the  best  plan  will  be  not  to  say  too  much 
about  this  hero  and  just  a  little  about  his  friends. 

As  I  had  given  vip  and  dismantled  my  rooms, 
Dick  insisted  that  I  must  return  to  Ilelmscote  with 
him  that  same  day  and  finish  my  Christmas  visit, 
and  need  it  be  said  that  I  accepted  this  invitation? 

At  the  station,  upon  our  arrival  in  London,  I 
parted  with  Teddy  Lumme  and  General  Sholto. 

"Bj-bye,"  said  Teddy,  cheerfully;  "I  must  trot 
along  and  look  after  the  governor;  he's  in  a  ter- 
rible stew;  I  don't  suppose  he  has  missed  two 
meals  running  before  in  his  life — poor  old  beggar! 
It'll  do  him  good,  though;  don't  you  worry,  old 
chap." 

And  with  a  friendly  wave  of  his  hand  this  filial 
son  drove  off  with  the  still  muttering  Bishop. 

The  General  wrung  my  hand,  hoped  he  would 
see  me  again  soon,  and  then,  without  more  words, 
left  us.  He  was  not  so  cheerful,  for  that  final 
escapade  of  his  niece  had  hurt  him  more  than 
he  would  allow.  Still,  it  was  a  fine  red  neck  and 
a  verj'-  erect  back  that  I  last  saw  marching  down 
the  platform. 

"  And  now,  my  good  Halfred,"  I  said,  "  I  suppose 
you  fly  to  Ahss  Titch  and  happiness  ?   Lucky  fellow ! " 

"I  'aven't  been  dismissed  yet,  sir,"  he  replied, 
solemnly,  and  with  no  answering  smile,  "but  if 
you  gives  me  the  sack,  o'  course  Fll  'ave  to  go." 

361 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

"Then  you  think  I  need  your  watchful  eye  on 
me  a  Httle  longer?" 

From  the  expression  of  that  watchful  eye  it  was 
evident  that  he  was  very  far  from  disposed  to  let 
me  take  my  chance  of  escaping  the  consequences 
of  m}"  errors  without  his  assistance.  Indeed,  to 
this  day  he  firmly  holds  the  opinion  that  it  was 
his  vigilance  alone  that  insured  so  harmless  an 
end  to  our  desperate  expedition,  and  that  if  he 
had  not  stood  by  me  I  should  have  conspired  again 
within  a  week. 

"  I  puts  hit  to  Mr.  Shafthead,"  he  replied,  casting 
a  glance  at  my  friend  which  might  be  compared 
to  a  warning  in  cipher  addressed  to  some  potentate 
by  an  allied  sovereign. 

"You  certainly  had  better  come  down  with  us, 
Halfred,"  said  Dick.  "The  Lord  only  knows  what 
the  monsieur  would  be  up  to  without  3'ou." 

And  accordingly  Halfred  went  with  us  to  Helms- 
cote. 

Behold  me  now  once  more  beneath  the  ancient, 
hospitable  roof,  the  kind  hostess  smiling  gracious- 
ly, the  genial  baronet  roaring  with  unrestrained 
mirth  at  the  tale  of  our  adventures — and  Daisy? 
She  was  not  looking  directly  at  me;  but  her  face 
was  smiling,  with  pleasure  a  little,  I  thought,  as 
well  as  amusement.  At  night  the  same  welcoming 
chamber  and  a  fire  as  bright  as  before;  only  this 
time  no  missives  thrown  through  the  casement 
window.     Next  morning  I  am  severely  left  alone; 

362 


THE  AOyENTURES  OF  M.  D  HARICOT 

Dick  has  been  smiimoned  by  his  father.  Half  an 
hour  passes,  and  then,  with  an  air  of  triumph,  he 
returns. 

"You'll  have  to  look  after  yourself  to-day,  mon- 
sieur," he  says.  "I'm  off  to  town  to  bring  her 
back  with  me." 

"Her!"  So  the  stern  parent  has  relented,  and 
some  day  in  the  distant  future,  I  suppose,  Ap^nes 
Grey  will  be  Lady  Shafthead  and  rule  this  house. 
What  Dick  added  regarding  my  own  share  in  this 
issue  I  need  not  repeat,  though  I  confess  it  will 
alwa\^s  be  a  satisfaction  for  me  to  think  of  one 
headlong  performance,  imguided  even  by  Halfred, 
which  resulted  so  prosperously. 

Being  thus  bereft  of  Dick,  what  more  natural 
than  that  I  should  be  entertained  by  his  sister? 

She  speaks  of  Dick's  happiness  witn  a  bright 
gleam  in  her  eye. 

"He  should  feel  ven,^  grateful  to  you,"  she  says. 

I  should  have  preferred  "we"  to  "he,"  but,  un- 
luckily, I  have  no  choice  in  the  matter. 

"I  envy  him,"  I  repl}',  with  meaning  in  mj''  voice. 

Her  face  is  composed  and  as  demure  as  ever, 
only  her  color  seems  to  me  to  be  a  little  higher  and 
her  eye  certainly  does  not  meet  mine  as  frankly 
as  usual. 

Suddenly  I  am  emboldened  to  exclaim : 

"  I  do  not  mean  that  I  envy  him  Miss  Grey,  but 
his  happiness  in  being  loved!" 

And  then  I  tell  her  whose  love  I  myself  covet. 
363 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 

She  is  embarrassed,  she  is  kind,  she  is  not  of- 
fended, but  her  look  checks  me. 

"  How  often  have  you  feU  hke  this  within  the  last 
few  months — towards  some  one  or  other?"  she  asks. 

Alas !  How  dangerous  a  thing  to  let  the  brother 
of  the  adored  one  know  too  much!  Dick  meant 
no  harm ;  he  never  knew  how  his  tales  would  affect 
me ;  but  evidently  he  has  jested  at  home  about  my 
amours,  and  now  I  am  regarded  by  his  sister  either 
as  a  Don  Juan  or  a  perpetually  love-sick  sentimen- 
talist. And  the  worst  of  it  is  that  there  are  some 
superficial  grounds  for  either  theory. 

"Ah,"  I  cry,  "you  have  heard  then  of  my  wan- 
derings in  search  of  the  ideal?  But  I  have  onh'' 
just  found  it!" 

"  How  can  you  be  sure  of  that?"  she  asks,  a  little 
smile  appearing  in  her  eye  like  a  sudden  break  in  a 
mistj'  sky.  "You  haven't  known  me  long  enough 
to  say.     In  a  month  you  may  make  a  jest  of  me." 

"I  am  serious  at  last.     I  swear  it!" 

"  I  am  afraid  you  will  have  to  remain  serious  for 
some  time  to  make  me  believe  it,"  she  replies,  the 
smile  still  lingering.  "  When  any  one  has  treated 
women,  and  everything  else,  fiippantl}'  so  long  as 

you,  I-" 

She  hesitated. 
"You  do  not  trust  them?" 
"  No,"  she  confesses. 

"If  I  am  serious  for  six  months  will  you  trust 
me  then?" 

364 


THE  ADl^ENTURES  OF  M.  D'HARICOT 


"Perhaps,"  she  allows  at  last. 

It  means  a  good  deal,  does  that  word,  said  in 
such  circumstances,  but  I  am  not  going  to  drag 
you  through  the  experiences  of  a  faithful  lover, 
sustained  by  a  "perhaps."  Mon  Dieu!  You 
have  the  privations  of  Dr.  Nansen  on  his  travels 
to  read  if  that  is  the  literature  you  admire. 

No;  in  the  words  of  lialfred  on  the  eve  of  his 
nuptials  with  Aramatilda,  "  I  ain't  what  you'd 
call  solemn  nat'ralh^,  but  this  here  matrimonial 
business  do  make  a  man  stop  talkin'  as  free  as 
he'd  wish." 

I  also  shall  stop  talking,  and,  with  the  blotting- 
pad  already  in  my  hand,  pray  Heaven  to  grant 
my  readers  an  indulgent  and  a  not  too  solemn 
spirit. 


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